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Anonymous #1
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Lost in my own mind
#23592470 - 08/30/16 05:55 AM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Empty void, its all I process, the isolation I experience is haunting.
I'll say I left a relationship one week and one day ago, the best relationship I've ever experienced, first person that in my entire life that I could just pour my heart out to, tell her everything, nothing was hidden between us, no shame in whatever we talked about, and the intimacy we shared was awe, every time I was with her the worries of the world just flew away, I felt like I had something for once that would never leave me, we'd assure each other constantly that we would never leave each other, we were in cosmological balance, ying and yang, sun and moon, but it's gone, she left me and blamed it on my depression, my fear for the world and future, the hole she filled in my heart once upon a time exploded, blew my heart like a grenade in a cardboard box.
I haven't attended school since, barely left the house, can't eat, every time I eat it's just instant vertigo, and to make it worse I'm getting hooked on tobacco.
I'm trying to get help from psychological health professionals, but that's all in good time, one half wants her back but the logical side wants to forget her, for she's hurt more then helped, so that's going to be a battle.
My question to the community here, if anyone cares, no offence, should I use this time of solitude to fix myself, I can barely listen to myself at the moment, I just feel like going to sleep and never waking up, but somewhere inside me, there's spirit thats stopping me.
What do people recommend? My ideas are to throw the tobacco away, but every time the nerves kick in my instant reaction is to go hit a bowl up; and meditation, if I can even get myself to do that, any suggestions or words of advice would help, thank you....
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pineninja
Dream Weaver



Registered: 08/17/14
Posts: 12,468
Loc: South
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I feel for you and offer the advice that you already know but are struggling to accept, you will be fine in time.
-------------------- Just a fool on the hill.
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Mr. Magic


Registered: 07/13/14
Posts: 1,951
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: pineninja]
#23592490 - 08/30/16 06:18 AM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Im sorry man :/ i cant help you because im still going through this same thing myself.
Good luck though, i hope you can figure it out. You already have the idea it seems, its just harder to actually act on it when youre in such a state. I know what i need to do yet i havent done it.
I know exactly how you feel.
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: pineninja]
#23592492 - 08/30/16 06:18 AM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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I had a Psychosis -> Enlightment -> Madness .
I am now living in my head with lost sight but ganja helps
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Anonymous #1
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I'll get there, all I feel like I want to do is dissociate myself from everything, watch time fly by, it'll be hard but I'll get there...
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 17 hours, 55 minutes
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
. . . every time the nerves kick in my instant reaction is to go hit a bowl up
Notice the urge to move away from your experience.
Notice the thoughts that create the urge to move away from your experience.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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I love you brother ! You will be fine 
My advice - join a martial arts and/or yoga class.
Either will help your mood and mental health enormously.
Likewise , try getting into meditation, and see a therapist or counsellor .
Call and chat with friends and family, and Get out for a walk.
I know you might feel like you can't do any of these things , you absolutely can.
--------------------
Everything I post is fiction.
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beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
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Re: Lost in my own mind [Re: Moonshoe]
#23598504 - 08/31/16 06:33 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Brain disorder.
Life is not meant to be difficult, it's meant to be fun, challenging, full of glory. Problem? It's the brain.
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
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Murzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Quote:
beforethedawn said: Brain disorder.
Life is not meant to be difficult, it's meant to be fun, challenging, full of glory. Problem? It's the brain.
Yeah, no shit Sherlock. The brain is the problem in every intersocial human drama.
But life isn't meant to be anything. It just is.
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Buster_Brown
L'une


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 3 days, 16 hours
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Life is better than 2d
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beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
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Quote:
Murzelpfrumpft said:
Quote:
beforethedawn said: Brain disorder.
Life is not meant to be difficult, it's meant to be fun, challenging, full of glory. Problem? It's the brain.
Yeah, no shit Sherlock. The brain is the problem in every intersocial human drama.
But life isn't meant to be anything. It just is.
I mean brain health, neurological health.
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
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Murzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Me too. Your neurological/neurochemical status is just a reflection of your experiences.
What to do with that info?
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Nootropics are something to consider if worried about brain health .
--------------------
Everything I post is fiction.
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 17 hours, 55 minutes
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Quote:
Murzelpfrumpft said:
Your neurological/neurochemical status is, in par, a reflection of our experiences.
I believe our emotional state is related to our emotional intelligence.
Our ability and skill in being able to understand how we create our emotional environment.
Our skill to be able to understand how our thoughts create our emotions, and how not to let our feelings rule us.
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beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
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Yeah nootropics might be a good move, if you've got nothing else.
Mushrooms too.
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
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Anonymous #1
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Nootropics you mean the non-psychoactive type like racetams?
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beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
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Yeah and I guess I'd start at the bottom.
Don't want to supercharge the brain, I doubt they're fully understood.
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
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Anonymous #1
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Not really interested in strong stimulants like amphetamines and all, but I'm looking at using supplements (The proper kind not shit like sheep's placenta extract, yes that's a supplement)...
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Anonymous #2
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Did you read the 'SARCOSINE is an amino acid derivative' thread? It's available without a prescription and has a great review on Wiki " It is also under investigation for the possible prevention of schizophrenic illness during the prodromal stage of the disease"
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Anonymous #3
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Empty void, its all I process, the isolation I experience is haunting.
I'll say I left a relationship one week and one day ago, the best relationship I've ever experienced, first person that in my entire life that I could just pour my heart out to, tell her everything, nothing was hidden between us, no shame in whatever we talked about, and the intimacy we shared was awe, every time I was with her the worries of the world just flew away, I felt like I had something for once that would never leave me, we'd assure each other constantly that we would never leave each other, we were in cosmological balance, ying and yang, sun and moon, but it's gone, she left me and blamed it on my depression, my fear for the world and future, the hole she filled in my heart once upon a time exploded, blew my heart like a grenade in a cardboard box.
I haven't attended school since, barely left the house, can't eat, every time I eat it's just instant vertigo, and to make it worse I'm getting hooked on tobacco.
I'm trying to get help from psychological health professionals, but that's all in good time, one half wants her back but the logical side wants to forget her, for she's hurt more then helped, so that's going to be a battle.
My question to the community here, if anyone cares, no offence, should I use this time of solitude to fix myself, I can barely listen to myself at the moment, I just feel like going to sleep and never waking up, but somewhere inside me, there's spirit thats stopping me.
What do people recommend? My ideas are to throw the tobacco away, but every time the nerves kick in my instant reaction is to go hit a bowl up; and meditation, if I can even get myself to do that, any suggestions or words of advice would help, thank you....
This literally describes about 90% of something I just went through, strange. I stopped talking to her on August 20th, 2016.
Edited by Anonymous (09/04/16 08:27 AM)
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