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micro
bunbun has a gungun



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Why do people try to have monogamous relationships
#23552114 - 08/18/16 02:32 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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It's not human nature and it's a lot more fun to have a lot of sexual partners. Why can't people get over their possessiveness? Oh well I'm also gay so it's easier. I feel bad for you straight people :V
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Jokeshopbeard
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro]
#23552229 - 08/18/16 04:10 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I've done both monogamous and non-monogamous. Truth is, for me in hindsight, neither are satisfying once you've experienced sex that brings you to a point of connection that rivals that of two souls united with the whole universe. That's been excruciatingly rare for me, but I know it. Hedonism is great, which having multiple partners really is IMO. I can look way past possessiveness for the base behaviour it is for the wild abundance of poly.
I could be having as much sex as I want right now, if I went looking for it. But I know the only stuff that counts for shit will find me once I find me. I had a taste of it and anything else since has just been a hollow, rubbing of bodies. I can say that with some certainty cause many occassions we're, in a physical sense ONLY, better than when I'd had the connection I mention above. And it's a fuck to resist, cause I'm a highly sexual being, surrounded by attractive females, but resist right now I must. I wanna grow.
TL;DR - it's easy and fun to have lots of sexual partners (especially these days), but I don't believe it's a path to our highest selves.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Rosen_Rot
Learning



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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro] 3
#23552234 - 08/18/16 04:15 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I find it really stupid that you just assume that someone who wants a mono-relationship is automatically possessive. Ever considered that maybe people find it hard to focus on one person let alone multiple ? A lot of things come into play such as sexual history, upbringing, character and personality...etc
No, having multiple partners is not always fun or more fun, it can be confusing, intimidating, shameful and individuals can get hurt
Coming on here feeling bad for people for simply choosing to be in a mono relation is like me feeling bad for you for being a raging homo.
You are free to choose your sexuality and preferences why should others feel ''inferior'' for simply choosing theirs?
Live and let live man
--------------------
"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo ''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting'' SBJs "The Basics" 3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak" B+ BONANZA
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micro
bunbun has a gungun



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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#23552235 - 08/18/16 04:15 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Try kinky sex.
It never gets boring.
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro]
#23552240 - 08/18/16 04:19 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Mate, I've had sex for 23 hours (meth assisted of course). I've tried everything I could think of aside of something up my ass (I had a bad experience with a chick with long fingernails @ 15). I'm no prude about it. I'm talking from my heart here. I don't want this path but I feel life has called me to it. And it's only ever gonna come again, if it ever does, from a monogamous relationship.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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howsyournaggerdoin
Happy


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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro] 1
#23552245 - 08/18/16 04:28 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
micro said: It's not human nature and it's a lot more fun to have a lot of sexual partners. Why can't people get over their possessiveness? Oh well I'm also gay so it's easier. I feel bad for you straight people :V
Im lazy and a monogamous relationship is the easiest way to go
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micro
bunbun has a gungun



Registered: 05/09/03
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Given. I have an extremely hyperactive libido.
I need to fap or have sex about 14 times a day.
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
Edited by micro (08/18/16 05:14 AM)
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Visionary Tools



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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro]
#23552472 - 08/18/16 07:25 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I just want one person I can get naked with, fuck, cuddle and kiss. I'm not greedy. I'm bi, and if it's a girl, I want her to be comfortable with a feeldoe.
what I want more than anything else is intimacy. I've had hot n raunchy sex before and it's good fun, but a lot of the time I felt that masturbation is a lot simpler and more satisfying. Intimacy for me means I can be naked with my erection pressing against them and we can be laughing abotu something and totally relaxed. I'd like to be able to stare into someone's eyes to the point I felt uncomfortable doing so.
If they wanted to go and have sex with someone else, then I to would want to have sex with that person, and if they were attracted to someone that I wasn't attracted to, I'd have to question if they were right for me.
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micro
bunbun has a gungun



