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Offlinetopdog82
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Can people be friends after a breakup?
    #23504303 - 08/03/16 02:07 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I am yet to see it happen. Even once. Maybe I am just a bitter person? But for me, I just block my exes on all social networks. I think it is the best for both me and the other person involved

And every long term relationship (1-3+ years) ends on bitter terms (my observations)

Thoughts? Opinions?


Edited by topdog82 (08/03/16 02:16 AM)


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InvisibleSpellbound
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82]
    #23504334 - 08/03/16 02:31 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Most of the time it doesnt seem to work i think, usually one gets jealous when the other moves on, or too much water under the bridge for a true friendship.

I am good friends with someone i dated for about 2.5 years, we kinda just grew apart and ended up as good friends, thats the only one where its worked though haha. Seems rare to be left with a close friendship that works ime.


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Offlinetopdog82
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: Spellbound]
    #23504335 - 08/03/16 02:33 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Spellbound said:
Most of the time it doesnt seem to work i think, usually one gets jealous when the other moves on, or too much water under the bridge for a true friendship.

I am good friends with someone i dated for about 2.5 years, we kinda just grew apart and ended up as good friends, thats the only one where its worked though haha. Seems rare to be left with a close friendship that works ime.



I think I have seen one marriage where things seen things pan out positively but I just think this concept of being friends is horrible advice/unrealistic


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InvisibleSpellbound
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82]
    #23504341 - 08/03/16 02:41 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Its worth noting i havent dated since so im single, should i meet someone then im conscious things may change :shrug: it works for now and has been about three years since we drifted apart.

Generally though it doesnt end well, most my exes we dont even have each other numbers anymore, i try not to let things end nasty though im pretty laid back, but friendship is rare after though isnt it, rarely seems to work well.


--------------------
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InvisibleBurke Dennings
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: Spellbound] * 1
    #23504414 - 08/03/16 04:08 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I am excellent at maintaining friendships with exes.  There's no girl I've seriously dated that I'm not still friends with in some capacity today.  Two of my exes are actually amongst my closest friends, and are good friends with my fiancé.  :shrug:


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OfflineSunnyD
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82]
    #23504417 - 08/03/16 04:14 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

It's possible


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Offlinetopdog82
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: Burke Dennings]
    #23504430 - 08/03/16 04:28 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Burke Dennings said:
I am excellent at maintaining friendships with exes.  There's no girl I've seriously dated that I'm not still friends with in some capacity today.  Two of my exes are actually amongst my closest friends, and are good friends with my fiancé.  :shrug:



whats the secret? you guys end on really good terms? I am really surprised honestly


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OfflineSonicTitan
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: SunnyD]
    #23504433 - 08/03/16 04:29 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Yes, my ex and I still talk and maybe share a toke or whatever. We're not best friends or anything..I mean thats alittle hard when you give part of your life to someone for so long and then you break up. I still love her very much and probably always will but to be best friends or something I don't think that happens very often for people who break up.


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InvisibleBurke Dennings
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82] * 4
    #23504444 - 08/03/16 04:39 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

None of those relationships ended on good terms at the time of the breakup, and in fact, some of them were really acrimonious.  But with all of them, they were people that I had once been really close with and cared about a lot, whether I broke up with her or vice versa.  And in all of these cases, the girl I split with was a really great person.  I like to think I'm not a bad guy myself, so after the dust settled from the dissolution of the relationship and the bitterness subsided with time, what we all ended up being was two nice, decent people who had once cared for each other a lot.  There was a mutual respect in that that makes it easy to renegotiate the situation into a real friendship, provided that one or both parties no longer harbors romantic and/or butthurt feelings towards the other.  Given that set of circumstances, it's pretty easy to build an honest friendship with an ex.


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Offlinefapjack
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82]
    #23504468 - 08/03/16 04:58 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Depends on the person and the breakup.  I don't think most people are capable of it, but I'm still friends with one of my exes.  I would be friends with more of them if they lived near me.


