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Invisiblesomething super extreme
NIGGA YOU A FUCK NIGGA!
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Registered: 10/29/12
Posts: 17,397
Loc: TURNT UP!
need some honest relationship advice * 13
    #23606429 - 09/02/16 10:09 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

hey guys hope everything's good wit y'all anyway sorry about some of my last troll posts but i got a serious problem

so im havin sex tomorrow for the first time and i got some question but first let me give yall some background
I got a really tiny penis. One dude rated me and he said im a shitposter cause i got a three inch johnson but honestly he was being generous it's more like 1.5" after a lot of warming up.

ok dont laugh but the girl im gonna hopefully get it in is this fine as black escort i met on christianmingle.com, her name is Mystique and she's an amputee (diabetes) and slightly overweight (prolly like 250 or 275 pounds) but she got a real good figure and said she'll strap on an extra for only twenty more (free extras?? Hell yea dude)

anyway my main fear is how do i get the penis in her butt its really huge the butt and im not sure my penis can find the good part
now i been practicing all night i watched a lot of bbw porn and i been tying heavy stuff to my penis tryin to stretch out another inch or two

does anyone know how to get they're dick like twice as bigger? nothin illegal though i already had to explain my problem with the dick to the police once and when they searched me it was super embarrassing because the thing was so shrunk (I was scared) they thought I had actually been castrated when i was born

so my other question is how do i bring up poop with Mystique i really enjoy the rough and powerful pheromonal aromas of an attractive woman and i think her poop could be used to enhance my essence? should i bring it up during dinner?

guys i thank y'all for bein so cool hella shroomy have a great weekend yall i might post a trip report sunday


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Offlinesanchothestoner
Satan's Grandson
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 12/06/11
Posts: 15,623
Loc: Bucketheadland
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: something super extreme]
    #23606475 - 09/02/16 10:22 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

lol goin for butt sex yer first time.  nice.


--------------------
I fucking hate you... God damn, I love you...
But we both know if we stick together, we'll just tear ourselves apart
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey
You are my heroin, but there's an abscess... God damn, I miss the vein!


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OfflineBANANA.MAN
Turd Ferguson
Male

Registered: 01/11/15
Posts: 7,474
Loc: Ontario Canada
Last seen: 6 months, 3 days
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: sanchothestoner]
    #23606504 - 09/02/16 10:29 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

If your dick cant reach the anus just lube the cheeks up and thrust away

Its not rocket science


Edited by BANANA.MAN (09/02/16 10:30 PM)


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OfflineCanadian Jesus
I'll Be Back. I'm Back.
Male


Registered: 07/10/16
Posts: 4,447
Loc: Canada Flag
Last seen: 7 months, 20 days
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: BANANA.MAN]
    #23606552 - 09/02/16 10:46 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Spread her cheeks as far as you can. Maybe use duct tape so your hands are free to grab her titties or rub her clit.  :lmafo:


--------------------
What's the crime if I snort a line, smoke, toke shoot it up all at the same time?



SunnyD said:
Definitely have more respect for sheekle than I do for unjust laws


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: something super extreme] * 1
    #23606600 - 09/02/16 11:08 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I wish I could read straight. Then maybe I could offer some advice. wanna talk? PM me.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineRedBalloon
Jenny
Female User Gallery

Registered: 08/23/16
Posts: 163
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23606602 - 09/02/16 11:09 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Truvada and Tivicay are stimulant to private areas:awesketch:


--------------------
i like to keep it mello, ya i keep it mello, i like to keep it mellow, ya i keep it mello, i like to keep it mello

-Jenny Camilla Baker


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
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Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 5 hours, 59 minutes
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: something super extreme]
    #23606640 - 09/02/16 11:26 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I can't take anything you say seriously anymore.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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InvisiblehTx
(:
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/27/13
Posts: 5,724
Loc: Space-time
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #23606647 - 09/02/16 11:33 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

:curbyourenthusiasm:


--------------------
zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes
Light up the darkness.


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Invisible1234go
Ban Lotto Champion
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Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 53,898
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: something super extreme]
    #23606651 - 09/02/16 11:36 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Spread the butt.


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InvisibleThe Phleg
Big Dick Chakra
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 14,473
Loc: Uncanny Valley
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: something super extreme] * 3
    #23606662 - 09/02/16 11:45 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

go for the belly button


--------------------
You wanna get high? Drink tap water.
--------------------


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Invisible1234go
Ban Lotto Champion
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Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 53,898
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: The Phleg] * 4
    #23606664 - 09/02/16 11:47 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

The Phleg said:
go for the belly button




Good call, thinking outside the box. :rimshot:


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OfflineKonyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: 1234go]
    #23606668 - 09/02/16 11:50 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

i actually done that at least once im sure every girl I have sex with has gone through the tiny penis in the butt routine i mean detour


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Invisible1234go
Ban Lotto Champion
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Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 53,898
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: Konyap]
    #23606671 - 09/02/16 11:57 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I remember. "You're so cool".


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Offlinekoods
Ribbit
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Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,066
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 4 hours, 18 minutes
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: 1234go]
    #23606726 - 09/03/16 12:39 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Jesus I just realized this is a pub thread :faceplam:

OP, bring a large English cucumber or cactus with you. Don't be selfish.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
β€œif I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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OnlineLogicaL ChaosM
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs
Male User Gallery


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Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,366
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Last seen: 3 seconds
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: something super extreme] * 2
    #23606736 - 09/03/16 12:52 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

never change SSE. Can u do that for me?

Never change.


--------------------
"What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin

PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms:shroomeryhead:| Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm :tombstone: || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth 🌎🌍🌏                                                         
:sunny::bliss::mushroom2: Oregon Eclipse Festival 2017 :: Aug 19th - 21st :: Pure Paradise :mushroom2::bliss::sunny: :rainbowdrink: Very Effective LSA Extraction Tek :rainbowdrink: | πŸ’§ Advanced Cold Water LSA Extraction Method πŸ’§ | :cacti::bongload: Mescajuana - Mescaline with Marijuana | DMT Dab Bongs | UFO Technology! :shpongle:Shpongle:shpongle:   


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OfflineGreat Scott
Trigger Lover
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/05/03
Posts: 19,797
Loc: Control Grid
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: something super extreme] * 1
    #23606748 - 09/03/16 12:59 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Haha nice. Where'd you copy paste this from?


--------------------
:thumbup: :thumbdown:


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OnlineLogicaL ChaosM
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,366
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Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: Great Scott]
    #23606762 - 09/03/16 01:10 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I bet its 100% him/her. Not sure on OPs gender.


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OfflineGreat Scott
Trigger Lover
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Registered: 05/05/03
Posts: 19,797
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Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 3
    #23606766 - 09/03/16 01:12 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Maybe he hasn't picked a gender yet. Don't be insensitive.


--------------------
:thumbup: :thumbdown:


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OfflineBANANA.MAN
Turd Ferguson
Male

Registered: 01/11/15
Posts: 7,474
Loc: Ontario Canada
Last seen: 6 months, 3 days
Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: Great Scott]
    #23606767 - 09/03/16 01:14 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Naw thats pure sVs/SSE right there


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OnlineLogicaL ChaosM
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
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Re: need some honest relationship advice [Re: Great Scott]
    #23606768 - 09/03/16 01:14 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

That was my bad :unwanted:


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