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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Visionary Tools]
#23552586 - 08/18/16 08:26 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Makes sense. I've just never had a boyfriend who could satisfy me. This is kind of gross but my ex of four years (open relationship) used to call me "scabbers" because I often fap so much I get friction burns...
I have three people I'm gonna be seeing.
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Acaterpillar
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro]
#23553292 - 08/18/16 01:07 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
micro said: Makes sense. I've just never had a boyfriend who could satisfy me.
No wonder you think monogamous people are possessive. You've never had a satisfactory partner who was enough to satiate your thirst for another.
I greatly prefer monogamy. However, it seems my match is a rare breed. So far I've only met one girl who actually made me happy, and that I was glad to call my partner.
I'm in a sort of polyamorous relationship at the moment. I wouldn't agree to this kind of relationship if I was seeking a monogamous relationship with the girl, she's simply not my type. We do have an emotional connection, and the sex is awesome, but that doesn't mean we're compatible.
One day you may find someone who matches you so well that they make you forget about all the other lovers you've ever had and have ever wanted. Consider yourself blessed if you do.
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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Cindy99
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro]
#23553317 - 08/18/16 01:21 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I know the feeling, it feels way easier to have multiple partners for fun as a gay boi. I am too =P. I actually had a three way relationship full once.... did not end well though..
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micro
bunbun has a gungun



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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Acaterpillar]
#23553328 - 08/18/16 01:27 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Acaterpillar said:
Quote:
micro said: Makes sense. I've just never had a boyfriend who could satisfy me.
No wonder you think monogamous people are possessive. You've never had a satisfactory partner who was enough to satiate your thirst for another.
I greatly prefer monogamy. However, it seems my match is a rare breed. So far I've only met one girl who actually made me happy, and that I was glad to call my partner.
I'm in a sort of polyamorous relationship at the moment. I wouldn't agree to this kind of relationship if I was seeking a monogamous relationship with the girl, she's simply not my type. We do have an emotional connection, and the sex is awesome, but that doesn't mean we're compatible.
One day you may find someone who matches you so well that they make you forget about all the other lovers you've ever had and have ever wanted. Consider yourself blessed if you do.
I know some people who might, but we'd probably both want an open relationship. I mean.. why limit your options?
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Love_spirit
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro]
#23553350 - 08/18/16 01:37 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I guess you don't mind getting sick. If I was fucking a bunch of random guys with a scabby dick I'd consider taking Truveda.
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micro
bunbun has a gungun



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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Love_spirit]
#23553400 - 08/18/16 02:00 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Love_spirit said: I guess you don't mind getting sick. If I was fucking a bunch of random guys with a scabby dick I'd consider taking Truveda.
That's why I only fuck furries. It's a tight enough community people would know if someone had HIV. I'd fuck someone with HIV anyway if they were on antiretrovirals. There's like a one in ten thousand chance you'd get it and that's with no protection. The one time I fucked some random guy he purposely tried to give me HIV but he didn't know that. Lol what an ass
I don't think I can get herpes and I've already had the type of HPV that goes away so it's unlikely I'd catch the bad type. The only thing you have to watch out for is people who fuck around and don't get tested.
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
Edited by micro (08/18/16 02:06 PM)
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Acaterpillar
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro] 1
#23553404 - 08/18/16 02:03 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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With that mentality you're really putting yourself at risk to catch something serious 
You likely have herpes and simply don't show symptoms...
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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micro
bunbun has a gungun



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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Acaterpillar]
#23553423 - 08/18/16 02:11 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I thought about that but then I'd likely have given it to someone and that hasn't happened. But yeah 16% of people have it and 80% don't show any symptoms. Then again, it's also pretty hard to give it if you don't cause the virus mostly sheds through sores. I think it's like a 4% chance per year with a steady partner of giving it.
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
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Acaterpillar
A little mad...



