Home | Community | Message Board


This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: Bridgetown Botanicals Bridgetown Botanicals   North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies   Kraken Kratom Kratom Capsules for Sale   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder   Mushroom-Hut Substrate Mix   Left Coast Kratom Buy Kratom Extract   Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1
Some of these posts are very old and might contain outdated information. You may wish to search for newer posts instead.
OfflineWishIwasACat
Stranger
Female

Registered: 07/28/16
Posts: 21
Loc: Australia Flag
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
Post first trip HELL
    #23491214 - 07/30/16 02:49 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

So, here is my first post, let me get started with some background info:

I was an everyday pot smoker (vape) for around 2 years, in the beginning I experienced paranoia and felt like I was on another planet, but as time went on my body adjusted to the weed and I could get high with no problems. I had tripped on acid twice before, both times were fine, the first time I was a little erratic but managed to hold it together, second time I was completely fine.

I am a very small build (160cm, 45kg) female.

Lets get started...
This bring me to my first, and last, shroom trip on Psilocybe subaeruginosa....the name sends shivers down my spine.

So my partner and I had recently gotten hold of these shrooms (100% sure they were the right ones) and as I was most excited about them we decided that only I would take them and he would trip sit, just in case things went south.

So at about 5.50pm on the 11th of June 2016, I blended about 5 small caps and stems (regrettably didn't have a scale) into powder, soaked them in orange juice for about 10 minutes and then downed the vile mix at 6pm.

We went on with our night, relaxing in our lounge room. About 30-40 minutes in I started to feel the effects. I just felt high at this stage, heightened senses and exacerbated emotions so I sort of kept it to myself that I was feeling it. My partner was getting a bit frustrated because we hadn't had dinner yet and we kept trying to decided what to have but kept going in circles so he finally decided that he would hit up Mcdonalds which was about a 5 minute walk from our house.

I didn't feel like being out in public in my state so I stayed home. I think there is where the trip took a turn for the worse.

I got it in my head that my partner was really annoyed with me for being so indecisive and I though he had left the house angry because of me. I started spiraling into negative thought patterns, jumping from thought to thought about how shit my life was, how I was never going to have a good future, and that I was just going to end up a jobless drug addict for the rest of my life (at the time (before tripping) I was becoming more and more unhappy and ashamed with the fact that I used weed every day).

So it had been about 10 minutes since my partner left and by this stage I even started thinking  my cat was against me; shes a tortoise shell and her face looked angry every time I looked at her and it looked like her face kept morphing and moving... so I stopped looking at her and decided that sleeping would be a good choice, so I headed into bed which only made me feel extremely alone and the thoughts kept spiraling; negative thought after negative thought.

I somehow managed to get my phone and call my partner because by this stage it felt like he had been gone for hours (I lost track of the time now). He answered and I was crying and crying while talking to him asking where he was and how far away he was. Being on the phone to him made it feel like he was miles away, in another state or never coming home. He assured me he was on his way home and not far away so we stayed on the phone until he rang the doorbell of our house for me to let him back inside.

He could tell that I was really feeling it now and we sat back in the lounge room and I asked him to put a happy movie on. We started watching some Disney movie, I cant even remember which one, but it didn't make me feel any better, I just kept thinking of sad things, things I regretted from my past, mistakes I had made, stupid things I had done, where my life was going, if anywhere.

As time went on I just kept repeating the same things to him over and over "is my life off track" "am I a drug addict" "am I a bad person" "am I crazy" (my mum has severe mental illness and its a very large worry of mine that I will become the same), I even asked if I had killed someone I felt so bad, and he just kept reassuring me over and over that none of what I was saying or thinking was true, reassuring me that it was just the mushrooms playing tricks on my mind and that it would be over soon.

Then I thought of something, the thing I regret most in my life , the thing that makes me feel the worst, and the crying intensified, I felt like I was really crying from my soul, it wasn't your average sobbing, it was deep howling...from my soul I'm sure.
After that deep, soul wrenching crying passed, the only thing that kept me from thinking of more negative things was my partner repeating to me over and over how he loved me and telling me happy things like "cute little kittens are so happy and so fluffy", I couldn't control what I was saying so I decided to just stay silent. This went on for hours I'm sure, him telling me he loves me and that we are happy, then eventually probably around 2am, I'm not sure, the effects became a little less intense and my partner was really tired so we both went to bed. I laid there for hours wide awake thinking thinking thinking until I, at some stage fell asleep.

This beings me to the 'After trip tale of horror'

The next day I woke up feeling intense sadness, anxiety and panic with a pressure in my head....like the feeling you get when you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, or when someone you loved dearly passes away and the constant feeling of impending doom.
That afternoon I had to go to work and I honestly dont know how I made it through, I felt so vulnerable, paranoid and like I was on a different planet. I had to take the train and I was sure people could tell how horrendous I was feeling, being around all those people made me so uncomfortable. So I powered through and when I got home I went straight to bed.

