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Boomtastic410
Stranger


Registered: 08/02/16
Posts: 23
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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Help please
#23642524 - 09/13/16 06:24 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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I just really needed to honestly reach out and ask for help. I am really depressed and dont know what to do.
A little back round history on myself. Im 29 and have been in and out of rehabs for the past 10 years for mostly opiates. In the most recent past of my addiction I was shooting heroin. Im from the east coast and in January I was busted. I have 3 felony possession charges pending against me but thanks to the drug diversion program in my home state (MD) the courts allowed me to come to texas to get help. That was in January. I have relapsed once, went back to treatment for the fourth time and now am back in sober living. My PO is very understanding and a wonderful person. I have until Jan 13th making it a full year from my arrest and I am to go back in front of the judge telling him how the last year of my life has helped me and changed my life. If I complete the year successfully I will have the charges moved to misdemeanors and can be expunged.
The past two months I have been in sober living here in texas and it feels great to be off of heroin and other drugs. To be completely honest I have been taking kratom on a daily basis since I have been out of treatment. It seems to help with my depression and anxiety. I have a job starting at the airport in the next week or so and am grateful for everything in my life.
I guess the root of my depression lies in that I am usually either around people who are VERY involved in the 12 step NA/AA program or alone. I DO NOT want to go back to the way of life I had in MD but also I am very depressed and lonely recently. I have met girls from the web and made some friends outside of the 12 step community but still life is hard. Really just needed some kind words of encouragement from you guys and any advice would be helpful. I know that I have been slacking on exercise and eating healthy, know that makes a huge difference in my life. Just feel like shit and on top of everything else kratom will become illegal at the end of the month nationwide so I wont have that anymore either.
Im just generally worried, scared, and lost. Haven't had a psychedelic experience in years and found a connect the other day but i just dont know anymore what the answer is...
Thanks in advance for any help guys
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sharpie117
Living the dream

Registered: 06/24/13
Posts: 461
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Sounds like your on the right track man. The new job at the airport sounds like a good thing. Should help to keep you busy and your mind off things. Maybe even find some new friends. Stick to it
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Trade list
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AllDay420
Ghost0420

Registered: 09/03/16
Posts: 301
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Absolutely still use kratom since you reap the benefits, just keep it on the DL.
I reckon you all ready know what you need to do, it's just a matter of doing it and sticking to it so you are able to continually progress in life.
-------------------- Approved puppet.
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Boomtastic410
Stranger


Registered: 08/02/16
Posts: 23
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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thanks guys
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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How exactly would u describe ur pain?..
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Boomtastic410
Stranger


Registered: 08/02/16
Posts: 23
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
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Re: Help please [Re: zZZz]
#23642837 - 09/13/16 08:02 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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I would say that I am extremely bored with life. I don't have any hobbies or a job that I do on a daily basis. I am also financially hurting because of not starting my job yet and also impacting family. They help me since I am not on my feet yet. I know life can always be worse.
I dunno like I said I'm 29 with no wife or kids, no girlfriend, and no job. I just am tired of hearing about drugs and addiction on a daily basis in the meetings I have to go to. I have overcome my addiction to heroin through my own will, not because of this spiritual problem and disease that only god can fix. Im rambling but basically just not happy where I am and homesick. The life I was living back home was going to kill me and I had many chances to get out on my own before this happened. Now I am in an entirely different area of the country with no family and not any of my old friends which made my life feel complete.
Im so scatter brained right now so I will stop typing cause I can go on and on these tangents. Im fairly smart and realize I dont have a grip on my concentration and drive in life. Big part of my problem....I have had a good life in the past and know what I am missing just hard to get back to that point I guess.
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5150
phantom

Registered: 09/01/06
Posts: 5,437
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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Work out ,read,eat well,study eastern philosophy,realize that what u r feeling has been felt by millions of ppl since cave man days,at least your not in a battlefield wondering where the next bullet is coming from
-------------------- "the way of the warrior is the resolute acceptance of death" Miyamoto Musashi
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Celestial Traveler
Random Observer



Registered: 03/03/11
Posts: 7,639
Loc: Idaho
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Re: Help please [Re: 5150]
#23643203 - 09/13/16 10:02 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Working out and/or lifting weights could become a good hobby. You said you were bored. I would like to suggest picking up some sports or weightlifting as a hobby. You could learn cooking on top of that too.
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Celestial Traveler
Random Observer



Registered: 03/03/11
Posts: 7,639
Loc: Idaho
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There are many hobbies out there...I don't think the problem is finding them, but rather being attentive and involved enough to enjoy them.
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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Quote:
Boomtastic410 said: I would say that I am extremely bored with life. I don't have any hobbies or a job that I do on a daily basis. I am also financially hurting because of not starting my job yet and also impacting family. They help me since I am not on my feet yet. I know life can always be worse.
I dunno like I said I'm 29 with no wife or kids, no girlfriend, and no job. I just am tired of hearing about drugs and addiction on a daily basis in the meetings I have to go to. I have overcome my addiction to heroin through my own will, not because of this spiritual problem and disease that only god can fix. Im rambling but basically just not happy where I am and homesick. The life I was living back home was going to kill me and I had many chances to get out on my own before this happened. Now I am in an entirely different area of the country with no family and not any of my old friends which made my life feel complete.
Im so scatter brained right now so I will stop typing cause I can go on and on these tangents. Im fairly smart and realize I dont have a grip on my concentration and drive in life. Big part of my problem....I have had a good life in the past and know what I am missing just hard to get back to that point I guess.
i'd love to hear more of these tangents if u have the time..
from the sound of it tho man it looks like u have some good things going for u, just gotta hold on a bit longer, im sure things will start falling into place. the battle u're fighting is the battle of all battles, it is the only battle that matters really, naturally it is going to be tough.. but don't let it discourage u, just takes time to integrate. u can do whatever the fuck u want man if u truly want it and u go for it, which is what ure currently doing, keep it up and ure gonna get it man, no doubt about that.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Anyone stuff kin with depression and. / or looking for a replacement depression medicine for Kratom should research S Adenosyl Methionine (SAMe)
It's legal, natural , non prescription , safe and highly effective with additional health benefits for liver and joints.
It not only treats depression but also can provide a euphoric high of its own.
It's the bees knees and along with Kratom the best treatment for depression I know of.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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shadyy
aHhahhHA


Registered: 09/08/08
Posts: 21,330
Loc: winchestertonfieldville i...
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I may be completely wrong here, but it sounds like you were addicted to opiates, have replaced the heroin with kratom, and are now bummed out that it will soon be unavailable...?
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ga ga ga eets eets how you gone be mad on vacation? MONICA COULDN'T TELL TIME UNTIL SHE WAS 13
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: Help please [Re: shadyy]
#23644943 - 09/14/16 03:14 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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This too shall pass. You have only been clean, sort of, for a couple months....Your mind is gonna jump around like a pin ball for another couple months. Just hang in there and don't get ahead of yourself. Today is the day that counts...not yesterday or tomorrow. Keep doing those things that are keeping you sober and don't worry about the 12 step stuff being all there is. Concentrate on using those steps so that you can live a peaceful and meaningful life. I have been in AA as a sober member for over 17 years and no one would ever guess that I'm in the program that didn't attend meetings...I apply the steps to everyday life but don't talk about it. Have you worked on any of the steps with a sponsor?...Do you have a sponsor?
Living at a treatment center sucks but they do their job if they keep you clean. Eventually, the rubber is gonna hit the road and you're gonna be on your own...it is important that you are prepared for that.
If you come back to Maryland....look me up, I'd be happy to help if I can.....maybe even eat some crabs with iced tea.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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