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Offlineakira_akuma
Φύσις κρύπτεσθαι ὕψιστος φιλεῖ


Registered: 08/28/09
Posts: 82,455
Loc: Onypeirophóros
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
I remember when I was real young... * 2
    #23649196 - 09/16/16 12:02 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

and i used to sleep, and i'd have to my mother (late bloomer), and i'd hear, every night, this echoing voice through my house, through the ceiling really, in the upstairs bedroom, almost like someone left their TV on too loud, because it was also accompanied with a static charge...and i'd hear this voice go on and on until i slept.

i grew up having to keep the TV on during the night, as my thoughts and dreams would be too intense, and i'd have thoughts of death and emptiness, and what it'd be like to die, and how it'd be like nothingness. i didn't believe in heaven, i tried, i tried really hard to envision it, and Jesus, and God, but God always seemed like a vastness that has no light, not like the stories say.

i wonder why....

i used to play sports on occasion but not most days...most days i'd be travailing the school yards brim, near the fencing, near the trees, thinking about what i wanted to be when i grew up, what my job would be, and remember thinking about it like as if it was a video game. you pick something, that rules to play by, and your job are those rules; like the rules of everything else, i thought of them as if they part of a simulation, the leafs falls, and tumble, and turn brown, or bright red, the water flows and sparkles, the light shines down and around, trees grow up from the ground. simple stuff. but it always had rules, real rules, grounded in something larger than life.

larger than the life that you're told to lead, more oft than not. more large than dreams, and i've seen them epic in scope, but then again, it's all just another layer of the reality of this system.


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