For the next week (luckily I was on holiday from Uni, i go back next week) I went on to burst into tears at random moments, feeling impending doom constantly, waking up feeling fine for about thirty seconds and then a wave of what feels like adrenaline rushes through me making my heart pound in my chest and then all the worries come, the negative feelings about my future, about my actions, my current pathway in life, the fact that I have a shitty retail job that I cant even handle....and to this day, almost 3 months post trip, I'm still feeling this intense anxiety, intense dread about my life and my future.

I've started seeing a psychologist, I told her everything, about all drug use, my past, everything, it has been slightly helpful, however she isn't very educated about the effects of psychedelics.

I've been to see many doctors and even had blood tests done which did show some elevated/abnormal results (high iron levels, high bilirubin, slightly high t4, low tsh, high testosterone, high sodium, high cholesterol, low estrogen) but the doctor told me those abnormal levels wouldn't be causing the symptoms I have been having. I've lost a lot of weight as well (5-7kg, which is a lot for how small I already am).

I even recently shelled out a small fortune to see an endocrinologist convinced I had given myself adrenal insufficiency, which he ruled out seeing as I have high sodium.

I was prescribed 50mg Zoloft and 50mg seroquel xr to try and curb the anxiety, its been 2 weeks since I started taking those meds and I'm not feeling any better.

I guess I decided to document this as its made such a huge impact on my life, I've had to cut back my study load by 50% because I just cant handle life right now and I don't even know if what I'm studying is what I want to do with my life, every little commitment and task panics me and induces a rush of anxiety through my body...I cant handle my job, I'm honestly a big mess right now and I hope that one day soon I can come back here and and say something like "I'm cured! I'm happy and I'm the old me again!".

If one good thing came out of this horrible experience, its that I quit weed cold turkey after smoking daily for the past 2 years, its been a bit over a month since I last got high.

Looking for some words of support, similar stories, success stories of overcoming panic/anxiety disorder induced by a bad trip...anything, I'm feeling pretty lost.


Peace.

Update: If you're interested I've been making journal entry's about my recovery, I've documented all the life changes I had to make in order to regain my sanity, which thankfully, I did :smile:


Edited by WishIwasACat (08/17/16 09:39 PM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleSleepwalker
Overshoes

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 5,503
Re: Post first trip HELL [Re: WishIwasACat]
    #23494466 - 07/31/16 03:16 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

When I first discovered the magical world of tripping balls, I binged hard in my excitement and overindulged, eventually leading to periods of schizophrenic thought patterns, paranoia/delusions, and audio hallucinations, all while sober.

I took a break from the drugs and my brain healed itself up nicely. It was a long time before I gingerly dipped a toe in those waters again.


I just recently had a trip that had me in despair and prayer to the mushroom gods, consumed by my past, cowering and sweating in a tent, unable to conceive of facing the challenges ahead. Having experience with how this psychedelic song and dance goes, I was able to flow into it and conquer my demons in a period of one trip rather than months.

Have you had these anxiety attacks in the past, before the trip?
If not, perhaps you uncovered something that was lurking in the dark, which you now must slay in the name of your karma and mental health. If you will.
However, I know anxiety attacks have an extreme physical component and can not necessarily be fought on the mental front. I'm sorry the meds aren't working for you.


Not being a doctor, I only feel comfortable prescribing meditation to you. It may not ease the attacks, but for general anxiety about one's life I think it can be quite useful in calming the storm and making the sturdy path clear.



Welcome to the Shroomery!  :nicekitty:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineTerpfreak
❀Terpenes❀
Female


Registered: 07/08/16
Posts: 1,065
Loc: Land Of Ooo
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: Post first trip HELL [Re: Sleepwalker]
    #23498096 - 08/01/16 11:03 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Everything he said x10.

Hey there. I've had anxiety , ptsd, BPD, and fibromyalgia for .. God knows how long.

Mushrooms take away your brains filter, and can bring up things we hide well from ourself. You're obviously very intelligent, have you considered that you're dealing with high functioning anxiety? http://themighty.com/2016/06/living-with-high-functioning-and-hidden-anxiety/

Just remember that your life is your own and you don't owe anyone anything, I'm here if you need to chat. - A girl who's seen some shit


--------------------


Edited by Terpfreak (08/01/16 11:12 AM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineTerpfreak
❀Terpenes❀
Female


Registered: 07/08/16
Posts: 1,065
Loc: Land Of Ooo
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: Post first trip HELL [Re: Terpfreak]
    #23498123 - 08/01/16 11:19 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Also, cannabis isn't for everyone. We all do have endocannabinoid systems though, some of us require certain cannabinoids that serve many functions in working with THC.  For instance I smoke only Indicas and use CBD and CBN before bed so I can pass the f out. Someone else might use only sativa and use CBD during the day to calm their anxiety.    Research what ya put into your body- doctors know nothing and studies won't be found easily because the gov only allows gov funded testing to be done with shitty government weed. Good luck !!