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Offlinetopdog82
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: Burke Dennings]
    #23504545 - 08/03/16 06:27 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Burke Dennings said:
None of those relationships ended on good terms at the time of the breakup, and in fact, some of them were really acrimonious.  But with all of them, they were people that I had once been really close with and cared about a lot, whether I broke up with her or vice versa.  And in all of these cases, the girl I split with was a really great person.  I like to think I'm not a bad guy myself, so after the dust settled from the dissolution of the relationship and the bitterness subsided with time, what we all ended up being was two nice, decent people who had once cared for each other a lot.  There was a mutual respect in that that makes it easy to renegotiate the situation into a real friendship, provided that one or both parties no longer harbors romantic and/or butthurt feelings towards the other.  Given that set of circumstances, it's pretty easy to build an honest friendship with an ex.



How long did it take for the dust to settle? Based on this surprising response I may try doing the same


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Invisibleplasma
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82]
    #23504547 - 08/03/16 06:28 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

It's possible. You just have to make sure your next girlfriend is 10x hotter than your ex


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InvisibleBurke Dennings
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: plasma]
    #23504559 - 08/03/16 06:35 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

That's an unknown variable.  In the case of one of my exes, it took about a month.  One girl, I didn't talk to for over 5 years.  It's not something you can say, "well, we have three months distance, time to be friends".  I think it's only the kind of thing you can pull off when both parties are in the right mindset.  And maybe by the time it takes you to get into that right mindset, you won't even care about being friends any more.


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OfflineJustForToday
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: Burke Dennings]
    #23504566 - 08/03/16 06:40 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I honestly just reconnected with the married woman like a week ago.

We are both not romantically interested in each other anymore but want to remain friends. I understand what burke is saying. At first I hated her but now since some time has passed, I have been able to kind of move past that. I will never forget how much in love with her I was. I still really love her. Fact of the matter is it will never happen.


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Invisibleplasma
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: Burke Dennings]
    #23504567 - 08/03/16 06:41 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

From my experiences I usually won't entertain the idea of being friends with an ex until I'm secured in a relationship with a female with a fat pussy and huge tits and big dick sucking lips with thick hips. Then I'll feel good enough to hit up my old sleeze bag ex gf and we can be friends now


Edited by plasma (08/03/16 06:42 AM)


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OfflineMr. Magic
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: Burke Dennings]
    #23504684 - 08/03/16 07:56 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Burke Dennings said:
None of those relationships ended on good terms at the time of the breakup, and in fact, some of them were really acrimonious.  But with all of them, they were people that I had once been really close with and cared about a lot, whether I broke up with her or vice versa.  And in all of these cases, the girl I split with was a really great person.  I like to think I'm not a bad guy myself, so after the dust settled from the dissolution of the relationship and the bitterness subsided with time, what we all ended up being was two nice, decent people who had once cared for each other a lot.  There was a mutual respect in that that makes it easy to renegotiate the situation into a real friendship, provided that one or both parties no longer harbors romantic and/or butthurt feelings towards the other.  Given that set of circumstances, it's pretty easy to build an honest friendship with an ex.




Good post. Do you have any advice for getting over an ex? Its been 2.5years since i talked to her last and i still think about her a lot. I still love and care about her very much, but it will never be. I highly doubt ill ever see her again. I know its ultimately holding me back in life and from possibly meeting a new girl.

It sucks man. Why does this woman have so much power over my mind :confused:


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82]
    #23504717 - 08/03/16 08:14 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Two of my friends are doing it right. They even trip together.


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82] * 1
    #23504838 - 08/03/16 09:11 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Nah but thats mostly my fault.

one of em tried to stay friends. I just couldnt do it cause id rather not see or hear from her.

The others hated me right away and still do. One is even scared to even ever see me again. Dunno what thats about.


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InvisibleModestMouse
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: Apostle]
    #23504850 - 08/03/16 09:16 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Friends with benefits sometimes


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: ModestMouse]
    #23504905 - 08/03/16 09:35 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

yea that usually works better. without the sex though, things tend to fall apart.


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InvisibleDrugstore
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82]
    #23505416 - 08/03/16 12:13 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Definitely depends on the reason for breaking up. You can't really be friends with somebody if you broke up because one of you acted crazy, cheated, stole, etc.

