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Anonymous #1

I do not want anything, and it is hell
    #23618681 - 09/06/16 03:35 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Well, to say I don't want anything isn't strictly true.
When I am very hungry, I want to not be hungry, when I am in pain I want to not be in pain. Given the choice to be harmed by someone or not I'd choose not to.

But I do not want to be rich, I do not want nice food, I do not want to be famous, I do not want a cup of coffee or a piece of cake. When I have to eat, I care very little - almost not at all - whether it is something people would usually consider delicious or some kind of bland tasteless sludge.

I guess you could say that although I do not really ever feel I want something (with the exception of wanting something unpleasant to stop), I do have preferences, though the preference for one thing over another is so incredibly slight it feels like all options are equal.

A friend of mine who is a buddhist has told me a few times now that he believes that if someone is free of want, they will then know true happiness and contentment. I think he is completely full of shit. If you do not want something, you can not know the pleasure of getting what you want. The world becomes completely neutral.

I don't know what to do - without any grand aspirations and without the ability to derive pleasure from my senses, what really can I do?

Perhaps I should just devote myself to others and exist for them, learning to derive pleasure from their pleasure... but this feels like an empty existence. It is a noble cause to be sure, selfless acts are a wonderful thing - but to be a completely selfless person? I think that is another thing entirely. You must have at least something for yourself or you will have nothing to balance out your emptiness and suffering, without something positive everything in your life is just negative or neutral.

I really want to want something and to be able to appreciate it, but it seems like I can't. I think I have been this way for nearly my entire life, if not all of it and I am in my mid twenties. I am really giving up hope that there is something out there for me.

I don't expect that there is anything anyone could suggest to fix this or to really help, but after years of pondering it I feel like I need to reach out for some help.

I live a good life I think by world standards. I have food, water, shelter... I am somewhat safe - but I suffer. I realise that on paper this sounds absurd, there are so many people suffering in ways that are infinitely worse than the way that I do, but I think many of them have some sort of respite. Maybe for some their suffering does not ever relent, but surely most of even those people must have something they like, something they enjoy, a dream they can wish to become a reality. I have no such respite.

I feel like I am going through life in a daze. All I do is what is made necessary for me to do to survive, find ways to distract myself in order to pass time, and ponder things.

How can I give my life passion, vitality or hedonistic pleasure?


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Anonymous #2

Re: I do not want anything, and it is hell [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23629610 - 09/09/16 04:20 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

You are not alone and i suspect that in truth there are a lot of people in the same position, pretty much totally apathetic in their life. It's odd how everything you've written applies so well to myself. I'd say it's one of a few things or maybe a culmination: a sympton of depression, a fear of rejection, being lost without direction, just genuinely desireless or secretly everyone is like that and just does their best to mask it.

You've met all your basic human needs. You've got warmth, food, a safe place to rest and enough money to not have to worry much.  Question is what now?  You must have some form of interest or passion though. I mean, why are you on the shroomery of all places? Surely you've still an interest/curiosity for mushrooms or similar activities? And why post it anonymously? I think if you poke around a lil further you might find that there are still some things that your passionate about but maybe just worried about letting them come to the forefront. Food for thought. You're essentially in the midst of an existential crisis wondering what the meaning of life is.  My personal belief is that the answer to that question is: To hope life has one.    sounds cliché but, life is what you make of it and without hope of life having meaning then everythin falls apart. Everyone has panic moments of 'the fuck am i doing with my life, is this it?'.


What one thing have you always wanted to do but never got round to? There has to be something you've not done yet.


anyways, if you've really nothing at all you're that fussed about then consider offering your time to help others. Plenty of people who haven't worked out or been able to be comfortable with their existence. It might even help you.


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Anonymous #3

Re: I do not want anything, and it is hell [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23629630 - 09/09/16 04:24 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

At least you strongly want to want something. That sounds like a definite step in the right direction.

I think you should find a hobby. Pick the hobby not on which you like the most, but just on practical use aspects. Decide which hobby you'd like in your life, and put that hobby in your life even if you feel neutral about it.