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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro]
#23553435 - 08/18/16 02:14 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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True. You're still at risk of catching the cancerous forms of HPV though. I caught the harmless kind and got the vaccine against the cancer causing types because there isn't a cross-tolerance/immunity or whatever.
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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micro
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Acaterpillar]
#23553456 - 08/18/16 02:21 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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There is but not always. It depends on the antibodies formed. It would be less likely. Vaccine is a good idea but it's really not nessecary. One of the boys I'm going to see is a virgin, the other is a rather notorious Christian Fundamentalist who spoke out against homosexuality. It was fun corrupting him. The third has been in a steady relationship since high school.
Lol, I'm so going to Hell if there is one x3
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
Edited by micro (08/18/16 02:27 PM)
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro] 1
#23553809 - 08/18/16 04:04 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
micro said: There is but not always. It depends on the antibodies formed. It would be less likely. Vaccine is a good idea but it's really not nessecary. One of the boys I'm going to see is a virgin, the other is a rather notorious Christian Fundamentalist who spoke out against homosexuality. It was fun corrupting him. The third has been in a steady relationship since high school.
Lol, I'm so going to Hell if there is one x3
Its interesting to me that you would have the fucking cajones to actually make a thread asking a totally legitimate question, then spend the entire time talking about how much of a disguisting slut you are. Everyone else was trying to have an intelligent conversation about monogamy and you just wanted to talk to the other gay members of this community about how much fun it is to be a man-whore.
You sound like a fucking fool talking about safe sex the way you do. You're irresponsible and its people like you that fuck it up for people who are actually always safe
--------------------
A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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micro
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: bloodsheen]
#23553842 - 08/18/16 04:11 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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If they are always safe how would I fuck it up? I'd just not be interested if someone insisted on being safe. Nobody has actually turned me down yet though B)
Also it was more introspection on my part why I feel this way and others dont. Well, not everyone. I just don't understand the point of monogamy. You can still have intimate relationships and not be monogamous.
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro] 1
#23554001 - 08/18/16 04:52 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Monogamy is not possession. At all. To be honest that whole of the conversation is not worth having, the contrast for the definition of love between poly and monogamous folks is akin to politics. There's no right answer. I've seen that circular argument enough times.
Right now I'm between 3 women. I like it and I don't. It's not exactly a consensual agreement. So there's that, but because of this situation I do understand how you can relate to your sexuality outside of monogamy. Being someone who's experience is vastly in long, faithful relationships, most of all what I'm learning is that things are really coming in to perspective for me... I could never truly love more than one person at a time, because to me, real love takes commitment and the whole of who you are. That's just part of the deal. But also what I've learned is I think a lot of the sluttiness has to do with self esteem, needing the approval of others.
Just as well, as someone who has endeavoured to learn from the various religions of the world, I believe that temptation is part of what it means to be your own person. I see balance, that just means you need to resist as much as you give in to. Without temptation there is no ambition, and without ambition you don't go anywhere. So, to me, if you try to love too many people you're not loving anyone at all, but rather trying to love yourself. There is a definite contrast between lust and love and I feel that many don't see the difference. Not that I'm saying I don't believe that you can intimately love more than one person simultaneously, I'm sure you can. I just don't think it's common. People get swept up by lust all too often.
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micro
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23554053 - 08/18/16 05:07 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I don't mean to have a relationship with more than one person, and I agree with what you said. I could only have one boyfriend but what I was asking is why not have sex with others on the side. It only makes sense to me. Besides, it can still be intimate if both you and your partner play with someone else. That's fun, too :3
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
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Visionary Tools



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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro]
#23554268 - 08/18/16 06:01 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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For what it's worth, I've done one night stands, and risky play, never wore a condom. I had a blood test six years ago, I was clean for everything. Since then, I've had one sexual partner, he was a virgin at the time. Since then, no std's whatsoever.
I'd have liked to have more sex since then, but I just want one person, I want that close emotional bond.
I went to Malta a few months ago, and when I was there I saw what I am convinced is a brothel. I walked past it a few times, and once, when drunk, I thought about going to it all day. I didn't in the end.
I knew someone similar to you Micro, I loved him, ever such a kinky guy. He used to jerk off all the time, he confided in me once that he came so many times in one day that he came blood. Shit, most I've ever done in one day was five. I consider myself a hedonist, I love my pleasures, especially food, but I feel sorry for people when it's not enough, when the pleasure doesn't satisfy them.
Either way, I hope you can find some satisfaction, and if you haven't already, use coconut oil <3
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micro
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Visionary Tools]
#23554347 - 08/18/16 06:29 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yeah, I'm moving to NJ and there's some boys there I like, who also like me. I lived in the Castro in SF for six years. The gay scene scared me. I had a friend who fucked around and got HIV. That's why I only mess around with people i know. But yeah... Tomorrow I'm going to be meeting up with a friend of mine and Saturday possibly another.
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
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micro
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro]
#23554469 - 08/18/16 07:00 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Okay well now it's a threesome.
This is happening rather quickly...
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro]
#23554503 - 08/18/16 07:09 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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You seem absolutely intent on steering this conversation towards your own sexual exploits micro.
Perhaps you should start a new thread, or a journal, so you can talk about them as much as you like without derailing the topic at hand?
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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micro
bunbun has a gungun



