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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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When a life is over at 19
#23524577 - 08/09/16 10:49 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Hey guys ,
I feel humiliated by myself.
I overdid drugs and had many thoughts going on wich led to Psychosis and madness.
Now i am here , nothing really left. A lost sight remembering what i have lost.
I am fucked . I brought everything upon surface.
No more future past now just present and i dont do progress in life , there isnt any going forward anymore.
I think il might be doing euthanasia because i have lost hope within and it wont get better.
I dont want to sound as a pitty doll but it might help having someone wich i can tell to before i do it to my loved ones.
Peace to everyone
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
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the present is all there ever really is. the "future" is only the constant occurrence of the present, if you believe time is linear
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: demiu5]
#23524620 - 08/09/16 11:12 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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The thing is i remained stucked on drugs or i think i have but the probability is 90% and i dont see a life worth living.
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
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Quote:
Trippedytrip said: The thing is i remained stucked on drugs or i think i have but the probability is 90% and i dont see a life worth living.
that's your [current] perspective, and also your choice to make, no one else's
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: demiu5]
#23524635 - 08/09/16 11:20 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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If i arent a perspective anymore , i cant see goig things in me the external info and nothing has a meaning anymore.
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VedicSoma

Registered: 10/30/14
Posts: 328
Loc: midwest
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
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Best way to stop feeling sorry for yourself is to start helping other people.
Go do some volunteer work. Anywhere that helps people.
That is my advice.
Good luck.
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Khancious
da Crow



Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 628
Loc: Behind Everything
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Nothing has meaning, therefore everything is meaningful.
Enjoy the here and now my friend. Always do what you want to do, never follow or be lead by anyone or any ideology other than what feels right in your heart.
This life is yours and is meant for you.
When it your time to die, you will remember these experiences and these words and drift off into the space of gratitude for what it all meant and remember why it all began.
-------------------- I am that, which is.
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yeah



Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 3,729
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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You are loved.
--------------------
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
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Quote:
Trippedytrip said: If i arent a perspective anymore , i cant see goig things in me the external info and nothing has a meaning anymore.
there is no inherent meaning. YOU decide what has meaning or not and to what degree.
as long as you are conscious, there is perspective
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: demiu5]
#23524671 - 08/09/16 11:32 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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But i am conscious maybe in my head not in pure awareness.
I feel this neck pain and mye eyes stare at the front. I sure got stucked on MDMA + cannabis from all this months
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
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Quote:
Trippedytrip said: But i am conscious maybe in my head not in pure awareness.
I feel this neck pain and mye eyes stare at the front. I sure got stucked on MDMA + cannabis from all this months
how can awareness be pure? awareness is a filtered process, physically, be it filtered through the eyes, ears, nose, tongue, nerve endings, and filtered mentally through emotion, experience/expectation, desire, and so on
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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Morel Guy
Stranger


Registered: 01/23/13
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Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Over doing drugs is when you forget that man kind is a bit behind and late for the show. There is no overdoing good drugs, only therefore drugs. Sounds like you need some good weed, a good dog and a good woman!
-------------------- "in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur" In filth it will be found in dung it will be found
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Morel Guy
Stranger


Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 15,577
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: Morel Guy] 1
#23524747 - 08/09/16 12:12 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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The only over at 19 is childhood and childhood should of been dying for some time. The only hard part is finding income to live off of and the rest is just comfort. Do yourself a favor and stay alive and not locked up.
-------------------- "in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur" In filth it will be found in dung it will be found
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FreeWorldOrder


Registered: 12/24/13
Posts: 2,002
Loc: Indiana, USA
Last seen: 8 days, 13 hours
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: Morel Guy]
#23524860 - 08/09/16 01:09 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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You are probably suffering from depression. Especially if you were doing X for months. Could be Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, which unfortunately can last for weeks or months. When we use most drugs it fucks with the Serotonin in our brains and our brains become "re-wired" so to speak.
I have personally felt the same emotions you are describing.
Best thing is to stop using, start a healthy diet, maybe some vitamins, and therapy if things get to crazy to deal with.
Sometimes it can help to talk to someone you have no emotional obligations to.
At any rate, hang in there. Things will eventually start to get better.
-------------------- "They who can give up essential liberty, to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Benjamin Franklin Lets Grow Mushrooms Videos PastyWhyte's Easy Agar TEK Agar's Liquid Inoculant TEK
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Morel Guy
Stranger


Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 15,577
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Quote:
FreeWorldOrder said: You are probably suffering from depression. Especially if you were doing X for months. Could be Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, which unfortunately can last for weeks or months. When we use most drugs it fucks with the Serotonin in our brains and our brains become "re-wired" so to speak.
I have personally felt the same emotions you are describing.
Best thing is to stop using, start a healthy diet, maybe some vitamins, and therapy if things get to crazy to deal with.
Sometimes it can help to talk to someone you have no emotional obligations to.
At any rate, hang in there. Things will eventually start to get better.
I agree. Seems what gets you by when your down will feel great when you are back up.
-------------------- "in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur" In filth it will be found in dung it will be found
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Relax. You're ok. You have your entire life still ahead of you. You are so young and can do anything you want. A lot can change in a small amount of time.
Ending it now is just foolish. Why not take a different approach and live with no abandon and reach for the stars? Pursue an ideal and become it. Become whatever you want. You can be anything. I'm not just saying this either. At 19, anything you put your mind to, anything, you can do.
Suffering is grace. You will be thankful for this despair down the line if you just let it pass and quit toiling in it.
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zzripz
Stranger


