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OfflineRhizohunter
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Registered: 04/22/11
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Here is a part of my book
    #23528321 - 08/10/16 01:59 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

At Olean general I had the same delusion that they were trying to kill me. I tried to jump out the window and fall on my head but the windows were locked. I believe all the nurses are conspiring against me and want to kill me. I believe that they are giving me poison. I go out and ask for aspirin and I know that they are giving me cyanide. I believed that I was sacrificing myself for the greater good because I am too powerful of a being to live in this world with other mortals. I am doing a lot of strange things at this hospital. They keep having me pee in a cup and the voices tell me to drop the cup in the toilet. I do this three times and they never get that urine sample. I started to believe I had my super powers again and that I could see in the dark. I went into the bathroom and shut the lights off and only went by where I believed the objects to be. I probably pissed on the floor instead of the toilet because you really can't aim when you are in a dark room. I start to follow this girl around and it is as if I am a nuisance to her. The voices would tell me to do all sorts of things like dropping a book behind her when she was on the telephone to scare her. I would follow her around and believe that she was important. The voices would tell me to look up from my book and every time I did it, there she would be. It is like this constantly with the voices, they know things that they should not know. I am using the books as a form of telepathy and I have decided not to talk. I am believing that I am telepathic with everyone and that I don't need to say the words out loud, they should only be said in the mind. The nurse can't get a word out of me, but how is this possible when I am talking with her in my head so fluently? I am challenging the nurses who could sing and talk the fastest in the mind and I have them all beat. My mind is a racing machine and I am communicating with so many beings that I start to do some bizarre things. The voices had me spinning around and blurting out random words at the meetings I would go to. It was as if I was being tormented by the girls and this is one of the delusions that I don't think about much.

I just picked a random place in the book and copied and pasted. Hope you like it


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InvisibleBurke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Rhizohunter] * 1
    #23528345 - 08/10/16 02:09 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

It reads like a list of symptoms/schizophrenic behaviors.  Not the most compelling narrative, IMO.  Still, stick with it.  Writing can be good for you.


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OfflineRhizohunter
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Burke Dennings]
    #23528374 - 08/10/16 02:17 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Burke Dennings said:
It reads like a list of symptoms/schizophrenic behaviors.  Not the most compelling narrative, IMO.  Still, stick with it.  Writing can be good for you.





Thanks Burke, that is the answer I was looking for. I would like to speak with people who understand this frame of mind and show them that there are things that could help. I will try this again randomly...

am not a true fighter in the physical world, but I have my Cutco knives and I am ready at any given time to protect my apartment where I believe the lord lives as I possess the tree of knowledge and am constantly waiting for someone to arrive and take it from me. If the cops had showed up for any reason it would not have ended well. I am seeing all the possible outcomes in my mind of how this is going to go down and I have this delusion where if a cop were to shoot at me the gun would not fire. They would have to go head to head to me with my knives and it would end in a bloody mess. Good thing that nothing of this sort happened because in true reality it would just end with me getting shot. The police are always trigger happy as I am watching the news and hearing about all the abuse that the cops are putting on the American people for no reason and I have had many instances with the police that summer. In my mind, I see the police, and let me tell you the police enter my mind many times. They always say "this is the JPD, we're sorry for what we have done to you and we are going to leave you alone", but I never believe this to be true. The JPD like to fuck with me and there was a time where my uncle called the cops on me because I was acting a little "out there" in his house and I said I was walking to my Nana and Papas. The police arrived as I was walking there and I fit the description of who they were looking for, luckily I was as polite as I always was and said" no I am fine, I am not a threat to anyone, I am just walking to my grandparents house to say hello". The police this time seem to be chill and let me go on my way, but as I go to shake the police officers hand (as I always do) he says, "I'm not shaking your hand" and I start to believe this is because I have the ability to change the police officers mind and turn them into beings that now work for me.


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OfflineFreeTheSoul
The wonderer.
Registered: 01/04/14
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #23528386 - 08/10/16 02:23 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

You live in NY eh? I go through Olean Ny sometimes. Or do you live in Jamestown?


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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Rhizohunter] * 1
    #23528392 - 08/10/16 02:25 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I think going back on the medication might be a good idea. This doesnt sound anything like the trippy shamanistic visions you've made them out to be. It sounds awful.


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OfflineRhizohunter
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: FreeTheSoul]
    #23528450 - 08/10/16 02:44 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

FreeTheSoul said:
You live in NY eh? I go through Olean Ny sometimes. Or do you live in Jamestown?




Jamestown is Ny


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Offlineclock_of_omens
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Rhizohunter] * 1
    #23528462 - 08/10/16 02:49 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Looks to be boring and pointless ramblings with basically no art involved. Probably publishable.


