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Anonymous #1

Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying
    #23493289 - 07/30/16 06:01 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I'm 29 years old now and I take good care of my health, don't smoke, don't drink, don't put salt in my food, get my vitamins, and drink plenty water. I also go out running for 10 mins every 2-3 days.

I do this because if I don't take care of my health then I will start having panic anxiety because for example if I start drinking then that's one of the leading causes for heart attacks. I don't like running but I do it to survive.. it feels too much like I have to fight to survive everyday.. can't just relax and do what I enjoy.. always got to take care of my health and exercise.

It feels pointless this struggle that I'm doing for my health though.
Because no matter what.. I will die eventually.. and it will most likely be from a heart attack if I take good care of my health and avoid cancers, kidney/liver disease, etc.

So, really, it would be better to just start living unhealthy, enjoy life, stop fighting it and face your death sooner rather than delay it.

But I'm scared of dying, I've read about what it feels like to have a heart attack and it's really scary and painful as hell and the worst part is that there's a big chance that you survive a heart attack. That's the sickest thing imo.. It's like being tortured.. someone killing you and then bringing you back to life so that he can kill you  again and again... how sick is that?

That's why I also think a lot about suicide so that I can take control of how I die, make it as least painful as possible.. I'm thinking that a shotgun put into my mouth and aimed towards the brain is the best way to do it.

But as long as I'm taking care of my health properly, I don't need to rush a suicide.. but when should I start doing it? If I wait too many years then I will eventually have that heart attack that I didn't want.. My plan was to suicide before I get a heart attack but you never know when it's going to come. Do you see the big problem here?


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Offlinebeforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23494543 - 07/31/16 04:34 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Very dark, morbid, kind of twisted thoughts.

Something is bothering you deeply...

Perhaps existential or spiritual immaturity?

That is, you haven't confronted Who in fact you are.

I don't know where to start with this, so I'll recommend reading Aldous Huxley's "The Perennial Philosophy"

Reality just Is, and you are That. You are what alone simply Is. You are not the body that comes and goes.


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?


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Offlineergoticmandala
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: beforethedawn]
    #23494832 - 07/31/16 07:41 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

just chill out and stop worrying so much about it, live in the felt moment of present experience, do not think about the future and past so much but live in the moment.

Exactly how you die exactly does not matter that much.

If you want to be very healthy then that's fine and do that but you have to weigh the pros and cons of living that lifestyle, if you want to have a drink every once in a while then do that, everything in moderation, maybe start meditating and you can silence that voice in your head that overthinks everything

stop overthinking, start living


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OfflineKinko
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: ergoticmandala]
    #23494839 - 07/31/16 07:44 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Yes if your young you will not survive a heart attack its.the older folks who can survive one.


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InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23495114 - 07/31/16 10:08 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

You do gotta die and heart failure is a likely cause but you can't worry death away. Talk of suicide to avoid a possible heart attack is abnormal. I suggest you seek a professional.


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[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


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Anonymous #1

Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #23495236 - 07/31/16 11:02 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

TheFakeSunRa said:
You do gotta die and heart failure is a likely cause but you can't worry death away. Talk of suicide to avoid a possible heart attack is abnormal. I suggest you seek a professional.




What kind of professional is it exactly that I should talk to?
I'm a bit confused on all the different job titles in that field.


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InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23495297 - 07/31/16 11:32 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I think you need a licensed therapist or a psychologist and the reason I say that is because you're talking about suicide. You're right about death and heart disease but to be plotting a preemptive suicide at this point suggests to me that you need help from someone with the proper training. I'm no expert but I know enough that something's a little bit off with your noodle. No shame in it. Just get it straightened out.


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[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


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Offlinebeforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #23497618 - 08/01/16 05:19 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Sorry if I jumped right into the spiritual perspective.

Yes there may be a major underlying psychological issue here.

Something like unfulfilled potential, unlived life, to repressed sexuality to repressed trauma, anything.


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: beforethedawn]
    #23497642 - 08/01/16 05:46 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

beforethedawn said:
Sorry if I jumped right into the spiritual perspective.

Yes there may be a major underlying psychological issue here.

Something like unfulfilled potential, unlived life, to repressed sexuality to repressed trauma, anything.




