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Offlinemorrowasted
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Share your dating profiles with us
    #23570665 - 08/23/16 09:10 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I stole this cuz it was just too rich to pass up. Will it work? Doubt it.

Through my dealings with the fairer sex over the previous 25 years I have become completely disillusioned with females (all people really, but I’m not trying to date guys) and have now resorted to the internet in an effort to find one that I can at least tolerate for extended periods of time.You want to know about me? I’ll tell you what I’m not.

1) I am not your father. I will not tolerate childish bullsh*twhen you don’t get your way and I will not throw money at you to shut you up.

2) I am not your hobby. That’s why you have friends. This road goes both ways though, and you’re not expected to join me on any trips you don’t want to. I’ve got friends for that too.

Here’s where we get to you. As a staunch rationalist, I realize you’re probably every bit as bitter with men as I am with you r**** compatriots, possibly having almost given up on us. My (admittedly weak) theory is you have not yet lost all hope but have simply turned to a less social lifestyle and are casually perusing the PoF personals just waiting for my ad to pop up so we can end our days in perpetual bliss or whatever storybook fantasy those cookie cutter girls get off on.

I am not an extremely picky guy. Being my dream girl is more a matter of the things you aren’t than the things you are.

My ideal woman:
-when asked about her hobbies, has more to say than, “Like, you know, stuff,” or the always popular “shopping, hanging out, music, friends.”
-can think outside her own head and understand that while her wants and needs are her priority (and there’s nothing wrong with that), those around her have their own desires.
-takes care of herself to some degree. We can’t help certain aspects of our appearance, but if you don’t bathe regularly and have eaten yourself fat it demonstrates a fatal lack of respect for yourself that one would expect to bleed into other aspects of your behavior.

If you’ve read this much crap and are actually interested, we might just stand a chance. Send me a message that makes me think, laugh, or hope.


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Invisibleplasma
ɹoʇɐɹǝpoɯ

Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 10,001
Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: morrowasted]
    #23570677 - 08/23/16 09:13 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

No tldr? Summarize this shit in 1 word


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InvisibleFrozenHappiness
Professional Cereal Box

Registered: 03/01/01
Posts: 5,330
Loc: Nagoon Lagoon
Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: morrowasted] * 6
    #23570684 - 08/23/16 09:15 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

If you're fishing for that saltiest, bitterest fish in seas you may get a couple of nibbles on that particular bait.


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InvisibleCelestial Traveler
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Registered: 03/03/11
Posts: 7,639
Loc: Idaho
Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: morrowasted] * 3
    #23570701 - 08/23/16 09:18 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Some negative vibes brah..  :sad:


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Funny Video              Pokemon But With Animals Instead              B


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InvisibleCelestial Traveler
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Registered: 03/03/11
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Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: plasma]
    #23570705 - 08/23/16 09:18 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

plasma said:
No tldr? Summarize this shit in 1 word




Anus.


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Offlinemorrowasted
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Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: Celestial Traveler]
    #23570714 - 08/23/16 09:22 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Celestial Traveler said:
Some negative vibes brah..  :sad:



Sure, whatever. It's honest and intended to be funny and straightforward. I want a low-maintenance girl and won't tolerate bullshitting. I'd rather wait for the right woman than waste time, effort, and resources pretending to be something I'm not.


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Invisibleplasma
ɹoʇɐɹǝpoɯ

Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 10,001
Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: morrowasted]
    #23570719 - 08/23/16 09:23 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

What ever happened to that tinder whoor you corralled


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InvisibleAhab McBathsalts
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Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: morrowasted]
    #23570723 - 08/23/16 09:24 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I once made a profile that made reference to having an explicit fetish for balloons. It was strangely successful.

I haven't done online dating in some time and have reverted to picking up waitresses and bartenders.


--------------------
"Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's going to die."


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InvisibleCelestial Traveler
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Registered: 03/03/11
Posts: 7,639
Loc: Idaho
Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: morrowasted]
    #23570732 - 08/23/16 09:28 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

morrowasted said:
Quote:

Celestial Traveler said:
Some negative vibes brah..  :sad:



Sure, whatever. It's honest and intended to be funny and straightforward. I want a low-maintenance girl and won't tolerate bullshitting. I'd rather wait for the right woman than waste time, effort, and resources pretending to be something I'm not.