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OfflineFreeTheSoul
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: clock_of_omens]
    #23528479 - 08/10/16 02:56 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

:facepalm: lol I just realized what I said.


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Offline5150
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: FreeTheSoul]
    #23536436 - 08/12/16 10:27 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Read "a million little pieces"frey will give u pointers


--------------------
"the way of the warrior is the resolute acceptance of death"

Miyamoto Musashi


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Offlinekoods
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: 5150] * 2
    #23536444 - 08/12/16 10:29 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Paragraphs are your friends


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: koods]
    #23536546 - 08/12/16 11:07 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

koods said:
Paragraphs are your friends



I fucking LOVE reading. But I run and hide behind the closest chair/adult/wall I can find when I see a wall of text looming aggressively at me.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Offlineclock_of_omens
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23536568 - 08/12/16 11:18 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Both of those excerpts could easily be single paragraphs length-wise. However, even if he were so inclined, there are no natural places to break because they're barely coherent ramblings.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: clock_of_omens]
    #23536573 - 08/12/16 11:19 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

If I wasn't enjoying the afterglow of my mescaline right now, I would so paragraph the fuck out of those barely coherent ramblings.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Burke Dennings]
    #23536595 - 08/12/16 11:29 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Burke Dennings said:
It reads like a list of symptoms/schizophrenic behaviors.  Not the most compelling narrative, IMO.  Still, stick with it.  Writing can be good for you.



Work on the narrative a bit but I love it I've actually been looking forward to this


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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Offlineclock_of_omens
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #23536604 - 08/12/16 11:33 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

In order for one to work on the narrative, there would really need to be a narrative there in the first place.


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: clock_of_omens]
    #23536622 - 08/12/16 11:40 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I find it fascinating and that's not true read brain on fire


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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Offlineclock_of_omens
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #23536673 - 08/13/16 12:06 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

How fascinating you may or may not find it has no real bearing on whether it is good writing or good as a piece of art.

I just read several pages of Brain on Fire on Amazon and the writing was banal and not good. Also, I don't know why you cited that in regards to this topic. What I read was not just nonsense ramblings and there was indeed a narrative, however lame.


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: clock_of_omens]
    #23536873 - 08/13/16 02:20 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah it kind of does if I like it everyone else could fuck off. At least one person likes it. I have done editing for Carl's junior commercial and King Kong and thIs could be a lot better with editing . :pm: me rhiz. I can articulate and form emotional paragraphs and more elegance depict option to it


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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Offlineclock_of_omens
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #23537333 - 08/13/16 09:01 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

No. Whether you like or dislike a work doesn't affect whether it is good or bad. One can like bad art and dislike good art yet still recognize whether it is good or bad apart from subjective biases. If all it takes for something to be good is that one person likes it, then every work is good, in which case nothing is actually good because 'good' becomes meaningless.


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OfflineRhizohunter
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: clock_of_omens]
    #23558369 - 08/19/16 09:21 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

It is just a collection of thoughts and experiences which combine to create a story about a mind which is experiencing things which really shouldn't be a part of the world.

The mind can create some very interesting dialogues and your reality twists and turns with it. I enjoy how the mind acts upon physical observations, it is as if it has a role play with it to supply your reality with a new story.

That was just a random piece of my mind by the way, I just wrote this earlier.


The constant need to keep thinking is very prevalent within the community of the schizophrenics and in my opinion that should be reason enough to get social security. I don't think the modern man could ever understand what it is like to be constantly provoked by thought to the point where you can't do anything else in this world accept think. It is a force, worse than drug addiction, that causes you to need to leave society so that you can be involved with your own thoughts on a day to day basis. My idea about it is outside the ideas of the normal. For a person with this condition you would think that they need to try to adjust to society and learn to live without this constant need for satisfaction. I am fully addicted to my own brain and what it can do for me, I am constantly needing a satisfaction from my mind, a reward system which is given to me over and over again. The more I think, the higher I get, and there is no drug that can top it. I do enjoy to use drugs because they cause me to think about different parts of my mind, but it is not the high from the drug that I crave. I just want to be intrigued by my thoughts more and more from the drugs that I use. Once you have abandoned the ideas of drugs getting you high and accepted that you can take control of your own brain and get you higher, do you actually succeed in some form of development within your human consciousness.


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Invisibleblewmeanie
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #23558397 - 08/19/16 09:31 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

You begin nearly every sentence with I.


--------------------
The Prophecy!

Learn To Code


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: blewmeanie]
    #23558429 - 08/19/16 09:39 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Love it so far


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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OfflineRhizohunter
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: blewmeanie]
    #23558447 - 08/19/16 09:43 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

blewmeanie said:
You begin nearly every sentence with I.





