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OfflineBonidee
Stranger
Female

Registered: 05/20/16
Posts: 81
Loc: Australia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
Don't know where else to talk about it all
    #23623630 - 09/07/16 08:41 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I haven't beenom for a while... Not that I was a super active user in the first place. But I have been reading here for years so I guess this is the best place to vent.

I made a post about my boyfriend having autism and asked how to deal with it and and user responded that he would become abusive. The thread has since been deleted, and I don't know who the poster was, but they were right.

I sold my car and went to fucking Australia for this guy. I left my 8 year old dog, friends, family, job... To go to the other side of the planet to be with him. I thought for sure he was the one. Despite his issues, we had such a bond. Then, I got there and didn't adjust well enough, I suppose. I was lonely when he worked and I got really depressed. Sure, I was probably a pain in the ass. I'm sure it sucks to come home and see your girlfriend still hasn't gotten out of bed or showered for a third day in a row. I get it. But did I deserve what I got? Absolutely not.

He kicked me. He hit me so hard in the left side of my head that I blacked out. There was one morning when we were in the car together and I couldn't find what I wanted in my purse because it was a mess. I dumped the contents on the back seat and said "I will organize it when we stop". He pulled over, parked the car and got out and started throwing my stuff away in a trash can. When I got out of the car to fish it out, he got back in the car and left me there. When he finally came back, I was sitting on th shoulder of the road crying and he leaned down and said "I always win".

I got called trash, useless. He told me to go ahead and kill myself. The week I left,  he assaulted me 4 times. The night before I got on the plane to come home, he did it again. I left about 10 hours later.

I feel like an idiot now. My whole family and probably my friends think I'm insane now. I no longer have a car. I feel like I'm scarred for life. Meanwhile, he's back home and his life hasn't changed at all. I should have had him arrested... But I didn't. I couldn't do it.

The thing is, he played the "misunderstood nice guy" role so well. I decided to trust him and it backfired. Now, I'm going to have a really hard time trusting anyone.

Guys reading this, it's not enough to just say that you're a nice guy. You have to prove it. If you're talking to a girl and it's not becoming a relationship, don't just assume it's because she's being a bitch that wants to date an asshole instead of you. More often than not, she's already been burned and if fucks people up. It's so easy to say that you'll be the perfect boyfriend, but eventually the cupcake phase will end and suddenly you will be in a long term relationship. And that involves reality. And reality really sucks sometimes. You never know what you're capable of. Nobody does.


Anyway... I don't know if any of that made sense. I'm pretty stoned and tired. That's all I've got. Just had to get it out there.


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InvisiblepachooDiscord
Witchakookoo
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 7,135
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: Bonidee] * 1
    #23623688 - 09/07/16 08:58 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Holy crap man. :hug:

I am so sorry that happened to you. I am really happy you are away from him now. Don't look back. Don't feel bad that this didn't work out. It is not your fault. I know you already probably know that but if you ever get sad about it remember it again.

Take care of you.

I'm here if you ever want to :pm: too.

:heartpump:


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:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:

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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: pachoo] * 1
    #23623709 - 09/07/16 09:03 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

He's the type of guy I would cripple if I ever saw him. Not just for you but for all women because no one deserves to be treated like that!

I'm glad you left him and are hopefully done with him for good.


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Offlinenuds
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 578
Loc: Australia, NSW Flag
Last seen: 7 months, 14 hours
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: FruitOfLife] * 1
    #23624507 - 09/08/16 01:39 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

FruitOfLife said:
He's the type of guy I would cripple



Yep, what a piece of shit.

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OfflineAlyssa
consecrated woman ✝️
Female
Registered: 11/25/14
Posts: 1,531
Last seen: 27 days, 19 hours
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: Bonidee]
    #23624831 - 09/08/16 06:13 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

My God. I'm so sorry. I hope you're physically OK now. Domestic violence is one of the things that most infuriates me in this world. Males are born evil, it's only through feminine influence that they learn to be good and obviously he didn't absorb any of the caring female spirit. It's never a good idea to trust them unless they've proven themselves like you said. Rejecting untrusted males is the only way that makes sense; we females are infinitely valuable, we need to keep ourselves safe above all else. You're not an idiot or insane, don't let victim blaming affect your self-esteem.

I'm autistic and I have a really good friend who also is, and he's male. He's proven himself to be really sensitive, he's like a female. I don't know how the shroomery managed to predict that your boyfriend would be abusive based solely on that. Are most autistic males evil? I saw a news report about how autistic children are given electroconvulsive therapy in school, I wonder if that's because otherwise most of them would turn out to be enemies of humanity. I'm glad they never did that to me, though. I don't think it's fair to electrocute all autistic children, or even all autistic males; there has to be a set of criteria for determining whether they're likely to be evil.


