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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States
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What should I do about my friend? 1
#23444355 - 07/15/16 03:46 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Me and a few friends went to a casino, one of them who used to be one of my closest friends and one of the best dudes I've ever known had a kid within a few weeks prior to this. Next day we all wake up and he can't find his debit card, checks his account and his bank account is cleared, roughly 1200 bucks.
We weren't that drunk and we all remember the night so we know that he didn't just blow it like an idiot, being that he's a new father and all he panics hard and doesn't know what to do or tell his fiance. We're on our way home and being that I've known him for at least 9 years and that he's always been a great dude I tell him I got some spare cash laying around and I can loan him the money, he jumps through the roof in excitement and thanks me up and down. So we get to my place and I give him 1500 cash, 300 that I owed him for the room at the casino and some money he loaned me the night before and the 1200 he was missing.
He tells me he'll pay me 200 a week every week and knowing that he has a shit job I tell him he can just pay me whatever he can whenever he can even if it's 20 a week......a month goes by and I text him ( just to hang out and not even about the money) and he just instantly apologizes saying he's been real busy with the kid and everything but he's been putting money away for me. another 2 months I hear nothing from him so I text him, same thing but he also invites me to his babies baptism this time. Couldn't go because of some shit that came up but it's been about 5 months total now and I've already told him that I need at least something back considering he said he's been putting it aside for me.
No answer from that and now idk what to do, mainly because I know his kid has been in the hospital the majority of the time since it's birth due to multiple medical problems and I know because of that he truly has been busy and is probably running tight on cash because I know he's not setting the world on fire with the kind of job he has. I don't want to be a dick about it either because apart from this instance this dude is seriously an amazing guy who will always have your back or be there for you and at this point I'm trying to decide whether I should just write it off as a loss or do something about it, if he just told me that he's in a bind because of his kid and his kids medical problems and all that and he's sorry or at least something I'd understand but the fact that he hasn't answered me in a month is what bothers me.
Idk why I'm posting this on the shroomery but I'm kind of just fishing for opinions at this point because I'm at a loss at what to do. I can survive without the money but at the same time 1200 is still a lot of money that I'd like to keep saved up. I've talked to a few people and from what I've gathered he should of been able to argue with the bank and get his money back if it was stolen but i don't have a debit card so I dont even know if that's true or not and towards the beginning of this I asked him about that and he basically told me that his bank told him he was screwed.
edit: we've never not hung out in this long and it's almost sad because he kept telling me how much he wanted me to come see his kid and how much he wanted me to be a part of his kids life and I would fucking love that and still have yet to even see his kid because we're both pretty busy anymore and in the beginning it was in the hospital a lot of the time so I never really had a chance and now things just seem to be weird ever since this and idk if I'll ever get to because he's basically blowing me off completely at this point, I left out a lot of detail and tried to make it short and it still ended up being long so sorry about that.
Edited by SirShroomsAlott (07/15/16 03:58 PM)
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Boomer The Great

Registered: 10/30/14
Posts: 5,504
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Damn dude.
I'm not sure what actions you should take. But don't do something you will regret, is really all I have to say.
It sounds like you are great friends.
And from what you say he is a great guy. My honest opinion to why he hasn't answered you is he may be embarrassed by his financial state. Which I know from experience, even with a great friend, it can be hard to tell someone that.
You should try to go grab a beer with him or something, whatever you guys like to do, the situation you are in I think is best done in person.
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Morel Guy
Stranger


Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 15,577
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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My Dad had a saying
The best way to lose a friend is to line him money
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Kush_Zombie
smug piece of shit