Well, it is my mind on paper. It is not so much a "story" as an understanding of a godheads life and mind. What a person with my condition observes and how he interprets it into his own reality.

I am free writing, and then I go back and make it more appealing to the reader. I just flow with my thoughts, I am mostly interested in making people think. If you aren't sparking interest within your mind when you read, than what's the point.


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Invisibleblewmeanie
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #23558523 - 08/19/16 10:13 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

THIS THREAD IS NOW ABOUT STEALING YOUR WORK AND REWRITING IT. GO.

:blewmeanie:





At Olean general I began to suspect secret combinations moving against me. Believing all the nurses were trying to kill me,I threw myself headfirst from the window. It was locked; conspiracy no doubt.

Despite suspecting their plans to poison me, I asked for an aspirin. I received cyanide, I know it. Let my sacrafice serve a greater good. The death of a god.

You think me strange? I'll not pee in your damned cup. The voices warning echoing in my mind, I drop the cup in the toilet. Again and again they persist, but i will not be fooled. With my power returning I can see their scheming even in the dark. Secreting myself away from their prying eyes, my mind unfolds amoung the objects of a dark bathroom.

At that moment from the warmth of a strange puddle, she appears, and I follow. She may find me a bother, but the voices drive me on.

I hear their whisper. "This one is important" and "teach her the lesson of fear".

She thinks she fooling me, talking on the phone. I slam my book at her feet, looking deep through her eyes, and she knows. She knows. She may try to hide, but the voices show me where to look.

"Now, look up", the voice comands! And there she is. You may hide, but the voice knows, and what the voice knows, I know. Our mind unrolled across what can not be know. I am one with the voice. The echo of my thrown books penetrate all with the harmonic of our communion. Telepathy of the damned. I leave the nurses to my silence.

]


--------------------
The Prophecy!

Learn To Code


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OfflineRhizohunter
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: blewmeanie]
    #23558647 - 08/19/16 10:48 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Meh, no real understanding from that. I just gave you guys a fraction of my book, you don't see how it is all connected.

This is what my book is really...


I see my reality as a twist from a reality which is brought about from a change within my thought processes. I can't help but think something and find a reaction which mimicks it. The world around me is just so fantastic at finding a reciprocation for my thoughts that I develop these realities that are absurd.

My realities could be substantial to understanding ideas about how life works, but they are so bizarre that you have to question the structure of how life works altogether. Breaking it down is the goal, but throughout that process you have a bunch of coincidences that throw you off. Is it possible to manipulate the questions of coincidence and bring forth only thought of synchronicity when it comes to these bizarre answers?

We will never know completely, but I hope to intrigue thought throughout my book.


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Invisibleblewmeanie
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #23558722 - 08/19/16 11:21 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

It was meant to be a joke. I guess i failed at that. I wasnt trying to clarify anything.

If i can be blunt, you haven't said anything thought provoking or even enjoyable to read. It the same uninteresting drivel scratched in notepads by selfinvolved teeneagers everywhere. The thoughts documented are simple, boring, and uninformed by life experiences. Nothing has been "broken down" as you say, and a great deal of it is flat out meaningless.

That said, keep writing. Writing is great. Its one of those things you cant help but get better at. And even if youre terrible at it like me, its still rewarding. Write what uou know though, not some self mythology. Try rewriting the experience documented in the first post, but in a way that communicates the ordinary tactile experience. your subjective perspective will come though in the subtext, without stating it explicitly.

For example, you could write pages and pages on just this line.

" I start to follow this girl around and it is as if I am a nuisance to her."

What girl? Tell us about her. Even a simple description will go further to show us thenway you see the world. What was she doing, where qere you going? The ordinary stuff. People skip over the interesting, and drine on endlessly about what they think qill be interesting. Its not.



--------------------
The Prophecy!

Learn To Code


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OfflineRhizohunter
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: blewmeanie]
    #23558770 - 08/19/16 11:39 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I think I have so much information that it is hard to depict a story from it. It is possible that there are so many interesting things happening that the world can't understand what is going on.

I will take your advice, but my book is mainly a series of events that question this reality. It is confusing how "this" and "this" could be connected in this way. I don't expect to be an amazing writer, but I see my reality as beyond interesting.


Thanks for the advice though, let me give you an example of fucked...