Registered: 12/23/08
Posts: 8,292
Loc: Manchester, UK
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
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Quote:
Trippedytrip said: Hey guys ,
I feel humiliated by myself.
I overdid drugs and had many thoughts going on wich led to Psychosis and madness.
Now i am here , nothing really left. A lost sight remembering what i have lost.
I am fucked . I brought everything upon surface.
No more future past now just present and i dont do progress in life , there isnt any going forward anymore.
I think il might be doing euthanasia because i have lost hope within and it wont get better.
I dont want to sound as a pitty doll but it might help having someone wich i can tell to before i do it to my loved ones.
Peace to everyone
If only you knew how young you were you would jump around with joy giggling and drooling 
so you say you overdid it on Xtasy and dope? So you have stopped them now?
Have you ever had magic mushrooms?
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nooneman


Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,564
Loc: Utah
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You'll be fine. You can fuck up everything in your entire life at 19 bar none, and still fix it all by 21.
Most people still consider a 19 year old to be a teenager/child. 19 is nothing. You'll be fine in the long run
Edited by nooneman (08/09/16 03:47 PM)
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beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: nooneman] 3
#23525533 - 08/09/16 05:46 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Meaning is self-created but that's what was intended by the Creator or Designer or whatever "put" this all in place.
Which is to say, when your unconscious selves begin to surface into consciousness, the world becomes a place so overwhelmingly meaningful that it is not possible to refuse.
Meaning is a level of psychological and spiritual development. It is something you grow into.
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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Yeah, pretty much what everyone else has pointed out. You're young, and this isn't by any means permanent, whatever it is you think you're dealing with. Especially drugs man, come on. Drugs are intrinsicly impermanent, even their effects for the most part! I suffer from depression myself, and cringe when people tell me "this will pass" but it's true. It's not worth ending your life over, why not try to improve your situation and see the beauty the life has to offer? Is there really anything you have to lose?
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 3 days
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Are you terminally ill? Blind? Deaf? Mute? Sexually impotent? Crippled? Paraplegic? Quadriplegic? Disfigured? Brain damaged? Are you illiterate? Homeless? A convicted felon on the run from the law with felony warrants issued in your name? Are you due to remand yourself into custody for a lengthy prison term? Do you have Hansen's Disease (Leprosy)? Are you a convicted pedophile? Are you guilty of treason, sedition or espionage in your country of origin? Did your parents attempt to drown you at birth (like an acquaintance of mine)? Were you birthed and left to die in a dumpster? were you left on the steps of a church or fire department after being born? Did your parents or guardians kick you out of the house on your 18th birthday?
No? Then STFU. You want some cheese to go with that whine? I have, in fact, socks that are older than you! I just turned 63 years old and have experienced a LOT of disappointments and failures as well as triumphs and achievements, and here you are threatening to euthanize yourself at the tender age of 19. 19! You're a still a kid, a teenager with two minutes of mistakes under your belt and some teenage angst. I'm a psychotherapist for over 30 years, and worked with adolescents for 27 of those years. What YOU need is a methodology called Tough Love® because without a Zen-slap (or God-smack) you won't WAKE UP and celebrate your youth in glory and in health! You'll get out of life what you put into it. SO, start taking responsibility for your actions for God's sake! The decade of the 20s is awesome even in the most boring of people. Man, when I used to start belly-aching about nothing at all, my long dead mom used to say "Go bang your head against a wall." Maybe that's all YOU"LL need to do instead of blowing your brains out. You're guaranteed to feel so much better when you stop.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Buster_Brown
L'une


