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OfflineFrog
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Just Trying to Help...
    #2353230 - 02/19/04 03:40 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

My sister recently came to stay with me and a friend. My sister and her son are overweight. I don't really care, although I think it's sad when people don't care about themselves that they eat so much of the wrong foods. I see it as a psychological issue.

Anyways, I was watching the son, who is only 7 years old and weighs 107 pounds, while my sister went out of town for 2 days. He told me that the kids in his school made fun of him for being fat.

So I told him about the kinds of foods that cause people to be overweight, and how eating the right kinds of foods and exercising would help someone lose the extra weight. I had also told him that the kids shouldn't be teasing him, but that if he lost the weight, he wouldn't be teased about his weight any more.

The kid was excited about losing weight. I took him to the high school where I usually run and the first day, he walked the track once. The second day, he walked the track three times and went up and down the stairs (like I was doing) three times.

When my sister came back and found out about what I was doing with her son, she accused me of focusing on his weight, of thinking he was fat, that it was okay for him to be overweight and the other kids shouldn't make fun of him, that I should mind my own business, etc., etc....

Did I really do the wrong thing? Normally, I wouldn't get involved in someone's shit. What people do is up to them, even if wrong. It's not my place to tell people what to do.

But I felt so sorry for this kid, who is really, really round, who was being made fun of. REmember the fat kid in your class, that everyone made fun of? That was this kid. And I figured if he knew what caused fat and how to get rid of it, he wouldn't be teased.

Was this really bad?


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The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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InvisibleDoctorJ
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Frog]
    #2353443 - 02/19/04 04:12 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

no.  you did the right thing. 

and now you must pay :smile:


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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Anonymous #1

Post deleted by Anno [Re: Frog]
    #2353467 - 02/19/04 04:17 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)



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Anonymous #1

Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Frog]
    #2353504 - 02/19/04 04:29 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

the sister was just offended because she is fat...thats the only reason she snapped on you man.

it would be a bad thing if you MADE him work out against his will, but he was so determined and excited to do those things.

your cool man, helpin out another lil soul like that, he will never forget this.


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: ]
    #2353514 - 02/19/04 04:32 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

That's what I explained to the kid.  I said that it was more a health issue than a fat issue.  I told him how fat clogs the arteries and heart and that when people eat bad food, by the time they are in their 30's or 40's, they have serious health problems.

As to my sister:  She was fat as a kid and was tormented a lot.  She's still extremely sensitive.  So she is a mama tiger, protecting her son from anyone possibly making him feel bad for being fat.

I feel sorry for him.  His mom has bags of cookies and chips sitting around on the counter and they disappear pretty fast.  If she loved him, she would stop justifying being fat and give him better food to eat.  So, just because it's okay to be fat, she will give him bad food to eat, and he will continue to be tormented.  Health issue or not, what 7-year old kid likes to be teased?  And if he can change the thing he is being teased about, why not???

To DoctorJ:  Yes, ain't that the truth.  :crazy:

But I am also hoping someone comes on here and puts me in my place for doing what I did.  Was it none of my business?  Did I do the wrong thing?  My gf is taking my sister's side in this.  That I am making her and her son feel bad. 

What's funny, the son seemed really positive about it when he and I were talking about it.  He wanted to go weigh himself the second day, but I told him no, just once a week, cuz we don't lose weight that fast.  Then she came back and told him that I shouldn't have focused on his weight.  Sigh.  So then she told me that now he feels bad that I told him how to lose weight, etc.  I'm sure she told him that I shouldn't have focused on his weight, and that it's okay to be fat.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: ]
    #2353525 - 02/19/04 04:40 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Kottonmouth said:
the sister was just offended because she is fat...thats the only reason she snapped on you man.

it would be a bad thing if you MADE him work out against his will, but he was so determined and excited to do those things.

your cool man, helpin out another lil soul like that, he will never forget this.




See, in the end, that's what I'm hoping for. I think the relationship between me and my sister is doomed. In fact, I have to move out of this place now, because my sister is offended by me in every way.

But if the kid keeps in the back of his mind that someone once explained that the types of food he eats, which his mom buys for him, makes him fat, maybe he will eventually tell his mom he doesn't want to eat the junk any more.

And personally, that's what I think about my sister. She's overweight, and could lose the weight, but she would rather complain about the bad diet rather than about her bad eating habits. I think she gives her son bad foods to make herself feel better. And if he is able to lose weight, and she doesn't, then she will feel really, really bad.