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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#23554518 - 08/18/16 07:13 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Don't be hatin'
My plane is gonna take off anyway
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
Edited by micro (08/18/16 07:14 PM)
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro] 1
#23555000 - 08/18/16 09:06 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Basically Micro is hiding behind his homosexuality in an attempt to not sound like a dirty disguisting whore. If a straight man were to say these things he'd be a pig but you're just a gay man, you can't even help yourself (in your mind)
I don't even care about being an asshole troll when the S&R forum is being wasted on someone like OP. Post your gross shit in the Pube
--------------------
A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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micro
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: bloodsheen]
#23555279 - 08/18/16 10:10 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
bloodsheen said: Basically Micro is hiding behind his homosexuality in an attempt to not sound like a dirty disguisting whore. If a straight man were to say these things he'd be a pig but you're just a gay man, you can't even help yourself (in your mind)
I don't even care about being an asshole troll when the S&R forum is being wasted on someone like OP. Post your gross shit in the Pube
If a straight man were to say this stuff that would make him a guy. Ive never met a straight guy who didn't really like sex (funny enough, most of them tried to fuck me so I don't know what straight really means).
So yeah, I'm a disgusting whore aka a guy.
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
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OliverJames
Potion Brewer

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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro]
#23555570 - 08/18/16 11:48 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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You just sound like an insanely egotistical person who cant see past their own perception of sexuality
You ever think that there might be someone who doesnt derive much pleasure from sex when their isnt an emotional bond behind it? Or someone who is fully satisfied by their monogamous partner and doesnt need other sexual partners to fulfil them?
In my mind your just a victim of your own biological makeup. Based on this thread, I'm not nearly as horny as you, and I'm happy I'm not haha. I dont constantly need to seek out others to satiate myself
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micro
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: OliverJames]
#23555675 - 08/19/16 12:46 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yeah, it's annoying sometimes. Like.. even in work I often get real horny, can't think about anything but sex and have to go fap in the restroom. That actually happened multiple times in a day. All in all I like it though. Sex is fun
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
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Rosen_Rot
Learning



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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Visionary Tools]
#23555724 - 08/19/16 01:23 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Which brothel did you visit Vision ?? or at least the one you were eyeing ?? 
Usually for cheap hook ups peeps go to Testaferrata street, it#s where the hoes are at but in Malta is kind of dangerous with all the immigrants coming in and basically no medical cares for hookers and the like
I think you did good not visiting one. Its a waste of time and money. The strip joints are even worse. You're better off picking up local chicks, or going to Paceville, hitting Nordic and just sleep with the drunkest sket you find in there
--------------------
"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo ''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting'' SBJs "The Basics" 3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak" B+ BONANZA
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Acaterpillar
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Rosen_Rot]
#23556600 - 08/19/16 11:45 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I kind of empathize with Micro because I have a really high sex drive and at times it is frustrating to keep in check. I don't sympathize with the sexual deviance though, and the urge to corrupt innocence. I've always gone for girls with experience and who already know what they like. Virgins are prettier from afar.
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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micro
bunbun has a gungun



Registered: 05/09/03
Posts: 7,532
Loc: Brick City
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Acaterpillar]
#23556723 - 08/19/16 12:35 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Corrupting innocence is my fetish :V
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
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Visionary Tools



Registered: 06/23/07
Posts: 7,953
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Rosen_Rot]
#23560260 - 08/20/16 03:26 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rosen_Rot said: Which brothel did you visit Vision ?? or at least the one you were eyeing ?? 
Usually for cheap hook ups peeps go to Testaferrata street, it#s where the hoes are at but in Malta is kind of dangerous with all the immigrants coming in and basically no medical cares for hookers and the like
I think you did good not visiting one. Its a waste of time and money. The strip joints are even worse. You're better off picking up local chicks, or going to Paceville, hitting Nordic and just sleep with the drunkest sket you find in there 
*takes notes*
You know, there's a massage parlour not too far from where I live, known about it for years, some times when I've been flush with money I've thought to myself "I'll go in there any get a happy ending." But in the end I usually spend that money on more weed. Or save up for a holiday.
I didn't go in the end. It was on one of the streets in Qawra, not too far from the church.
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Rosen_Rot
Learning



Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Visionary Tools]
#23562195 - 08/21/16 06:13 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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<!--//-->Quote:
Visionary Tools said: "I'll go in there any get a happy ending." But in the end I usually spend that money on more weed.
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"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo ''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting'' SBJs "The Basics" 3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak" B+ BONANZA
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ShadeOfDeepPurple


Registered: 10/08/11
Posts: 2,831
Loc: The Isle Of Everywhere
Last seen: 5 years, 9 months
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Rosen_Rot]
#23564656 - 08/21/16 11:57 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I'm in a relationship with myself
Although I see a girl called Mary pretty often.
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TheMovement
faeirie princess in training



Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 6,781
Loc: Under your bed.
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: ShadeOfDeepPurple]
#23565222 - 08/22/16 07:42 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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To me, at this point in life, monogamy seems silly. To be honest, all labels seem silly. Im not looking to settle down or have kids anytime soon, never looking to get married. I just want to be able to flow. When i'm with a partner and someone asks if we are dating or just friends, it's so weird. What do we say? I ended up choosing "Oh we are just best friends.."
We make all this stuff so complicated when it really isnt. Everyone thinks end game before the end of the first quarter. Lol we are all so young no need to get your head up into your 40's... That being said sex does bring connection n jealousy is a thing most people experience, so you gotta be considerate of your friends feelings when going out with them...dont go run off with another girl thats just a dick move.
I definitely feel that most heteronormative monogamous relationships are definitely about power and possession though. I own you youre MY girlfriend you can't look at other guys or flirt with other guys. It stems from insecurity methinks. It can be done right, but it's so rare that it is. It seems to me that a lot of the time people just settle or try to lock someone down cuz theyre lonely and that most relationships are toxic as fuck and prevent you from growing.
-------------------- Utwiddle.net In order to act like a king, one need only treat everyone else like one. BUMP THIS THREAD EVERYTIME YOU SEE IT Join the Anarchy Camp! Down with Oppression!!
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California
A E S T H E T I C S A T A N


Registered: 12/27/04
Posts: 72,118
Loc: H A U N T E D H O U S E
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: TheMovement] 1
#23570640 - 08/23/16 09:01 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
TheMovement said:
I definitely feel that most heteronormative monogamous relationships are definitely about power and possession though. I own you youre MY girlfriend you can't look at other guys or flirt with other guys. It stems from insecurity methinks.
Of course you would feel that way.
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Bjorn_Stormcrow
The Farfarer.



Registered: 09/27/12
Posts: 2,572
Loc: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: California]
#23570767 - 08/23/16 09:34 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I used to be strictly poly. could never see myself settling down with just one person. but the older I get and the busier my life becomes, the harder it is to maintain even the one relationship I currently have.
we have discussed making it an open relationship in the future, but for now we are monogamous and both of us are finding it surprisingly fulfilling.
-------------------- Live Mythically
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millzy


Registered: 05/12/10
Posts: 12,404
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Bjorn_Stormcrow] 1
#23572154 - 08/24/16 08:13 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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i've never considered the moral basis of any of my relationships. i'm in a great monogamous relationship now because she's who i want. i don't think my way is the only acceptable way to have your love in this world.
i will say though that if you're making the poly thing work, props. it seems like too much drama for me.
-------------------- I'm up to my ears in unwritten words. - J.D. Salinger
Edited by millzy (08/24/16 08:19 AM)
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TheMovement
faeirie princess in training



Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 6,781
Loc: Under your bed.
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: California]
#23572571 - 08/24/16 11:21 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
California said:
Quote:
TheMovement said:
I definitely feel that most heteronormative monogamous relationships are definitely about power and possession though. I own you youre MY girlfriend you can't look at other guys or flirt with other guys. It stems from insecurity methinks.
Of course you would feel that way.
I see it every day with couples that have been together forever and even with couples that are just starting to couple. Opened my eyes to it and realized it's everywhere.
Now, i'm still young so maybe things change the older you get, but this is definitely a pattern.
-------------------- Utwiddle.net In order to act like a king, one need only treat everyone else like one. BUMP THIS THREAD EVERYTIME YOU SEE IT Join the Anarchy Camp! Down with Oppression!!
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ShadeOfDeepPurple


Registered: 10/08/11
Posts: 2,831
Loc: The Isle Of Everywhere
Last seen: 5 years, 9 months
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: TheMovement]
#23572573 - 08/24/16 11:23 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I don't feel like my parents are like that, but then they use to take psychedelics.
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Murzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: ShadeOfDeepPurple]
#23573960 - 08/24/16 07:24 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Now, don't get this wrong.
I wonder why no one ever mentions that the concept of western marriage is pretty much a feminist dream come true. Its most prominent feature is protecting women from being fucked over by men. More precisely it's a moral barrier against the natural promiscuity of males and it the problems it causes. Through this it enables women of lots of things they'd be deprived of by the various burdens raising a child alone would bring upon them.
And marriage is what monogamy comes from.
So I say, we mainly tried to have monogamous relationships because women (and in some aspects their kids) wanted and needed them.
If that still makes sense in the way it made sense when marriage cam about, is questionable.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Murzelpfrumpft] 1
#23574027 - 08/24/16 07:47 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I agree, marriage is a sham. But some deep part of me knows you need to dedicate to a single person if you are to achieve the true depths of our spiritual potential. It starts with you, and can only then be at it's most beautiful and stunning with another.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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millzy