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 3 days, 12 hours
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Quote:
Trippedytrip said:
...I dont really know what i do next? I maybe gonna go into a Monastery to live , i cant see anymore a life in society . I think il be well in a few years to unconsciously comprehend all the things that i have learned .
What do you think ?
Saint Anthony didn't do antipsychotics
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
Trippedytrip said: But i am conscious maybe in my head not in pure awareness.
I feel this neck pain and mye eyes stare at the front. I sure got stucked on MDMA + cannabis from all this months
I bet you are the life of the party.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
MarkostheGnostic said: Are you terminally ill? Blind? Deaf? Mute? Sexually impotent? Crippled? Paraplegic? Quadriplegic? Disfigured? Brain damaged? Are you illiterate? Homeless? A convicted felon on the run from the law with felony warrants issued in your name? Are you due to remand yourself into custody for a lengthy prison term? Do you have Hansen's Disease (Leprosy)? Are you a convicted pedophile? Are you guilty of treason, sedition or espionage in your country of origin? Did your parents attempt to drown you at birth (like an acquaintance of mine)? Were you birthed and left to die in a dumpster? were you left on the steps of a church or fire department after being born? Did your parents or guardians kick you out of the house on your 18th birthday?
No? Then STFU. You want some cheese to go with that whine? I have, in fact, socks that are older than you! I just turned 63 years old and have experienced a LOT of disappointments and failures as well as triumphs and achievements, and here you are threatening to euthanize yourself at the tender age of 19. 19! You're a still a kid, a teenager with two minutes of mistakes under your belt and some teenage angst. I'm a psychotherapist for over 30 years, and worked with adolescents for 27 of those years. What YOU need is a methodology called Tough Love® because without a Zen-slap (or God-smack) you won't WAKE UP and celebrate your youth in glory and in health! You'll get out of life what you put into it. SO, start taking responsibility for your actions for God's sake! The decade of the 20s is awesome even in the most boring of people. Man, when I used to start belly-aching about nothing at all, my long dead mom used to say "Go bang your head against a wall." Maybe that's all YOU"LL need to do instead of blowing your brains out. You're guaranteed to feel so much better when you stop. 
Lighten up, old timer.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 3 days
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(Someone can't write "brain damage" without the song title filling your mind?)
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Hey guys thanks for posts!
Its just i came i had fallen down to the extreme and there is no going up again. I see everything through my mind and bot through my eyes.
When i look in the mirror i feel stucked , eyes roll with me.
I dont make progress , just thoughts and there is no going forward , my eyes dont get the info going forward. I am cannabis abstinent since 4-5 weeks.
I tried shrooms last year , should i give them a try?
I have nothing to loose anymore.
I am in a ward and they say i will be fine but i dont trust anyone here. It is just i am in this permanent state with brain zaps sometimes and nothing more.
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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Where are you from out of curiosity?
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: 404]
#23526779 - 08/10/16 01:13 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Germany/Spain living in Germany
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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Germany and Spain always seemed like really really pretty places to go visit, moreso germany.
At any rate, if you are in a Ward I would wait at least until you were out of there for a while to try any sort of psychedelics or otherwise avoid them altogether as psychedelics may exacerbate mental illnesses like schizophreniform disorders and mood disorders.
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: 404]
#23526816 - 08/10/16 01:28 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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But i think my life is over , i dont know if it is the problem but i had MRTS done and everythings fine and in the other tests 2.
It is just i see life through my mind and not eyes.
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hTx
(:



Registered: 03/27/13
Posts: 5,724
Loc: Space-time
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-------------------- zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes Light up the darkness.
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: hTx]
#23527071 - 08/10/16 03:41 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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How do i light up the darkness? How can i escape captivity?
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hTx
(:



Registered: 03/27/13
Posts: 5,724
Loc: Space-time
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rid yourself of death anxiety.
spread joy and forgive.
-------------------- zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes Light up the darkness.
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zzripz
Stranger


Registered: 12/23/08
Posts: 8,292
Loc: Manchester, UK
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
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first, your not on your own wondering that. Your not the first person who feels fked up in THIS world and won't be the last!
So your in a psychiatric ward? Can you tell us the story how you came to get stuck in that?
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: zzripz]
#23527384 - 08/10/16 07:32 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
You're* (you are) not on your (possesion) own. You're*(you are) not the first person~ So you're* (you are) in a psychiatric ward?
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: 404]
#23527492 - 08/10/16 08:11 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I came to this to a point. Everything started fine a day. I woke up an everything was fine. It was different to other days , everything seemed so real. It went good 3 weeks with that mode.
It then took negative paths , a lot of memories from past wich led to enlightment and more madness. I remained sober in that time but also kept smoking some days. Had constant thoughts still i was detached from my body and mind , just hovering around.
My world has gone 360o around. I feel reincarnated and new to body and mind . Then came anxiety , isolation and fears . Now i got to the point where i was in a hole , feeling lost and no self feeling.
I then came to the ward , abstinence week 6 .
I have better concentracion , self feeling is better but i dont feel grounded yet.
I dont know what helps me but i am leaving now the meds wich have blocked this sensations and it is my time to put some effort in.
Thats all
Peace
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zzripz
Stranger


Registered: 12/23/08
Posts: 8,292
Loc: Manchester, UK
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
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Peace
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Eywa_devotee
Goddess Worshiper


Registered: 10/04/10
Posts: 1,088
Loc: State of Confusion, Arkan...
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: zzripz]
#23529680 - 08/10/16 09:04 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Your life would be over if you got caught with lots of drugs in the US. If your use of drugs is excessive and damaging, just stop using them. If it's MDMA you overdid, stop and take some Syrian rue to gently boost your seratonin back up.
-------------------- "Love one another." "To Love is to know me." "Love is the Law, Love under Will." "In Compassion, all sorrows end." Regardless of the Master, the message is the same- Choose love and you shall live, Choose Fear and you shall die. Help bring peace to this Earth: Love one another, and serve others before yourself.
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Peyote Road
Stranger

