|
weirdguy32
OTD shitstain


Registered: 01/25/15
Posts: 4,397
Loc: Spicemaster SC
Last seen: 23 hours, 30 minutes
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
#23470126 - 07/23/16 05:59 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
OP I just played your song for my niece and she said she didn't like it and I told her to focus on your lyrics not the singing but she didn't and gave the girl of disapproval look but then I told her all she knows is rap songs, twerkings and other bullshit like that
|
PatrickKn



Registered: 07/10/11
Posts: 20,564
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
#23470131 - 07/23/16 06:01 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
When I was reading it, I imagined a more Rage Against The Machine kind of background score to it. Like a heavy rock/rap influence. The way you sung it made it sound like a soppy pop song. Use your destroyed raspy vocal ranges for something more fitting to the lyrics and your voice.
|
Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,494
Loc: Texas
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: weirdguy32]
#23470138 - 07/23/16 06:06 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
weirdguy32 said: gave the girl of disapproval look but then I told her all she knows is rap songs, twerkings and other bullshit like that
I lol'd
--------------------
HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
|
Apostle
Philanthropist



Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 24 days
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: weirdguy32]
#23470152 - 07/23/16 06:14 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
weirdguy32 said: OP I just played your song for my niece and she said she didn't like it and I told her to focus on your lyrics not the singing but she didn't and gave the girl of disapproval look but then I told her all she knows is rap songs, twerkings and other bullshit like that
i got some rap too
one sec
|
Apostle
Philanthropist



Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 24 days
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
#23470160 - 07/23/16 06:19 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
|
Apostle
Philanthropist



Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 24 days
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: PatrickKn]
#23470165 - 07/23/16 06:20 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
PatrickKn said: Use your destroyed raspy vocal ranges for something more fitting to the lyrics and your voice.
i have a song called "pink dress" which is song in a raspy voice if you'd like
be warned though, its sung by me so there's a good chance it's still going to sound like audio aids
|
Apostle
Philanthropist



Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 24 days
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
#23470220 - 07/23/16 06:37 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0y95KMsxbWG
well I put on a pink a dress today i put on a pink dress tonight i put on a pink dress today Oh lord it felt so right
See this happened not too long ago the other night when i was feeling low Heading to the bar to get high i saw a pretty thing that caught my eye i said lately baby i been alone why don't you throw this dog a bone? She grabbed me by the balls and said now son we gonna do this instead Honey i'm a just take you home 'cause i see you've already got you're bone(Cmon!)
n I put on her pink dress that day i put on a pink dress that night Good lord it felt so tight when i put on her pink dress that night
Well i was feeling really good one day from all the drinks and drugs i'd put away I saw a little girl by herself so i strolled up to introduce myself Right away i went in for a kiss A little forward but she didn't resist and i could tell that she wasn't scared when she grabbed me there and led me up stairs
And I put on her pink that day i put on a pink dress that night good lord it felt so tight when i put on her pink dress that night
the boys will laugh and that's alright 'cause i put on her pink dress that nighttt
|
Apostle
Philanthropist



Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 24 days
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
#23471096 - 07/24/16 12:22 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
|
Seriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh



Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 7 hours, 6 minutes
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
#23471138 - 07/24/16 12:44 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
I'm on acid at the moment so no offense but I'm not going to listen but simple things like dropping the word "these" in "these medications bring sensations" medication bringing me sensation,which leave me content (end of line) Only to step in line with this society I resent. This particular spoken word style would Imo best be modeled after scroobius pip .
Best of luck Apostle you sound like you're having fun with it and honest that's all that matters
-------------------- R.I.P Zombi3, Blue Helix Modest Mouse Zappa Slothie That Kid With The face ShLong Le Canard split_by_nine & Big Worm Forever Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many
|
Apostle
Philanthropist



Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 24 days
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
#23471143 - 07/24/16 12:46 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
yea i wouldn't want to hear me on acid either.
appreciate it!
|
Seriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh



Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 7 hours, 6 minutes
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
#23471147 - 07/24/16 12:50 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
I'll give it a listen sometime soon but yeah Ima play it safe on that one for the moment happy trails , you will get better . At least you're expressing yourself
-------------------- R.I.P Zombi3, Blue Helix Modest Mouse Zappa Slothie That Kid With The face ShLong Le Canard split_by_nine & Big Worm Forever Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many
|
Apostle
Philanthropist



Registered: 12/12/09
Posts: 31,501
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 24 days
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
#23471155 - 07/24/16 12:55 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|

enjoy your trip!
|
ergoticmandala



Registered: 06/03/15
Posts: 1,256
Last seen: 4 years, 29 days
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
#23472951 - 07/24/16 05:32 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
That kid doesn't know what he's talking about. Your lyrics are garbage.
i wanna see this dude write some better lyrics...
|
ergoticmandala



Registered: 06/03/15
Posts: 1,256
Last seen: 4 years, 29 days
|
Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: ergoticmandala]
#23472953 - 07/24/16 05:34 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
that could be taken wrong, I meant that i would like to see John Nada write some better verses
|
|