My grandfather is similar to me, he is supposedly bi-polar and schizophrenic and I was in jail for a little bit of time but was hearing all these things about my grandfather believing he was a healer. This is not unique to our family, we all have had experiences that cannot be explained by basic thought. My grandfather thought that he could heal and save the sick and it was coming from god above. My grandfather brought me into his room and sat me down. He was convinced that I had a demon in me and I said "I know grandpa, they will not leave me". He said that he would pray for me and cast these demons out, but I knew it would not work. I was dealing with some powerful entities at the time and it was difficult for me to sit in that room. He was doing this thing where he was speaking in tongues, and I am perfectly okay with this. I understand speaking in different languages and to hear my grandfather "go" made me feel good. My grandfather speaks in tongues at me and what I hear in translation within my mind is "I am the living god and I command these demons out of you" and at this point I hear the demons laugh. I become angered by this because I look at my old grandfather and think to myself, "how could you do this to this old feeble man", he needs comfort and guidance into the next life, not a bunch of entities fucking with his head".  This is where I say some important words to my grandfather, and they are words that he actually understood. It is a connection that we had that I do not have with any other person in my family. I said "grandpa, you can't listen to everything they say, they do not always tell the truth, I want you to remember that". He looked at me and said "okay David" and we left the room.


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OfflineReposadoXochipilli
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #23558813 - 08/19/16 11:56 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

David lo pan ...



--------------------


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Invisibleblewmeanie
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #23558895 - 08/20/16 12:43 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

See, that an interesting story.  Flesh that out.


--------------------
The Prophecy!

Learn To Code


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OfflineCrystal G
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #23558934 - 08/20/16 01:09 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

You need to work on your prose, your sentence structure, and the type of words you use more. Especially consider rephrasing sentences like these, "I probably pissed on the floor instead of the toilet because you really can't aim when you are in a dark room."

You need to captivate the audience with your linguistic capabilities. Your paragraph sounds more like when somebody is talking very casually. It reminds me of 6th grade level writing. Too many short sentences in a row. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be mean or demean you or your work. But if I were an editor, I would not pass this.


Edited by Crystal G (08/20/16 07:56 AM)


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OfflineWhoManBeing
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Crystal G]
    #23558990 - 08/20/16 01:39 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Better writing some adventurous fictional story with a light hearted comedy. Who wants to carry a burden as your own heavy thoughts among the whites of clouds. Be sinking like an ACME anvil onto our good ol' man Coyote. Thanks Moore.


--------------------
Hip, hip... WhoRAy!!!

Eye was thinking the other day...  ahh, thinking never done me no good.



Edited by WhoManBeing (08/20/16 01:40 AM)


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Crystal G]
    #23558997 - 08/20/16 01:42 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

WhoManBeing said:
Better writing some adventurous fictional story with a light hearted comedy. Who wants to carry a burden as your own heavy thoughts among the whites of clouds. Be sinking like an ACME anvil onto our good ol' man Coyote. Thanks Moore.



Don't agree
Quote:

Crystal G said:
You need to work on your prose, your sentence structure, and the type of words you use more. Especially consider rephrasing sentences like these, "I probably pissed on the floor instead of the toilet because you really can't aim when you are in a dark room."

You need to captivate the audience with your linguistic capabilities. Your paragraph sounds more like when somebody is talking very casually. It reminds me of 6th grade level writing. Too many short sentences in a row. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be mean.



Agreed


--------------------
R.I.P
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Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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InvisibleBuckthorn
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Registered: 07/25/08
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #23559046 - 08/20/16 02:27 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

i am diagnosed on anti-psychotics

the original shamans were people who left the tribe and isolated themselves in caves (Muhammed)

they would leave their families and return with inspiration

I'm on Social security and i pay back what was earned by my ancestors by cleansing the environment of the parasitical citizen's illegal waste washed into the local stream

i also update technology in my mind and give it away and see the commercials of my inventions

being diagnosed is a curse.. now all of my peers are out of college and there is no teacher in the community college who can teach me so here i am on the internet

your story is relatable and i enjoy it


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InvisibleAdden
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Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Buckthorn]
    #23559079 - 08/20/16 03:00 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I've found reading helps a lot with borderline psychotic thoughts. In my youth I'd write stories furiously and used some of them to get through undergraduate studies. It helps and keeps the mind busy. Even soft, slow poetry like Wordsworth or Coleridge. That was the peak of my disease and when it all fell apart. This helped differentiate fantasy versus reality.


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OfflineRhizohunter
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Re: Here is a part of my book [Re: Crystal G]
    #23562716 - 08/21/16 11:16 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
You need to work on your prose, your sentence structure, and the type of words you use more. Especially consider rephrasing sentences like these, "I probably pissed on the floor instead of the toilet because you really can't aim when you are in a dark room."

You need to captivate the audience with your linguistic capabilities. Your paragraph sounds more like when somebody is talking very casually. It reminds me of 6th grade level writing. Too many short sentences in a row. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be mean or demean you or your work. But if I were an editor, I would not pass this.





Thanks for the advice, it's a work in progress.


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