Registered: 09/02/15
Posts: 3,527
Loc: Great Lakes State
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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You would be amazed at how life can turn around sometimes. I have over done drugs before too and thought I would be stuck in a permanent hell and wanted to end my life, only to come out of it and find some joy again.
A lot of the difficulty comes from not knowing how to cope with loss, realizing what you had and that you can never have the past back. Its quite a shock at first.
The best thing to do is relax and accept how things are now, and give yourself a lot of time and then see if things dont improve.
-------------------- The path of the herbalist is to open ourselves to nature in an innocent and pure way. SHe in turn will open her bounty and reward us with many valuable secrets. May the earth bless you. - Michael Tierra
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: Peyote Road] 1
#23529939 - 08/10/16 11:52 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I think it is not that bad , my psychosis led to this inner enlightment of who i truly want to be from my soul and not the old ego i had constructed. I guess i need to build my own reality again.
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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I know it is really over because i dont go forward anymore , it is a time stop , and i dont have anything left .
I dont feel in gravity anymore , arent grounded and i dont feel grounded anymore everythings is blown away so euthanasia is the way to go .
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zzripz
Stranger


Registered: 12/23/08
Posts: 8,292
Loc: Manchester, UK
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
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you blow hot and cold
are you on psychiatric drugs now? I am very against the bio medical, drugs pushing psychiatric industry. Are you aware of the mental illness myth?
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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Man, you should never suggest someone cease medical treatment. Really wish i could bitch-slap through the internet.
Quote:
Trippedytrip said: I know it is really over because i dont go forward anymore , it is a time stop , and i dont have anything left .
I dont feel in gravity anymore , arent grounded and i dont feel grounded anymore everythings is blown away so euthanasia is the way to go .
Just because you don't feel right or grounded at this particular moment, does not mean that you will always feel this way... give it time man. even you said yourself that you were making progress, why throw that all away?
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mitmitice1
Stranger
Registered: 07/05/16
Posts: 126
Last seen: 4 years, 10 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: 404]
#23531364 - 08/11/16 12:12 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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SEARCH AND ASK signes from god. do mediattion and ofcurs find a love. im stuck eather....just realise i can be a wizard(no joke no 9gag) and belibe u will find a light
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: mitmitice1]
#23531549 - 08/11/16 01:11 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Hey guys i finally get it. Need to create my own reality , and slowly chill things back .
How divine science is and everything needs to settle down .
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zzripz
Stranger


Registered: 12/23/08
Posts: 8,292
Loc: Manchester, UK
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: 404]
#23531677 - 08/11/16 02:00 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Man, you should never suggest someone cease medical treatment. Really wish i could bitch-slap through the internet.
Just say know!
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bigdoodie
it does not matter


Registered: 06/24/16
Posts: 238
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Quote:
Trippedytrip said: Hey guys i finally get it. Need to create my own reality , and slowly chill things back .
How divine science is and everything needs to settle down .
Its not as simple as that, by creating our reality we fail to accept the world around us, Its just another escape and we will later face the same challenges. We have to look at the bigger picture to solve problems, ego is our only enemy. we are self reliant, but when we dont feel whole we have to depend on other people so we have someone to empower us by agreeing with what we say, and belittling anyone who doesnt agree. We have to step away from the 7 sins and the words I, me, myself, you, him, her, she, he, them, and they, when we start using we, us, and our, we start to realize that we really are all the same, and the misery will slip away. Such small things can make a big difference.
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: bigdoodie]
#23568889 - 08/23/16 11:28 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Hey guys ,
If my mind doesnt get extern info anymore with images and when everything is upon the surface it is over i guess right?
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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No, it's not over, that's silly. What do you mean your mind "doesn't get extern info with images and when everything is upon surface"?
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: 404]
#23569379 - 08/23/16 02:42 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I was in this long mental journey 4-5 months. I went way too far down the rabbit hole
Resting symptoms :
-I feel a disconnection to myself -Unconscious disconnection to reality -See through my mind not eyes -When walking or doing something is like i just live in the moment no time just present wich this journey led me to. Like i dont really get the things into my eyes or i dont catch the images.There is just present and every moment is new. Every single one
-
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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You are experiencing depersonalization/derealization. Not to alarm you, but this can accompany certain forms of epilepsy, or may be symptoms that are accompanying another disorder such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, and even migraines. In your position, I would get to a proper specialist, a neurologist or a psychiatrist would probably be able to help.
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La Flama Blanca
Stranger

Registered: 01/15/16
Posts: 487
Last seen: 10 months, 28 days
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: 404]
#23569613 - 08/23/16 04:17 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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looked through your older posts.... looks like you were or are seeing a psychiatrist. you also said you will not take medication. I think at this point, you should consider medication. please talk to your psychiatrist again. I think medication will make you feel much better. it will help you see things from a healthy perspective. it is not too late. i have been where you are. i had people stop me from hurting myself. i hated them for it. now i wish i could thank them.
dont give up.
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beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
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The problem with psychatrists is they will give you stuff that makes you even more depersonalised.
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
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La Flama Blanca
Stranger