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Anonymous #4

Re: I do not want anything, and it is hell [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23629985 - 09/09/16 05:56 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I love you.


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Anonymous #5

Re: I do not want anything, and it is hell [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #23642645 - 09/13/16 06:57 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #4 said:
I love you.




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Anonymous #6

Re: I do not want anything, and it is hell [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23656288 - 09/18/16 04:53 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Third eye blind.

Have you guys tried cocaine?


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Anonymous #4

Re: I do not want anything, and it is hell [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #23656330 - 09/18/16 05:08 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I'm glad you asked. I fucking love cocaine. I like to pack a catheter tube full and plug the one end, then I shove it up my dick hole and let hookers take snooters from the one eyed dragon.


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Anonymous #6

Re: I do not want anything, and it is hell [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #23656377 - 09/18/16 05:26 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I was just thinking something along those lines could put a little zest in op's life.


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Anonymous #7

Re: I do not want anything, and it is hell [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23832123 - 11/14/16 12:42 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Go buy a guitar and learn to play, you'll never regret it.


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Anonymous #8

Re: I do not want anything, and it is hell [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23832218 - 11/14/16 01:15 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Well, to say I don't want anything isn't strictly true.
When I am very hungry, I want to not be hungry, when I am in pain I want to not be in pain. Given the choice to be harmed by someone or not I'd choose not to.

But I do not want to be rich, I do not want nice food, I do not want to be famous, I do not want a cup of coffee or a piece of cake. When I have to eat, I care very little - almost not at all - whether it is something people would usually consider delicious or some kind of bland tasteless sludge.

I guess you could say that although I do not really ever feel I want something (with the exception of wanting something unpleasant to stop), I do have preferences, though the preference for one thing over another is so incredibly slight it feels like all options are equal.

A friend of mine who is a buddhist has told me a few times now that he believes that if someone is free of want, they will then know true happiness and contentment. I think he is completely full of shit. If you do not want something, you can not know the pleasure of getting what you want. The world becomes completely neutral.

I don't know what to do - without any grand aspirations and without the ability to derive pleasure from my senses, what really can I do?

Perhaps I should just devote myself to others and exist for them, learning to derive pleasure from their pleasure... but this feels like an empty existence. It is a noble cause to be sure, selfless acts are a wonderful thing - but to be a completely selfless person? I think that is another thing entirely. You must have at least something for yourself or you will have nothing to balance out your emptiness and suffering, without something positive everything in your life is just negative or neutral.

I really want to want something and to be able to appreciate it, but it seems like I can't. I think I have been this way for nearly my entire life, if not all of it and I am in my mid twenties. I am really giving up hope that there is something out there for me.

I don't expect that there is anything anyone could suggest to fix this or to really help, but after years of pondering it I feel like I need to reach out for some help.

I live a good life I think by world standards. I have food, water, shelter... I am somewhat safe - but I suffer. I realise that on paper this sounds absurd, there are so many people suffering in ways that are infinitely worse than the way that I do, but I think many of them have some sort of respite. Maybe for some their suffering does not ever relent, but surely most of even those people must have something they like, something they enjoy, a dream they can wish to become a reality. I have no such respite.

I feel like I am going through life in a daze. All I do is what is made necessary for me to do to survive, find ways to distract myself in order to pass time, and ponder things.

How can I give my life passion, vitality or hedonistic pleasure?



Become a monk.


If only to restore your desire for hedonistic pleasure in the first place. Or to make your lack of want fit to your lifestyle.


Edited by Anonymous (11/14/16 01:16 PM)


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Anonymous #9

Re: I do not want anything, and it is hell [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #23834056 - 11/14/16 10:06 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Let it go and become an Aghori. If you realize it is all a temporary and grand delusion, just let it go without fear. You will know your true self as one among many and see in yourself all without putting on a mask of pride.


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Anonymous #10

Re: I do not want anything, and it is hell [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #23916994 - 12/11/16 04:58 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

So i read your post a few weeks ago and its really stayed with me...perhaps you need to take a vision quest or spiritual awakening through guided Ayahuasca retreat, this could awaken something thats been buried deep that needs out.


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