It definitely sounds like you're on to something, I have a great need to find a love life partner / soulmate or what the best word is.. It's really hard but I'm also scared if I would find one because then I have to commit to not commiting suicide. It would be so cruel and selfish of me to suicide when her life would break apart then. That's why I'm also feeling a bit stressed and time pressured to decide on if I should suicide or not before I find a soulmate.


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InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23498131 - 08/01/16 11:22 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Just get help


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[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


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Offlinebeforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #23500585 - 08/02/16 02:12 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

If suicide is around the corner "just get help" is the best thing anyone can say.


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?


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Offlineyeah
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23501146 - 08/02/16 09:02 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I'm 29 years old now and I take good care of my health, don't smoke, don't drink, don't put salt in my food,




found the problem, boss

guess you also jack off instead of just drinking your piss


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23502222 - 08/02/16 03:09 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
It definitely sounds like you're on to something, I have a great need to find a love life partner / soulmate or what the best word is.. It's really hard but I'm also scared if I would find one because then I have to commit to not commiting suicide. It would be so cruel and selfish of me to suicide when her life would break apart then. That's why I'm also feeling a bit stressed and time pressured to decide on if I should suicide or not before I find a soulmate.



OP, I really feel you on this one man. I dealt with something similar for a lot of my life. About 8 years ago I started trying to tackle it, as you are, and I feel like I've broken free in the past year.

I think a lot of us feel this, for one reason or another. I won't share why I believe to be this the case in my instance just yet (PM if you want to discuss), but I believe I have discovered it after being in therapy for the last 12 months.

Bear in mind it's probably goona take a while to tackle this, but you clearly need to make it a focus in your life. Please have a go at reading the following book. It goes very, very deep on this subject and is incredibly well written. It was his life's penultimate work if I'm not mistaken...

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Denial-Death-Ernest-Becker/dp/0285638971


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23502448 - 08/02/16 04:15 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

That's a brutal book. I've read it. I do not see it as a proper recommendation for where his head's at at all.


--------------------
[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #23502515 - 08/02/16 04:37 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Perhaps not, not all are as bull headed as me about taking on life head first. I think OP can probably figure it out for himself though.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23502735 - 08/02/16 05:48 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

This may be absolutely terrible advice, so feel free to ignore it. Other members, feel free to weigh in on the terribleness/not-so-terribleness.

The thing that stands out most for me from OP is this line:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
I do this because if I don't take care of my health then I will start having panic anxiety because for example if I start drinking then that's one of the leading causes for heart attacks. I don't like running but I do it to survive.. it feels too much like I have to fight to survive everyday.. can't just relax and do what I enjoy.. always got to take care of my health and exercise.




The fact that you are forcing yourself to do things that you do not like is negative. If you wish to be health conscious, find something that will keep you in shape while simultaneously *not* causing you pain/discomfort/feelings of forced survival. Yes, you have to fight to survive every day by virtue of being mortal, but the human race has spent centuries perfecting survival and taking control of the Earth. There are easier ways to survive nowadays. Maybe an exercise bike?

This part may seem a little...odd, possibly even offensive, but take up skateboarding. Or longboarding, even better. Your goal here is to be involved in a crash that breaks bones. After breaking several bones, and needing several rods, plates, and screws to fix some of those bones, I have absolutely no fear of physical pain. Sure, it's scary, and I would like to avoid it, but after walking three miles to an ER with bone fragments sticking straight through the skin of my arm, it just doesn't seem that bad. Sure, a heart attack will have extensive tissue pain as well as mental pain that is associated with absolute Doom, but at a certain point pain isn't really something to fear. Psychedelic-induced ego death helps with the integration of the feeling of Doom with pain.

As for the suicide thing, and this is where the terrible advice comes into play, I don't particularly see it as a bad thing. I'm not saying "go kill yerself!", because no, you really shouldn't. However, I've thought about this myself lately, and while contemplating my family history of medical problems, I have come to the conclusion that barring external circumstances, I will eventually take my own life. My reasoning is simple: There is a history of heart disease and cancer in my family, which in no biggie. There is also a history of dementia. That scares the absolute fuck out of me. I don't particularly care for my body, though I make a point to stay in shape. My body can waste away to nothing, and as long as my mind is still fine I will be happy. I am absolutely terrified of losing my mind, and having watched dementia slowly claim the minds of family members, I have come to the decision that it will not happen to me. I would rather try my hand at shotgun surgery. Of course, this won't come into play for at least another half century for me, and it sounds like you are on a similar timeline. My best advice here is to wait. Life gets better for a variety of external and biological reasons, and there is no point cutting it short.