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineWishIwasACat
Stranger
Female


Registered: 07/28/16
Posts: 21
Loc: Australia Flag
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
Re: Post first trip HELL [Re: Sleepwalker]
    #23500662 - 08/02/16 04:35 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Thanks for your response,
I definitely underestimated the power of the fungus....I found it hard to fathom that I had just plucked them from a near by park and that they had such a profound and intense effect....I remember I kept saying "these are real drugs" while tripping haha.

Its comforting to know that you experienced some scary after effects but were able to recover from it.
I've read a lot while researching bad trips that people often overcome the effects of a bad trip by tripping again and confronting the issues and resolving and coming to terms with them, I'm definitely too shaken and scared out of my mind to try that though.

My partner and I smoked weed for the first time since the incident just yesterday, and I can solidly say that my weed smoking days are over....for the foreseeable future at least, until this anxiety goes anyway....I got really panicky and had flash backs from the trip...maybe it was because it was a sativa though, still, the desire to get high just isn't there anymore, I've been liking feeling more grounded and connected to the world.

I had never experienced anxiety attacks before the trip, I would get nervous and scared about doing everyday things though, like I used to get really worked up and anxious about going to work, even though I was working full time at the time and I knew everyone I worked with and they were all nice etc, I just had to push through the initial "going into work" anxiety and after that I would be fine, however I did hate that job. I also have some pretty bad social anxiety, I just feel like I never have anything to talk about and I say weird things, but maybe that's just my personality, and I'm actually ok with being a bit different to everyone else, again, its just pushing through the anxiety that can be hard.

I went to the DR yesterday to change meds, I just felt that they should have had SOME impact, it had been over 2 weeks and I didn't feel any different, now I just have to deal with coming off the Zoloft and changing to Lexapro though, the change over shouldn't be that bad though as they are both SSRI's so my fingers are crossed and I've got a nice full bottle of Valium just in case things get though...well, tougher.

I went to hot yoga last night, fist exercise-y thing I've done in a while, I thought the 38C temps might help flush out my endocrine system while the yoga would help relax and clear my mind, felt really good afterwards.

Today was tough but I'm pushing through.

Thanks again for your support and encouragement, it honestly helps a lot.

Peace.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineWishIwasACat
Stranger
Female


Registered: 07/28/16
Posts: 21
Loc: Australia Flag
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
Re: Post first trip HELL [Re: Terpfreak]
    #23500693 - 08/02/16 05:02 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Thanks for your response :smile:

Its comforting to have someone who relates to me...a lot of people, well, most people dont talk about anxiety, or other issues they deal with, but over these last few weeks I feel like I've been the most honest and most open I ever have been, the anxiety and constant feeling of impending doom has been so overwhelming I've found it hard to put up my "I don't have anxiety, what are you talking about" facade and I've found that more often than not people are more than willing to either help or express their own experiences and battles with anxiety, it's made me feel so much more connected, supported and not alone. Honesty is like gold.

When you say BPD do you mean bipolar or border line personality disorder? I was recently told by my psychologist I may have borderline, I had a pretty..."interesting" upbringing which has led me to have a lot of insecurities, trust issues and a lot of difficulty relating to other people and making friends, I'm usually very concerned about peoples perceptions of me and I often feel like people are "attacking" me or don't like me.

I was nodding my head the whole time reading through the website you linked, that's me to a T.


As for the weed, I'm in Australia so our choices here are pretty limited, as it's illegal there's no filtration or quality control and you often just get what your given without even knowing what strain it is at all. I smoked for the first time since the trip yesterday and it wasn't an enjoyable experience, I can thoroughly say that my weed smoking days are over, at least until this anxiety passes....if it ever bloody does.

Thanks for your support, it means and helps a lot. <3

Peace.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinedawgwilhunt
Stranger
Registered: 08/06/16
Posts: 4
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
Re: Post first trip HELL [Re: WishIwasACat]
    #23528306 - 08/10/16 01:54 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

The trip has brought out things in your subconscious that don't make you feel good about yourself.  For instance the smoking weed; whether you consciously know it or not, it's making you feel bad about yourself and affecting your self esteem.  Social anxiety is caused by low self esteem.

Pay attention to the things that the trip highlighted for you and act on them.  These are the things you need start addressing work on to make your life better. 

I'm no expert but i'd say this trip was really helpful to you and is a good thing that it happened.  Treat it as a wake up call.