I.E. my breakup 2 relationships ago was about catching her lying over all sorts of random little things, and ditching me after making plans with all sorts of bizarre excuses and lies. No way you can stay friends with somebody you dump because you confront them with proof from their co-workers that they lied to you several times in a night both to ditch a date and lie more about pointless nonsense just for the sake of lying.

The relationship before that, I suppose we coulda stayed friends because we broke up with a mutual understanding that she didn't have the time for me because of an inhumane amount of academic work and pressure. But I guess I fucked that up by calling her fake the next time I ran into her because I felt like she wasn't being totally honest about the reason for the breakup. A real shame, because it's a lot more convenient to be on good terms with ex's especially if they're friends of friends.


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InvisibleBurke Dennings
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: Mr. Magic] * 2
    #23505445 - 08/03/16 12:21 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Mr. Magic said:

Good post. Do you have any advice for getting over an ex? Its been 2.5years since i talked to her last and i still think about her a lot. I still love and care about her very much, but it will never be. I highly doubt ill ever see her again. I know its ultimately holding me back in life and from possibly meeting a new girl.

It sucks man. Why does this woman have so much power over my mind :confused:




I really don't have any advice for you in that regard.  For me, it's always been time + distance, and in a few weeks or maybe a few months, I'm over it.  I assume you've tried all the regular stuff people do to get over a breakup: after mourning it, you date around, throw yourself into work/hobbies/etc, change of scenery, stuff like that.  So if none of that helped, and here you are hung up on her still 2.5 years later, if it's still affecting the quality of your life like that, you might look into some counseling.  A relationship breaking up can be akin to a death of a loved one, and some therapy with a licensed professional may help you put it to bed, so you can move on with your life.  Other than that, I got nothin'.  Good luck man.  :hug:


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Offlinegoldcaphunter
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82]
    #23578610 - 08/26/16 05:20 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Fuck em all. Burn those bridges man.


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OfflineVriska Serket
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: goldcaphunter]
    #23578962 - 08/26/16 08:35 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

you can be friends again if you really sort out why you broke up and get some closure, and you were friends before you dated.


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OfflineKing Klick
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: Vriska Serket]
    #23579192 - 08/26/16 10:01 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

My ex-girlfreind of three years and I are still freinds. We're also still lovers though.


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InvisibleCosmic_Flame
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: Vriska Serket]
    #23579203 - 08/26/16 10:03 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Vriska Serket said:
you can be friends again if you really sort out why you broke up and get some closure, and you were friends before you dated.



this

so yes to z question


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Offlinetopdog82
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: Cosmic_Flame]
    #23580392 - 08/26/16 03:00 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

King Klick said:
My ex-girlfreind of three years and I are still freinds. We're also still lovers though.



so you are friends with benefits? I personally could not do that
Quote:

Cosmic_Flame said:
Quote:

Vriska Serket said:
you can be friends again if you really sort out why you broke up and get some closure, and you were friends before you dated.



this

so yes to z question



I mean I can see this. But from personal experience I just can't be friends with someone I dated. My last ex and I ended on a mutually neutral note. She went her way in life and I went mine. No horrible screaming or anything at the end. But I just felt like it was weird. and I couldn't keep her popping up in my social networks etc. So I blocked her

Another girl I was friends with before dating and I think i am reaching a point where I can unblock her and we can be mutually cool


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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82]
    #23580429 - 08/26/16 03:10 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I'm friends with an ex of mine. Granted we dated a while ago and we're not super close friends only really see each other to catch up once in a while, if that  - we had to be  though because worked in the same industry and even together for some time - it helps that we broke up in a pretty cordial way.
Actually he's been offering to help me move recently, which is pretty chill.

Sometimes I think that he's still sitting on some words we shared when we broke up which were "maybe in the future it'll work out" and maybe just seeking closure which is fine.

I have a friend who's good friends with her ex and his current long term gf who are mutual friends of mine as well. We all hang out a lot and it's not weird at all.


