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Anonymous #1
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Not interacting with life
#23621037 - 09/07/16 07:38 AM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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I barely do anything these days. For the longest time now, i've been feeling more and more like completely giving up because everything i work towards crumbles in front of me and life just isn't awesome at all. Work, school, relationships, everything. I have been opting out of beeing a part of events that normally i would be stoked to be a part of, and generally losing interest in things overall. I barely talk to anyone besides the people i've never met here and even then there are periods i don't talk to them either.
I've been cutting out entire groups of friends and not bothering to interact with old ones, just about every one with a unique but similar reason why.
I am lonely and life is passing me by, i can feel this awful existential dread looming over me all the time that i'm fucked and things are going to get worse and i'm going to look back on my life with regret as every opportunity i had slipped from my grasp. I'm really really tired of all of it, everything.
One thing though, weed has been making things a bit more comfortable lately however, and i'm more relaxed than i typically am.
Don't feel like i've expressed this thing entirely.
I need to change my scenery right? Or something?
The main thing is opportunities. They often look good, but are actually unobtainable most of the time and it is really really fucking frustrating.
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eeso
Str@nger

Registered: 03/25/07
Posts: 554
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Sounds like you've got depression.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Not interacting with life [Re: eeso]
#23621264 - 09/07/16 09:25 AM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Clinically diagnosed.
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Anonymous #1
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I have been supporting myself with side work for almost a year, i had three months at a job and that too crumbled. Everything is of sand and melting through my hands. I am talented and have a fairly high iq, and can understand complex concepts, but i can't barely seem to take care of myself.
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Alyssa
consecrated woman ✝️

Registered: 11/25/14
Posts: 1,517
Last seen: 6 days, 4 hours
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I barely do anything these days. For the longest time now, i've been feeling more and more like completely giving up because everything i work towards crumbles in front of me and life just isn't awesome at all. Work, school, relationships, everything. I have been opting out of beeing a part of events that normally i would be stoked to be a part of, and generally losing interest in things overall. I barely talk to anyone besides the people i've never met here and even then there are periods i don't talk to them either.
I've been cutting out entire groups of friends and not bothering to interact with old ones, just about every one with a unique but similar reason why.
I am lonely and life is passing me by, i can feel this awful existential dread looming over me all the time that i'm fucked and things are going to get worse and i'm going to look back on my life with regret as every opportunity i had slipped from my grasp. I'm really really tired of all of it, everything.
One thing though, weed has been making things a bit more comfortable lately however, and i'm more relaxed than i typically am.
Don't feel like i've expressed this thing entirely.
I need to change my scenery right? Or something?
The main thing is opportunities. They often look good, but are actually unobtainable most of the time and it is really really fucking frustrating.
Don't give up. You have your body and your health, that's all you need. I've been in many periods of intense depression but I've realized I have everything because I'm healthy and I have no physical pain or disabilities. If you need some emotional support, I'm here to talk.
Don't worry about missing opportunities, this world is fucked anyway, it doesn't really make any difference. Just fight for your ideal and fuck what people think. If you have clinical depression or bipolar, you can get some time off work, possibly permanently if you apply for SSI. That's what I've done, there's no way I can hold down a job with my emotional state the way it usually is.
Don't forget to give yourself lots of self-love. Treat yourself divinely, with lots of empathy and understanding. You sound really sensitive, that's a very positive quality.
-------------------- I'm Alyssa. I'm consecrated to the Immaculate Heart. I don't want her to have to look at adultery to save my privileged living cells, so please keep it PG-13.
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eeso
Str@nger

Registered: 03/25/07
Posts: 554
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Re: Not interacting with life [Re: Alyssa]
#23622089 - 09/07/16 01:52 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Change of scenery could help. I always used to travel when things got stuck in a rut. Hitchiking always brought back my faith in humanity. On any anti-depressants? They could fix your whole thinking pattern, and from that the whole path of your life. I used to be on Effexor (SNRI) that was the one that worked magic, I want to be back on it.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Not interacting with life [Re: eeso]
#23622171 - 09/07/16 02:21 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Problem with access to health care at the moment.
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Alyssa
consecrated woman ✝️