Personally, I think it's child abuse. I found out that he has lost some weight, but he was up to 150 pounds. Think about it. Approximately 4'6" and 150 lbs. That's so sad. But oh! Let's don't hurt my sister's feelings by pointing any of this out!

She even said he was just "a little chubby". Fuck chubby. This kid is fat. Yes, fat should be okay, except that yes, it's also a health issue.

And there's just no fucking reason to feed a kid a bunch of fat and make him the laughing stock of his classroom. Someone tell me how my thinking is wrong on this.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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OfflineDreamer987
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Frog]
    #2353612 - 02/19/04 05:33 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Your right and you know it, stop fishing for apraisal :wink:


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InvisibleBillyGrass
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Frog]
    #2353796 - 02/19/04 08:46 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Yeah, jerk! Quit doubting yourself and start asserting!

You're doing the wrong thing by wasting your time with this post. Dream987 is right. You can stop asking that question.

It sounds like you really connected with your nephew. That is THE single most effective means of helping him. Connect with him. When you are on his level, he is open to your knowledge.

Sounds like your sister is blocking that connection, though. So it seems, the hard part will be connecting with your sister.


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OfflineStrumpling
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Frog]
    #2354330 - 02/19/04 12:41 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'll tell you how its wrong and how its right:

You fucked up big-time, girl! Your sister is going to be pissed for a long time for butting in on her parenting - people are VERY VERY sensitive about this kind of thing; many people don't want ANYBODY feeding any ideas to their kids that are in any way contradictory to their (bad) parenting habits. You will not be able to explain your way through this one with your sister I don't think, but fuck your sister lets move to the RIGHT side:

Fantastic! You saw that the kid was upset with his weight because the kids make fun of him.. He probably doesn't even talk to his mom about this anymore because he's gotten the same "oh its ok you're my perfect little baby" bullshit from her his whole life, and he finally heard somebody speak the TRUTH! He's going to love you for this, and as long as she doesn't keep him away from you forever, he's going to come back to you for more advice and more "training" and more bonding with his amazing auntie.
I have a family member who doesn't share a lot of the same values as the rest of my family - whenever he's around, my cousins and I have a great time talking science and philosophy with him and basically hanging out.. The rest of my family however doesn't like him because he hasn't lived his life the same way they have, and they encourage him to not talk to us about life and certain things that they feel he knows nothing about. We totally love hearing from such a different perspective though and always enjoy hanging out with him regardless of how happy the rest of the family is about it.
This kid has bonded with you - next time he sees you he's going to want more tips and stuff and YOUR SISTER IS GOING TO GET EVEN MORE PISSED OFF BECAUSE YOU ARE CHANGING HER SON'S LIFESTYLE TO SOMETHING SHE IS NOT COMFORTABLE WITH - something new and fresh and confident and DIFFERENT FROM HER OWN.

She might even be proud deep down if he really starts losing a lot of weight, but she'll never tell you about it, at least not for many years. She's going to watch him escape the hole she never got out of (THANKS TO YOU) and be so damn proud of him she may cry in bed at night, but you won't hear about this for quite some time.

Anyway, next time you see him, tell him "damn you look a little slimmer kid have you been losing weight?!" and give him some more tips and if you can, an ideal weight because his mom won't tell him a correct weight. She'll say "yeah one more pound and you'll be slim as a board and not have to work out anymore son" or whatever.. Keep an eye on him you're not doing the wrong thing - think about the youth! fuck the old habitual parent :wink: this is YOUR family too and you can "CORRUPT" it however you'd like.


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Dreamer987]
    #2355327 - 02/19/04 05:14 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Dreamer987 said:
Your right and you know it, stop fishing for apraisal :wink:




I have been pretty sure that I was right, but that's why I'm posting here. 

I thought, well, if there are a couple of people saying I'm mean, maybe what I did was wrong.  So that's why I am posting here.  I do what I think is right, but if someone says I was wrong, I get filled with self-doubt until someone else (you guys!) says either yes, I was fucked up, or no, I did the right thing.

I am going to come back and respond to the other posts in a little while.  Thanks, you guys.  :smile:


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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OfflineRenegade8
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Registered: 10/11/03
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Frog]
    #2355405 - 02/19/04 05:28 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Keep in mind, only one side of the story is being presented here. But say whatever you want 'cause I'm not gonna argue about this shit in public.


