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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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My Grandfather raped my mom
#23550551 - 08/17/16 05:00 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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So slowly over time my mother has gradually hinted at and eventually revealed that when she was a little girl she was molested and sexually abused , and I believe actually raped, and it seems pretty clear the perpetrator was my grandfather (her father). It presumably happened repeatedly.
I never met the man himself as he died shortly after holding me for the first time as a baby.
A strange fact is that my grandfather was identical to me. Like he could be my identical twin brother .
I had a black and white photo of him as a young man and my friend saw it and was like "why do you have this weird black and white photo of yourself"?
Sure enough he looks exactly like me, to an uncanny degree.
He was an alcoholic farmer during a brutal time of depression when the fields turned into a dust bowl.
It was a hard life, they lost two kids (my moms two brothers) to disease .
Anyways it's obviously a really sad, disturbing thing to learn.
It explains a lot- my mom has struggled with severe depression all her/my life, and has zero interest in sex at all.
She is doing much better now with the depression which is great.
But anyways it's a heavy thing to process.
I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest and maybe ask if anyone else has had any similar experiences or situations in life and how you feel about it.
I'm not sure there is anything I can do ... Maybe she would want to talk about it more but it's very uncomfortable and hard to know what to say other than I'm sorry that happened to you and I love you.
Any insights or advice is appreciated .
--------------------
Everything I post is fiction.
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Tonydanzawillpay
compared to what

Registered: 11/11/12
Posts: 11,681
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: Moonshoe] 1
#23550593 - 08/17/16 05:17 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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-------------------- Eat everyday
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Wow I don't think I've ever seen you post outside WCA before
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: Moonshoe] 6
#23550635 - 08/17/16 05:32 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Bury it all, deep inside
Pick up drinking
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Psychedelic Pupil
Goober



Registered: 09/27/12
Posts: 744
Loc: The bright side of life
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: Moonshoe] 2
#23550665 - 08/17/16 05:46 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Abuse sucks in all forms but sexual abuse from a family member has got to be one of the worst. I was sexually abused as a child, not from a family member and it took me until I was around 32-34 to really deal with it, let it go and have it stop effecting my life. I think that unless your mom has done the same talking to her about it could be painful and unwelcome. If you're comfortable enough with your relationship to bring it up and try to help her work though it that's pretty amazing, but it may not be something she wants help with from her son.
If it does come up there is certainly nothing wrong with letting her know that you're sorry it happened and that you love her. I can tell you what really turned me around was realizing how pathetic and fucked up my abuser was and being able to recognize that all the weird shit in my life that was a result of the abuse had absolutely nothing to do with me. I was still letting this pathetic person influence my life 25 years later. With that realization I was able to close the door on that whole experience and take back control of who I was. Once I made that realization I felt much more powerful, in control and more whole.
I am wondering why you bring up looking like your grandfather. Do you think it effects your relationship with your mom? Do you think her looking at you brings back painful memories?
-------------------- I'd like to think I'm smart enough to realize how much knowledge I don't have.
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specialpeopleclub



Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 5,584
Loc: Mitten
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
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you are the good twin
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Thanks for sharing your perspective and advice. I am sorry that happened to you, and admire your strength and resilience.
I guess I just Mention that I look just like him because psychologically it's odd to me that this guy who looked identical to me did this thing, it's not necessarily super relevant I just find it a strange detail Of the whole story.
I don't know if my appearance brings back painful memories of her or not, she has never said so.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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invitro


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 2,529
Last seen: 1 month, 21 days
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: Moonshoe]
#23550714 - 08/17/16 06:04 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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*artwork from bible gateway
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: invitro]
#23550816 - 08/17/16 06:39 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Hey I love that! How fitting
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Everything I post is fiction.
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nuds



Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 578
Loc: Australia, NSW
Last seen: 6 months, 7 hours
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: Moonshoe]
#23550846 - 08/17/16 06:51 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Im very sorry to hear that dude. Its heart breaking to hear how often it occurs, and furthermore for how much you DONT hear about it, its like the ugly truth of the civilized world. Its a tricky subject to tip toe around without stepping on toes or saying anything out of line without looking like a dick, just know that I offer my condolences to you and your mum, im sure its a tough thing to really come to grips with. I love my mum like nothing else and if she were to open up to me about that I'd be consumed with an all willing want to inflict pain back at her perpetrator. Peace to you
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Lophosaurus
suruasohpol


Registered: 08/09/07
Posts: 8,744
Loc: CA
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: Moonshoe]
#23550860 - 08/17/16 06:54 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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TonyDanza, you owe me money you thief. You should be ashamed of yourself and your life, which I bet is pretty pathetic. Why are you even a part of this community? You can't find anybody to steal from in real life?
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Patlal
You ask too many questions


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 15 hours, 28 minutes
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Well.. what happened happened and now the culprit is dead so there's nothing that can be done...
It's just a matter of accepting the reality and living with it...
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danielx
whatup!


Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: Moonshoe] 2
#23550938 - 08/17/16 07:17 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Has it ever crossed your mind that you might be a product of incest? I definitely thought you were about to go there when you started talking about how much you look like him.
-------------------- Long live kratom
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Psychedelic Pupil
Goober



Registered: 09/27/12
Posts: 744
Loc: The bright side of life
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: Moonshoe]
#23550943 - 08/17/16 07:19 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Moonshoe said: Thanks for sharing your perspective and advice. I am sorry that happened to you, and admire your strength and resilience.
Thanks but it's really not about strength and resilience it's more about understanding how my mind (and most peoples) works and not giving up control of it to anyone or anything. (drugs aside. that's a willing loss of control)
I'm fine talking about it because it has no control over me and because it should be talked about. The statistics on sexual abuse in children is fucking staggering! It shouldn't be some closet conversation. It should be talked about, even if it's uncomfortable, so it stops happening.
-------------------- I'd like to think I'm smart enough to realize how much knowledge I don't have.
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Panaeolus92
Stranger

Registered: 02/02/14
Posts: 255
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: danielx]
#23551025 - 08/17/16 07:41 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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That doesn't have to mean that. Carbon copies skip generations all the time, my sister is one of my grandma. He is still related to him
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danielx
whatup!


Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: Panaeolus92]
#23551119 - 08/17/16 08:08 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I wasnt claiming it eitherway, I was just asking if it ever crossed his mind. Just trying to figure out the relevance to even bringing up the fact that he looks like him, and why it matters to him.
-------------------- Long live kratom
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: Moonshoe]
#23551278 - 08/17/16 08:47 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Moonshoe said: A strange fact is that my grandfather was identical to me. Like he could be my identical twin brother .
or maybe even a father
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: danielx]
#23551336 - 08/17/16 09:06 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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No the timing for that would be literally impossible it happened when she was child she had me many years later'
Thanks for the kind words everyone
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pineninja
Dream Weaver



Registered: 08/17/14
Posts: 12,468
Loc: South
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: Moonshoe]
#23551345 - 08/17/16 09:10 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Same here. One malicious act can cause generations of repercussions. The only positive thing you can do is break the cycle of abuse and not be an abuser yourself.
-------------------- Just a fool on the hill.
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topdog82
Death Spirit



Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 7,992
Loc: California
Last seen: 5 months, 3 days
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: pineninja]
#23551443 - 08/17/16 09:50 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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A little off topic. But I can always forgive a murderer. Or a thief. Theres legitimate reasons to kill and steal. But the hardest thing in the entire planet was to forgive a rapist. a friend of mine was raped and it flipped my world upside down. You can only imagine how she feels. But forgiving the person who raped her was a really hard thing that helped me grow stronger. Plot twist; the person who raped her was someone in my friend group. He denied all allegations. I just stopped talking to him. Forgave him and moved on with life
Loving fucked up souls is a hard thing. its when its hardest to forgive and love someone, that it is most important to do so (in my opinion).
Maybe you come to different conclusions. But everyone, even a rapist, deserves your deepest love and forgiveness
my 2 cents
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xbloodwhipx

Registered: 02/24/12
Posts: 12,791
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: topdog82]
#23551449 - 08/17/16 09:52 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Why dont rapist just get hookers?
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Seriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh



Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 5 hours, 38 minutes
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Re: My Grandfather raped my mom [Re: xbloodwhipx]
#23551458 - 08/17/16 09:56 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I'm sorry you had to learn this. I have no advice unfortunately, there's not much to do with this info . Maybe ask her if she'd want to go to therapy etc
-------------------- R.I.P Zombi3, Blue Helix Modest Mouse Zappa Slothie That Kid With The face ShLong Le Canard split_by_nine & Big Worm Forever Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many
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