Registered: 11/25/14
Posts: 1,517
Last seen: 6 days, 4 hours
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Re: Not interacting with life [Re: eeso]
#23622331 - 09/07/16 03:11 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
eeso said: Change of scenery could help. I always used to travel when things got stuck in a rut. Hitchiking always brought back my faith in humanity. On any anti-depressants? They could fix your whole thinking pattern, and from that the whole path of your life. I used to be on Effexor (SNRI) that was the one that worked magic, I want to be back on it.
All serotonin reuptake inhibitors, including SNRIs, have a very common side effect of sexual dysfunction in males, so only take them if you really have to.
-------------------- I'm Alyssa. I'm consecrated to the Immaculate Heart. I don't want her to have to look at adultery to save my privileged living cells, so please keep it PG-13.
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Crumist
Stranger


Registered: 11/02/13
Posts: 781
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Quote:
eeso said: Change of scenery could help. I always used to travel when things got stuck in a rut. Hitchiking always brought back my faith in humanity. On any anti-depressants? They could fix your whole thinking pattern, and from that the whole path of your life. I used to be on Effexor (SNRI) that was the one that worked magic, I want to be back on it.
They hand that stuff out like candy, what is preventing your Dr. from writing a script? I'm not sure where the concern for your dick is coming from, but which drugs you take is obviously a decision to be made between yourself and your Dr.
@Anon, are you located in the US? Shoot me a and I could try and help you find resources and take a look at your options for getting care.
-------------------- 'I am all for resources being allocated to the widowed single mother of 3, lost husband over seas fighting for our country. I am for vets getting mental health access and resources following war. I am not for free money cause a woman can't close her legs or some chump with low testosterone no going to work cause "i'm sad."' -finalexplosion Nice knowin ya'll! https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/23904704/vc/1#23904704
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eeso
Str@nger

Registered: 03/25/07
Posts: 554
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Re: Not interacting with life [Re: Crumist]
#23625921 - 09/08/16 02:03 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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I, like Anon #1, have problems with health-care.
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Crumist
Stranger


Registered: 11/02/13
Posts: 781
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: Not interacting with life [Re: eeso]
#23626475 - 09/08/16 05:07 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Are you uninsured? Have you checked your Medicare eligibility? Are you having trouble finding a doctor accepting patients?
Is the issue finding care, or affording it, or something different? Your location is also important, each state has (or is fighting like hell to prevent) a different insurance marketplace. Every region has specific resources for people having trouble w health care
-------------------- 'I am all for resources being allocated to the widowed single mother of 3, lost husband over seas fighting for our country. I am for vets getting mental health access and resources following war. I am not for free money cause a woman can't close her legs or some chump with low testosterone no going to work cause "i'm sad."' -finalexplosion Nice knowin ya'll! https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/23904704/vc/1#23904704
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Not interacting with life [Re: Crumist]
#23628506 - 09/09/16 09:42 AM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Uninsured, not eligible, state didn't expand medicare, can't afford it. I dealt with obama care and got absolutely nowhere, just more frustrated and less inclined to bother with it
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Anonymous #1
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Today i am letting another life event fall through my fingers and opting not to participate, a festival with some of my friends. I'm not going because of how bad of a trip i went through last time and overall social anxiety. I just feel like garbage now about it, and feel as though i'm going to slip back to the low i was feeling last week which was pretty awful.
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Rebelutionsssss
Mdmazing



Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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just keep trying man day by day. you can go to festivals and not trip. just try talking to your friends about whats going on. thats what friends are for
-------------------- : To define is to confine.
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Crumist
Stranger