Edited by Kryptos (08/02/16 05:49 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23502922 - 08/02/16 06:39 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

About that book, Can you tell me what the point it's making in a nutshell? Because if it's about some kind of belief that we are important, life after death or something religious then I'm not interested. I believe in science, it makes the most sense and seems most believable to me, and in that case we are not important, we are simply alive out of bad luck. Lifes's a losing proposition.. sure there are things to enjoy but there's also things that will make you suffer but the root of it all is that you will die in the end.. if we weren't born in the first place then that would of been the best imho because if we aren't alive then we aren't missing out or anything such as that because we don't exist, there's no soul or thought.. just nothing.

That's why I don't look at it as if my life is "important" other than how my life affects other people such as family or work. I don't understand why people think about suicide almost as if it was a crime, it was a crime not too long ago even.. you would go to prison for failed suicide attempts. Don't people understand that if I would take my life then it's because it makes me feel better (or end of feeling bad rather)?

Kryptos, that's a nice reply, Did you actually have a longboarding accident like you described or was it an example? I envy you that you don't fear pain anymore but I don't want to go through an experience like that. I actually have driven MC rather risky but it's not because I'm hoping for an accident.. I am a really good driver and I feel like I have great control and can avoid any accidents always despite driving what would appear as crazy to some people. I've also thought about beginning longboarding too, I've tried it a bit and I'm currently getting better at foot braking at slow speeds. Soon I'm going to buy gloves.

I guess I'm kind of a coward but then again, I guess it's that I don't have any motivation to be brave perhaps. Brave to face an inevitable heart attack as I grow older. If I get married then I would have to because I am actually brave. But the thing is, it makes more sense to just end it now before I find a GF. It's like heroin.. life that is.. You take it and feel great for a while but then you die or in heroin's case, you spend a week in hell. I haven't tried heroin but I've read about it. So if I get a GF, I'll have a good time but then I have to have a heart attack... laugh first, cry after. Or I could just not go for that bad deal in the first place and just put a shotgun in my mouth.. that makes most sense but it's easier said than done. Kryptos, do you also feel that shotgun put into the mouth and aimed at brain is the best way to go? I don't believe there's been any failed suicide attempts with that approach? I just can't imagine how it could fail.. it's litterally going to blow your hole head away.


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InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23503461 - 08/02/16 09:11 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

About that book, Can you tell me what the point it's making in a nutshell? Because if it's about some kind of belief that we are important, life after death or something religious then I'm not interested.




No, it's quite the opposite of that. It's a book that offers no hope what-so-ever and there's not a word in it that's not true to the core. It's one of the most powerful books I ever read but it is not inspirational in anyway. It doesn't even entertain the possibility that any type of belief in the supernatural (God, religion, afterlife) is real. It simply assumes the reader is intelligent enough to know that's all complete bullshit. Then he argues that even though it's obviously false people who believe are better off because the reality of our situations is so entrenched in hopelessness and despair that if we're capable of fooling ourselves we're better off doing so. But he still respects the reader too much to allow that you're capable of that kind of delusional thinking. He also says that therapy is a hopeless endeavor because the mind is already in the process of decaying and rotting and dying. There's no hope trying to fix the brain. Especially since it will through death cease to even exist in a few decades at best.


--------------------
[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


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InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #23503469 - 08/02/16 09:13 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

do you also feel that shotgun put into the mouth and aimed at brain is the best way to go? I don't believe there's been any failed suicide attempts with that approach? I just can't imagine how it could fail.. it's litterally going to blow your hole head away.




It fails. I think around 5% survive with permanent brain damage.


--------------------
[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


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Invisibledemiu5
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Re: Fear of dying even though theres no present risk of dying [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23503483 - 08/02/16 09:16 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

salt is good for you, fyi

just don't overdo it with processed foods (often heavy in table salt, devoid of minerals)


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David


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