My first trip report! This trip happened over a month ago so I'll do my best with the details. Hope you enjoy because I had fun writing it out.
It was a Thursday night, and I don't have school on Fridays but my younger siblings do, so they'd be asleep early. My parents worked the next day so I knew they'd be asleep well before my planned solo festivities were going to happen. So I figured that Thursday night would be a great time to trip.
10:45PM: I ate one big cubensis by taking one bite at a time, putting some OJ in my mouth, chewing and swallowing--one of the easiest and fastest ways for me to eat them. It weighed around 2g (didn't have a scale but I bought 3g which was 2 cubes, ate the smaller one a few nights ago and nothing happened, then had this big cube left). Everyone was still up, but I gambled that they'd all be asleep within the next hour at least.
11:30PM: Effects start to kick in, I had some Adult Swim Off the Air videos prepared to watch, start watching some of those. The music started to become more entrancing, the visuals started making every bit of this entire realm more interesting.
11:45ishPM: I had to pee. Really bad. BUT I had noticed that a movie was playing right outside my room (in the basement living room) and then put together 2 & 2 in my head; my family was still up and watching a movie together. Turns out that my siblings didn't have school tomorrow and my parents wanted to watch that movie with them before going to sleep. So I sit in my bed for a couple minutes, trying to gather the courage to walk to the bathroom (which is right adjacent to my room so literally 3 steps). I contemplated peeing in a bottle in my room so as not to have to leave my room. I got off my bed and stood in one spot right in front of my door for 5min or so (time became irrelevant to me by this point in the trip). Before I ate the shrooms, I made it seem like I was going to bed so that no one would bother me. So you can see how the paranoia was killing me on the inside. But I couldn't hold it in any longer.
12AMish: My contacts were out and my glasses were off (didn't know why I didn't think to put them on) so everything was blurry AND swirly. I inch forward to the door and eventually a "f*ck it" thought passed into my mind and I just opened my door & took the 3 steps into the bathroom without acknowledging their presence. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do on a trip so far. I felt like I looked drunk by the way I perceived myself to be walking but I probably walked just fine.
Time unsure from this point onward: I'm in the bathroom now, and I decide to just pretend like I'm going #2 so I can avoid having that confrontation again. This is where the negative thoughts of paranoiac hell start to invade my every corner of thought. Thoughts like "What if someone knocked on the door and needed something like a toothbrush or a comb or something???", "What would I say to them???", "What if someone knocked on the door to ask how I was doing???", "What if someone found out I was tripping???"
I pull up a Euchre app on my phone to try and distract these thoughts. I play euchre quite regularly in school so it's become almost second nature. The app opens, I select "continue" to continue from my last game. The interface comes up, and... I've completely forgotten how to play! The rules and suits and numbers all escape me, I don't know what I'm doing. Of course, this creates more paranoia and far-fetched feelings of "When will this end?", "Did this become permanent?", "How did I forget something so simple, did the shrooms affect my brain somehow?" I tried convincing myself that 2g isn't even that much so I should be coming down now or very soon. Little did I know. So to calm myself somewhat, I started not caring about the game and playing whatever cards I could, just flicking through each game with careless speed & losing every match. After surrendering to the fact that I can no longer play this simple card game, I started to not care about it. I started to not care about the outcome of the game nor whether or not I was playing the right card or not. Then it clicked.
My thoughts morphed from a never-ending slip-and-slide of negativity to this one simple thought. I'm going to be ok.
I knew that no matter what happened, I ate a plant medicine and it's going to come to an end. & I'm going to be ok. I knew that if my dad walked in or somehow found out that I was tripping, I could tell him everything and I was no longer afraid of what his response would be or what anyone's response would be. Because I'm going to be ok, and everything is going to be ok. It was really a sense of peace that the mushrooms gave me. It was an invaluable lesson they taught me too.
An hour quickly passed by while all that jazz happened (I made sure to remember the time that I got in the bathroom) and I notice via underneath the bathroom door that all the lights were turned off and the house was silent. I knew it was safe to get up and go back to my room.
I turn on my desk light in my room, lay in my bed, relieved of ALL worries, & put on some Classical Indian music in my headphones. For the next few hours, I stared at my ceiling and wrote down random thoughts in my phone's notepad. I titled these thoughts "Ravings of a Lunatic"--here's a few pieces from it:
"I hope whatever God is gives us everything to know... We let earthly things limit our spiritual beings... We should be teaching courses on mushrooms [psychedelics in general]... In the end, we're all going to be ok... Life is just like a video game. When we beat the game, is it even fun anymore???... What is sober? Maybe life is a drug... If I was an omniscient & omnipotent being & I didn't share that [information] with everyone, am I giving respect to them & respect to that knowledge?..."
About 3-4AM: I'm mostly off the trip and am reflecting on the nights happenings. This was one of my most intense trips and it was only off 2g. That amazed me. I do consider it a "bad trip" but, like many of you, I consider bad trips to be just as eye-opening as good trips. It took me a good while but I eventually fell asleep.
Thank you Shroomery for being an outlet for myself and countless others who want to share their stories.
Shroomyhead
-------------------- There's only one way to find out.
|