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OfflineApostle
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Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it?
    #23469943 - 07/23/16 04:51 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

i think the lyrics and general idea for the song are pretty solid.


i am an awful singer but i will sing and record and upload it if yall want.


also, should i use vocaroo or some other site?


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OfflineMykoMykoAnay
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
    #23469945 - 07/23/16 04:52 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I'll listen to it. Not sure what site, maybe just use the OS voice recorder and YouTube to upload. Post the lyrics.


--------------------
"He who seeks freedom for anything but freedom's self is made to be a slave."
Old Regime (1856)


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InvisibleAlexthegreat
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
    #23469960 - 07/23/16 04:57 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I will definitely listen to it.


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Alexthegreat]
    #23470038 - 07/23/16 05:25 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

WARNING LOUD LOW QUALITY AUDIO

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0bt3MtYuFvk

I grab my pistol and i shoot into the sky
Tryna hit God so he can bleed me down some reasons why
i never go nowhere no matter how hard i try
i swear to me, i'ts gonna be the reason that i die
Tearing my brain trying to explain this circus we call life
Predisposition for the fixin', crimson sacrifice
These medications bring sensations which leave me content
to step in line with a society that i resent

We are the Youth, we are the truth, we are uncharted land
We are the blank canvas they wish to paint with their demands
we are the changing tide that's rolled in with the changing times
we are a threat because we've yet to leave our dreams behind
we may be beaten and mistreaten for the way we live
we keep on fighting 'cause our fights all we've got left to give

I grab my needle and i shoot into my arm
The Doctors tell me that im doing myself lots of harm
i disagree because you see, the feeling feels so warm
what leaves me cold is doing as im told since i was born
into this world where i cant help but to feel out of place
try to escape but when i run just fall flat on my face
So now i stay where i can lay down on the ground to waste
and let the pleasures which i treasure drown out my distaste
for all the standards which are hammered into our young minds
"land of the free", still feels to me like my souls doing time

We are the Youth, we are the truth, we are uncharted land
We are the blank canvas they wish to paint with their demands
we are the changing tide that's rolled in with the changing times
we are a threat because we've yet to leave our dreams behind
we may be beaten and mistreaten for the way we live
we keep on fighting 'cause our fight all we've got left to give

- Hologram



I have a couple more if there's any interest.


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InvisibleJohn NadaDiscord
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
    #23470060 - 07/23/16 05:32 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Honestly, this is trash. The lyrics are gay as fuck, corny, hokey, teen angsty bullshit. The singing is terrible and the cadence and melody are just the exact same pattern repeated every 2 bars or so for the whole time. Don't try to do music.


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: John Nada]
    #23470062 - 07/23/16 05:34 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I appreciate that. I know my voice is bad and i have heard that the melody is half assed and not varied enough.
I can see that.
I thought the lyrics were ok, but i respect your opinion.


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Offlinedesant
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
    #23470071 - 07/23/16 05:38 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

This life's a bloody circus :yesnod:


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Offlineweirdguy32
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
    #23470072 - 07/23/16 05:38 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

the lyrics are impressive to me as well


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: weirdguy32]
    #23470076 - 07/23/16 05:40 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

thank you!

i have a "fun" song that is more feel good and sung in a Tom Waits kind of fashion that perhaps some would like better.


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InvisibleJohn NadaDiscord
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
    #23470080 - 07/23/16 05:41 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

That kid doesn't know what he's talking about. Your lyrics are garbage.


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InvisiblePrisoner#1
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
    #23470084 - 07/23/16 05:42 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Apostle said:
WARNING LOUD LOW QUALITY AUDIO






you should start with some of the oldies like twinkle twinkle little star and maybe happy birthday


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Offlineweirdguy32
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: John Nada]
    #23470090 - 07/23/16 05:45 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

:eatingout:


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: John Nada]
    #23470091 - 07/23/16 05:45 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I appreciate your feedback as well as his.

Everyones got their own opinion.


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #23470095 - 07/23/16 05:46 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Can i sang happy birthday Mr.Moderator ala Marilyn Monroe for you?


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InvisibleNiffla
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
    #23470098 - 07/23/16 05:47 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I think the lyrics are good, bud. I mean that. Well written. Keep working on the vocals. Play around with it. It'll only get better with repetition. And remember that singing A cappella can be unforgiving and will only sound better once it's accompanied with some music.

I think you've laid some nice groundwork. Just keep at it and trying to perfect it. It can take some time and improvement can come in small increments but like anything else, you'll get better the more you work at it.


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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Niffla] * 1
    #23470100 - 07/23/16 05:48 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

that means alot to me man.


:awesome:

i don't ever anticipate becoming a good singer so i focus more on writing. i guess it couldnt hurt to practice though.


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InvisibleAlexthegreat
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
    #23470106 - 07/23/16 05:50 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I hope you aren't letting the haters get to you. If you don't have haters, you ain't doing something right. Good stuff.


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InvisiblePatrickKn
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Apostle]
    #23470109 - 07/23/16 05:51 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Lyrics are okay. Yeah, a bit angsty for my tastes, but it has a bit of a flow to it. You could likely write on better themes and they would be pretty good. The recorded file was pretty awful, not just the sound quality, but the performance. Something to work on I suppose. Try using some headphones with a metronome or a drum beat in the background and then record.

Also:

"Anything too stupid to be said is sung."
-Voltaire


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: Alexthegreat]
    #23470120 - 07/23/16 05:54 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)



He's one of my oldest fans .

Anyways, i want honesty more than anything and i'm no stranger to criticism.

I appreciate your encouragement more than you can imagine and i plan on continuing to pursue my writing be it song, short stories or poetry.


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OfflineApostle
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Re: Will you listen to a song i wrote & critique it? [Re: PatrickKn]
    #23470124 - 07/23/16 05:57 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Appreciate the feedback, yea my set up is God awful.

The song is pretty angsty but is supposed to be sung in jest.
Anyone that has knows me knows that i'm perfectly content being miserable and don't take myself too seriously.

again, thank you


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