Registered: 11/02/13
Posts: 781
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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What happened last time, if I can ask?
And if you feel bad and guilty about passing on the festival, then GO! See if you can still snag a ticket and a ride. Have you got any benzos? They are far from perfect, but they can manage any acute attack pretty well. Alcohol will work in a pinch, just no driving!
-------------------- 'I am all for resources being allocated to the widowed single mother of 3, lost husband over seas fighting for our country. I am for vets getting mental health access and resources following war. I am not for free money cause a woman can't close her legs or some chump with low testosterone no going to work cause "i'm sad."' -finalexplosion Nice knowin ya'll! https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/23904704/vc/1#23904704
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Not interacting with life [Re: Crumist]
#23779296 - 10/28/16 05:57 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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The last time I went to this festival last year I had a bad time because of some interpersonal stuff between myself and several different people/groups, it being far too overcrowded, and a mix of other things I'm forgetting. I missed most of the shows and spent the time at camp either in my car or tent.
I've dealt with a lot this year mentally, just seem to be getting worse however.
It's not just having had negative trips in the past, it's a problem I think is pervasive in my life, the feeling of awkwardness with other people and other things now that are popping up like worsening anhedonia and derealization/depersonalization. A lot of the time it feels like none of life is real, and seeing what seems like the underlying frame work of things that are going on... things feel simulated.
I understand that mdma may alleviate some of the social problems I'm experiencing by increasing pro-social behavior and recognition, however it seems that there are some sizeable downsides to it as it may worsen anxiety afterwards and induce damage to neurons.
I guess I'm passing on this festival. I can't seem to see a reason why I should be there. To be honest though, I can't see a reason to leave my house much anymore besides work and food
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They
Stranger


Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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I barely do anything these days.
Good. Would you like to start doing more things in the future? As in, the near future, maybe even starting now, today?
If so (and here's the 100% CRUCIAL answer) WHAT?
Avoid "I don't know", if you're not sure that's fine, just gimme your hunches. Oh and read this post more than once, it's a long one to take in in one go
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I am lonely and life is passing me by
At any moment, all around you, online and offline, there are a multitude of dances happening. Businesses, friendships, events, relationships, random strangers doing weird things together, spontaneously. Your job, if lonely and wish to connect, is simply to
1. Find which dance you find most interesting, alluring, fascinating, fun or funny
2. Join in and dance or sing along. Or simply watch enjoy and be amused 
That's it. That's really truly it.
All the friends you're leaving or have left behind, know you've simply moved forward, shed your skin and dropped old baggage, or at least took a necessary break from dances that no longer satisfy on a deep level. This is good, this is like taking a sabbatical, to figure yourself out. Simply look around to what people or situations or hobbies you LIKE to be near to, online, offline (especially offline) and favor expression from within, as opposed to consumption from without.
Been in your shoes many times mate, it's a gradual growth process, many ups and downs, you just happen to be on the downswing now. Nature does this in most of its systems, they pulse like this, no biggie.
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I'm really really tired of all of it, everything.
Then rest more. Spend some more time sleeping, and also walking and being alone in nature, and start observing what exactly you make yourself tired with. Use pen and paper to get your thoughts in order, and I mean sketch draw doodle, not just writing. Generally it should be some sort of self-critical thoughts, like you aren't where you SHOULD be, based on someone else's expectations, maybe imposed on you since childhood.
See those thoughts, what do you tell yourself? What you imagine you SHOULD do, to be OK and acceptable to the world? Like if you just sit in bed one day and all you ever do is scratch your balls (which is perfectly fine, totally acceptable from time to time) then what kind of yadda-yadda pops up in your mind? Who says it? Mom? Dad? Girlfriend? Ego, clinging to social status symbols?
You say school. What do you study? Why?
Do you actually like it?
Would you be into it if you were a millionaire and had no money issues to consider at all? In other words, are you following your passion or just getting by, drudgery mode on?
Cause yeah drudgery is known to be boring and tiring 
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Don't feel like i've expressed this thing entirely.
That's fine, that's what this thread is for, and I kinda specialize in dragging these things out of people, whether they like it or not 
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eeso said: Sounds like you've got depression.
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Anonymous said: Clinically diagnosed.
There we go again 
You may have read some of my other posts, I'm going to go ahead and say that I basically don't believe in depression, however well diagnosed. I don't believe it's a useful label to put on what you do there, namely shallow breathing eyes open, a lot of sighing, insufficient movement/sex/exercise (going to poor lymphatic circulation, thus poor leading of toxins out of the body) and a passive pessimistic story line about how to interpret reality around you.
That's not a disease you have, it's a lifestyle that you do, one that I've engaged in for various periods, on and off, and while I was engaged in it I made forum posts very much like yours.
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Anonymous said: I have been supporting myself with side work for almost a year, i had three months at a job and that too crumbled. Everything is of sand and melting through my hands. I am talented and have a fairly high iq, and can understand complex concepts, but i can't barely seem to take care of myself.
What do you know how to do? Maybe some of us can offer something online, or can come up with some fresh ideas to match your skills. What software do you know your way around, and more importantly what are you excited about doing? ("Nothing" and "I don't know" are no good here, if that's what pops up in your mind, stick to it, get pen and paper and start sketching and brainstorming for a few pages, design 2-3 ideal work situations. Growing weed in some legal weed farm, whatever it is )
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Anonymous said: Problem with access to health care at the moment.
That's just a matter of your definition of health care. I'm a healer for instance and I've just arrived in this situation. Your access to health care issue is over, depending on how you interpret this post right here. YOU have the power to warp it and give it any meaning you wish, ranging from "Ha-ha, who does this guy think he is? Healer my ass " to "Ok let's see if this is any good."
Do you feel like I'm making sense? Does my data work for you? You can choose to go with the naysayers and critics, or give it an actual shot, throw me some decent data back that I can work with, and put some real attention on the data I give you. THIS is the actual trick that both the trips and life in general, the universe, are trying to teach to all of us. What awesome meaning and adventures can you mine from the data-at-hand?
You have FAR more power to warp reality and future outcomes, than you may currently believe. Just stop doing the same things and thinking the same thoughts you see others engaging in, start using your own internal guidance systems and intuition, to come up with own conclusions, even if they go against the general grain.
That's incidentally also why you've shed many friends, as their paradigm about life and the universe is keeping you down, they don't go where you want to go, which is up
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Anonymous said: Uninsured, not eligible, state didn't expand medicare, can't afford it. I dealt with obama care and got absolutely nowhere, just more frustrated and less inclined to bother with it
Good. Take this as signal from the universe that you don't need the kind of "health care" they peddle there, pharma pills and SSRI's and other such nonsense. Be glad you didn't get on that bandwagon, I sure am 
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Anonymous said: Today i am letting another life event fall through my fingers and opting not to participate, a festival with some of my friends. I'm not going because of how bad of a trip i went through last time and overall social anxiety. I just feel like garbage now about it, and feel as though i'm going to slip back to the low i was feeling last week which was pretty awful.
Quit the guilt trips over the skipped festival dude, simply accept you weren't meant to be there. You probably dodged some unwanted pregnancy, couple of STD's, fucked up draining girlfriend with crazy possessive ex-husband that would have broken your teeth, or some other stuff like that.