It didn't come off as "funny and straightforward."  You have to think about how they see it, which you obviously know but still.

Most guys I know claim to want a low-maintenance girl.  I don't think I've ever heard a guy claim to want a high-maintenance one, but yet they have them.  So that's a pretty common request and doesn't really differentiate you.

Also there's not really any info about you in that post, just about what kind of girl you want.

You should be sure to inform them that your favorite pastime is rescuing cute and furry animals from imminent death.


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Funny Video              Pokemon But With Animals Instead              B


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InvisibleSheekle
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Posts: 53,153
Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: Celestial Traveler] * 5
    #23570750 - 08/23/16 09:32 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

my first date section on pof:
"I pack myself into a suitcase, and you pack yourself a suitcase full of a million dollars. My butler and you both appear to be talking on the phone while walking down the street towards each other. Seemingly by accident, my butler and you knock into each other and the suitcases fall out of your hands. You grab each other's suitcases, and continue walking.

My butler gets the Mil, and you get me, firmly packed inside a suitcase."


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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OfflineLove_spirit
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Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: morrowasted] * 1
    #23570753 - 08/23/16 09:32 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Even if you are/looking for a loser you'll have better luck with a profile that isn't so depressing.


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InvisibleOgla
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Registered: 02/16/04
Posts: 11,314
Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: Celestial Traveler]
    #23570758 - 08/23/16 09:33 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

you must be reading my mind cause i just set up a POF account and a badoo account. Hoping to find some cool peeps


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Offlinemorrowasted
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Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: plasma]
    #23570764 - 08/23/16 09:33 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

plasma said:
What ever happened to that tinder whoor you corralled



I dunno what you're referring to but I've never had a tinder profile


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InvisiblePatrickKn
I'm a teapot


Registered: 07/10/11
Posts: 20,564
Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: Love_spirit] * 3
    #23570765 - 08/23/16 09:33 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

It doesn't really come off as funny at all. Almost mean, but not really. It's weird.

I think Sheekle's is a far better pick-up paragraph.


Edited by PatrickKn (08/23/16 09:33 PM)


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Offlinemorrowasted
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Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: Sheekle]
    #23570771 - 08/23/16 09:34 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
my first date section on pof:
"I pack myself into a suitcase, and you pack yourself a suitcase full of a million dollars. My butler and you both appear to be talking on the phone while walking down the street towards each other. Seemingly by accident, my butler and you knock into each other and the suitcases fall out of your hands. You grab each other's suitcases, and continue walking.

My butler gets the Mil, and you get me, firmly packed inside a suitcase."



idgi. how much acid were you on when you came up with this?


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: morrowasted] * 11
    #23570779 - 08/23/16 09:36 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

none

how much broken dreams were you on when you decided yours was a good idea?


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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Offlinemorrowasted
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Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 31,377
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Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: PatrickKn] * 1
    #23570782 - 08/23/16 09:37 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

PatrickKn said:
It doesn't really come off as funny at all. Almost mean, but not really. It's weird.

I think Sheekle's is a far better pick-up paragraph.



You've gotta have a dark, cynical sense of humor to appreciate it. That's rare in humans, especially in females. Most people prefer lighthearted, "haha" sense of humor that doesn't force them them to confront the darker side of the human condition. But when a female does have one, wow- what a turnon. I met a girl with a very cynical sense of humor recently and I'm so insanely attracted to her even though she dresses and does her hair like a boy and is extremely gay :sad: Also I just don't understand Sheekle's. It's like it starts off as a joke but has no real punchline


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Offlinemorrowasted
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Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: Sheekle]
    #23570785 - 08/23/16 09:37 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
none

how much broken dreams were you on when you decided yours was a good idea?



all of them


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: morrowasted] * 3
    #23570792 - 08/23/16 09:38 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

a bunch of girls have profiles like yours, and none if them seem like a joke. theyre actually that sad and bitchy. you're probably not gonna pull any chicks with your depressingass profile just change it to something cool instead


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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InvisibleModestMouse
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Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
Re: Share your dating profiles with us [Re: morrowasted]
    #23570793 - 08/23/16 09:39 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Online dating is kind of sad
It appears to be effective but it's still sad

Using tinder to bang easy peasy hoes though ain't no thang. That's fun when you're horny and single/barred out

:barbershreds:


--------------------
Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?


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