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Spiralspider
Bigguy

Registered: 06/20/16
Posts: 223
Last seen: 2 months, 29 days
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Insecurity of aging
#23535384 - 08/12/16 04:27 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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As we get old people do different stuff. For example at my age all my university colleagues finished university and are now having jobs and so am I. The only difference is that I didnt finish my degree.
This post is a personal testimony about the growing insecurities that I carry solely: well.. not very much I think I will write it simply: I lost my train that took people of my age into successfulness. As I got older I didnt care about my future and I was living a non stressful life not studying very much and living eith money always afforded by my parents and now I dont have a college degree and I want to be independent but I just cant even working on a low paid salary.
Mentally I am now very dependent of other people and when I do social things Im always trying to follow someone so I dont have to be confronted because I cant anyomere answer questions about myself because I dont know what to say or its just to embaracing bcause I used to be very proud of myself.
When I was secure of myself it was because I knew I was working well at school so I didnt have nothing to fear about. Now I have a lot of things to hide apart of my success.
I look at my future and I see nothing good come out of it .. maybe I should do something new at the present... some new hobby ? Because when I have free time I spe d it mostly in beers and party.
Also I have toughts that make me feel that is worthless to do anything because everyone is doing better than me so if I could I should just stay in bed all day.
How can I improve my outlook of my future and respect me more ?
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Electric Wizard21
Master


Registered: 04/25/16
Posts: 905
Loc: Russia
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Firstly, don't worry about other people. They are no more successful than you are. Just being a human is enough. secondly, you should defo get some new hobbies rather than drinking, which could make you more depressed/insecure. It's a normal part of life getting older, and you should be focused on living it in a healthy way. Exercise, eat whatever you want - as long as you exercise - and go out with friends. Bear in mind the alcohol - again - is not good for outlook. You could see a counselor or a psychologist to talk about how you're feeling. Do you have family or a spouse you can talk to? I wish you the best.
-------------------- I'm sick of all you hypocrites Holding me at bay And I don't need your sympathy To get me through the day Seasons change and so can I Hold on boy, no time to cry Untie these strings, I'm climbing down I won't let them push me away
Edited by Electric Wizard21 (08/14/16 01:47 PM)
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Spiralspider
Bigguy

Registered: 06/20/16
Posts: 223
Last seen: 2 months, 29 days
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thanks for your words.
It's getting complicated to me to have a positive outlook. Because I totally and I'm not lying lost my ways to deal with people. I mean.. I became afraid of not succeding or not be good enough and I start acting not cool with people around me and finally people stopped calling me to hang out.. Or it's all in my head, and either way I dont know what to say when im on the phone: "Should I be relaxed, should I be attentive..:" It's kinda difficult to be true to others becaus if I say I'm not good people would say : "Why?? Whats Wrong?? And I'm like "my life is shit because I dont have a hobby or something". But they were just expecting me to say "cause I lost my wallet" or something
I have a family but I think they are getting me worse trying to help.. I can't really open up to them . All the times I tried they start yelling and questioning me my knowledge of people in worst conditions than mine. Even if what I have to say should not be my concern, maybe (lol) I should be all the time thinking about african children.
I'm thinking of getting a new hobby but I honestly every time I find something I would like to do, or A: I dont have the money to start or B: Somebody else is already doing it and I dont want to imitate that person.
It's really complicated for me....
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nooneman


Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,564
Loc: Utah
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It sounds like you should go back to college and finish your degree (or a different degree, whatever degree you want)
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Electric Wizard21
Master


Registered: 04/25/16
Posts: 905
Loc: Russia
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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I'm sorry to hear about your situation talking to your family. I have experienced this and moved out because of it. Anyway, why don't you want to do something that other people do? I play guitar and I don't feel like I'm imitating people. It can't be helped, it just happens.
As for talking to people, just act like you are successful, be confident. Don't tell them about your education if you don't want to. When I talk to people I act confident because I like to project an image of success. Even if I haven't done anything to change the world, I'm happy just being here. Try making new friends, go to a bar and order drinks and talk to people. You will be surprised how many people talk to strangers. Look forward to your reply.
To the person who suggested finish a degree; that's a good idea too. Only if you want to do it though.
-------------------- I'm sick of all you hypocrites Holding me at bay And I don't need your sympathy To get me through the day Seasons change and so can I Hold on boy, no time to cry Untie these strings, I'm climbing down I won't let them push me away
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nuds



Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 578
Loc: Australia, NSW
Last seen: 6 months, 5 hours
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My friends at uni are all in their mid 20s-30s doing their first degrees after all manners of previous jobs, some were tour guides, some did waiting work and some just worked at dead end places like the reject shop, regardless, my point is that it is never too late to go back.
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 14 hours, 53 minutes
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Re: Insecurity of aging [Re: nuds]
#23545575 - 08/15/16 10:18 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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"I became afraid of not succeeding or not be good enough"
"When I was secure of myself it was because I knew I was working well at school so I didnt have nothing to fear about."
Don't depend on your performance in school or work to bring you happiness
That is unwise. It's a trap so many of us get stuck in.
We feel good about ourselves when we "do good" and then crappy when we fail.
This creates a huge emotional roller coaster ride.
About not "being good enough" - you are worthy of love know matter what you do.
Be kind to your self. Give yourself love and compassion. Life is difficult.
You are good enough, no matter how many critical thoughts of self-judgment you have.
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Spiralspider
Bigguy

Registered: 06/20/16
Posts: 223
Last seen: 2 months, 29 days
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Quote:
Electric Wizard21 said: Firstly, don't worry about other people. They are no more successful than you are. Just being a human is enough.
Surprisingly these words found a place in my toughts, they relaxed me a bit. You know I think I got caught in the success chain of drama like all of successful people are happy and Im only gonna be happy if I turn like them. My supposition is you need a little bit of sucessfulness but it may come equally good if it is from a big acomplishment or if its for a reasonable personal one as simplicity is very symbolical. I guess things changed as I got older and I will still battle with my feelings of disappointment about how my life got to this point but not worrying about others.
You know, everything is posible and my work used to give me some safety about myself because even if I gotten concerns about my person it guaranteed me that my life was not bad. but Ughh!
I sometimes feel that Im at the line of a party trying to get in but I have no invitation. I encourage everyone to try to plan your future with realistic plans and put it on practice. life is not what you want but it is cruel sometimes to the ones who have no idea of what they want.
Your suggestions of getting back to university are all good advices but first I want to get my joy back.. because maybe it will set me back eventually but wont be very much fun. For what area of my individual who'd it be beneficial? for my confidence?
partys are great but I really need to find something that makes me shake my soul.. my soul is stagnated. Everyone has interests but me! (here is my self conscious side mixed with the primitive "OTHERS") I'm not a jealous guy it's just everytime I see people making new accomplisments I get tired and unwilling to try to do newer and andrenalizing stuff. does this happen to you guys as well?
You guys are the best! Wish you all the best of luck for the shroomery community.
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Electric Wizard21
Master


Registered: 04/25/16
Posts: 905
Loc: Russia
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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I'm glad you could reflect on what I said.
What you said sounds good. You said you need to get the joy back before education, this is so true. You can rediscover yourself and then find something to focus on. People need goals to feel worthy. That's human nature. Set yourself one, something simple yet make it something you enjoy and then keep at it.
As for friends, all you can do is engage with others with the same interests.
-------------------- I'm sick of all you hypocrites Holding me at bay And I don't need your sympathy To get me through the day Seasons change and so can I Hold on boy, no time to cry Untie these strings, I'm climbing down I won't let them push me away
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micro
bunbun has a gungun



Registered: 05/09/03
Posts: 7,532
Loc: Brick City
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I'm 34 had a six figure job and quit it because it was draining. I have no degree either but can still get a job in tech support. I'd rather take the pay cut and not be miserable.
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 14 hours, 53 minutes
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Quote:
Spiralspider said:
I'm not a jealous guy it's just everytime I see people making new accomplisments I get tired and unwilling to try to do newer and andrenalizing stuff. does this happen to you guys as well?
Don't get sucked into this irrational delusion!
Your accomplishments are not who you are, at your core.
Stop trying to validate yourself as a human being.
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micro
bunbun has a gungun



Registered: 05/09/03
Posts: 7,532
Loc: Brick City
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It isn't bad to validate yourself as a human being. People just do it wrong. I'm sorry but most people who make a lot are boring fucking people. Sum of the most interesting people I've met were bums.
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 14 hours, 53 minutes
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Re: Insecurity of aging [Re: micro]
#23552460 - 08/18/16 07:16 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I've never noticed a correlation between income and people's heart and humanity.
No matter one's life circumstances, I think at our core we are all the same.
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micro
bunbun has a gungun



Registered: 05/09/03
Posts: 7,532
Loc: Brick City
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Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said: I've never noticed a correlation between income and people's heart and humanity.
No matter one's life circumstances, I think at our core we are all the same.
I disagree. If you're the type to go through school, get a 9-5 job and retire when you're 60 you lead a boring life. Doesn't make you a bad person, just boring.
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 14 hours, 53 minutes
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Re: Insecurity of aging [Re: micro]
#23552897 - 08/18/16 10:44 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Boredom is caused by getting an education and working at a job?
Boredom is a state of mind. It's a form of anxiety and internal resistance.
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micro
bunbun has a gungun



Registered: 05/09/03
Posts: 7,532
Loc: Brick City
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No, I think professionals are mostly boring people. I'm sure there are exceptions.
-------------------- Any research paper or book for free (Avatar is Maxxy, a character by Mizzyam, RIP)
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