Registered: 10/22/14
Posts: 4,793
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The best advice I learned as a kid, was to never loan something you're not willing to lose forever.
Forgetting that advice got me jumped.
Be smarter next time and realize you have your own life to take care of. People are shitty.
-------------------- How to get started in bulk: Presto 23-Quart Pressure Cooker BOD's Simple as FUCK Still Air Box PastyWhyte's Easy Agar Tek Munchauzen's Cultivation Video Series How EvilMushroom666 Prepares His Grains (I use jars with Synthetic Filter Discs) What is G2G? (Grain-to-Grain) Damion5050's Coir Tek (I use 5.5 - 6 quarts of water instead of 4. Also ignore step 13 and ignore the monotub completely. The only purpose of this tek is to show you how to make a simple substrate. I also add gypsum to it but not necessary) Spitball's Monotub Tek (A liner isn't necessary but is useful) Use 6500k lights throughout the whole process. When you wake up, turn the light on. When you go to sleep turn the light off. It's as simple as that.
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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I don't loan out money and expect to get it back
He should be able to contact his bank and get the money credited to his account though.
Has he looked into it?
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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Boomer The Great

Registered: 10/30/14
Posts: 5,504
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Re: What should I do about my friend? [Re: Kush_Zombie] 1
#23444392 - 07/15/16 04:01 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kush_Zombie said: The best advice I learned as a kid, was to never loan something you're not willing to lose forever.
Forgetting that advice got me jumped.
Be smarter next time and realize you have your own life to take care of. People are shitty.
Your situation was completely different.
It has no relevance here.
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basqueshaman
Todays scapegoat



Registered: 04/01/11
Posts: 6,258
Loc: Washington State
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Quote:
SirShroomsAlott said: Me and a few friends went to a casino, one of them who used to be one of my closest friends and one of the best dudes I've ever known had a kid within a few months prior to this. Next day we all wake up and he can't find his debit card, checks his account and his bank account is cleared, roughly 1200 bucks.
We weren't that drunk and we all remember the night so we know that he didn't just blow it like an idiot, being that he's a new father and all he panics hard and doesn't know what to do or tell his fiance. We're on our way home and being that I've known him for at least 9 years and that he's always been a great dude I tell him I got some spare cash laying around and I can loan him the money, he jumps through the roof in excitement and thanks me up and down. So we get to my place and I give him 1500 cash, 300 that I owed him for the room at the casino and some money he loaned me the night before and the 1200 he was missing.
He tells me he'll pay me 200 a week every week and knowing that he has a shit job I tell him he can just pay me whatever he can whenever he can even if it's 20 a week......a month goes by and I text him ( just to hang out and not even about the money) and he just instantly apologizes saying he's been real busy with the kid and everything but he's been putting money away for me. another 2 months I hear nothing from him so I text him, same thing but he also invites me to his babies baptism this time. Couldn't go because of some shit that came up but it's been about 5 months total now and I've already told him that I need at least something back considering he said he's been putting it aside for me.
No answer from that and now idk what to do, mainly because I know his kid has been in the hospital the majority of the time since it's birth due to multiple medical problems and I know because of that he truly has been busy and is probably running tight on cash because I know he's not setting the world on fire with the kind of job he has. I don't want to be a dick about it either because apart from this instance this dude is seriously an amazing guy who will always have your back or be there for you and at this point I'm trying to decide whether I should just write it off as a loss or do something about it, if he just told me that he's in a bind because of his kid and his kids medical problems and all that and he's sorry or at least something I'd understand but the fact that he hasn't answered me in a month is what bothers me.
Idk why I'm posting this on the shroomery but I'm kind of just fishing for opinions at this point because I'm at a loss at what to do. I can survive without the money but at the same time 1200 is still a lot of money that I'd like to keep saved up. I've talked to a few people and from what I've gathered he should of been able to argue with the bank and get his money back if it was stolen but i don't have a debit card so I dont even know if that's true or not and towards the beginning of this I asked him about that and he basically told me that his bank told him he was screwed.
I would just let the cash go as long as it doesn't happen again
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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States
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Re: What should I do about my friend? [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
#23444404 - 07/15/16 04:04 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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He said he did and his bank basically told him to go fuck himself was the short story of it. I can go without the money or write it off as a loss but it's the fact he's ignoring me now and every time I have tried contacting him apart from the very last time it was always to hang out or something but he's been blowing me off and now just ignoring me. We were really close friends and I haven't even seen his kid yet and it's been well over 6 months since he's been born which bothers the hell out of me because he knows I want to and I almost feel like it's because of this shit because I've tried a few times and the only time he actually invited me I was too busy to go (the baptism)
At this point I'm thinking of just considering it a loss because I'm kind of more worried about our friendship then the money especially because I know he's been going through hell with his kid being in and out of the hospital but my minds just kind of twisted over the whole situation because now it just feels weird between us and idk what to do.
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Quote:
Boomer The Great said:
Quote:
Kush_Zombie said: The best advice I learned as a kid, was to never loan something you're not willing to lose forever.
Forgetting that advice got me jumped.
Be smarter next time and realize you have your own life to take care of. People are shitty.
Your situation was completely different.
It has no relevance here.
LOL I was just about to post the same shit. SSA didn't give cash to a fuckin gang member
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Quote:
SirShroomsAlott said: He said he did and his bank basically told him to go fuck himself was the short story of it. I can go without the money or write it off as a loss but it's the fact he's ignoring me now and every time I have tried contacting him apart from the very last time it was always to hang out or something but he's been blowing me off and now just ignoring me. We were really close friends and I haven't even seen his kid yet and it's been well over 6 months since he's been born which bothers the hell out of me because he knows I want to and I almost feel like it's because of this shit because I've tried a few times and the only time he actually invited me I was too busy to go (the baptism)
At this point I'm thinking of just considering it a loss because I'm kind of more worried about our friendship then the money especially because I know he's been going through hell with his kid being in and out of the hospital but my minds just kind of twisted over the whole situation because now it just feels weird between us and idk what to do.
Yeah it sound like he's just stressed as shit and thinks you're gonna hound him for the cash. I'd make it a point to let him know you don't care about the money if you want to mend your friendship
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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California
A E S T H E T I C S A T A N


