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InvisibleAsante
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,958
Re: How has shrooming affected your life [Re: HoneySunKisses]
    #2354028 - 02/19/04 08:37 AM (20 years, 2 days ago)

*hugs* hey good you're still with us!

You got it the hard way.. Lots of people are as ecstatic *about* mushrooms as they are *on* them but you clearly got the shit end of the stick. However it went: you encountered some very major issues inside your self and even now the trip's been off for a year the issue still is quite on.

This is not an effect of the mushrooms, but the mushrooms *did* make it rise like it did. You are now one of those "acid casualties" they talked of in the 60s. So now its your job to work with what you've got. People recover from all sorts of misfortunes so if you'd like to move towards the good feeling again then work towards it.

First of all: no more psychedelics for you. If you even now kind-of think about taking them you need to think again. Currently you have not got what it takes to do so safely and perhaps mushrooms are just not for you.

If you get stung by a bee and get allergic to the point where your friends have to shove a length of garden hose up your throat to keep it from swelling shut while waiting for the ambulance i'd say you majorly lack self-respect if you still want to become a beekeeper when back from the hospital.

Some people have "bad trips" which upon further questioning are mere discomforts. You did not. You had a major accident proven by the severety of your distress. Do not trip again.

You pinpoint it on being all about the fear of death. That may well be correct as that is one of the major roots of human fear. It is a guise of "anticipatory fear" and "fear of the unknown".
Everybody has major, major fears on the inside of the same severety, but yours just popped out and now you have to deal with it.

Pharmaceuticals are no good here, not until you and a doc agree that nothing can be done about it. Some pharms can decrease the intensity of the inner pain but will also make sure the suffering gets prolonged. Pharms in your case are a last resort.

You are in turmoil. This in fact is helpful: the same psychologic instability you've got can help you solve the underlying problem.

If you have got somebody you trust and who doesnt freak I suggest you might as well give up & DIE :eek:

Now I don't mean physical death at all! I have been on my deathbed in the intensive care unit after my Dec 27 2002 heart attack (posted that somewhere) and only afterwards it became clear I was not to physically die that night of 28-29dec. (duh)

Mentally I went all the way. The mental process of dying could not go further than it did in consciousness. And yet it was a little easier to handle then *some bad trips I had on 3 grams of strong mushrooms* because i didn't have a trip to cope with too. I was forced to make the balance of my life, put it all in perspective, and then say my final prayer. Around 04:00h a peace came over me. I would not fight it no longer. You are *never* ready to die but at that moment I could accept it should it come.

I emerged from that ordeal with most characteristics of a Near-Death Experience. It is documented this can happen without having been "dead" or even unconscious and it in retrospect has happened to me. At first I had panic attacks that gradually faded and i came in a state of mind where my trust in the Universe and spirits have never been higher. A part of me did die that night, but it was the main part of my biggest fears. Even in the hospital I repeatedly stated: "If a heart attack wasn't so damn dangerous I'd recommend it to anyone :wink:" A Dying Experience really can put everything in perspective.. if you surrender to it and, well, dont physically die.

What I recommend is put a friend on a chair in your darkened bedroom, lay down and die. Now you must know you will not die physically. You are in a state that your subconscious mind keeps pushing *symbolic dying* down your throat until you stop sucking and take it like a man. (thats what my bad trips in retrospect often did)
See it like an exam: you're supposed to surrender to the experience, if you fail you'll stay in horrors until you finally will surrender.

Consider this: you're holding your cat and stroke and pet it. The beastie purrs and likes it. But then it wants to drink or whatever. But you hold it. You keep petting and stroking in the same manner. Now your poor cat will freak and get real wild real fast. It's own struggling makes the difference between enjoying or freaking over the same "neutral" thing of being held and petted.
Now it is cruel and mean but life will hold you and *not let go* until you are calm again. If you do this to my cat I'll get very angry with you but life does it like that.

So in my view it would be best to take your time and provoke a full attack of this fear and try your best to surrender to it as if it were the real thing. "not being able to breathe" or stopping voluntary breathing altogether is caused by hyperventilation. That itself is tremendously frightening but should you pass out your breathing will become normal so the suffocating feeling is horrifying but not really dangerous.

It will get very, very intense but likely fall short of the intensity you fear. And I am convinced that you are fighting off symbolic death and not actual death, even though you can expect very alarming body symptoms while in the process. Please read books by Stanislav Grof on the theories behind it all, especially his masterpiece LSD PSYCHOTHERAPY. In his words it is often the most extreme discomfort that is closest to being resolved, once you set out on experiencing it to its fullest. If you can find peace amidst the tornado you'll be surprised to find tranquility and insight in the eye of the storm.

