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Offlinetripp23
Kratom Freak
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Registered: 05/21/08
Posts: 4,030
Loc: Florida, US
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
Wanna hear a good laugh tonight?? (Tell Your Embarrassing Stories Here!)
    #23616405 - 09/05/16 09:38 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

On a quick break and a more positive note from all the Kratom chaos, I have of a tale to tell.  And my.. is it a tall tale of wickedness. Now after the fact.. I find this story completely hilarious.. I have to tell it to... Somebody.. and shroomerites.. you're the only that I am of willingness.  I wouldn't dare ever speak of such chaos.. ever, with anyone.. Ever.  Especially with such a degree of such degrading embarrassment and stupidity.. But this is just to funny not to speak of.

Sit back, read and laugh your ass off.

Enjoy.

I shit you not. (pun both intended and not) This is how it went.

Just last week, I had some idiot clog the toilet at my work.. and I didn't know it was.. looked normal to me.  Small little restroom; about 7x10ft.  So I shat a brick, unknowingly.  Store manager called a store meeting right in front of the restroom I was in, literally..  Right outside my door.  Flushed and all hell broke loose.  Shit, water, and tp everywhere.  I thought, "Fuck, I hope they didn't hear the water pouring over the sides.. I can't go out there with em there now like this.." So I attempt to clean it up a little.. 

*auto-flushes again*.. now I'm really tweaking.  The water was so close to going under the door at this point, of being visible to them.  I starting shaking because I was so scared/embarrassed..  That they would inevitably figure out my satanic secret of toilet treason, slam open the door some how or ask if I was okay or whatever the case.. Mind racing, remorse fills the voids of this box sized shithole. 

*Idea*. I turn on the hand dryer so they couldn't hear the water Niagara-falling on to the floor.  *Auto flushes again.*  "Oh.. my... Fucking god.." Shaking uncontrollably in panic, I grab a plunger in the nearby corner and start pushing the water into a nearby drain on the floor, away from the door.  The drain was semi clogged internally, so it went down slow..

*Dryer stops,* as the waters still plowing over the sides.  I heard them all laughing outside the door but wasn't sure if it was caused from me or not.  I grab a piece of paper-towel, wet it in the sink and stuck it to the toilet sensor so it thinks someone's in front of it; so it doesn't flush again.

I began to plunge it a little to absolutely no avail, praising the heavenly toilet goddess that it would stop and go down.

*Flushes again* at this point, I almost began crying I was so miserable.  Water, piss, shit, and tp is straight screaming over the sides.  The water was literally lapping at the very cm of the bottom of the door; probably did pour out for all I know.  They're all screaming and yelling outside the door as a tsunami of water rushes my way at the door.

*Flushes again*. Trembling manically, I frantically push the shit water away from the door as I turn the dryer back on.  I stuck another wet towel on the dryer to keep it on.  As I grabbed for the paper towel, the piece of shit was broken and fell completely off the wall, allowing the full roll of towels to hit the radioactive waste water.

The piece of paper towel fell off of the dryer sensor.

*Flushes again*

....

*Dryer shuts off*

*Water falling from the cliff onto sunny stones on a mountain*

I'm about to slam my head through the wall and pray it kills me. 

I finally hear, "let's move to the back."  A sharp slap of quick living euphoria and relief cracks through my soul wickedly as I set the plunger down..

I put another, bigger wad of paper towel on the toilet sensor and it finally stopped flushing.  So I began to use paper towels (their was a replacement roll on another shelf) to at least get some water off the floor.  I ended up pushing a massive pile of shit into the corner and stormed out of there so fast that no one even woulda guessed it was me raging chaotic havoc on that toilet.

*Flushes again*

The scene looked like someone came in, took a shit on the floor and went swimming in it and then used paper towels to stay a-float and dry off.  Paper towels all over the floor, toilet paper completely over lay the entire toilet; so much you woulda thought someone was actually taking the time to place a piece on every square cm of it inside and out.

Shit, piss, bits of tp, and paper towel water engulfed the entire floor about two-inches thick.  Someone else even happened to impossibly stuff a full roll of toilet paper in the air exhaust vent in the ceiling, so yes their was shit paper hanging from the ceiling. The smell was absolutely demonic.  Olden time piss and shit stains dried up on the walls that encaged my soul.. Toilet paper and paper towels captured in the sink and on the faucet... AND... a massive pile of shit-block, welcoming your gaze in the corner as you entered to approach the throne of hell.

And I was standing in it..

I've been wondering what I all sounded like from the outside of that door.. :lol: complete and utter chaos :lol::lol:

That experience topps my life cake completely on utter embarrassment..