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I'm Alyssa.
I'm consecrated to the Immaculate Heart.
I don't want her to have to look at adultery to save my privileged living cells, so please keep it PG-13.

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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: Alyssa] * 2
    #23624922 - 09/08/16 07:14 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

OP that sounds like an incredibly difficult life experience, but that's all it was: another experience. It doesn't mean anything else other than what you can learn from it and put into positive practice in your life. That guy turned out to be a venomous creep, and some part of me really wishes that you had taken it to the legal process because he's just going to do this same thing again to someone else, but I think you just need to focus on yourself right now.


Give yourself the time and space to heal from this without judging yourself. The inner self is always pure, always giving and receiving love, but experiences like yours can traumatize us into forgetting how to trust the center. It's still there, like the core of the Earth, we simply can't see it for a time being. But by just breathing, working through the feelings, and giving yourself love, you will return to the center empowered and understanding of the next best thing to do!

Best of luck. We need to send in the shroomery cavalry to take this guy and put him in a dungeon somewhere. :peace:

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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
Fucked off to the pub
Female User Gallery

Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,159
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: Bonidee] * 1
    #23625439 - 09/08/16 11:12 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I'm so sorry you had to experience something like that. Hopefully dude will end up getting help. And I'm sure you will get back up on your feet soon enough. It takes time and effort to heal wounds like that and, tbh, you will probably always be scarred. But it gets better if you let it. Be careful not to dwell and to dig into those wounds with whatifs and punishing yourself for mistakes.

Life is a long crucible of trial and error. You make a mistake and you learn from it. Don't think you're a complete idiot because someone you trusted became an asshole. Just take it as a deeper insight on people and how depth can be difficult to gauge from a distance.


That being said I was once in an abusive relationship. I have scars, ones you can see on my body, and while they and the emotional scars heal and fade I know they will never be completely healed. Years later my biggest issue is trying to differentiate the wisdom gained from such a terrible experience and paranoia born of fear of it. In relationships of any nature I have a hard time figuring out which voice is speaking, the one born of unfounded fear or the one born of wise caution.


I feel bad for my partners, having to manage with me, but I can't let that sway me either. If nothing else I have learned that if you are to be safe in this world you always need to put yourself and your needs first. And that the heart must be in balance with your head.


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          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:

Edited by CookieCrumbs (09/08/16 11:14 AM)

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OfflineBonidee
Stranger
Female

Registered: 05/20/16
Posts: 81
Loc: Australia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: CookieCrumbs] * 2
    #23626085 - 09/08/16 02:53 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Thanks everyone. I appreciate it. I'm trying to move on. It's hard. As a woman, I think I can take care of everyone and fix them and that's probably my biggest flaws. Not only that, but I fed into it by staying. I let him force me to coming back here instead of leaving at the first red flag and that gave him a lot of power.

It warmed my heart to read all your comments.


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InvisibleJohnnieYen
Okay
I'm a teapot


Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: Bonidee]
    #23626135 - 09/08/16 03:06 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I kind of remember the thread you were referring too. There were a lot of red flags already in your post. Sucks you had to go through that, don't let it get you down. At least he is out of your life now and you can heal from that traumatic experience.


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[center

Edited by JohnnieYen (09/08/16 03:28 PM)

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InvisibleJohnnieYen
Okay
I'm a teapot


Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: JohnnieYen]
    #23626163 - 09/08/16 03:18 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/23293546#23293546

here's your original thread, I just searched autistic boyfriend. If you don't want it posted I'll take it down.


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[center

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InvisiblepachooDiscord
Witchakookoo
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 7,135
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: Bonidee]
    #23626175 - 09/08/16 03:22 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

:heartpump: :hug:

Here's to moving forward for you.

I know all too well about your struggles with trying to help fix things/people's problems. You cannot fix anyone or their problems, they have to do that themselves.

Good luck lady


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:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:

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OfflineVisionary Tools
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/23/07
Posts: 7,953
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: Bonidee]
    #23626867 - 09/08/16 07:04 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I'm sorry to hear about your ordeal. My hope is you can spot the warning signs in the future and regain your trust in men.

What he did was inexcusable. Having a condition doesn't let you treat others that way. When I was a child, I was violent, I fought with everyone, but when I became a teenager I didn't want to live that way anymore.

There used to be something called courting in the old days, when a potential couple would spend time getting to know one another before deciding if it was right to move in together. It wasn't perfect, and based on what you did, you had no reason to suspect how horribly you'd be treated.

I complain of being lonely, but I see men and women in abusive relationships, not always physically, but I realise that sometimes, being lonely is not the worst feeling in the world.

