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Offlinesuhbliem
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Registered: 07/01/15
Posts: 42
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
I'm upset, but should I be?
    #23492623 - 07/30/16 01:34 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I was born in Seoul, Korea.  I was given to my grandparents at 3 yrs, and then the orphanage at 5 yrs.  I remember distinctly the moment when my sister and I were given up, she was crying so hard reaching from my grandma who was also crying. 

Shortly after, we were adopted by Caucasian people in a upper class community in the US.  I remember when we first met them, my adoptive dad played tricks with quarters, my sister loved it.  The first few years were great.  Over time my adoptive dad's temper grew.  He would reguarly fight with my adoptive mom in front of us which eventually escalated to physical abuse.  This happens from age 6-7 to 14, at which point my adoptive mom divorced him.  We chose to live with the dad because we were in the middle of highschool.

Overtime, relationship has deteriorated with mother who lives 300 miles away.  The dad continues to lose his temper, has child-like fits, has never verbally said he loves me or my sister.  A small example of  his behavior:  I've seen him put lunch meat directly on the counter when making a sandwhich and then walk away without cleaning the residue.

I'm in my mid 30s now and lately every conversation with him turns into a argument with him losing his temper.  I've asked him if he thinks he has a problem with anger, he said no.  At one point he acknowledged that he has a temper but doesn't plan on changing that.  I've tried to explain how it effects his kids but he doesn't think it's a big deal.  I truley hate him.  I don't bring girlfriends around to meet him, I don't even talk about girls with him for fear that he will want to meet them.

I have a hard time connecting with people.  It's hard for me to go more than a few months in a relationship because I am so terrified of being let down and abandoned.

My adoptive dad has done everything he could to support us financially, with nice cars and education, ect.  but it is eclipsed by how hateful he was to my adoptive mom and how violent his temper was for the smallest things.  I am conflicted on how I feel about him.  Any thoughts?


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OfflineMorel Guy
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Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 15,577
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: I'm upset, but should I be? [Re: suhbliem]
    #23492648 - 07/30/16 01:42 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I say milk it.  Sometimes it's just best to treat people better than they may deserve.  It can have it's perks.

I haven't had the best parents or family either.  Abuse, neglect, all around bad vibes.  I try to be that positive person, sorta like a medication.  Being my own person really isn't legal and it just puts stress on the other humans and I.  So for all it's worth I do what they want me to do and try a little extra.  Karma isn't always following the heart, which is very sensitive to fear.


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InvisibleCalifornia
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Registered: 12/27/04
Posts: 72,118
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Re: I'm upset, but should I be? [Re: suhbliem]
    #23492659 - 07/30/16 01:44 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

suhbliem said:
I am conflicted on how I feel about him.  Any thoughts?



Forget about him and focus on being the best you you can be.


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