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Anonymous #1

venting pls ignore
    #23507610 - 08/03/16 09:47 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

i feel like there is something imperceptibly weird or wrong with me..

like a lack of ease socialising, discomfort joking around sex.. distance from others and unsure how to engage..

sometimes i know, i have tried to engage people and missed the mark.. like ive spoken over them or past them..

i dont have many people in my life.

i dont feel 'intimate' enough with anyone.. probably my mum is the closest person to me..

i dont work regularly, or plan to..

i have let myself go physically and am unhappy about it..

i have drifted out of circles of friends..

this all seems like the culmination of some upward losing battle that began when i hit puberty and have just been falling and falling ever since..

internally i can be plagued by bitterness, jealousy, feelings of impotence and hopelessness and incompetence.

i am scared to approach others for help (typical male i know). i dont feel much happiness or if i ever do seem to gloss over it.. like moving from crisis to crisis

but my response to 'crisis' seems to be to ignore it, shut down, distract myself until i am forced to do something about it..

these patterns are clearly not helpful and at worst unhealthy, but i can see them stretching right back through my 3 years in an office, to my university degree to high school.

i have a terrible work ethic. i am lazy, i cant bring myself to do things. i was looking at my uni papers the other day and i actually did well except every assignment i would lose marks for being weeks late.

work was the same.

waves of sadness and bad feeling seem to wash over me regularly.

it's not that im incapacitated by that but that my life has slid into something shapeless and unstructured and rudderless...

:undecided::shrug:

or maybe i should get over myself... i feel i could forget all this bs if i just had some direction i felt i was moving in (or somehting) idk..


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Invisibledemiu5
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Registered: 08/18/05
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Re: venting pls ignore [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23507635 - 08/03/16 09:54 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

things lose meaning when one is adrift an open sea


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David


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OfflineRuyguy
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Registered: 06/26/16
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Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
Re: venting pls ignore [Re: demiu5]
    #23507665 - 08/03/16 10:05 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

demiu5 said:
things lose meaning when one is adrift an open sea




Beautiful metaphor!

All I can say is be strong and fight the battle, the hardest part is figuring out what your fighting, it seems to me you are intelligent, you know what your fighting!


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OfflinewakeINpeople
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Registered: 12/11/14
Posts: 609
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Re: venting pls ignore [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23508053 - 08/04/16 12:30 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

It's just internet addiction.  It's making A LOT of people overweight, depressed, anti-social, timid, and shy (yet ironically, people get really cocky, rude, and confident as hell while talking online....pretty sad).  Not joking. 

The problem is so bad in Korea and China that parents for some time now, have been turning over custody of their kids to these prison style boot camps with no internet or TV, and the kids have to work their way up the ranks by showing focus on other things before they can get out.  You can see it on youtube.... kids were screaming and crying for their video games like an addict on plastic bed sheets.  In the last 20 years, the internet has been the most awesome form of free speech and instant communication this planet has ever seen, but we really have to start finding a balance between being online, and going out and doing fun things with friends, and getting back outdoors to nature.

After your 18, no one forces you to go to a school everyday where you meet other people you can laugh and joke with and get to know, and form bonds with. 

Once your an adult, you have to do it on your own.....and the internet isn't making this any easier.  The bizarre thing, is that the internet is actually a GREAT way to find any group of people, doing any hobby you can imagine, who you can go meet up with.  Yet not many people are using it for that.... 

Before the internet was around, calling people on the phone purely to set up a time and place to hangout WAS the internet!!!

Use meetup.com, and go meet some like minded people!!!


Edited by wakeINpeople (08/04/16 12:37 AM)


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