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what does that even mean? and besides, what drug doesn't take you out of yourself? isn't that why we take drugs? to get out of the place we are currently in? thats why we're all on these forums. theres nothing wrong with taking a vacation from yourself, ESPECIALLY if you're having the kind of thoughts op is having!
i spend all day with me, 24/7, sometimes i get sick of me just like i'd get sick of anyone else i was around 24/7. psychiatric drugs do plenty of harm, but they do plenty of good too. they saved my life. i can't say the same for Psilocybes
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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Quote:
beforethedawn said: The problem with psychatrists is they will give you stuff that makes you even more depersonalised.
This is gross misinformation. If the medication you are taking makes you feel worse, it may not be the right medication to treat what you have. Without proper scans and tests it is hard to tell what's really going on, and obviously it should go without saying that the quality of the doctor you are seeing is pretty important. Have a friend taking abilify who has schizophrenia and it's something that helps him really function.
OP, go see a physician and get a referral somewhere or a neurologist and/or psychiatrist if there is one around you that has knowledge in both fields. Good doctors can be hard to find, but try to get one that has a lot of experience with some or most of the things I listed above
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deff
just love everyone



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Not to give advice either for or against seeing a psychiatrist (I think you already have iirc) - but another complementary thing you might want to try is spiritual healing - there are many healers available for distance healing online, some options can be found for free - and its something that has benefited me greatly over the last several years. it might be something you want to try, depending on if you believe something like that can be effective best wishes to you!
--------------------
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beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: deff] 1
#23569833 - 08/23/16 05:34 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Maybe there's no evil agenda but antipsychotics are hopeless. They're great if you're a total, utter mess, like talking to clowns who aren't there and voices scream at you and steal your thoughts, but if you're in the position you're in, I imagine they will first try risperdal, and you will space out totally, probably no sense of self.
Then you will complain, "I have no sense of self" and they will go, "oh that's the illness."
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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Yoga and meditation are not really good treatments for schizophrenia or epilepsy... Not to say that yoga and meditation aren't beneficial in their own way.
And beforethedawn - what? Sure sounds like you are talking about something you don't know again. I was on risperidone and i had nome of that spaced out stuff that happened to me while i was taking it. I started very low. .25mg which went to .5 down the line. These are things OP needs to be talking to with his doctor...
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beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: 404]
#23570293 - 08/23/16 07:28 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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That's a minimal dose. Risperdal goes up to about 8mg. It would only treat slight anxiety issues or something at .25/.5
I've been treated on and off with maximum doses of APs for 10 years. The therapeutic dose is close to maximum dose usually.
I find them useless. Doesn't mean I have what he has.
Can you point to the other examples of me not knowing what I'm talking about?
Most people on these forums don't even punctuate properly.
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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Well, for starters, risperdal goes up higher than 8mg in dosage.
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beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: 404]
#23570401 - 08/23/16 07:55 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Oh I see.
And then
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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No and then!
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La Flama Blanca
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: 404]
#23571047 - 08/23/16 10:32 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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 this is getting good
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
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So lot of posts haha.
I am in a Psychic ward since June.
First weeks got Tavor, Rispedal , Zopiclone to sleep.
After those weeks i was just Zombie mode and quitted them slowly. I am taking now 1 Rispedal at night. Yesterday they started dosing 0,5 Abilify to start with to see how it does. I didnt really notice it but i was a little more active.
I feel i am not the way up the mountain yet and climbing on top will be hard.
Has anyone had succes with retalin ? May it help?
I get here good medical attention from professionals and i dont have a concrete diagnosis.
It may be DP/Derealisation or it may be a Transitioning phase from a Awakening to a higher consciousness.
I feel i went way to deep into the hole and i am slowly coming out .
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La Flama Blanca
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you sound much more clear man. i'm glad to hear that you're getting help from professionals. i'm glad you didnt take bad advice from people like beforethedawn lol. stay on track with your treatment. one day you won't need it any more, but be patient with yourself. time is on your side.
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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I used to be on Ritalin (methyphenidate) and it helped with my energy quite a bit. I was on concerta which is time released methylphenidate for the longest. I was alson on .5 mg risperidone, and soon to be bumped up to 2mg for some magical thinking i had. i don't take any meds these days though there are times where i really wish i still had my concerta script as it really helped with energy and focus in school.
your symptoms you described were spot on for depersonalization/derealization, and it is a dissociative order, and it is treatable! Don't feel so down, have hope that there are indeed brighter sunnier days ahead of you 
may i ask what they think the diagnosis is so far?
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: 404]
#23571285 - 08/23/16 11:45 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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But i dont feel it is DP maybe yes . I feel numb most of the time pretty much.
They think it is also DP/Derealisation induced by cannabis.
I am now abstinent week 6
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La Flama Blanca
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404 you must have missed it. he said there is no concrete diagnosis yet.
trppedytrip i was prescribed ritalin when i was very young. that was the first amphetamine i was prescribed. since then i've tried damn near all of them...concerta, adderal, sudafed (sp?), all of which gave me undesirable side effects of some kind. thats why i rarely took my medication over the years. a few years ago i tried dextro-amphetamine. have been taking it 5-6 times per week since then. no side effects.
ritalin might not work for you. its very very common to have to try several different amphetamines before you find one that is right for you. be patient though, it is worth the wait. my medication has improved the quality of my life so much. i have ADHD though, so i'm not sure if they will do for you what they did for me. only time will tell.
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



