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PumpJackTeX
livin life



Registered: 05/26/08
Posts: 3,951
Loc: California
Last seen: 1 year, 6 days
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parents dying
#23530545 - 08/11/16 07:52 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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How old were you when your mother and/or father died?
How did they die?
How did you handle the the emotions leading up and afterwards?
-------------------- Life. 2008 Ascension Energy | UFOs | 2021
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weirdguy32
OTD shitstain


Registered: 01/25/15
Posts: 4,489
Loc: Spicemaster SC
Last seen: 3 hours, 55 minutes
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everything ok man? to answer your question both my parents are still alive but I haven't seen or even spoken to the old man in 10 years so sad to say it's kind of like he's dead to me
Edited by weirdguy32 (08/11/16 08:01 AM)
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hex_enduction
satta massa gana



Registered: 01/26/14
Posts: 12,051
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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I was 9 when my mom died; she was 34. Died of asthma related complications, or so I was told. I've come to recently suspect that drugs may have been involved, but I don't really know. It was incredibly hard on me even though I was just a kid. Took a lot out of me that I don't think I ever got back. I can still remember how horrible I felt in the days and weeks afterward. Some of the hardest shit I ever went thru.
I've mostly come to terms with it at this point, as much as one can come to terms with the death of a family member.
My dads still alive and well at 58, thank god.
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Connoisseur said: oh ive cried on drugs sunshine said: Tragic. I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE


Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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My parents are alive and healthy physically My mom is an alcoholic though, so her time is limited unless the old wine makes you stay young adage holds true.
My dad has beaten type two diabetes by radically changing his lifestyle. I actually envy him, he turned his life around in a great way post-divorce.
The death of either of them would be jarring. Knowing me I'd slip deep into drug abuse if it happened soon. I'm hoping in the future I can learn better coping mechanisms.
-------------------- Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?
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weirdguy32
OTD shitstain


Registered: 01/25/15
Posts: 4,489
Loc: Spicemaster SC
Last seen: 3 hours, 55 minutes
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im not really even sure what happened between me and my dad. I think pride has/is having a lot to do with my situation
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specialpeopleclub



Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 5,584
Loc: Mitten
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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I was 19 when my dad died. He was three years out of prison from a 6 year stint, thanks to some lieing girls. You know, rape liers, human garbage cigerette smoking 14 year olds in his neigborhood. I mean, he was almost bind, and robbed blind by them, and didnt like kids that way at all. His record as a young adult was bad though, had to plea or face 20 years.
He died from diabetes, a slow agonizing death after being given the false hope of a transplant that died and rotted inside him
I dont know if I handeled it. It seems there are various levels of being haunted where you think about what this person would say, and what the future would have been like if you shared it. I realize I dont and try to not think about it.
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weirdguy32
OTD shitstain


Registered: 01/25/15
Posts: 4,489
Loc: Spicemaster SC
Last seen: 3 hours, 55 minutes
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trees


Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 9,228
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It's always so crazy when young kids parents die, but i think it builds character and in some cases makes you stronger / better...
I had a step-father die in my teenage years, we were close, and seeing him go from feeling sick one day to unconscious and hooked up to life support in just 1 month was eye opening. Acute leukemia.
After that, i just wanted to live more healthy and started to really value each day more than ever before.
-------------------- Trees is dead, this is his mum posting
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weirdguy32
OTD shitstain


Registered: 01/25/15
Posts: 4,489
Loc: Spicemaster SC
Last seen: 3 hours, 55 minutes
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you ever just feel like every single thing life has thrown your way, the thoughts in your head have finally just poisoned your brain? Sometimes I feel that way
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hex_enduction
satta massa gana



Registered: 01/26/14
Posts: 12,051
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: parents dying [Re: trees] 1
#23530710 - 08/11/16 08:40 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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I agree that it made me stronger and more independent from a young age having my mom die as a kid. On the other hand, it definitely fucked me up more than a bit.
It's really crazy to think about in retrospect. I can't even imagine what kinda person I would have become had she survived.
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Connoisseur said: oh ive cried on drugs sunshine said: Tragic. I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE


Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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What ifs distract and destroy the now
-------------------- Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?
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hex_enduction
satta massa gana



Registered: 01/26/14
Posts: 12,051
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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That's why I don't spend much time thinking about it. I don't think I'd be much better off, anyway.
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Connoisseur said: oh ive cried on drugs sunshine said: Tragic. I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.
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specialpeopleclub



Registered: 04/10/14
Posts: 5,584
Loc: Mitten
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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Thanks. Really, its all about recognizing that in life you cant save anyone.
Edited by specialpeopleclub (08/11/16 09:28 AM)
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5150
phantom

Registered: 09/01/06
Posts: 5,437
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
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Gotta stay strong when the parents die,too easy to let it fuck with your head,try to make em proud even if they've passed,be courageous,its the only way
-------------------- "the way of the warrior is the resolute acceptance of death" Miyamoto Musashi
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Apostle
Philanthropist



Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Hasn't happened yet
i'll probably kill myself.
i think i'm subconsiously trying to beat them to the grave so i don't have to deal with it.
Consciously, actually, but i'm not like suicidal or anything. I just need it to be this way. i don't want to go mad and i know i will. They are already used to handling loss so i don't think it's too selfish.
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Google: Pippa Bacca
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PatrickKn



Registered: 07/10/11
Posts: 20,613
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Re: parents dying [Re: Apostle] 2
#23533188 - 08/11/16 10:37 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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It's about the most selfish thing you could possibly do given your reasoning.
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 26,229
Last seen: 4 hours, 28 minutes
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I watched my father figure die right in front of me. Its different then just hearing a loved one died.(also my real father has a tumor on his brain stem.)
As for the emotions there is no analogue to compare it to.
As for how I handled it I sent myself into a chaotic spiral not giving a fuck about anything or anyone.....I eventually got over it but it took a while. Everyone IS NOT equal. Everyone deals with shit in their own way.
Conclusion: suck it up and live the rest of your life to the max.
-------------------- Oh well, whatever, nevermind.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
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Apostle
Philanthropist



Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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I guess but it stems from love in any case.
Its also the most likely outcome for my lifestyle so it works out and shouldnt be a total shock.
So far ive only lost some teeth and a bunch of brain cells but i feel like the big one is coming soon.
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,661
Last seen: 9 minutes, 13 seconds
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My mom and grandma both died within just a couple of months of each other. That was about a year or two ago, not really sure. I'm bad with dates and it's not exactly a date you want to remember in the first place.
My mom's death was an actual shock. She was only 40-ish and was not ill. She had a heart attack or something. When I first got the news I didn't think I really cared. Me and her weren't all that close. We had a really rocky relationship through most of my life but in the last few years we'd settled our differences and I was no longer angry at her. I soon found out it was the exact opposite of not caring and that lack of all emotion or concern over the news was just pure shock. My brain couldn't process that information. It's as if the words "your mom died today" were in some alien tongue. It didn't take but a day or two for reality to set in and it hit me like a freight train.
When my grandma died I still hadn't even begun to get through my grief over my mother. My grandmother raised me and when people talk about how much love they have for their mothers and that super strong bond, that was our relationship. I took a nose dive deep into a dark place and lost my damn mind. I wasn't coping, I wasn't even struggling to hold it together, I was just utterly broken. I had known it was coming for years. She hasn't been able to do anything but sit in her chair for years. Even getting up to go to the bathroom was a life and death struggle for her. She was on oxygen 24/7 and even that left her struggling to breath all the time. She had COPD. All that time to "prepare myself" and it didn't make a damn bit of difference either.
As for how I dealt with it all, I didn't. I stopped sleeping, and instead took alcoholism to all new heights. I mean non stop drinking (both liquor and beer) until I would literally pass out sitting up in my computer chair.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Exceed19_2000
Stranger

Registered: 04/15/16
Posts: 265
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
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Quote:
TexXx said: How old were you when your mother and/or father died?
How did they die?
How did you handle the the emotions leading up and afterwards?
I was 28 years old when my mom passed. I am 36 years old now. It was the 2nd worst thing to happen in my life. (1st worst thing, is I had a spinal fusion as a 18 year old, 12" Harrington rods, and they BROKE after the surgery after 4 weeks, and they had to cut me up and do the fucking thing ALL over again, causing nerve damage, and now limiting what I can do physically.)
My mom died IN THE HOSPITAL due to their mistake and not being able to fix their mistake. She had asthma, and had an operation where they sedated her - and at the end of her recovering and coming out of anesthesia - they pulled the trachea tube out, which caused her to have a reaction to the tube removal, she went into an asthma attack, and they couldn't get the tube back in, and didn't have a crash cart on that floor. So my mom suffocated in the hands of nurses. IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL for a routine surgery.
I dealt with it hard. My family was close to this, and afterwords my dad had a meltdown, sold the house I grew up in (in the country - dirt cheap, he didn't even tell us (the kids) he was selling, he just fucking did it) he was "suicidal" and depressed, and ended up finding a sucker to help relieve him of his money within a year.
If anyone had a great childhood - it was me. We had all sorts of family parties, dirt bikes, ATV's, a pool. a huge house, lots of fun. It's hard losing someone who raised you. amd who was your directional moral compass. I could talk to my mom about everything - even when I moved and bought my first home - I still came by once a week for food, or my mom would ask me to bring laundry so she could help me (I was working 2 full time jobs at the time).
I can't say the loss ever made me think about suicide or anything - but I think of all the things taken from me by the hospital and killing my mom. Time, holidays, friendship, a safety net (not like I needed anything, but once its gone, you feel alone), my father going off the rails, losing my "home" *the one I grew up in for 21 years* - and all the future things my mom wanted to see me do (marriage, kids, etc).
For anyone that loses someone - it never gets "easier" it just gets manageable because your life has all sorts of other problems that come up.
And if anyone needs someone to talk to about losing a parent - you can always PM me. It helps to talk to people who can understand and also have suffered loss. It destroyed my family, and we are good, normal people. My mom was here one minute, and suffocated to death another minute later.
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