You are not insane, you're a good, trusting person who got abused. Was not your fault.


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 1 year, 29 days
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: Visionary Tools]
    #23627129 - 09/08/16 08:18 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Visionary Tools said:

I complain of being lonely, but I see men and women in abusive relationships, not always physically, but I realise that sometimes, being lonely is not the worst feeling in the world.




This and a thousand times this


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:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   

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Invisiblememes
Blessed


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23629266 - 09/09/16 02:39 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

so sorry, RP, for the misery you had to deal with.  lessons learned, road ahead, and all of those warm fuzzy things.  whole life ahead of ya - let this shit experience help guide future ones, and be a lense through which you can appreciate those who come into your life down the road.

love and light :heart:

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OfflineBlack_Sunset
Amateur Anesthesiologist
 User Gallery

Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 2,451
Loc: Somewhere California
Last seen: 5 years, 8 months
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: memes]
    #23631085 - 09/09/16 11:44 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Bondiee, hello. I remember your post a while ago as I commented. You took a leap of faith and that was courageous. I won't offer you any hollow remarks, just acknowledgement that I see you and I am trying to understand.


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OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 2 months, 30 days
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: nuds]
    #23631146 - 09/10/16 12:14 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Bonidee said:


I made a post about my boyfriend having autism and asked how to deal with it and and user responded that he would become abusive. The thread has since been deleted, and I don't know who the poster was, but they were right.







I am sorry the things happened to which happened to you, but you were dealing with someone that had a mental disorder which you knew about, and people with mental disorders tend to be unstable, especially one like autism, especially as the person with autism gets older and has to do adult stuff because it's hard for people with that disorder to process everything which is going on around them.  Sensory processing disorder plays hell with autistic peoples minds, and having to manage a relationship on top of that, was probably overwhelming for the guy.

I am not saying his condition should vindicated him from being responsible and accountable for his actions, just that's a tough one when dealing with someone like that.

I really am sorry for what you went through though.


Quote:

FruitOfLife said:
He's the type of guy I would cripple if I ever saw him. Not just for you but for all women because no one deserves to be treated like that!







Quote:

nuds said:
Quote:

FruitOfLife said:
He's the type of guy I would cripple



Yep, what a piece of shit.





yeah, that would solve the problem, guy clearly is just a total asshole and his condition has NOTHING to do with it. :rolleyes:

Look guys, I am not saying the guy is right and OP is wrong, that is not what I am saying at all, but one should try to understand autistic people and how their minds work before pummeling someone into the dirt, I am sorry but to say that you would beat this guy, is ignorant at best.



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©️

Edited by Lucis (09/10/16 01:12 AM)

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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: Lucis]
    #23631274 - 09/10/16 02:12 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Fennario said:
yeah, that would solve the problem, guy clearly is just a total asshole and his condition has NOTHING to do with it. :rolleyes:

Look guys, I am not saying the guy is right and OP is wrong, that is not what I am saying at all, but one should try to understand autistic people and how their minds work before pummeling someone into the dirt, I am sorry but to say that you would beat this guy, is ignorant at best.




:lol:

Fuck that punk and it's "condition"

Why should I care what motivates a flea? Into the fire.

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OnlineRJ Tubs 202
Male

Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,078
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 15 seconds
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: Bonidee]
    #23634405 - 09/10/16 11:42 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Can you consider feeling compassion for him?

When others lash out, it is because they are suffering.

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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #23634562 - 09/11/16 01:32 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
Can you consider feeling compassion for him?

When others lash out, it is because they are suffering.




Fuck that, guy needs to be taken out back and shot like a rabid dog




Quote:

Bonidee said:

He kicked me. He hit me so hard in the left side of my head that I blacked out. There was one morning when we were in the car together and I couldn't find what I wanted in my purse because it was a mess. I dumped the contents on the back seat and said "I will organize it when we stop". He pulled over, parked the car and got out and started throwing my stuff away in a trash can. When I got out of the car to fish it out, he got back in the car and left me there. When he finally came back, I was sitting on th shoulder of the road crying and he leaned down and said "I always win".


I got called trash, useless. He told me to go ahead and kill myself. The week I left,  he assaulted me 4 times. The night before I got on the plane to come home, he did it again. I left about 10 hours later.




I'll say it again, that POS should be taken out back and shot like a rabid dog.

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OnlineRJ Tubs 202
Male

Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,078
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 15 seconds
Re: Don't know where else to talk about it all [Re: Repertoire89]
    #23643600 - 09/14/16 12:58 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Repertoire89 said:

I'll say it again, that POS should be taken out back and shot like a rabid dog.





Yes, that's a common notion.

We'd rather damn and condemn someone than consider their humanity.

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