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Anonymous #1

Lost in my own mind
    #23592470 - 08/30/16 05:55 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Empty void, its all I process, the isolation I experience is haunting.

I'll say I left a relationship one week and one day ago, the best relationship I've ever experienced, first person that in my entire life that I could just pour my heart out to, tell her everything, nothing was hidden between us, no shame in whatever we talked about, and the intimacy we shared was awe, every time I was with her the worries of the world just flew away, I felt like I had something for once that would never leave me, we'd assure each other constantly that we would never leave each other, we were in cosmological balance, ying and yang, sun and moon, but it's gone, she left me and blamed it on my depression, my fear for the world and future, the hole she filled in my heart once upon a time exploded, blew my heart like a grenade in a cardboard box.

I haven't attended school since, barely left the house, can't eat, every time I eat it's just instant vertigo, and to make it worse I'm getting hooked on tobacco.

I'm trying to get help from psychological health professionals, but that's all in good time, one half wants her back but the logical side wants to forget her, for she's hurt more then helped, so that's going to be a battle.

My question to the community here, if anyone cares, no offence, should I use this time of solitude to fix myself, I can barely listen to myself at the moment, I just feel like going to sleep and never waking up, but somewhere inside me, there's spirit thats stopping me.

What do people recommend? My ideas are to throw the tobacco away, but every time the nerves kick in my instant reaction is to go hit a bowl up; and meditation, if I can even get myself to do that, any suggestions or words of advice would help, thank you....


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Invisiblepineninja
Dream Weaver
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Registered: 08/17/14
Posts: 12,468
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Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #23592474 - 08/30/16 06:00 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I feel for you and offer the advice that you already know but are struggling to accept, you will be fine in time.


--------------------
Just a fool on the hill.


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OfflineMr. Magic
Male

Registered: 07/13/14
Posts: 1,951
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: pineninja]
    #23592490 - 08/30/16 06:18 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Im sorry man :/ i cant help you because im still going through this same thing myself.

Good luck though, i hope you can figure it out. You already have the idea it seems, its just harder to actually act on it when youre in such a state. I know what i need to do yet i havent done it.

I know exactly how you feel.
:hug:


--------------------


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OfflineTrippedytrip
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Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: pineninja]
    #23592492 - 08/30/16 06:18 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I had a Psychosis -> Enlightment -> Madness .

I am now living in my head with lost sight but ganja helps :smile:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23592549 - 08/30/16 07:02 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I'll get there, all I feel like I want to do is dissociate myself from everything, watch time fly by, it'll be hard but I'll get there...


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male

Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 16 hours, 34 minutes
Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23596037 - 08/31/16 12:09 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:

. . . every time the nerves kick in my instant reaction is to go hit a bowl up




Notice the urge to move away from your experience.

Notice the thoughts that create the urge to move away from your experience.


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23597496 - 08/31/16 01:25 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

:hug: I love you brother ! You will be fine :heart:

My advice - join a martial arts and/or yoga class.

Either will help your mood and mental health enormously.

Likewise , try getting into meditation, and see a therapist or counsellor .

Call and chat with friends and family, and Get out for a walk.

I know you might feel like you can't do any of these things , you absolutely can.


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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Offlinebeforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Moonshoe]
    #23598504 - 08/31/16 06:33 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Brain disorder.

Life is not meant to be difficult, it's meant to be fun, challenging, full of glory. Problem? It's the brain.


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?


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OfflineMurzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: beforethedawn]
    #23598744 - 08/31/16 07:39 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

beforethedawn said:
Brain disorder.

Life is not meant to be difficult, it's meant to be fun, challenging, full of glory. Problem? It's the brain.




Yeah, no shit Sherlock.
The brain is the problem in every intersocial human drama.

But life isn't meant to be anything. It just is.