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My thing is i am half the way up and still in the void.
Any amphetamine or med that can help me get going and improve my mood overall and be more active to help me getting out from there.
I started 2 days ago with 0,5 Abilify .
It has helped i think but it is to soon to say something .
Any other meds or something where i can reach this new level of consciousness and open my eyes to the bright light of life ?
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La Flama Blanca
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try asking for a different amphetamine. ritalin is very out-dated and not used much any more because so many people have side effects with it. however, given your current state, the side effects might be invisible to you. my side effects with ritalin was itching. other people feel naseau. other people don't want to do anything physically active. only way to know how it will effect you is by trying it. don't be discouraged if it doesn't work....like i said i tried almost every single amphetamine on the market before i found one that works for me. i'm glad i did too. thanks to my medication i have a good job, my own house, no roommates, my things are clean, (amphetamines makes cleaning chores much easier lol) i even have the energy to workout most days even after i've been at work for 9 hours. most people go right to the couch after their work day. not me, i get shit done and improve my life some more.
amphetamines get a bad rep, and its total bullshit. no illegal drugs have ever helped me even half as much as pharmaceutical drugs. don't listen to the nay-sayers.
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404
error


Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
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Quote:
La Flama Blanca said: 404 you must have missed it. he said there is no concrete diagnosis yet.
I didn't miss it, i saw. depersonalization/derealization are symptoms that accompany other issues, or may be their own dissoctiative disorder on their own, the docs are likely trying to figure out which it is if there is no concrete diagnosis yet.
Anyway, glad to see you have sensibility about you. Pharmaceuticals don't really deserve the bad rep they get a lot of the time, although there are some very very outdated chemical treatments out there today, and are no longer used for good reason.
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DividedQuantum
Outer Head


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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: 404]
#23582864 - 08/27/16 09:25 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
404 said: Pharmaceuticals don't really deserve the bad rep they get a lot of the time, although there are some very very outdated chemical treatments out there today, and are no longer used for good reason.
Quite true.
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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zzripz
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: 404]
#23583299 - 08/27/16 11:52 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
404 said:
Quote:
La Flama Blanca said: 404 you must have missed it. he said there is no concrete diagnosis yet.
Pharmaceuticals don't really deserve the bad rep they get a lot of the time, although there are some very very outdated chemical treatments out there today, and are no longer used for good reason.
maybe you don't see just how corrupt the pharmaceutical industry is, I do. They are a huge influence on the so-called ironic 'war on drugs'. Why...? because they want people on their toxic drugs , and COCKTAILS of their toxic fayre for 'life', and those who are younger and younger. They are evil!
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DividedQuantum
Outer Head


Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,819
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: zzripz] 1
#23584517 - 08/27/16 05:43 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I'm sorry but, it is a fact that many thousands if not millions of lives are saved, literally saved, by prescription drugs. This is a fact; look into it if you wish, I'm not going to take the time to document it. There are many nasty effects and side-effects of many pharmaceutical chemicals, but by and large there's a market for them because they work. Your polemical views about it are simply extreme and ill-informed; I guess that's ironic, I don't know. Costs are immense (because we don't have our shit together in the USA), but it's really not all some grand scheme to fuck people over. The problem with the pharmaceutical industry is not the legitimacy of the drugs, but the sky-high costs. We do need to get that under control as a society.
But make no mistake, millions depend on this industry in order to function and make a living in the world.
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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zzripz
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Quote:
But make no mistake, millions depend on this industry in order to function and make a living in the world.
I am afraid I see you don't see the terrible sad irony of what you state here.
The bottom line is the whole industry for 'psychiatric drugs' is based on a lie.
I am not giving a 'polemic' but stating things as they really are: checkout this very informative article (I CAN be bothered to present evidence):
Quote:
Anatomy of an Epidemic - Summary of Findings -Whitaker
1. Disability Numbers Due to Mental Illness Are Soaring. Our society understands that the arrival of Thorazine into asy lum medicine in 1955 kicked off a “psychopharmacological revolution,” leading to much better long -term outcomes for people with psychiatric disorders. Yet, the disability rate due to mental illness, as measured by adults under governmental care, has risen from one in every 468 Americans in 1955 to one in 76 today. The rise in the number of disabled mentally ill has been especially pronounced since 1987, the year that Prozac, the first of the “second-generation” psychiatric drugs, arrived on the market. The number of adults on SSI or SSDI due to mental illness has risen from 1.25 million in 1987 to more than 4 million today. The number of children and youth on SSI due to a serious mental illness has skyrocketed from 16,200 in 1987 to more than 600,000 today.
2. Affective Disorders Run a Much More Chronic Course Today than in the Pre-Drug Era. The rise in disability numbers is being driven by a sharp increase in the number of people disabled by affective disorders (depression and bipolar illness.) In the pre-drug era, the affective disorders were seen as episodic illnesses, with fairly good long-term outcomes. As George Winokur, a leading expert at Washington University, explained in a 1969 text: “Assurances can be given to a patient and to his family that s ubsequent episodes of illness after a first mania or even a first depression will not tend toward a more chronic course.” However, affective disorders today run a chronic course, and functional outcomes (employment rates, etc.) are much worse than they were 50 years ago. For instance, in the pre-drug era, roughly 50% of people hospitalized for first episode of manic -depressive illness were asymptomatic in long follow up studies, and only 15% to 20% became chronically ill. Various long-term studies found that 75% to 90% worked, and people so diagnosed did not show signs of long-term cognitive decline. Today, bipolar patients suffer many more acute episodes of illness and are much more likely to be rapid cyclers; they often suffer low -grade depressive symptoms in the interludes between acute episodes; only about 33% to 40% are regularly employed; and they show long -term cognitive impairment. Here is how the NIMH’s Carlos Zarate has summed up this deterioration in modern outcomes: “In the era prior to pharmacotherapy, poor outcome in mania was considered a relatively rare occurrence. However, modern outcome studies have found that a majority of bipolar patients evidence high rates of functional impairment.”
3. It Is a Myth that All People With Schizophrenia Need to be On Antipsychotic Medication All Their Lives. In the decade prior to the introduction of Thorazine, 65% or so first -episode schizophrenia patients admitted to state mental hospitals would be discharged within 18 months, and at the end of five y ears, 70% to 75% would be living independently in the community. (Employment rates for the men were above 50%.) This good employment rate continued into the early 1960s. An NIMH study of first-episode patients treated either with an antipsychotic or a placebo upon initial hospitalization found that one year later 58% were employed (or functioning well as “housewives.”) Furthermore, it was the patients treated in the hospital with placebo who were the least likely to be rehospitalized at the end of one yea r. Since then, numerous studies have found that there is a subgroup of first-episode schizophrenia patients who can recover and fare well without the use of antipsychotic medications, and that it is this unmedicated subgroup that has the best long-term outcomes. Most recently, in an NIMH-funded study conducted by Martin Harrow at the University of Illinois College of Medicine, 40% of the schizophrenia patients off medication were recovered at the end of 15 years, versus 5% of those on medication. “I conclu de that patients with schizophrenia not on antipsychotic medication for a long period of time have significantly better global functioning than those on antipsychotics,” Harrow reported at the 2008 meeting of the American Psychiatric Association. In western Lapland in Finland, the psychiatric community has been using antipsychotics in a selective manner since 1992, and today that region has the best outcomes in the Western World. At the end of five years, 80% of first-episode psychotic patients in western Lapland are either working or back in school, and here is their medication use: only 33% have been exposed to antipsychotics, and only 20% are regularly maintained on the drugs.
4. Use of Illicit Drugs and Antidepressants is Fueling the Bipolar Boom Fifty years ago, bipolar illness was a rare disorder, affecting perhaps one in 3,000 adults. Today, one in every 40 Americans is said to suffer from the disorder. While this increase is being driven in part by an expansion of diagnostic boundaries, it is also being fueled by the widespread use of illicit drugs, and by the use of psychiatric drugs (stimulants and antidepressants.) In studies of first-episode bipolar patients, roughly one-third suffered their first bout of mania or “mood instability” after they had abused illicit drugs (amphetamines, cocaine, marijuana and hallucinogens are common culprits.) In patients diagnosed with unipolar depression, treatment with antidepressants more than triples the risk that they will convert to bipolar illness, such that 20% to 40% of long-term users of antidepressants today end up with bipolar diagnosis. In a survey of members of the Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association, 60% of those with a bipolar diagnosis reported that they had turned bipolar after expos ure to an antidepressant.
5. The Medicating of Children and Youth for Mental Disorders Is Not Helping Them Thrive Over the Long-Term. In long-term ADHD studies, the medicated youth have not fared better than the unmedicated group. For instance, in a long-term study conducted by the NIMH (known as the Multisite Multimodal Treatment Study,) medication use at the end of the third year “was a significant marker not of beneficial outcome, but of deterioration.” Furthermore, children treated with stimulants are exposed to significant long-term risks; 10% to 25% convert to bipolar illness, which puts them onto a lifelong path of chronic mental illness. Twelve of 15 pediatric studies of SSRI antidepressants failed to show even a short-term benefit for the medicated group over placebo. Antidepressants can cause a host of psychiatric and physical side effects in youth; most problematic is that 25% of youth treated with antidepressants convert to bipolar illness within four years. Prior to the 1980s, which is when the prescribing of stimulants to youth became common, bipolar illness was virtually unknown in prepubertal children. Today, one percent of all American youth are said to be bipolar, and surveys of children so diagnosed have found that more than 65% turned b ipolar after treatment with a stimulant or an antidepressant. Long-term outcomes for youth diagnosed with juvenile bipolar disorder are poor; they exhibit symptoms “similar to the clinical picture reported for severely ill, treatment -resistant adults,” researchers have found.
6. Conclusion. There is evidence that psychiatric medications may be helpful over the short -term, and there are some people who fare well on the drugs long term. However, the outcomes for affective disorders have noticeably worsened during the modern drug era, and there is evidence that a significant percentage of schizophrenia patients can fare well over the long term without the use of antipsychotics. The regular use of psychiatric medications has also fueled an astonishing increase in the number of adults and children diagnosed with bipolar illness.
They maybe 'helpful in the short term' BUT the way things are for the state of the overall 'mental health of people in the world, no. My whole point of contributing in this boards is to continue trying to explore and wake up, and encourage others, and to point out what we as a species are doing not only to each other, but other species, and our very home, the ecosphere we all depend on. You seem to big-up 'happy pills' so as to keep the sorry game 'functioning' where I want it fked UP so that we are faced with what's what and then there can be real radical change. Psychological (psychic) pain is telling us something!
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LRG
Supernaut