How I escaped from that living nightmare without being seen, is beyond my comprehension..

We all need a break :shrug:


--------------------
Experience my nightmarish first time of smoking Ganja!


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Invisiblesomething super extreme
NIGGA YOU A FUCK NIGGA!
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Registered: 10/29/12
Posts: 17,397
Loc: TURNT UP!
Re: Wanna hear a good laugh tonight?? (Tell Your Embarrassing Stories Here!) [Re: tripp23]
    #23616407 - 09/05/16 09:39 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

read a terrible post in the pub one time

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OfflineLucy9
Super
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Registered: 02/07/15
Posts: 449
Loc: South LA the gulf
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
Re: Wanna hear a good laugh tonight?? (Tell Your Embarrassing Stories Here!) [Re: something super extreme]
    #23616417 - 09/05/16 09:43 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I sliced my finger open with a sharp shiny blade at Jimmy John Gourmet Perkins.  I bled on the sandwich line and the manager had to bleach that down.

The next day I had to wear a bandage on my fingertip at work, and my manager said "E.T., phone home" when I raised my finger to show him.

Edited by Lucy9 (09/06/16 03:58 PM)

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Invisiblepirate-blues
Female

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,710
Re: Wanna hear a good laugh tonight?? (Tell Your Embarrassing Stories Here!) [Re: Lucy9]
    #23616499 - 09/05/16 10:24 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

This is kind of a complicated tale, so I'll elaborate if the jist of it is too confusing.

One time the broadway cast of Mary Poppins along with 600 other people watched me pass out in a gigantic Charlie Brown Costume and have to get pulled up the stairs stage left by my stage manager.


I was just a tech. It was an ice show. There was a voice over track and we had a ton of costumed characters miming the words, in addition to regular skaters - the thing was that all the skating costumed characters had to have doubles that would walk around in ice cleats - except for Charlie Brown, who was on ice all the time except for one scene that was under 30 seconds where he literally walked out to front of house in a ghost costume(over the giant pod-people suit) and had to reach into a candy bag and go "I got a rock" - or at least mime the movements to the voice over track supplied by the actual voice over artists.


Because this was a 30 second thing they didn't want to hire a pro to do it and just put one of the costume ladies in the suit to do it. Guess who that was? Me.


Well on this particular day, my supervisor had friends who were on the cast and crew of Mary Poppins who came out to see the show. So this was a very dark(lighting wise) scene, the costume was HUGE(like you need two other people to strap you in kinda thing), I had a very very small opening to try and see out of in the dark. I have terrible night blindness and I was taking over another costume tech's track for the show, as she was leaving, so I was new to it and literally could not figure out what was the audience and what was the wall. I had to take off my headset for this, but apparently all the people who were in the catwalks and the lighting booth would just make fun of me constantly because it was a rare day where I could orient myself properly and where I was facing the audience.


Anyway, I was facing backwards(away from the audience) that day doing my 'I gotta rock' bit to the voice over track, then I started to get real dizzy. I walked into the wall, richocheted off the wall and into the stage, fell to my knees, and my stagemanager(who was wearing all black, but happened to be wearing a short black sleeved shirt that day so you could see her arm shoot out a flight of stairs that led off stage) grab me and drag me up the stairs. All I remember is hitting the wall and then I was backstage and a bunch of techs were gathered around me pulling my helmet/suit off and freaking out) It was so bad, you guys.

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InvisiblepachooDiscord
Witchakookoo
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 7,135
Re: Wanna hear a good laugh tonight?? (Tell Your Embarrassing Stories Here!) [Re: pirate-blues]
    #23618478 - 09/06/16 02:31 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Whoa PB! I've been knocked in the head or ran into stuff and hurt myself too but not like that. Well like that but not in front of an audience. I forgot the words to a song while performing in the talent show tho. That was pretty facepalm...

I have a bunch of embarrassing stories that I'm not really embarrassed about. I have embraced my clumsiness to it's full extent. Nothing with poop tho... unless it was when I got to clean other peoples poop.

My favorite is chatting with my friends and sister next to these vending machines. They are by the wall in front of it and I am by the vending machines. I am tired so I decide to put an arm out or lean against the vending machine and not paying attention fall right in between them. And get stuck.... like perfect movie you fall into something so perfectly and disappear... i swear it was like 5 min before we got me out. Took longer bc we were laughing so hard.

Another one is I played high school soccer and we are clustered around my teams goal. Doing this intense back and forth with them trying to get the ball in and defending it. Anywho, girl super kicks the ball and it hits me right in the face hard, but I end up accidently kicking it not away from our goal but into it. Best goal ever!


--------------------


:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:

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