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Anonymous #1

Reigniting an old flame
    #23553194 - 08/18/16 12:18 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

So I have an ex who I still have strong feelings for.
She's the only girl I've been with long term (over a year) so far, and we both were madly in love while we were together.
Recently she became single and we started talking again (as friends).

I always fool myself into thinking that I can just see her as a friend, but every time we hang out my head starts spinning. I feel confused and intoxicated with lust. My mind starts playing out fantasies of a happy life together, and brings up flashbacks of the crazy awesome sex we used to have.

I'm conflicted though.

I know this isn't the girl for me for a variety of reasons.
While I trust her, she's not emotionally loyal in the way that I desire.
She's so concerned with being independent that she'll neglect her partner's emotional needs for the emotional needs of friends and acquaintances.
She also doesn't have the mental fortitude that I feel like I need in a partner. She's quick to assume the role of the victim, and has a reluctance to heal traumas.
I consider myself a hopeless romantic who sees sex with someone you deeply love as being something sacred and spiritual, and she is on the complete opposite end of the spectrum.
Lastly, she's not spiritual. This probably sounds shallow to some of y'all, but as someone who sits in medicine ceremonies regularly, I need someone who can stand beside me in this way of life.

This yearning in my heart is so strong though, I don't know how to address it.
Part of me feels like I should try to make it work with her one more time. It's been almost 5 years since we broke up and we've both done a lot of growing. And while I really can't say whether or not it will work out, I feel like I need to do this to give some closure to my heart so that I can move on.

But then the other part of me tells me that it would be a Sisyphean effort, and that I should save myself the time and heart ache to seek out a better fitting partner.

Do you think giving it a second shot would provide any real closure, or would it only deepen this yearning that won't seem to fade with time?

I hate the term "getting over", but how would you get over something like this?
I've fucked plenty of beautiful girls, been in plenty of relationships (though short lived).
I even have a beautiful women that I'm seeing right now, and it still seems to have done nothing to quell my heart ache...


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InvisibleThayendanegea
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Registered: 02/20/12
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Re: Reigniting an old flame [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23554523 - 08/18/16 07:14 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

You think too much. Love is a whole lot of things but it ain't logical. IMHO you need to revisit this love.


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
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Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Reigniting an old flame [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #23555771 - 08/19/16 02:17 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Well.............................

you're always going to wonder ''What if'' :rolleyes:


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:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
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B+ BONANZA

   


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Anonymous #1

Re: Reigniting an old flame [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #23567441 - 08/22/16 09:24 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Thayendanegea said:
You think too much. Love is a whole lot of things but it ain't logical. IMHO you need to revisit this love.




Very true, thanks for the reminder.

I've decided to not actively seek her out but rather focus on myself.

I think my craving for her affection is a symptom of my depression, but falling in love again isn't going to alleviate the root cause, only cover it up.

I need to be in a better place in life if I'm going to make it happen.


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InvisibleThayendanegea
quiet walker
Male User Gallery


Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation Flag
Re: Reigniting an old flame [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23568525 - 08/23/16 09:13 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

That's a very healthy way to deal with this. Now put the decision into action. Good luck.


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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