Registered: 12/27/04
Posts: 72,118
Loc: H A U N T E D H O U S E
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Re: What should I do about my friend? [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
#23444443 - 07/15/16 04:18 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Malcolm_Xtasy said:
Quote:
SirShroomsAlott said: He said he did and his bank basically told him to go fuck himself was the short story of it. I can go without the money or write it off as a loss but it's the fact he's ignoring me now and every time I have tried contacting him apart from the very last time it was always to hang out or something but he's been blowing me off and now just ignoring me. We were really close friends and I haven't even seen his kid yet and it's been well over 6 months since he's been born which bothers the hell out of me because he knows I want to and I almost feel like it's because of this shit because I've tried a few times and the only time he actually invited me I was too busy to go (the baptism)
At this point I'm thinking of just considering it a loss because I'm kind of more worried about our friendship then the money especially because I know he's been going through hell with his kid being in and out of the hospital but my minds just kind of twisted over the whole situation because now it just feels weird between us and idk what to do.
Yeah it sound like he's just stressed as shit and thinks you're gonna hound him for the cash. I'd make it a point to let him know you don't care about the money if you want to mend your friendship
^This.
If he considers it a loss and wants the friendship more, that is true friendship, and the dude that owed him the cash will not forget it and probably do him a solid one day.
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Burke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
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What Malcolm said. As a father, I can tell you how tough it is to keep up with friends during those first few months, and my son is completely healthy. Factor in health issues, and I'm certain that this guy has his plate full to the max. This probably explains why he's not hanging out much, or inviting people around. Any second he can sleep is more valuable than chilling right now. I know that sounds harsh, but you'll understand if/when you have your own kids.
However, a simple text or call is never too time consuming to make. I'd wager that he simply cannot pay you back and is embarrassed as hell. Every day that goes by makes the situation more embarrassing and more awkward for him. If he's as great as you say, he's probably not out to hose you, but shit does happen.
I do find it strange that he wasn't able to recoup his loss from the bank. Almost all banks have total fraud reimbursement policies, and it's usually easy to get that money (after a 7-10 day waiting period). If he or anyone else authorized to access that account didnt withdraw the funds, he should've been covered for the loss. Are you positive there's no chicanery there?
Friendships have been lost over much less money. Lets hope this guy isn't a dick like that. Good luck.
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California
A E S T H E T I C S A T A N