Registered: 04/04/16
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Quote:
Trippedytrip said: Hey guys ,
I feel humiliated by myself.
I overdid drugs and had many thoughts going on wich led to Psychosis and madness.
Now i am here , nothing really left. A lost sight remembering what i have lost.
I am fucked . I brought everything upon surface.
No more future past now just present and i dont do progress in life , there isnt any going forward anymore.
I think il might be doing euthanasia because i have lost hope within and it wont get better.
I dont want to sound as a pitty doll but it might help having someone wich i can tell to before i do it to my loved ones.
Peace to everyone
Euthanasia is still suicide dude. You're knowingly taking a substance that you know will kill you. There's no other way to enter death besides the way you're supposed to... at the end of your life. You're not there yet.
You're down right now, but that will make the high that much better when you straighten yourself out. Fight for it. Stop being a pussy and grow up.
-------------------- "I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.” - Gandalf The Grey. "It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle "I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle's wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm HAMMERED DRUNK!" - Cal Naughton Jr. AKA The Magic Man. Abracadabra homes! "Each tear is a drop of poison released." - Anonymous "Could it be you're afraid of what your friends might say if they knew you believe in God above? They should realize before they criticize that God is the only way to Love."
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: LRG]
#23588287 - 08/28/16 08:25 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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You said it , i need to fucking complain stop and fight for it !
I sometimes am a pussy
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once in a lifetime
sun child



Registered: 02/12/15
Posts: 1,807
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Tripp-- you're 19?
that's both incredibly ancient and very young.
-------------------- Innocent, Oldfield & Hegerland Julia Delaney, Bothy Band Rasta Girl, Sister Carol Genesis, Jorma K I Wish You Peace, Lawrence Laughing Do Your Thing, Moondog large . . music garden . . veryall peace them hiStarhouse - main Time Traveler's Guide
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



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ye
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
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Loc: USA
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Quote:
La Flama Blanca said:
i spend all day with me, 24/7, sometimes i get sick of me just like i'd get sick of anyone else i was around 24/7.
Might there be a way to not get so sick of yourself you need drugs to escape?
What exactly about yourself do you wish to escape from?
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laughingdog
Stranger

Registered: 03/14/04
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: RJ Tubs 202] 1
#23608956 - 09/03/16 06:44 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:
La Flama Blanca said:
i spend all day with me, 24/7, sometimes i get sick of me just like i'd get sick of anyone else i was around 24/7.
Might there be a way to not get so sick of yourself you need drugs to escape?
What exactly about yourself do you wish to escape from?
sounds like a serious case of seriousness
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Kickle
Wanderer


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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: laughingdog]
#23609468 - 09/03/16 09:27 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
La Flama Blanca said:
i spend all day with me, 24/7, sometimes i get sick of me just like i'd get sick of anyone else i was around 24/7.
thanks for posting that! it really has me thinking about myself in a different way brother.
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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yogashaman21
Stranger
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Re: When a life is over at 19 [Re: Kickle]
#23629096 - 09/09/16 01:45 PM (7 years, 4 months ago) |
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hey you shouldn't feel sad my life ended at age 19 also thats when I smoked salvia and died and have been in hell ever since then. So don't feel so bad my entire existence as been one eternal nightmare.
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Trippedytrip
TrippedyTrip



Registered: 09/07/15
Posts: 514
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
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hell means for you?
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yogashaman21
Stranger
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Quote:
Trippedytrip said: hell means for you?
not quite sure what you are asking here?
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 13 hours, 13 minutes
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Quote:
yogashaman21 said:
hey you shouldn't feel sad my life ended at age 19 also thats when I smoked salvia and died and have been in hell ever since then.
We're witnessing history here folks.
This is the first time someone has died and then posted on the forum!
There is an afterlife, and it includes WiFi!
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