PS i suffer from SA also so i know how you feel.  You really have to work on it to get over it.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineAldebaran
Psilo-Scribe
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 1,323
Loc: Altered States of Europe
Last seen: 6 hours, 11 minutes
Re: Post first trip HELL [Re: WishIwasACat]
    #23538435 - 08/13/16 04:33 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

I think the negative thoughts during your trip are pretty normal, it's just that in an average trip they would be a transient effect that only lasts for a short time before you feel OK again. But the whole "why am I doing this.....my life is off track......something is wrong" kind of self-doubt and negativity during a trip is very familiar to me.

Sometimes you can find during a trip that you hit a real trough of negativity, until you get to a point where you just accept that everything is terrible.......and suddenly you feel the negativity disappear because you just accept "well, OK, this is how it is, fuck it..." and you realise you were just caught up in some random spiral of negative thinking for 20 minutes or whatever, then you start laughing and feeling euphoric........trips can be very weird like that.

The combination of a history of weed use plus a post along the lines of "I tripped and now I feel anxious / depersonalized / get panic attacks so I went to the doctor" is not particularly unusual. Often people will say they were fine with the weed and blame the shrooms, but as you say

Quote:

in the beginning I experienced paranoia and felt like I was on another planet, but as time went on my body adjusted to the weed and I could get high with no problems




...which makes me wonder if tripping (especially a negative experience) can occasionally upset that balance that makes you able to "get high with no problems".

I'm not sure you'll find an immediate wonder cure for this kind of thing, but often people will report that things gradually get better (especially if you have quit weed & psychedelics), and also that they felt better when they stopped worrying about the situation and accepted it as a fairly normal psychological reaction rather than a physical ailment or mental disease of some kind. It sounds like the experience has brought out some underlying psychological stresses in your life and these are feeding the anxiety which would probably slowly ebb away by itself if it was purely an effect of the drugs.

Like the scenario when you are tripping, I'd suggest taking a "fuck it" attitude to the actual anxiety problems, where you just accept them for what they are and observe them internally without feeding the anxiety by worrying about it. I've noticed during a trip that it can be helpful just to simply say to yourself "I'm anxious. This is anxiety. Nothing else." It doesn't make it go away but when you are panicking it does give more of a feeling of control and acceptance of what's happening.

If you can calm down a little bit then you can gradually start to think about the real problems in your life in a way which is more proportionate. It's part of the anxiety to upscale your problems into something enormous and unmanageable; so that's another thing to tell yourself - your problems seem worse because you are anxious, everything will be OK eventually. Think of yourself as someone else having a bit of a bad trip who needs calming down and reassuring - what would you say to them? Apply that to yourself, come to an acceptance of how you feel now, and work from there.

I don't know if that's helpful for you, it must be difficult to deal with this and try to cope with work and study at the same time, but at least remember that you are not alone and there are people with similar stories which worked out OK :peace:

:cat: :owl: :cat:

:nyan:


--------------------
I wrote that, but I meant something else


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineTerpfreak
❀Terpenes❀
Female


Registered: 07/08/16
Posts: 1,065
Loc: Land Of Ooo
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: Post first trip HELL [Re: Aldebaran]
    #23540837 - 08/14/16 01:19 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Yes I was referring to Borderline. Hope you find some ways to deal with these feelings. :rasta:


--------------------


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1

Shop: Bridgetown Botanicals Bridgetown Botanicals   North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies   Kraken Kratom Kratom Capsules for Sale   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder   Mushroom-Hut Substrate Mix   Left Coast Kratom Buy Kratom Extract   Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Myoplex/Met-Rx post trip recovery LeGrouper 807 1 02/16/02 08:21 PM
by Trail_Blazer
* How does weed affect your trip?
( 1 2 all )
Stems 16,945 25 10/26/02 07:14 PM
by Meph
* Tripping without dank is crazy tekforce 1,638 9 08/26/01 08:20 PM
by RedNucleus
* tripping alone Synthincog_Nito 2,853 17 10/16/02 10:36 AM
by liquidity
* First Trippe-Im terrified of a bad trip, need help
( 1 2 all )
Hustla 6,315 21 06/19/23 08:55 PM
by thespacecadet
* First time trip Saturday... cStyle 2,794 10 09/03/02 06:12 AM
by Trip_Out_7
* How many people like sexy stuff while tripping?
( 1 2 3 4 all )
Chemical_Smile 36,547 74 02/04/22 11:33 PM
by 317537
* Post deleted by Anno
( 1 2 all )
Anonymous 6,393 26 12/16/01 09:42 PM
by lordmalthus

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: psilocybinjunkie
646 topic views. 0 members, 5 guests and 0 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.022 seconds spending 0.004 seconds on 12 queries.