I saw one of the wrathful deities on a very, very, bad trip where i experienced a pretty f'ing realistic simulation of physical death, and had the worst noosebleed of my life. It told me: "You are already dead, you no longer have a purpose in this creation, give up your form and merge with me". I asked it why, as i'm communicating with it, so i know i'm not dead, and told it so asking what it really wanted. It didn't like that and tried to attack me, felt like it wanted to suck my soul out or possess my body. What i did was match the energy vibration of it and pulled it into myself unexpectedly. Ever since that experience stuff has been mighty wierd to say the least.
-------------------- "Love one another." "To Love is to know me." "Love is the Law, Love under Will." "In Compassion, all sorrows end." Regardless of the Master, the message is the same- Choose love and you shall live, Choose Fear and you shall die. Help bring peace to this Earth: Love one another, and serve others before yourself.
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Fear was made irrelevant would be the best way to answer the question. It has been replaced with a feeling of sorrow and confusion more than anything else. In short, i was put through hell for over a couple years in a way that made me question everything and would drive most people to suicide. The first thing that happened is i had my first psychotic episode that landed me in jail. To be blunt, the case could have ended with lifetime incarceration. I didn't kill or hurt anyone, but had a very sincere desire to die myself and stuff got ugly because of this.
The part that made it truly fucked was that it seemed like a supernatural being had a hand in this. That is, it had the ability to take people over overtly. By take over, i mean for real. It was sort of like a DA in personality, accusing of all sorts of things, and knew stuff that the people it took over could not have possibly known about me and others. When this happened other people were present so as to make no doubt that whatever it was was REAL and not in my head. It did this to my public defender, the shrink, the judge at the bail hearing, and even made the DA and the defender seem to switch sides. Anyway i got bailed out in time. Key words here are BAILED OUT...
Next A genuine mystical experience happened at a gathering called bhakti fest. (sadly now it's all about the money, but was not back then.) During a song (Devi puja- Jayanti mangala kali..) by an artist called Krishna Das, I got super hot and felt as if i were on fire and though it didn't hurt, i was crying uncontrollably.
After this happened i had been given for lack of better words Christ powers for real. I was able to mend a broken collar bone in my other half using these abilities. Actually felt it line up and mend and stay that way. However the public defender recommended that i get my head physically examined, and an inner voice told me that if i did, i would loose the healing powers, so i was forced to choose between a possible deliverance from the legal system or to keep the Christ powers until the court date and spend the rest of my life in prison. I chose to let it go. Interestingly i have damage to my lower right frontal lobe that they didn't catch at the time. Shriveled like a prune, and it would have made the entire case go away as well. Something made sure that did not happen.
After my head was examined, i still had the Christ powers, but it felt as if some connection, part of myself was gone, similar to having a loved one die unexpectedly in raw intensity. I truly wanted everything and everyone to die, It hurt that bad.
I screamed this aloud: You tricked me into killing my shakti! Damn you, damn everything that is in this creation, I hope you get to watch everyone and everything you know and love DIE. At the time it was directed at my other half who persuaded me to get my head examined. The energy was so strong that it made her nose bleed for no reason. Literally, i wanted her, or something inside her, dead.
After this happened the Christ powers went away, and instead I had great luck at gambling at the casino, winning several thousand dollars repeatedly. Then again i was asked if i valued deliverance from the court or luck at gambling more. I chose deliverance, but kept gambling. It almost seemed like something made me do it. The sickest part was i knew i was blowing a crap load of money and even offered a couple grand to my other half to keep and do with whatever she wanted. It was like she was numb or something. She didn't take it and i ended up loosing everything i won and then some.
After this i had a very bad reaction to my psych med Abilify and acquired horrible diabetes out of the blue and other sickness. Lots of stuff went wrong, a whole lot of little things, to where i started using drugs pretty heavily and just wanted to die. Then the death trip i mentioned occurred as it would be better than having something take over people in court in such a way as to make you out to be worse than the worst.
In short, imagine if the devil took over the judge jury and prosecutor in such a way as to make sure that all everyone heard was the state's side of the case, and worded in a way so the meaning is taken totally out of context like politicians do.
I chose death. After i didn't really physically die, it tried a LOT of really dirty underhanded stuff to try to get me in either legal or other trouble, my health went to shit, my side of the family disowned me, and even making people out of the blue attack me outright. Really truly fucked! Then the court day finally came, and much to my surprise all that happened is i plead guilty to a DC charge and the sentence was a fine paid almost in full by my bail money.
The attacking continued until my step son decided to actually try to kill me because we took his video games away. We took his game system away temporarily for stealing money to support his addiction, but told him we destroyed it. By kill, i mean he weighs about 300 pounds and stepped on my throat with shoes on with all his weight. It should have done me in, but i was basically fine afterwards, even able to talk normally after the fight ended. It was a nasty fight. He tried to choke me after this and i clawed at him eventually finding his eyes and dug a finger in.
I had a choice of either just causing pain or literally plucking his eye out and blinding him if i wanted to. It was scary as fuck, but at the same time i had almost zen like control over my body. All I wanted to do was stop the fight even though he truly wanted to kill me over the fucking video games. Needless to say, the cops got called. I know how people feel about cops here, but that's the right time to call them. The scariest part was that i had a large razor sharp pocketknife in my pocket at the time. If i remembered i had it when the fight started, it would have been bad- To be honest the cops would have not arrived in time.
Then it took over another person i live with that tried to bait me to anger by telling me they were going to tell the cops all sorts of things that were not true and make sure i go away for a long time. It ended when i told them to only tell the cops the truth of what happened. So the cops eventually come and we tell them the frank truth about what happened, and they just chalked it up to excess testosterone on his part and nobody went to jail. (Maybe there is a God?)
After that it basically gave up. Still have health issues though. What was weird is that between the death trip and the fight (about 6 months or so) i could not trip on anything, even at way beyond normally "heroic" doses. I will say that this truly screwed me in the head. It feels like i was meant to do something, but at this time really don't know what it is. All i really want is peace.
-------------------- "Love one another." "To Love is to know me." "Love is the Law, Love under Will." "In Compassion, all sorrows end." Regardless of the Master, the message is the same- Choose love and you shall live, Choose Fear and you shall die. Help bring peace to this Earth: Love one another, and serve others before yourself.
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