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OfflineBuster_Brown
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Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
    #23598770 - 08/31/16 07:44 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Life is better than 2d


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Offlinebeforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
    #23599446 - 08/31/16 10:45 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Murzelpfrumpft said:
Quote:

beforethedawn said:
Brain disorder.

Life is not meant to be difficult, it's meant to be fun, challenging, full of glory. Problem? It's the brain.




Yeah, no shit Sherlock.
The brain is the problem in every intersocial human drama.

But life isn't meant to be anything. It just is.



I mean brain health, neurological health.


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?


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OfflineMurzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: beforethedawn]
    #23599962 - 09/01/16 04:30 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Me too. Your neurological/neurochemical status is just a reflection of your experiences.

What to do with that info?


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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
    #23600354 - 09/01/16 08:57 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Nootropics are something to consider if worried about brain health .


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male

Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA Flag
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Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
    #23606597 - 09/02/16 11:07 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Murzelpfrumpft said:

Your neurological/neurochemical status is, in par, a reflection of our experiences.





I believe our emotional state is related to our emotional intelligence.

Our ability and skill in being able to understand how we create our emotional environment.

Our skill to be able to understand how our thoughts create our emotions, and how not to let our feelings rule us.


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Offlinebeforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #23608612 - 09/03/16 04:31 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah nootropics might be a good move, if you've got nothing else.

Mushrooms too.


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: beforethedawn]
    #23608692 - 09/03/16 05:02 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Nootropics you mean the non-psychoactive type like racetams?


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Offlinebeforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23609084 - 09/03/16 07:33 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah and I guess I'd start at the bottom.

Don't want to supercharge the brain, I doubt they're fully understood.


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: beforethedawn]
    #23609201 - 09/03/16 08:00 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Not really interested in strong stimulants like amphetamines and all, but I'm looking at using supplements (The proper kind not shit like sheep's placenta extract, yes that's a supplement)...


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Anonymous #2

Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23609236 - 09/03/16 08:10 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Did you read the 'SARCOSINE is an amino acid derivative' thread? It's available without a prescription and has a great review on Wiki
" It is also under investigation for the possible prevention of schizophrenic illness during the prodromal stage of the disease"


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Anonymous #3

Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23610545 - 09/04/16 08:19 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Empty void, its all I process, the isolation I experience is haunting.

I'll say I left a relationship one week and one day ago, the best relationship I've ever experienced, first person that in my entire life that I could just pour my heart out to, tell her everything, nothing was hidden between us, no shame in whatever we talked about, and the intimacy we shared was awe, every time I was with her the worries of the world just flew away, I felt like I had something for once that would never leave me, we'd assure each other constantly that we would never leave each other, we were in cosmological balance, ying and yang, sun and moon, but it's gone, she left me and blamed it on my depression, my fear for the world and future, the hole she filled in my heart once upon a time exploded, blew my heart like a grenade in a cardboard box.

I haven't attended school since, barely left the house, can't eat, every time I eat it's just instant vertigo, and to make it worse I'm getting hooked on tobacco.

I'm trying to get help from psychological health professionals, but that's all in good time, one half wants her back but the logical side wants to forget her, for she's hurt more then helped, so that's going to be a battle.

My question to the community here, if anyone cares, no offence, should I use this time of solitude to fix myself, I can barely listen to myself at the moment, I just feel like going to sleep and never waking up, but somewhere inside me, there's spirit thats stopping me.

What do people recommend? My ideas are to throw the tobacco away, but every time the nerves kick in my instant reaction is to go hit a bowl up; and meditation, if I can even get myself to do that, any suggestions or words of advice would help, thank you....






This literally describes about 90% of something I just went through, strange. I stopped talking to her on August 20th, 2016.


Edited by Anonymous (09/04/16 08:27 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #23612799 - 09/04/16 09:19 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Getting a lot better though, and really? Fuck it can hurt, especially when it's not expected; in fact the last thing I suspected was that, but it is the way it is, can't do much about it really.