This weekend I cancelled my trip to going to this forest tribe community, somewhat psychedelic, art, this girl that invited me (met online) was quite fascinated with me so yeah, some interesting stuff showing up there, but on the day of leaving different things got in the way, it didn't feel right, I could have made it but it would have been stressful, not flow easy, not be in the zone, and I've learned that when that happens, it's simply not optimal timing to take the trip. We still talk, I might go 2-3 weekends from now, no biggie.
In 2012 I wanted to go to this 10-day meditation retreat, I was all psyched, told a few friends I was going to go, and then things didn't line up for me to go. I gave myself grief and guilt trips about it, then moved on. Then in 2015, a bunch of festivals and trips later, I finally got to go, and it was super obvious in the retreat, that there were specific things that I needed to know as prerequisites, that I only learned in trips from 2012 to 2015. So had I pushed and exerted myself and forced it to happen in 2012, chances are it would have been rather crap. As it is I learned a ton and even went again a few months later.
You can't push the natural timing of things, let the grass grow at its own speed, relax and chill 
Oh and as for social anxiety, I know how that is dude, I used to have trouble walking on the street, feeling everyone was judging me, fearing the gaze of people, avoiding going outside at all, except when really necessary (school). This stuff is fixable, just follow the advice posted here. Solution is not more thinking in your head, solution is movement, breathing, sunlight exposure, improving diet and improving the data you take in.
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I just feel like garbage now about it, and feel as though i'm going to slip back to the low i was feeling last week which was pretty awful.
You're just making that crap happen dude, you're basically making these verbal spells, programming yourself to feel like shit, focusing on the shit, and how shitty the shit is.
How about getting 3 apples or oranges, hitting youtube and learning how to juggle? How about getting a soap bubbler or some chalk, and going out there to express? How about going to a nice forest at the edge of town and screaming your lungs out for some good vibes? Throw some rocks in anger, hit some shit, it's REALLY good for you
What do you WANT to do, that would be fun for you? If you don't know for sure it's fine, but do take some paper and pen and start playing with ideas. When you have something for me to look at, post here or and let's get a move on this thing.
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I've dealt with a lot this year mentally, just seem to be getting worse however.
Just seems so man, as I said, I've arrived on the premises. If you wish to engage and find some real magic once again, I'll play. If not that's fine, just realize you have that choice in your own two hands, own it
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It's not just having had negative trips in the past, it's a problem I think is pervasive in my life, the feeling of awkwardness with other people and other things now that are popping up like worsening anhedonia and derealization/depersonalization. A lot of the time it feels like none of life is real, and seeing what seems like the underlying frame work of things that are going on... things feel simulated.
That's just because you're not being physically active enough. Move a few logs around, go outside jump skip rope or juggle for half an hour, go learn to use one of those David / Goliath slings or something physical like that, you'll see you end the simulation feeling pretty fast. Why do you think so many people juggle and spin Poi and hula hoops and such, at least at Psytrance festivals?
Am assuming you don't have a girl right now, and also fear girls to some extent, as is normal during these antisocial downswings. Just bear in mind that you need Oxytocin and Serotonin releases to function properly, and so you'd need some hugs, some massage, some kind of group integration and decent skin contact, else you'll get more in your head and feel more weirdness.
Understand this thing here and if you're really into getting better understand this one as well.
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I understand that mdma may alleviate some of the social problems I'm experiencing by increasing pro-social behavior and recognition, however it seems that there are some sizeable downsides to it as it may worsen anxiety afterwards and induce damage to neurons.
You don't have an "insufficient MDMA in your diet" problem, you have a "poor story line, negative interpretation of outside events and situations" problem. An over-thinking under-moving under-breathing problem. Guaranteed. Diet-wise you may have some nutrient deficiencies (tell us what you eat and drink if you want tips here) and a poor Omega 3 to Omega 6 balance. Fix this stuff, it takes a bit of work to do, but it will snap you out of it pretty fast once you get going.
Look at how much time you spend eyes-open, mentally active (over-thinking, worries, computer, TV, porn, video games, processing intense visual data) and yet physically passive, not getting the lymph circulation or oxygenation in the body, to support that high level of activity in the brain. There's a mismatch there, overactive brain underactive body. Do this over weeks and months and you do end up depleting vital neurotransmitters and nutrients and stuff, that your body needs to thrive. They call this stuff depression and call it a disease, but from where I'm looking it's clearly lifestyle choices bringing on their very much predictable effects. Change the lifestyle the effects change too. I've done that and so can you 
This is not a disease, it's a poor choice in how to spend your time. Before we had these sources of high-intensity visual data, before making it possible to idle indoors alone (poor light, no sunlight) and consume this much brain processing power with TV and video games and movies, depression wasn't nearly as high as it is today, as there was no way to make that brain-body mismatch happen.
Here some more on it:
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To be honest though, I can't see a reason to leave my house much anymore besides work and food 
Pussy. Girls. Romance. Fun. Sunlight (as in, major factor in improving mood, triggering things in your brain/body that "snap you out of it"). If you're not getting the high-lumen natural light from the sun sufficiently, well don't be wondering you don't function. Seasonal Affective Disorder they call it, what your brain does with insufficient light, and you're doing it to yourself if you stay that much indoors.
Go outside. Buy a boomerang or something, just go outside sit on a bench and fill a sketchbook with images of cocks, tits and priests and popes hanging in flames from nooses, by the third page or so you'll see new ideas pop in your head, or if anyone asks wtf you're doing, all those cocks and tits on the page will be an awesome convo opener. Or just draw fish or flowers instead
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Crumist
Stranger


