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Offlinefrankz
Stranger
Registered: 07/20/16
Posts: 5
Last seen: 7 years, 5 days
First real experience- so confused
    #23617079 - 09/06/16 06:03 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Trying to treat my depression (late 40 something male).  On a business trip, with enough time and proper head space to dose.  I took 1g two nights before as a test dose, and then 4g last night (expecting some tolerance from the 1g dose, hence the 4g).  Chose the john Hopkins track on Spotify.  Went in with very clear intent to be open to the experience.

Come up in about 45 min to an hour.  Distorted visuals, but no fractals or color distortion that I could perceive (definitely distortion of distance).  Mild panic attack (that I couldn't breathe, but I could), accepted that would ever would be would be.  Felt need for bathroom, tried to stand up but got dizzy and laid on floor.  I had a pot next to me in the bed (in case of nausea).  Somehow I managed to use the pot (as I couldn't make it the 4 feet to the bathroom).  I could feel the metal, but not really "see."

After laying on the floor for some period of time, I crawled back into bed, very disoriented- not sure exactly who I was or where I was... unable to remember what city I was in, or if I was even "there."  Paranoid I had wet the bed as I couldn't remember using the pot.  For a while the room went very "quiet" (as if I was deaf), but I was still in the room (with distorted visuals)

Zero insight, no beautiful or horrible experiences... just confusion, loss of body control, and some feelings of heat (and discomfort) in my limbs.

Started coming down about 5 hours in.  By 6 hours, I could stand and walk (but felt kind of "drunk" for lack of a better explanation).  At that point, I focused on just going to sleep (it was 11:30 pm, but I typically am early bed / early riser).

I am very confused about the experience- it had much more of a physical impact than I expected, without any real insights or significant experiences...  I grew myself, so I know there was nothing added to the dose.

Has anyone any insight into how I could have such a strong physical disorientation but no real mental experiences?

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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,838
Re: First real experience- so confused [Re: frankz]
    #23617201 - 09/06/16 07:04 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

you had the dose that would be strong to a regular recreational user, which is not much dissimilar to tough men talking about how many cases of beer they drank.

regular users' dosage information is very misleading out of the context that they have acclimated to high dosages.

the wet bed and utter disorientation indicate overdose, which with psychedelics is blackout or whiteout.

next time use much less: to make psychological discoveries and progress, you do not need much chemistry but you do need strong focus and determination to explore what makes you tense or upset in real time and historically, and an ability to calm yourself as issues arise - This ability to recover composure is the prowess of long time users, and it does help with emotional integration as well. (but too much is still too much - i.e you can be overcome and composed but useless)

You have to be able to stay relaxed and still explore issues. If you are completely fallen apart you are not in condition to explore and heal.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:

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Offlinefrankz
Stranger
Registered: 07/20/16
Posts: 5
Last seen: 7 years, 5 days
Re: First real experience- so confused [Re: redgreenvines]
    #23618992 - 09/06/16 05:14 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Thank you RedGreenVines!

It very well could have been an OD - there is a period of time (30 min +) after the come up that I simply can't account for.  I was checking my fitbit (for time and pulse - kepy me calm), but have no recollection of ever seeing 7:00 in the time (which would have been about an hour and a half in to 2 and a half in... distinctly remember 6:45 and 8:05 but everything between those two is a blur / lost (includes the confusion on the floor).

What leaves me puzzled is the "assumption" I made from reading different material that the John's Hopkins patients probably received the equivalent of 5g.  I am trying to align a sitter... I wanted to understand what was needed, by taking a smaller dose, so I could assess as it is a big ask of my first choice of sitters... so want to make sure I know what I am getting her into.  Unfortunately, I have a small circle of friends and no one that is really experienced in this matter.  Truth be told, I was also  hoping to maybe get the benefits / learning / introspection in the process of taking this "lower than study dose" and not need to have the higher does / sitter.

Perhaps I am just a "lightweight" which is actually fine with me- nothing to prove, just trying to figure out how to heal myself and avoid the big pharma solutions which seem to carry their own sets of problems... I have a 'script but really want to find another solution- don't like the thought of daily anti-depressants that you are truly addicted to and leave you in a truly altered state (anyone doubts they are physically addictive needs to look at the withdrawal symptoms / talk to some people that have come off of them)

Once I am through the refractory period, I'll try again with a smaller does (and a sitter) and see if that does the trick.  Horribly confused at what dosage I should target.  2.5g?  3g?

If anyone has a better suggestion to the above plan, please share.  I am desperately trying to find a solution- I have two kids and they are old enough (8 and 10) to know that dad is "sad."  I want to be there for them in ways I don't seem to be able to right now (and yes, I am clinically depressed and have been for the last 20+ years... it was "ok" when it was just me, but it is clear to me now that I want / need to be better for both my kids and myself... care / want to heal enough to learn to grow to get a single dose to see if it lifts the depression.

Peace

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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,838
Re: First real experience- so confused [Re: frankz]
    #23619418 - 09/06/16 07:25 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

alone with 1.5 to 2 max based upon how it went last time.
no expectations.
just work with gentle peacefulness and honesty.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:

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OfflinePsyshroomed
Journeyman
Male
Registered: 08/29/16
Posts: 5
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
Re: First real experience- so confused [Re: redgreenvines]
    #23628047 - 09/09/16 05:14 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

If you feel you had OD'd, you would have felt and seen shadows and experienced an extremely uncomfortable sensation of your ego self being torn apart into smithereens.

It sounds like you should heed the advice of redbluegreen. Use much less. Take that less amount on a more frequent basis every time your issues come back.

Trip out to awesome music. Make a playlist of your favourite songs. Forget life. Forget your family. Forget you have any adherence to life and its trappings. This is what it really means to drop.

But most of all, keep all your positive moments close to your heart. That moment when your children came to your life. That moment when you got married to your wife. Those special moments will help you get through the waves and stay grounded. The terror/confusion you felt is merely your issues coming up hard to the surface. Mushrooms are effective tools to banish your depression - treat them with respect.


--------------------
Life is a dance... Flow and dance!

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