Registered: 05/12/10
Posts: 12,404
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Jokeshopbeard] 1
#23574087 - 08/24/16 08:10 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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as someone who's formally studied a teeny tiny bit of feminism in class, i would say that monogamy, from a feminist point of view, is the exchange of women between men. going back to the roots of marriage, women were essentially currency for the nobility who intermarried in order to secure their power. that's hardly a "dream come true".
-------------------- I'm up to my ears in unwritten words. - J.D. Salinger
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Murzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: millzy]
#23575153 - 08/25/16 06:57 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Its not really relevant what the nobility wanted out of marriage or even how it came about, the question is how this became the predominant form of relationship for the little people? In other words, why do people try to have monogamous relationships?
And that is most definately because we are done with wrecking womens' lives by impregnating and leaving them without any means.
It's just a little exaggerated in modern times, where women can work most jobs, have almost equal rights and can comfortably prevent pregnancy.
I do know that I will always have a "number one", the one I connect most with. But that shouldn't bring a prohibition of any emotional and physical contact to other women with it. It's just not necessary, it has close to zero purpose nowadays.
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millzy


Registered: 05/12/10
Posts: 12,404
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
#23578829 - 08/26/16 07:48 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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the reason why marriage became popular was because of how the nobility was using it. that's why the church got involved with marriage in the west during the middle ages: they needed to mitigate the power of intermarrying families who would undermine their goals by having a greater number of vassals once the deal was done. marriages were only truly legitimate if the church sanctioned them.
people obviously marry now for different reasons. but i would still say that the tradition is steeped in an albeit weaker form of patriarchy. the fact that you seem to think it's so men can protect women after impregnating them speaks volumes.
Quote:
Murzelpfrumpft said: It's just a little exaggerated in modern times, where women can work most jobs, have almost equal rights and can comfortably prevent pregnancy.
lucky them.
Quote:
I do know that I will always have a "number one", the one I connect most with. But that shouldn't bring a prohibition of any emotional and physical contact to other women with it. It's just not necessary, it has close to zero purpose nowadays.
i don't think anyone here is telling you how to live your life. but i also think that marriage is more about men than women. industries like fashion and entertainment frame marriage in a way where it seems as if it's all about women, but i just don't believe that's truly the case.
-------------------- I'm up to my ears in unwritten words. - J.D. Salinger
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Murzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: millzy]
#23579217 - 08/26/16 10:07 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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My point of view is heavily influenced from biological science. That should explain a lot of my opinions.
Why don't you supply some reasoning for your criticism? Does it speak volumes because you don't agree? What is it that today's average man get out of a marriage, that a woman doesn't? What does the natural, sexual behaviour of men look like? What are the differences to that of women and why? Which needs does monogamy support better?
THAT speaks volumes.
Don't get me wrong, it's a good thing. Promiscuity can have really shitty outcomes.
I'd love to hear how men profit so much more from marriage, really.
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millzy


Registered: 05/12/10
Posts: 12,404
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
#23581733 - 08/26/16 08:51 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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i've given a pretty substantial chunk of human history in support of how men benefit from marriage. empires have risen and fallen from women being used as human currency. indeed, marriage is different today. or rather, marriage is framed differently by the advertising industry and all of the sub-economies that benefit from the idea that marriage is an essential component to a good life. we may not marry for power so much these days, but the ideas are still at play. women are viewed as possessions, and that is so apparent that i really shouldn't have to provide any sort of support for that claim because our culture is saturated in that concept.
are things better for women now? in the western world, the answer to that question really depends on location. overall, i would say that even though many women do have it better than they once did, we still have a long way to go, especially in lesser developed countries.
and appealing to science and nature in support of your claims explains nothing: neither tell us how to live. relationships are a matter of ethics. if you wish to make an ethical argument, appeal to ethical standards. from an ethical standpoint, women deserve equality, and by that i mean equal consideration. we don't have that now, and marriage - from a certain perspective - is just one of many examples of how that equality has yet to come about.
it would be a stretch to say that marriage is all bad. but there are ideas at play with marriage that undeniably reflect pernicious attitudes towards women that we have yet to shake.
and to be clear, i'm not saying that polyamory is ethically questionable either; it's just not for me. i'm simply pointing out that your views are ill informed, ill conceived and perhaps a little misogynistic, even though the behavior that you're talking about isn't necessarily bad.
-------------------- I'm up to my ears in unwritten words. - J.D. Salinger
Edited by millzy (08/26/16 08:55 PM)
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iiilil
Stranger