Registered: 11/02/13
Posts: 781
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: Not interacting with life [Re: They] 1
#23780474 - 10/28/16 03:59 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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I don't have enough +1s to give, but thank you for that post, and thank you anon for getting him to post that. Im reading a lot of things that I can see similar to my own situation. I also love the dance metaphor
-------------------- 'I am all for resources being allocated to the widowed single mother of 3, lost husband over seas fighting for our country. I am for vets getting mental health access and resources following war. I am not for free money cause a woman can't close her legs or some chump with low testosterone no going to work cause "i'm sad."' -finalexplosion Nice knowin ya'll! https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/23904704/vc/1#23904704
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Not interacting with life [Re: Crumist]
#23781122 - 10/28/16 08:04 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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to be honest, i saw where he said he didn't believe that depression was real but that seasonal affective was, and misquoted me saying something about "mdma deficiency" so i stopped taking the post seriously. i don't have the money for proper health care, so no, that's not a problem with perception. and no, i should be able to take care of myself with a decent paying job at this point in life, i'm not looking to be a millionaire, just to be able to take care of myself. that's also not much of an instance where i'm allowing someone else's perception to dictate my own if that's what you were getting at.
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They
Stranger


Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Quote:
Anonymous said: to be honest, i saw where he said he didn't believe that depression was real but that seasonal affective was, and misquoted me saying something about "mdma deficiency" so i stopped taking the post seriously. i don't have the money for proper health care, so no, that's not a problem with perception. and no, i should be able to take care of myself with a decent paying job at this point in life, i'm not looking to be a millionaire, just to be able to take care of myself. that's also not much of an instance where i'm allowing someone else's perception to dictate my own if that's what you were getting at.
Oh man, this is sooooooo priceless to behold 
I mean how two people stumble on the same exact post, one of them says wow, I don't have enough +1's to give you, this was awesome, and the one that it was actually made for, to help and assist, goes "yawn, yeah he said something I kinda didn't like, TL'DR after that" 
Good OP, skip the info, find fault in it, don't use it, use your magic in that way 
What I said and how I formulated that MDMA reference is something that I use about many drugs, not something I "misquoted you" about.
When you consider "taking some MDMA" to solve a problem, but your problem is in fact of a whole different kind and on a different topic, I am saying "more MDMA in your diet" is not what your body needs. Perhaps other dietary changes (More Omega 3 for instance, more vitamins and minerals).
I would say the same to a drunk or smoker, that "more alcohol in your diet" or "more cig smoke in your air intake" is not what you need to solve this emotional issue bothering you (whatever it is). Of course they'll generally find ways to warp what I say so that it doesn't make sense to them, allowing them to take the easy way out and stay the course they're on, as you kinda started to do here 
Anyway, I was copiously amused to see just how two people can take the same post and interpret it in such amazingly different ways.
OP your definition for "mental health care" is completely too rigid to be of much good to you.
In your mind it means "Having money to pay for a local doctor of this and that kind, so that they can "fix" you". In my mind it means "Having access to the proper relevant data that you need to fix yourself" which you do, right here in this thread (and elsewhere online) and nowhere does money have to flow into it, not necessarily.
I love it when people equate diplomas with knowledge, how you still imagine that if you had money and showed up to a local doc, you'd get higher quality info than you can get here. Bewildering to me, to say the least 
But yeah I'll agree to the first comment above, that info needed to be out here, typed and posted, plenty of lurkers and other forum members that can now pick up on it and benefit.
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