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OfflineMental Taco
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Registered: 07/02/14
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Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23612810 - 09/04/16 09:22 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Cant do much about it?
uh use it to propel your life to another level. without having to worry about a female you can focus on bettering your self instead of playing games.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Mental Taco]
    #23612819 - 09/04/16 09:24 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Mental Taco said:
Cant do much about it?
uh use it to propel your life to another level. without having to worry about a female you can focus on bettering your self instead of playing games.



Can't do much about a broken relationship I meant, not myself.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male

Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 16 hours, 34 minutes
Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23612981 - 09/04/16 10:17 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:

I felt like I had something for once that would never leave me . . .





The only thing we have in this life that we can be 100% sure won't leave us, is our self.

To have an intimate relationship and maintain one's sense of self and maintain an independent
peace of mind, not dependent on our partner is challenging for many of us, including myself.

If anything needs "fixing", it is our perspective.


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OfflineMeownap
Mean and ugly
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Registered: 08/24/16
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Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #23623173 - 09/07/16 06:39 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Hey OP, my girlfriend and I just broke up as well, after trying to work things out. She was beautiful and smart, and we could be idiots around eachother, but she had huge problems that I thought I could fix, such as anxiety holdings a job, driving, daddy issues, existential depression, etc.
I gave her mushrooms and she was able to detox some repressed memories, but she had done some pretty bad things in her past.
In the end, splitting up was the best option. I wanted a monogamous relationship, she said she did too, but she only had guy friends and most of them were ex's. I could tell she was addicted to attention, and she liked being taken care of, but I guess I wasn't enough. I couldn't handle her going and spending a week at her ex's house in another state, or getting a tongue ring from some other guy. She liked being bought things and I wasn't going to be her sugar daddy, as I'm saving money to start a business.
We didn't see eye to eye on these things, and so we don't talk anymore. This all happened over the summer and our final meeting was just 3 days ago.
It would hurt more if timing hadn't been so impeccable...
The girl who I've loved more than anything, Chloe, is also in love with me, and we're talking again <3 this is a different girl than in my story, the girl from my story was a bit of a rebound to help me fill the void in my heart from my "breakup" with Chloe, but that's a whole different story.
Now I'll be able to be with Chloe once she is out from under the thumb of her religious freak parents who caught her smoking weed.
I'm 23, the girl from my story was 22, and Chloe is 18, just turned 3 months ago. I'm a fucking hopeless romantic, but it works for me sometimes.
My advice, build your strength up little by little until you're confident again, then find someone new. Look for someone 18-19 who wasn't a scene girl or emo girl, as they're so much more likely to just play games...


--------------------
The more you think, the less you know.


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Offlinebigdoodie
it does not matter
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Registered: 06/24/16
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Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Meownap]
    #23630245 - 09/09/16 06:58 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

We are creatures, the personality is an illusion. The egos are the voices in our head, that are brain frequencies and they represent different points of view we have acquired so when we have to make a decision the egos fight for control over how something is viewed, our true self does not have an opinion


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Anonymous #1

Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: bigdoodie]
    #23637200 - 09/11/16 09:14 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

A lot of good points on everything here, helps a fair bit.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #23643012 - 09/13/16 09:01 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:

The only thing we have in this life that we can be 100% sure won't leave us, is our self.

To have an intimate relationship and maintain one's sense of self and maintain an independent
peace of mind, not dependent on our partner is challenging for many of us, including myself.

If anything needs "fixing", it is our perspective.




That's an enlightening point I guess, I've always been one who is deeply fascinated by introspective emotions, but I'm just sick of walking into invisible walls that crush my soul, it's probably time I took hold of myself.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23643448 - 09/13/16 11:42 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

The "invisible walls" you describe are of our own making.

There's so much going on, deep in our psyche.

Our inner conflicts. Our self-deceptions. Our resistance.

It can be overwhelming - the belly of the beast.


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