Registered: 12/27/04
Posts: 72,118
Loc: H A U N T E D H O U S E
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Quote:
Burke Dennings said: I do find it strange that he wasn't able to recoup his loss from the bank. Almost all banks have total fraud reimbursement policies, and it's usually easy to get that money (after a 7-10 day waiting period). If he or anyone else authorized to access that account didnt withdraw the funds, he should've been covered for the loss. Are you positive there's no chicanery there?
Yeah. That shit doesn't add up.
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Kush_Zombie
smug piece of shit



Registered: 10/22/14
Posts: 4,793
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Quote:
Boomer The Great said:
Quote:
Kush_Zombie said: The best advice I learned as a kid, was to never loan something you're not willing to lose forever.
Forgetting that advice got me jumped.
Be smarter next time and realize you have your own life to take care of. People are shitty.
Your situation was completely different.
It has no relevance here.
edit: I see why you said that now. Sorry, I microdosed my shrooms higher than I meant to and I'm not all there at the moment.
-------------------- How to get started in bulk: Presto 23-Quart Pressure Cooker BOD's Simple as FUCK Still Air Box PastyWhyte's Easy Agar Tek Munchauzen's Cultivation Video Series How EvilMushroom666 Prepares His Grains (I use jars with Synthetic Filter Discs) What is G2G? (Grain-to-Grain) Damion5050's Coir Tek (I use 5.5 - 6 quarts of water instead of 4. Also ignore step 13 and ignore the monotub completely. The only purpose of this tek is to show you how to make a simple substrate. I also add gypsum to it but not necessary) Spitball's Monotub Tek (A liner isn't necessary but is useful) Use 6500k lights throughout the whole process. When you wake up, turn the light on. When you go to sleep turn the light off. It's as simple as that.
Edited by Kush_Zombie (07/15/16 04:38 PM)
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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States
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I'm really hoping he didn't get the money back and just didn't want to tell me or lied to me about it, and at this point I feel like if I bring it up again I'll never hear from him, the only thing that really confuses me is he invited me to the baptism after he told me he's been putting money to the side so he must of known that if I could of came it would probably of got brought up at some point and the baptism was at a church right up the street from his house so it wouldn't of been out of range.
I really don't know, I think I'm just going to try and contact him again and make a point that it's not over the money and I want to come see his kid and hopefully go from there, and if we do get together I'll just tell him that I'm not worried about the money and don't want it to come between us because I know he's been going through a lot of shit and that if he can pay me back great but if he can't I understand.
I really can't stress enough that apart from this one situation he's really one of the greatest dudes I've ever known, I guess I can't say it's impossible that he got it back and didn't want to tell me but it would just seem really out of character for him, he's the type of guy where if you call and say I need help he'd ask where you're at and be on his way before asking why.
edit: and he would text me this stuff out of the blue back towards the beginning of all this even when I didn't ask just to let me know, and then just recently he's been blowing me off about it.

and then this is basically all I get out of him whenever I ask him about the bank and getting it back and then changing the subject to something else we've talked about like he did in that text
^the timespans between texts is also what's weird because we would literally talk atleast twice a week minimum, but Burke might be right in the fact that he's just really busy with the kid and everything.
Edited by SirShroomsAlott (07/15/16 04:55 PM)
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Yeah that seems kinda fishy. I've never had any problems getting reimbursed for sketchy charges on my card.
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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hex_enduction
satta massa gana



Registered: 01/26/14
Posts: 12,051
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: What should I do about my friend? [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy] 1
#23444619 - 07/15/16 05:04 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Swallow the loss. I don't think you'll end up seeing a dime of it back, just speaking from personal experience. The real question is whether or not staying friends with the dude is worth $1,200.
And I don't know the dude, but I'd say there's a strong chance he might be ripping you off, as shitty as that sounds. I just can't comprehend why a bank would not launch an investigation into a fraud claim of over a grand. I've had money stolen from my bank account a few times and I was always able to get it back easily. Somethings not adding up here.
--------------------
Connoisseur said: oh ive cried on drugs sunshine said: Tragic. I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.
Edited by hex_enduction (07/15/16 05:11 PM)
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koods
Ribbit



Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,066
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 4 hours, 49 minutes
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Re: What should I do about my friend? [Re: hex_enduction]
#23444717 - 07/15/16 05:33 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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I hate to break it to you, but he's lying. He went on a bender and lost the money himself.
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NotSheekle said “if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”
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qman
Stranger

Registered: 12/06/06
Posts: 34,927
Last seen: 11 hours, 15 minutes
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Re: What should I do about my friend? [Re: koods]
#23444743 - 07/15/16 05:43 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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OP, you NEVER lend money to friends, you either give it too them with no strings attached or you do nothing.
You lost $1200 and a good friend in the process, lesson learned.
You tried being a hero and saving the day for your buddy, big mistake. BTW, he's lying about the bank situation.
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musiclover420
psychonaut



Registered: 11/06/12
Posts: 19,563
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Re: What should I do about my friend? [Re: koods]
#23444757 - 07/15/16 05:50 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
koods said: I hate to break it to you, but he's lying. He went on a bender and lost the money himself.
I was kind of thinking that too sadly. I have been ripped off for less then 10$ before and had my bank reimburse me no problem...
Seems like if you lost that large of an amount you would at least make some sort of fuss about it and most banks would oblige to help.
Do you know what bank he has? Maybe it's a particularly shitty bank or something but that still seems strange...
Anyways I hope that isn't the case, sounds like you have the right attitude about things. Goodluck and I hope you manage to work things over
-------------------- Don't worry about me, I've got all that I need. And I'm singing my song to the sky You know how it feels, With the breeze of the sun in your eyes. Not minding that time's passing by I've got all and more, My smile, just as before. Is all that I carry with me I talk to myself, I need nobody else. I'm lost and I'm mine, yes I'm free
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PatrickKn



Registered: 07/10/11
Posts: 20,564
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Re: What should I do about my friend? [Re: musiclover420] 1
#23444764 - 07/15/16 05:52 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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99.9% of the time, money "misplaced" in a casino environment has been lost to gambling.
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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States
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Re: What should I do about my friend? [Re: PatrickKn]
#23444818 - 07/15/16 06:14 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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It definitely wasnt gambling because we barely did that night and we stayed together all night, but it still sounds like im getting screwed based on what u guys are saying.
Im gonna try and talk to him and I hope thats not the case but unfortunately it seems like it is
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qman
Stranger

Registered: 12/06/06
Posts: 34,927
Last seen: 11 hours, 15 minutes
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The next time a friend needs money, ask yourself, do they have family? A father, mother, brother, sister, wife, grandparent, ect. This is where family comes first in a time of need.
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California
A E S T H E T I C S A T A N


Registered: 12/27/04
Posts: 72,118
Loc: H A U N T E D H O U S E
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Maybe he spent it on cocaine.
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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States
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Re: What should I do about my friend? [Re: California]
#23444861 - 07/15/16 06:28 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
California said: Maybe he spent it on cocaine.
If he did and didnt share then our friendship is definitely over
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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States
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Re: What should I do about my friend? [Re: qman]
#23444866 - 07/15/16 06:30 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
qman said: The next time a friend needs money, ask yourself, do they have family? A father, mother, brother, sister, wife, grandparent, ect. This is where family comes first in a time of need.
ive heard before to never loan friends money but unfortunately i had to learn it the hard way, but its a mistake i wont be making again
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musiclover420
psychonaut



Registered: 11/06/12
Posts: 19,563
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Quote:
SirShroomsAlott said: It definitely wasnt gambling because we barely did that night and we stayed together all night, but it still sounds like im getting screwed based on what u guys are saying.
Im gonna try and talk to him and I hope thats not the case but unfortunately it seems like it is
Take our doubts with a grain of salt, some parts of the story are suspicious but he could truly have been screwed by his bank and now be broke/ stressed with med bills.
-------------------- Don't worry about me, I've got all that I need. And I'm singing my song to the sky You know how it feels, With the breeze of the sun in your eyes. Not minding that time's passing by I've got all and more, My smile, just as before. Is all that I carry with me I talk to myself, I need nobody else. I'm lost and I'm mine, yes I'm free
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