If you seek out this demon until a deep peace is reached, you may well feel much better thereafter then ever in your life. Much is lost, but there is much to be gained too. You are not being tormented by N,N-dimethyldemon-flashbackhelltryptanightmare or some other War On Drugs talk, but you are facing the -real- fears of your life and if you do so correctly they will recede further then they ever did. If you just hang in there it will gradually diminish but i really want to advise you to grow some balls and face your fears head-on responsibly. And, er.. no shrooms, ok?


After my Dying Experience I became very interested in trying to comprehend the nature of human suffering. I want to gain insight into the link between physical and psychological pain and the role that emotions and apprehension play in the process of it.

Currently I am taking on the Demon of Pain voluntarily. I do this in a totally responsible way that is *not injurous to the body or mind* and I do this in a non-destructive, respectful mind-set. You can call it a voluntary bad trip or a pain meditation.. or lunacy perhaps :crazy2: as it is quite an upsetting thought to most.

About once every month I self-administer a *perfectly harmless* dose of pain receptor ligands in an intensity of 200.000x the sensory treshold. The pain is uniquely undesirable, literally of Amnesty International intensity, and while suffering it just about all bad stuff that ever happened to you flashes before your eyes in a *very bad trip*. It is followed by a substantial endorphins release, which is to be expected. Afterwards and in the long run it affects me positively: anxieties on all levels lessen further still as my acceptance of life and insights grow. I am very opposed to injury of any sort. This *non-injurous* pain itself is very, very repellent but I feel less troubled by the prospect of facing it then 9/10 out of you feel right now thinking about it.


Still I must say that if somebody feels reluctant to voluntarily  experience a non-injurous pain of groinkick intensity that person is nowhere near ready to face a generic severe bad trip. Because I myself have seen far worse bad trips on a mere 3 grams of cubies.


As for how mushrooms have affected me..
I gained a lot of insight, i lost some garbage but gained some oddness even noticed among the LSD crowd :grin:
I have evolved from high doses to low doses and have always been aware of risks, going for personal/spiritual growth & insight instead of "a high".

It was a psychedelic meditation that made me quit smoking two weeks before the heart attack hit, warning me through an entity/subconscious message that likely saved my life.
The Heavens and Hells have prepared me and helped me mentally to deal with the turmoil of said heart attack as well as other crises that were to follow.

At times I experience visual patterning in suitable surfaces with enhanced emotionality but that was a calculated risk as i had realy *studied* psychedelics for years before using them, and said patterns and effects are either positive or a nuisance at most.
I have gotten a little allergic to the "psychedelics are harmless" mentality that gets teenage kids fucked up on 1/4th in the mall their first time out.

For me Psychedelics are valuable tools for self-discovery but I recognise that in essence they are neutral, good nor evil by themselves. For me personally they have enriched my life and I'm grateful for the Heavens (and Hells) I have been shown and led through. But I will --never-- recommend them to anyone, not even the 0.5-1.5 grams of dried cubies i now tend to use.



.


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Omnicyclion.org
higher knowledge starts here


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OfflineRespectTheFungus
Fungus Fan

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 720
Loc: In a spore
Last seen: 18 years, 3 months
Re: How has shrooming affected your life [Re: Asante]
    #2354135 - 02/19/04 09:21 AM (20 years, 2 days ago)

Mushrooms have definitely had an impact on my life. As for my perspective of life and everything around us, after tripping shrooms many times, this aspect of my mind has been opened up all the way. Mushrooms have alowed me to not only see whats in front of me, but what is all around me, and how very beautiful it is.

Honeysunkisses, all I can say is maybe mushrooms just aren't for you. I wouldn't justify bashing the whole community and the substance just because of your experiences though. Your friend that fucked with you while you were tripping is an asshole. I think under better conditions, maybe a low dose. You could probably have great mind opening trips in the future. Good luck. Peace all.


--------------------
"With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know."



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Invisibleblink
eye of horus
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/31/02
Posts: 11,349
Loc: Geographic Location (Stat...
Re: How has shrooming affected your life *DELETED* [Re: Evangeliontx]
    #2357444 - 02/20/04 12:32 AM (20 years, 1 day ago)

Post deleted by blinkidiot

Reason for deletion: Im sorry



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InvisibleZen Peddler
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Registered: 06/18/01
Posts: 6,379
Loc: orbit
Re: How has shrooming affected your life [Re: blink]
    #2358269 - 02/20/04 06:46 AM (20 years, 1 day ago)

I highly doubt i would have been so eager to lick my girlfriend's bum hole had the orgiastic magesty of mushrooms not seized my loans...


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