--------------------
I'm just see-through faded, super jaded, and out of my mind. - R.I.P. Layne


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Offlinesykobish
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Frog]
    #2356549 - 02/19/04 09:29 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

You're sister is acting as tho she is jealous.  She thinks that YOU are seeing it as a physical thing.. When, in all naturality, it's HER that's seeing it as a physical thing. She's fat.  She probably wishes she wasn't.  She probably doesn't feel that she has any hope of losing the weight that she has, so she's being very defensive.

Chances are, the little boy hasn't told his mom about the mental anguish it's causing him.  Maybe if you want to try to rectify the situation, I would suggest sitting your sister down, telling her that how she is comprehending the whole situation is wrong.  Tell her how the boy feels inside about being teased.  I'm sure he doesn't particularly like being fat but the physical aspect of it probably isn't going to hit him until he gets into highschool.  It's the mental part, the self esteem that he has to worry about now.

Perhaps all three of you could sit down and you could have a conversation between the two, encouraging the boy to voice his feelings about the situation.  Maybe if it were to come from him, that he doesn't like the idea of the kids at school making fun of him and how it is making him feel inside, maybe then she will start to realize it wasn't you being judgemental because of his physical appearance. (Or hers for that matter.)

That's the only advice I can think of at this point to share on this matter. :heart:


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
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Offlinebarfightlard
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Frog]
    #2356691 - 02/19/04 09:56 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I think what you did was great! Teaching the kid that some foods today are total garbage and shit for your heath and that some exercise is great for your body too. 107lbs at 7 years old is obsenely fat. You would think your sister would have a little more concern about it rather than just passing it off as he's just the fat kid.


--------------------

"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: sykobish]
    #2356973 - 02/19/04 10:56 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

sykobish said:
Chances are, the little boy hasn't told his mom about the mental anguish it's causing him. Maybe if you want to try to rectify the situation, I would suggest sitting your sister down, telling her that how she is comprehending the whole situation is wrong. Tell her how the boy feels inside about being teased. I'm sure he doesn't particularly like being fat but the physical aspect of it probably isn't going to hit him until he gets into highschool. It's the mental part, the self esteem that he has to worry about now.




I agree with everything you said, but this stood out at me. After I explained to her why I did what I did, because he had come to me and told me he was being teased, his mom calmed down and said that he hadn't told her that he was being teased for being fat. Probably because she won't hear him because she doesn't see him as fat. Or that even if he is fat, fat's okay. Of course, she got mad at me again and now it's a big deal again.

Quote:

Perhaps all three of you could sit down and you could have a conversation between the two, encouraging the boy to voice his feelings about the situation. Maybe if it were to come from him, that he doesn't like the idea of the kids at school making fun of him and how it is making him feel inside, maybe then she will start to realize it wasn't you being judgemental because of his physical appearance. (Or hers for that matter.)




I wish this could happen, but my sister thinks everything I say and do is fucked up. That I am "focused" on their weight and think the world revolves around being fat or thin.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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OfflineRenegade8
Niggar please

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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Frog]
    #2359344 - 02/20/04 02:46 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT IF THE TRUTH HAD BEEN TOLD. ITS UNFORTUNATE THAT EVEN IN CHAT PLACES PEOPLE ARE STILL DOOPED BY LIES. IF SOMEONE WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP THERE WOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM. ALL THIS IS, A ONE SIDED TALE MADE TO LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP WHEN ALL SHE IS DOING IS LOOKING FOR VALIDATION FROM ANYONE TO JUSTIFY WHAT REALLY HAPPENED. IS ALL THAT REALLY IMPORTANT NOT REALLY. IM NOT IN DENIAL ALL I SIMPLY TRYING TO TEACH MY SON IS THAT HIS SELF WORTH IS NOT VALUED AT THIN OR FAT RICH OR POOR. ITS VALUED AT HIS CHARACTER AND THE ADITTUDE OF HIS HEART. KEEP IN MIND THAT DOESN'T MEAN I BLOWING OFF THE FACT THAT ITS GOOD TO BE HEALTHY. I JUST CHOOSE NOT TO MAKE IT AN EVERYDAY ISSUE. WHY WOULD I DO THAT WE WERE ALREADY AHEAD OF THE GAME. WHEN I AM SAYING EVERYDAY ISSUE IT JUST SIMPLY MEANS I WILL WATGH WHAT MY SON EATS WITHOUT BADGERING HIM. AS FOR MYSELF YES IAM ABOUT 20 LBS. OVERWEIGHT, THAT DOES NOT MEAN SHIT TO ANYONE BUT MYSELF. I DONT HAVE TO JUSTIFY LIES THAT PEOPLE WRITE TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER. AGAIN MY SELF WORTH ISN'T DEPENDED ON WHETHER IM 20 OVER OR NOT. IT ALSO DOESN'T MEAN IM NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT BUT ITS ALSO KNOW ONES BUISNESS BUT MINE. WHAT A THING TO FOCUS ON AND RUIN A RELATIONSHIP WHEN YOU BARELY HAVE TALKED TO THE PERSON IN 22 YEARS. HOW SHALLOW TO NOT HAVE SAT DOWN AND EVEN TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT. HOW CHICKEN SHIT IS THAT. IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY DONT HIDE BEHIND YOUR LITTLE CHAT THING HERE BE WOMAN ENOUGH TO GO TO THE PERSON. THEN MAYBE I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO FIND OUT THIS WAY. IF OUR RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED ITS ENTIRELY YOUR PROBLEM BUT I STILL LOVE YOU I JUST DON'T WANT TO PLAY GAMES WITH YOU. THERE WILL BE KNOW ONE IN MY LIFE THAT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF OR MAKE MY SON FEEL BAD. I WOULD NOT DO THAT TO YOUR KIDS. I WON'T WRITE HERE AGAIN