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InvisibleJohnnieYen
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: pirate-blues] * 1
    #23580533 - 08/26/16 03:37 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I knew a guy who lived with his ex and her new boyfriend. Then he got a new girlfriend and she moved in.
When they broke up she still stayed. So he was living with 2 exes and another guy.

They actually got along pretty well. I guess it helped that they were all stoners

I'm friends with my wife even though we are divorcing. Lived separated but in the same house for a year and a half. But I move out in a week with a couple of buddies.

FREEDOM!!!


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Invisiblepirate-blues
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: JohnnieYen] * 1
    #23580544 - 08/26/16 03:41 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Heeey, congrats on the move out! I remember when you posted about that dilemma - there's no reason you can't co-parent and be friends with your ex in two separate households, and I think you'll both be better parents living your own separate lives to the fullest.


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OfflineManianFHS
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82]
    #23580706 - 08/26/16 04:12 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

topdog82 said:
Quote:

Burke Dennings said:
I am excellent at maintaining friendships with exes.  There's no girl I've seriously dated that I'm not still friends with in some capacity today.  Two of my exes are actually amongst my closest friends, and are good friends with my fiancé.  :shrug:



whats the secret? you guys end on really good terms? I am really surprised honestly




Most of my exes dont want to see or talk to me. Didnt do much wrong, other than the relationship didnt work out, not like there was cheating or anything. There is one ex from way back who I have remained good friends with, and I probably treated her the worst of any gf ive ever been with - because I was a young, inexperienced idiot back then. But yeah she is just super easy going and has a great attitude - I apologized for treating her like shit years after, and now we have a really cool friendship going on :smile:

I am hoping eventually a few more exes will come around, because I like all of them as people. One of them I could think would be a great friend, but I guess her husband is the super jealous type so she will likely never speak to me again.


--------------------
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InvisibleMoonshoe
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82]
    #23580906 - 08/26/16 05:17 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

In my opinion and experience break ups should be clean and final.

I believe when you break up with someone you had a relationship with you should not attempt to remain friends but simply part on good terms and say goodbye and make a clean break and move on.

I also require this from my lovers. If you want to date me, you can't be hanging around with your ex as friends .

I believe it's best for all , and quite necessary, that a person has a past love fully out of their lives before they embark on a new romance.

If you want me to fill your glass with a fresh cold fizzy beer, please pour out the lukewarm flat piss-end of the beer you drank yesterday first.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: JohnnieYen]
    #23581338 - 08/26/16 07:12 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

JohnnieYen said:

But I move out in a week with a couple of buddies.

FREEDOM!!!




:fonz:


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OfflineKing Klick
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82]
    #23581643 - 08/26/16 08:28 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

topdog82 said:
Quote:

King Klick said:
My ex-girlfreind of three years and I are still freinds. We're also still lovers though.



so you are friends with benefits? I personally could not do



Lovers is a better title if you wanna fuck your ex continuously.


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When you’re lost, here I am. Forever with your soul



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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: Drugstore]
    #23581669 - 08/26/16 08:35 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Todd Rundgren discusses this matter:



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Offlinetopdog82
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: starfire_xes]
    #24110585 - 02/22/17 10:24 AM (6 years, 11 months ago)

So I just unblocked an ex after a shroom trip. We facetimed and had dinner. I have no sexual feelings for her. no romantic ones. I just genuinely care for her and wanna see her succeed. Doesn't really bother me at all if she got a new bf or anything

So to answer the thread. I think the answer is yes


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OfflineLucisM
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Re: Can people be friends after a breakup? [Re: topdog82]
    #24110728 - 02/22/17 11:20 AM (6 years, 11 months ago)

I think if you can't get over your differences, then you're bound to take those problems into your next relationship, and this might sabotage future relationships.

It might take a while for someone to forgive their ex, but I believe it must be done in order for people to move on.

Even people that have had their family members killed by some crazed lover, have found the heart to forgive the person who did it, time just might heal all woes.

But yeah, forgiveness is key to growth.

I have no contact with my ex, but if she's stalking me on here, id tell her I got over that situation years ago, and want the best for her.


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