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Visionary Tools



Registered: 06/23/07
Posts: 7,953
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
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I feel fucked 1
#23515248 - 08/06/16 07:24 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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My liver is fucked (fat, not alcohol) I'm going in for an ultrasound scan on the 12th this month. Crashed my car. £1200 repair bill. Or £400 excess to pay and insurance pays the rest. Insurance is paying for the damage I did to the other persons car Woke up today feeling like shit, heart racing, woozy. Lonely as fuck depressed as fuck Poor as fuck.
Last night I prayed to god that I wouldn't have to wake up today and now I have woken up and I feel really fucking shitty and I'm wondering at what point does the pain get to before your spirit just goes "I quit?"
I can't commit suicide, there's people I love who are also going through their own hard time and I know if I were to take my own life they'd feel horrible. I had a lover years ago, she killed herself, and I never forgave myself for it. I don't know if there's anything I could have done, She was such a smart girl and made me feel incredible.
but seriously I want the pain to stop.
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VedicSoma

Registered: 10/30/14
Posts: 328
Loc: midwest
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
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Some of the medicinal mushrooms can prevent / reverse fatty liver disease. Specifically oyster mushrooms. Get out in the woods and hunt mushrooms, learn about how they can improve your health.
You should get some basic lab tests, especially your thyroid, if you haven't already.
Lobelia is a great anti-depressant. You can gather your own. The next two months is optimal harvest time.
Find something you enjoy doing, and do it. And then see if you can make a little money at it.
Good luck.
Edited by VedicSoma (08/06/16 07:42 AM)
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Visionary Tools



Registered: 06/23/07
Posts: 7,953
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
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Thanks, I'd really like an oyster mushroom omlette, maybe I can make it into a soup instead. I'll try that.
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 16 hours, 57 minutes
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It's challenging when we feel miserable, but remember to have compassion for yourself.
It is so easy to get stuck in the rut of negativity.
When it feels there are forces fighting against us.
To live is to suffer. The more we resist it the stronger it gets.
~ take care
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gcs
Stranger
Registered: 05/13/15
Posts: 53
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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An idea is to try limiting the foods that strain your liver and other organs. This could be done by consuming a plant-based diet, fasting, eating less, etc. or just replacing fatty/unhealthy foods with fruits and vegetables.
In a similar way you could try taking a break from using your car and focus on the payment of the debts that you owe. In order to make space for happiness, social company, and money in your life, the first step is to remove the habits that don't help you achieve those things. In my experience meditation and yoga have been great things to fill my time with in place of habits I have, such as excessive internet use. I've found great benefit in learning to do diaphragmatic breathing, to help gain perspective and purge depression/anxiety when it pops up.
I hope these ideas are as helpful to you as they have been for me. :-)
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
Visionary Tools said: Woke up today feeling like shit, heart racing, woozy. Lonely as fuck depressed as fuck Poor as fuck.
Last night I prayed to god that I wouldn't have to wake up today and now I have woken up and I feel really fucking shitty and I'm wondering at what point does the pain get to before your spirit just goes "I quit?"
I've felt like that a lot over the past year of my life. I've been through more unbearable pain than I could have imagined, stuck in a dark hole, periodically clambering to try and get out only to slip back in again.
Then I hit rock bottom. And I realised any lower than that is dead.
Since then, things have really been on the up and up. Good luck VT, you'll make it through. Just remember; impermanence man. This won't last.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Visionary Tools



Registered: 06/23/07
Posts: 7,953
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
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already feeling better. Yesterday a friend came over to cook a curry, I knew if he didn't I wouldn't have eaten anything that night.
Today friend came over, we smoked a joint, went to a stone circle, and I was really high. Like, a good high, but I had work, I went in an hour late because I wasn't good to drive.
These bouts of depression are fucking killer. I usually keep to myself, but I appreciate the help and sympathy of strangers here as much as the moral and material support of my friends.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Yeah, friends, or just good people in general, is what you need the most through times like these IME.
But the backwards thing about all is I tend to become a social recluse when I'm really down. Even my closest friends stopped getting in touch so much when I couldn't bring myself to return their calls/texts.
Once I started to pull through, the first thing I went and did was start patching up the gaps between they and I. It's really helped.
Kinda backwards how I (we?) tend to avoid the things I know would help most when I feel shit. I tend to just take drugs and wallow in self pity in darkened rooms.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Matt87

Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 3,339
Loc: Tennessee
Last seen: 4 days, 4 hours
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You have a car and internet. Don't call yourself poor as fuck. I don't know what I would do if someone very close to me killed themselves. I'm sorry for your loss, that had to change your personality.
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  Once you understand the way broadly, you see it in all things. -Musashi
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Chain M
Stranger
Registered: 08/03/16
Posts: 3
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
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Keep your head up, I have been using St.John.s word for about 6 months now- it has helped with my depression greatly.
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 16 hours, 57 minutes
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
Kinda backwards how I (we?) tend to avoid the things I know would help most when I feel shit. I tend to just take drugs and wallow in self pity in darkened rooms.
Yeah, I've spent lots of time in a room with blankets over windows taking drugs.
Turns out the people who I was trying to avoid were the key to me digging out of my hole.
BTW, as I look back I can see my isolation was almost glorifying for me, as I saw myself as the center of the world. The pain I caused myself allowed me to feel in more control than the potential pain that comes with human relationships.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said: BTW, as I look back I can see my isolation was almost glorifying for me, as I saw myself as the center of the world.
I think that's it. When you sit there in that dark room (smiling as I type that we both know that place so well) and blow your brains out with whatever substance, you really are the center on the world. All that matters is your pain, how much it hurts, and how you can (briefly) escape it.
When I look back in hindsight, I think I was just feeling sorry for myself. That's all it seems to be for me.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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nssurge
Stranger



Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 511
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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Stop drinking and all drugs, start taking milk thistle and artichokes daily Cut out all processed food, look up what gorillas eat and stick to their diet. Youl be feeling better in no time, stick with it man!
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PaulyAnna



Registered: 09/01/15
Posts: 200
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Whatever "put one foot in front of the other" means to you, you've got to do it.
A favorite song of mine when in a deep, dark valley.
-------------------- Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Edited by PaulyAnna (08/09/16 05:38 PM)
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