Registered: 01/08/16
Posts: 369
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: micro]
#23588454 - 08/28/16 09:16 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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They try because, if successful, it brings an increased depth to one's existence. You can only go so far by yourself. Why do you dedicate yourself to a craft? To learning? To maintaining a skill? Does it not require your utmost attention and dedication to create something grand?
If you find someone heading down the same path as you in life, is it not better to join and support each other? Do you not find comfort in someone considering you the most important person in their lives and visa versa?
I feel, as one gets older, and has 'seen and done it all'... Has watched their so-called 'friends' fade away and understands the outside world is indifferent, they long for someone to be next to them, to understand them, to be there during the good times and bad, and they long to give that back in return.
We are social beings... and we are social to be understood and to understand. Depth occurs over time and dedication.
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iiilil
Stranger


Registered: 01/08/16
Posts: 369
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: millzy] 3
#23588580 - 08/28/16 09:56 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
millzy said: i've given a pretty substantial chunk of human history in support of how men benefit from marriage. empires have risen and fallen from women being used as human currency. indeed, marriage is different today. or rather, marriage is framed differently by the advertising industry and all of the sub-economies that benefit from the idea that marriage is an essential component to a good life. we may not marry for power so much these days, but the ideas are still at play. women are viewed as possessions, and that is so apparent that i really shouldn't have to provide any sort of support for that claim because our culture is saturated in that concept.
are things better for women now? in the western world, the answer to that question really depends on location. overall, i would say that even though many women do have it better than they once did, we still have a long way to go, especially in lesser developed countries.
and appealing to science and nature in support of your claims explains nothing: neither tell us how to live. relationships are a matter of ethics. if you wish to make an ethical argument, appeal to ethical standards. from an ethical standpoint, women deserve equality, and by that i mean equal consideration. we don't have that now, and marriage - from a certain perspective - is just one of many examples of how that equality has yet to come about.
it would be a stretch to say that marriage is all bad. but there are ideas at play with marriage that undeniably reflect pernicious attitudes towards women that we have yet to shake.
and to be clear, i'm not saying that polyamory is ethically questionable either; it's just not for me. i'm simply pointing out that your views are ill informed, ill conceived and perhaps a little misogynistic, even though the behavior that you're talking about isn't necessarily bad.
The biggest thing this feminist/misogyny ranting camp needs to realize is that men and women are equal but different. We have different natural dispositions. We natural expect and appreciate different aspects of each other. Most cultures are further along examples of this natural order which is why there are generally consistent customs for men/women across the world.
For some time, certain cultures have gotten off basis in thinking that we can muck with and create their own nature and if modern western society is any testament to this, it is screaming that you can't : it will end in darkness, confusion, idiocy, and tears.
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating "Tinder sucks,” they say. But they don’t stop swiping.
As the polar ice caps melt and the earth churns through the Sixth Extinction, another unprecedented phenomenon is taking place, in the realm of sex.
Women are the gatekeepers to life. They ground existing life through nurturing and they spring forth new life from the most inner aspects of themselves. Men are supposed to be the protectors of that gate. They are to love and protect the means by which life is brought into and sustained in this world. They are to hold it to a higher standard so as to reign life in at higher standards. To do otherwise, is to resign to a downward spiral.
Lowering the standards to entry past these gates lowers the bar that men seek to achieve. Thus resulting in lower forms of life. Opening the gates to anyone and with frequency causes men to lose respect for the unique and grand power that women have over life and its sustainment. It causes lessor men to become more convicted in their ways by having been granted the ability to obtain the 'ultimate prize'.
"“It’s instant gratification,” says Jason, 26, a Brooklyn photographer, “and a validation of your own attractiveness by just, like, swiping your thumb on an app. You see some pretty girl and you swipe and it’s, like, oh, she thinks you’re attractive too, so it’s really addicting, and you just find yourself mindlessly doing it.” “Sex has become so easy,” says John, 26, a marketing executive in New York. “I can go on my phone right now and no doubt I can find someone I can have sex with this evening, probably before midnight.”
It is the very abundance of options provided by online dating which may be making men less inclined to treat any particular woman as a “priority,
There are playful terms for the power that the gate-keepers and justifiers of life have : Pussy power "The vaginal control of a woman over a man AFTER he has hit it and not before. Because EVERY man is stupid before he starts fucking. Thus, any woman who can keep him stupid after he fucks possesses Power of the Pussy."
There are even books written on it : https://www.amazon.com/Power-Pussy-Respect-Commitment-Relationship-ebook/dp/B0085YBTEO#nav-subnav
Men are dispositioned to have to toil and fight to seek out and define themselves as being worthy of gracing the gate of a gate-keeper (woman). A woman is predisposed to being more chaste and reserved in setting a high standard for what type of man she allows to pass her gates. It is of her disposition to restrict, nurture, respect, and provide a home for such a man after she has given him license to cross her gate so as to sustain the (circle-of-life) which they are both then resigned to.
Both parties thus pick more wisely. In the development stage, one ideally focuses on developing the qualities and traits that allow them to be better stewards in their adulthood. Instead, in some cultures, it is a custom to lose oneself during these crucial years thus why there ends up being so many lost adults who don't understand the purpose and intent of marriage or how to even be stewards of the earth and care for it and their environment.
Now, you can say otherwise and say it is perfectly natural to go sleeping around and clowning around and doing as one pleases with their body for the sake of modernity. Nature and the natural order of the universe doesn't really care for what fantasies we dream up as justification for our behavior. So, the consequential nature of such paths will manifest as they manifest. If you suggest it is all gravy and good, then I guess society should be gravy and good and I'm really just blabbing nonsense.
However, take a look around you, this is quite clearly not what is occurring and there will be a significant backlash for undermining the role of men in society and convincing women to abandon their gates and fight against men.. Maybe we go through a darkened period and learn from it. Maybe we wake up before that happens. Maybe were doing just fine.
I guess time will tell as it after-all (is what it is) regardless of what anyone including myself says
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: iiilil]
#23589520 - 08/29/16 10:10 AM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Really great post iiilil, I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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pachoo
Witchakookoo



Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 7,135
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: iiilil]
#23590233 - 08/29/16 02:22 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yes, very lovely post iiilil. I agree.
Although all I could think about was Ghostbusters
I am the gatekeeper!
I am the key master!
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Visionary Tools



Registered: 06/23/07
Posts: 7,953
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: pachoo]
#23590721 - 08/29/16 04:42 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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I was thinking about marriage the other day.
Doesn't really keep anyone from infidelity does it?
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millzy


Registered: 05/12/10
Posts: 12,404
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Visionary Tools]
#23591431 - 08/29/16 07:56 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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i love how i'm categorized as some feminazi because i take a feminist point of view in one conversation.
but i do agree that 'equality' means 'equal consideration'. per my previous post...
Quote:
from an ethical standpoint, women deserve equality, and by that i mean equal consideration. we don't have that now, and marriage - from a certain perspective - is just one of many examples of how that equality has yet to come about.
-------------------- I'm up to my ears in unwritten words. - J.D. Salinger
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koods
Ribbit



Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,066
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 34 minutes, 40 seconds
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: Acaterpillar]
#23591574 - 08/29/16 08:34 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Acaterpillar said: With that mentality you're really putting yourself at risk to catch something serious 
You likely have herpes and simply don't show symptoms...
I wouldn't fuck micro with someone else's dick
--------------------
NotSheekle said “if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”
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Chakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
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Loc: The Enterprise
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Re: Why do people try to have monogamous relationships [Re: iiilil] 1
#23593473 - 08/30/16 12:17 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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After a brief moment of consideration after reading your post, I posit this counterpoint:
It's all about how you're doing the things. If you sleep around and think "wow, these people are so beneath me", then yes, you're going to be an asshole and probably be a terrible parent. But if you have authentic gratitude and respect for your ephemeral partners in the process of your sexual exploration, then each experience could be a continuation, in progress, of the general spiritual evolution of our species. It can't be so black and white like, "this is the one right way, everyone just choose a mate so we can evolve" versus promiscuity. Both can exist simultaneously, so long as the choices an individual makes in the present moment are coupled with a spiritual effort.
The main problem I see with things like tinder and online dating is that people have not cultivated the proper respect and gratitude for their sexual experiences, and are doing it mainly to satiate their own egoic demands funneled into their heads from media outlets projecting 'the way you ought to be'. As if happiness relies upon continuously incurring more and more desire...
A major lack of awareness and compassion seems to be at the core of why things like promiscuity, infrastructure, mass-transit, energy consumption, government and many more areas of society are currently facing obstacles.
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