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OfflineRandolph_Carter
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Renegade8]
    #2359687 - 02/20/04 04:01 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

When you're dealing with weight problems, it HAS to be an everyday thing. Trust me, i'm finally up to a healthy weight/fat ratio. I halfassed it for years, and had more than enough problems because of it. The only way to gain/lose weight is to make the things you need to do a habit, and that requires an everyday attention and effort. Not an obsessive type of attention, but attention nonetheless.

And in my opinion, it's up to your son/daughter to decide what he/she wants to do about the weight loss/gain involved....your observation and tacit intervention will be no where near as effective as his/her involvement.


--------------------
"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)


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OfflineFrog
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Randolph_Carter]
    #2359869 - 02/20/04 04:36 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I really do want to thank everyone for your replies. Again, I thought I was doing the right thing for the kid, but I was getting so much flak for it that I wondered if maybe I wasn't delusional.

Well, time to move onward and upward...


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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Invisiblemabus
anguish this!

Registered: 02/11/04
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Renegade8]
    #2360263 - 02/20/04 06:12 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

IM NOT IN DENIAL ALL I SIMPLY TRYING TO TEACH MY SON IS THAT HIS SELF WORTH IS NOT VALUED AT THIN OR FAT RICH OR POOR. ITS VALUED AT HIS CHARACTER AND THE ADITTUDE OF HIS HEART. KEEP IN MIND THAT DOESN'T MEAN I BLOWING OFF THE FACT THAT ITS GOOD TO BE HEALTHY. I JUST CHOOSE NOT TO MAKE IT AN EVERYDAY ISSUE.




I agree with you.
Kids at school will pick on everyone, fat or thin. Basically your sister validated that the kids in school are right in picking on fat people and if he looses weight it would stop. She could have just gotten him interested in sports and the weight loss would have naturally occured. Now its a psychological issue.


--------------------

http://www.sacredshrooms.org


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OfflineStrumpling
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: Renegade8]
    #2362161 - 02/21/04 02:33 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

"I SIMPLY TRYING TO TEACH MY SON IS THAT HIS SELF WORTH IS NOT VALUED AT THIN OR FAT RICH OR POOR."

If you help him get thin he just may learn this


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


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OfflineStrumpling
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Re: Just Trying to Help... [Re: mabus]
    #2362204 - 02/21/04 02:43 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

"Kids at school will pick on everyone, fat or thin. Basically your sister validated that the kids in school are right in picking on fat people and if he looses weight it would stop."

oh cool this helps my previous point (sorry for double-posting..)

You made the claim that kids will pick on everyone. You also made the claim that if he looses weight it would stop - AH-HA! You said they pick on thin people too.. So we move on to elaborate:

Let's just say the mother lets/helps her child lose some weight. He turns into a generally "thin" child, and since, like you said, kids pick on anybody, people continue picking on him and he realizes weight doesn't have much to do with anything.

Looking through life FROM DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES yeilds great lessons; This is something shroomery-members might understand regardless of how much matter they're formed from.

edit: oh and renegade I know you said you wouldn't talk again here but could you possibly point out the lies we were told?

Nobody likes lies.


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


Edited by Strumpling (02/21/04 02:47 AM)


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