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Anonymous #1

Had a fight. How should it have gone down?
    #23538226 - 08/13/16 03:06 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

So a little back story:

4 or 5 months ago I found out my girlfriend cheated on me. She blamed it on the fact that she was raised / had cultural influences in which she caved in to some guys advances. This some guy was her sisters baby daddy (the baby has yet to be born). She seemed sincere in her apology, even though I had to find out for myself. I told her never again, and I dont want to hear anything about her sisters relationship issues or her boyfriend ever again. I simply told her I want to move past it. There was no fight or anger on my side.

Somewhere in this mix we both ended up getting Chlamydia.

She still mentions them from time to time. Their issues, the things the couple does to make her angry. etc. Even coming to me for advice on her relationship with her sister and how things are shit between her sister and her (go figure). She wants to know why her sister treats her like shit and why she cant seem to get along with her.

Anyway fast forward to yesterday.

She came over around 7:30 and we had plans to go see an outdoor movie at 8:30. We stopped at the bank and the ice cream shop at her request, to get at the event a little after 8:30. We smoked a blunt and went inside the amphitheater.

Her, being on her period, decided (immediately after I came back with 25 dollars in snacks) that she was tired of the humidity and the bugs. So we left. as we got in the car she left and started talking about her sister and her boyfriend has Chlamydia. And that her sister was blaming her for it and she didnt think she was responsible or something like that. Either way she didnt like the fact her sister was accusing her.

So me, feeling like im a mirror image of her sisters situation, clammed up. I said nothing and I just felt hurt. again.

We stopped by the grocery store and I picked up beer in hopes that maybe the rest of night could be fun and go as planned.

We get home and she climbs in to bed, shortly after telling me to come to her. Were laying together face to face (me still obviously distraught) when she asks me, "do you want me to leave". I say "why". She says, "you seem upset". I say, "why do you think I am upset". and she says, "I know. As soon as i mentioned it you went quiet". so I say, "what are you going to do about it". Her response is to turn her back to me and hide under the blanket.

After about 15 minutes of her bullshitting under my sheets I start saying things like, "are you going to hangout with me or just mope in my bed". Then she calls me insensitive because shes on her period and feels like shit and doesnt want to deal with (because I have a legitimate reason to be upset). I say, "oh youre one to talk". Shortly after she leaves. Texting me later about how shes in pain and I want to talk about things she cant handle talking about right now. How I never understand her and never think about her.

Obviously I think I'm in the right in this situation but I want some external opinions.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Had a fight. How should it have gone down? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23538462 - 08/13/16 04:43 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Seems like she's guilt tripping you tbh.

When someone cheats on you, it's pretty much over (unless you're in an open relationship I suppose). It is still bringing up negative feelings 6 months later, and that is why "it's pretty much over" when it happens. It's a toxic relationship, and it sounds like your girlfriend and her sister have jealousy issues.


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OfflineReposadoXochipilli
Here, there, inbetween
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Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 7,501
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Re: Had a fight. How should it have gone down? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #23538475 - 08/13/16 04:50 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

No way in hell im keeping one who bangs her sisters baby daddy. That is some talk show type material without bringing up the clap on top of it.

Remove yourself from this drama.


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OfflineOthyem
Male


Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 1,935
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: Had a fight. How should it have gone down? [Re: ReposadoXochipilli]
    #23538774 - 08/13/16 07:21 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

You should plow the sister. This seems like the best idea. Well if the std's are cleared up.


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
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Re: Had a fight. How should it have gone down? [Re: Othyem]
    #23538814 - 08/13/16 07:34 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Othyem said:
You should plow the sister. This seems like the best idea. Well if the std's are cleared up.






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Anxiety is what you make it.


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Invisiblebig_scrappy97
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Registered: 07/01/14
Posts: 238
Loc: United States of America
Re: Had a fight. How should it have gone down? [Re: Othyem]
    #23538815 - 08/13/16 07:36 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Remove yourself from the situation and eliminate her out of your life. I was with a girl who cheated on me and I didn't find out until 9 months later when her best friend blurted it out. That feeling you get when you guys talk about it will never go away. There are one of two things you can do:
a. Stay with her and be miserable knowing exactly what she did in the back of your mind. At the same time, trying to stop the inevitable.
b. Go with the inevitable and leave her ASAP.

After I found out I was cheated on, I stayed with her for over year after that. That thought never went away and led to us breaking up. Trust me man. Get out of it before you waste anymore of your life with her.

