Since I was 14-15 years old I heard voices and had hallucinations and delusions and detachment from reality. I learned to live with this they didn't bother me much because it became normal to me. When I was 18 I tried marijuana and alcohol for the first time. 19 I tried LSD. LSD I had a really bad trip with. But the plus side is I felt it gave me SOME insight into reality that I didn't have before. It helped with the detachment from reality, even though all mental health professionals tell me that LSD made me more detached from reality, I know the truth, it brought me closer to reality. So they prescribed me wellbutrin because I kept most my experiences about voices and stuff secret. Wellbutrin caused me terrible psychosis. Voices were really loud and controlled me. So they put me on risperdal. That made everything way worse. I was hospitalized for 50 days that summer. Went back to school, back to smoking weed only. Well the story goes, I bounced back and forth between mental hospitals and doing substances. I picked up shrooms, lsd again, other hallucinogens, psychedelics. In January of 2014 I finally became committed to anti-psychotics. Haven't been hospitalized since knock on wood, but I still struggled with substance abuse. I've done hallucinogens about 60 times...and I'll tell you, one time I tried coming off meds and I became sick REALLY REALLY fast and REALLY REALLY sick, only took like 2 days. SO I need meds really really badly.
In december of 2015 I was prescribed naltrexone for alcoholism, I stayed sober for 25 days then smoked weed once, then 30 more days, and started drinking again. Then 40 days ago, the last night I drank was during the night of the massacre in Orlando, and haven't drank since. The thought of alcohol makes me sick. Shrooms, acid??? I'm turned off to the thought of that. I'm diagnosed schizo-affective btw. But I have no symptoms on 20 mg of abilify 50 mg of naltrexone and 1.0 of klonopin. I need all three. If i stop taking my klonopin I start seeing aliens and robots and shit so don't tell me I shouldn't take this baby dose of klonopin which I never abuse. If I exceeded 1.0 of klonopin I'd consider it a relapse.
But hallucinogens gave me insight, but made my psychosis way worse, the voices way worse, but by the grace of God, medication does me so well. I believe I am just about the most asymptomatic schizo on Earth. Or at least tied, because I have no symptoms, not even depression or anxiety, as long as I take my meds. I'm 26 now and going back to school this fall. I want to be a mental health professional...I go to AA too I should mention. But all I'm trying to say is hallucinogens helped me a lot, but it hurt me too, but on meds I'm near asymptomatic. It's a miracle. Well that's my story. I'm very grateful. And don't suggest doing hallucinogens 60 times if you hear voices and stuff, but for me it worked. Well yeah that's all I gotta say. Not expecting any preaching or anything, just sharing my story. Meds help a lot, if you can find the right ones. And I'm doing good.. so happy...I read, i watch movies, I socialize, I go in nature, etc... Life's good. And I hope 40 days of sobriety turns into 40 years, but I'll take it one day at a time thank you very much.
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there is no pat answer to any questions, but you can explore life and discover what is good for you. each person is different. what you are talking about (hallucinations etc.) are part of all of our inner lives. some people are less in touch with that than others. like smell, some people smell better than others.
explore life slowly and learn what you can.
I recommend studying history and literature, and seeing how we support and are supported by society.
everyone contributes what they can, their abilities help but do not necessarily define their contributions.
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