All the stuff she is saying is BS and is using it as an excuse. I think I have a good feeling of what happened to her growing up and that same thing happened to someone close of mine. Except, that person I know doesn't blame her decisions on the things that have happened to her when she was growing up. She owns up to her mistakes and uses it as motivation in life. She doesn't use it as some excuse to do whatever she wants which sounds like what your girlfriend is doing. Remember this, manipulation is a learned behavior especially if you were manipulated in your younger years.

Best of luck man. Peace.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Had a fight. How should it have gone down? [Re: big_scrappy97]
    #23541029 - 08/14/16 02:19 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Im curious are there dofferent levels of cheating?

If my girl just went on a date with a guy and he kissed her.

Is that type of cheating forgivable.
I feel like i can get past it completely in fact i feel as if i already am i understand why she did it and she told me as soon as she could.

She is young so i understand and what her and i share is special and i have let her go to find out if she really wants me she does love me and i know she is in love with me but she just needs to be sure.
Is ot wrong of me to wait? If she ends up sleeping with other guys then me and her both know that we cant be together but i can easily let her back in my life if all she did is date a few guys and kiss a few.

Am i doing the wrong thing in your opinions.

Also OP i would leave, i am head over heels in live with the girl i love and i know i couldnt stay if she were to be able to be sexual with other people.

Not trying to jack the thread just thought id ask anywhere i can.

Im very distraught and confused much love hope everything works out OP


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: Had a fight. How should it have gone down? [Re: Anonymous #3] * 3
    #23541536 - 08/14/16 05:14 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I think the shroomery S&R forum is pretty much just people who obviously know the answer to their problem but are just hoping somebody out there has a magical solution

You two are so fucking done OP its insane. She mentioned that thing about her sister just to see how you'd react. You should have dumped this stupid slut the second she even thought about getting near her fucking sister's baby-daddy.

Seriously, even on Maury they'd be like "Aw come on, thats fucked up."


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Anonymous #3

Re: Had a fight. How should it have gone down? [Re: bloodsheen]
    #23541578 - 08/14/16 05:27 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

But whats fucking me up is of i know the answer me and her will be fine but ive been wrong before.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Had a fight. How should it have gone down? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23541840 - 08/14/16 06:42 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Dump her before she dumps you and you're stuck with all the humiliation.

At least this way you can preserve some dignity.


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OfflineCurious Shroomer
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Registered: 05/19/16
Posts: 118
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Re: Had a fight. How should it have gone down? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #23542821 - 08/15/16 02:41 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I dont get how ppl can stay with someone who cheated on them....for me i instantly would throw my Partner out without giving it any thought. Cheating is a total no go....if you cant talk about the Problems in a relationship which lead to cheating then something is broken anyway. And if you cheat cause you were drunk or whatever then i cant trust you anymore...


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OfflineMurzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,855
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
Re: Had a fight. How should it have gone down? [Re: Curious Shroomer]
    #23544736 - 08/15/16 05:31 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

But what if people who enable their partner of cheating by forcing unrealistic and unhealthy expectations upon them, are wrong, instead of those honest about human sexuality: slightly promiscous.

I know so many painful examples of "threw my partner out without giving it any thought". People who really regret this and those who are too stupid to see how this has fucked up their otherwise nice lives.

Superficial understanding of fidelity is for superficial people.


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InvisibleSleepwalker
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Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 5,503
Re: Had a fight. How should it have gone down? [Re: Murzelpfrumpft]
    #23545671 - 08/15/16 11:10 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Eh, it's all about the trust and agreement between the parties involved, right?  Like, you can have whatever kind of weird multifaceted relationship you want as long as everybody involved is on the same page.  COMMUNICATION.

Nothing wrong with monogamy either if that's what's agreed upon.  Some people like that.  Some people can't hang.


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InvisibleAime
Stranger
Female

Registered: 07/19/16
Posts: 3
Re: Had a fight. How should it have gone down? [Re: Sleepwalker]
    #23589401 - 08/29/16 09:03 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I'm impressed that you decided to stay and work it out after that happened to begin with. She's a lucky girl. On the other hand, that's her sister and it can be difficult to refrain from talking about someone who's in your life like that... especially if she needs to talk out a problem. Unfortunately I think this is one of those situations where you have to accept that she needs to talk about her sister and vent to you or you just need to walk away. She may be looking for reassurance from you since she knows she pissed you off hence the rolling over and hiding under the covers and asking if you want her to leave. Good luck.


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