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420hoper
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Was this ego death??? 2
#23438113 - 07/13/16 03:25 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Okay so I'm new to this website so sorry if I'm putting this in the wrong spot but any help on this would be super appreciated Sorry so long somebody please take the time to read... Please and thank you!!!
Was this ego death? Can somebody help me... Okay so make a long story slightly abbreviated I bought what was supposed to be an eighth of Amazonian mushrooms but turned out my friend accidentally handed me quad didn't tell me until the day after my trip because he didn't realize until then. Well I ate the mushrooms and 20 minutes it started kicking in I started seeing the most intense visuals and sacred geometry I have ever seen to date but I Heard a Voice in the back of my head tell me that it wasn't my time to be there and it kind of freaked me out and sent me into an anxiety-filled trip.. I was just pacing the floors walking around my house freaking out on how I couldn't read or didn't know what time was when I was trying to remember how long I have been trippin I didn't know what time was or why it was even a thing and that totally freaked me out, so I grabbed a blanket and went outside and laid in the grass to try to relax and meditate. But, when I laid down I somewhat passed out and went into a trance, and when I came to I felt my spirit leave my body but my eyes were still closed and my body was still in trance mode so I couldn't move and I felt like I was being pulled into the ground. When my spirit left my body I was just energy floating through space with shapes and fractals flying around me and I had a voice in my head talking to me, this voice to me was an ancient Aztec god which is strange because I don't have any religious preference and before this experience I was completely atheist. But this so-called God was telling me how mushrooms were sacred and I shouldn't abuse them and when I'm not ready for them to not take them because they are not to be played with. Then I just started to feel like I didn't know who I was anymore I still couldn't open my eyes and I completely lost sense of who I was what I was and I was everything all at once I was homeless people dying on the street; I could feel their pain, I could feel the greed of the rich Wall Street yuppies, I could feel the joy and innocence of a child, I I could feel it all I was the trees. the air,the water, the rocks and the dirt and this went on for a while. I just went through series with me feeling other people's pain and putting myself in those situations and it was quite terrifying because I still didn't know who I was... But I had this realization that we are all connected through energy and it felt sort of beautiful and blissful. I finally realized that I was a person I still didn't remember my name but I knew I was a human being and I thought that I had died and this is what the afterlife was. I think that I had forgot that I ate any psychoactive mushrooms and I didn't know what happened to me because I was sure I was dead and I was accepting it and accepting this new part of my spiritual journey. I was so willing to accept it even though in my sober mind I am not religious spiritual person so this is strange to me. What I also find strange is this Aztec that I thought was talking to me told me that the mushrooms that I was eating were a sacred Aztec thing and they used it to gain the knowledge that they had. Which is just insane to me because after this I have found out that that is fact and mushrooms played a big part in Aztec religion and their theories so it was just weird to me that I found out some actual history through a psychedelic trip that I didn't know before .. but I was also "told" we as humans are not living right we lost all of our spiritual connections with the Earth... A few more things happen but this pretty much sums up my experience and you can imagine when I came to and was completely sober I was flabbergasted by what happened and I was in a weird state of mind for a while after that like I felt really great about everything that happened but it just has me questioning all of my beliefs. I never knew that somebody could break through like that on mushrooms I feel like these are a very sacred thing and if we let let them, they can teach us great things at the right dose and in the right meditative state. But my question is was this is the great ego death that everyone is always talking about?
Edited by 420hoper (07/13/16 03:40 PM)
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LuzaW
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: 420hoper]
#23438116 - 07/13/16 03:27 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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please break up your post into more readable chunks, you'll get more responses if you do
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Terpfreak
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: LuzaW]
#23438127 - 07/13/16 03:36 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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I did read your post and I will answer your question as simply as I possibly can- Ego death is commonly described as a splitting of the self (simply an observer) and the parts of you (your ego) that control your reactions to the world around you. Your ego is laid out before you and many times we see things we don't like, even things that are scary as you described.
Think of your trip at this point as a fork in the road, you can keep watching in terror or you can take the other road and dissemble your ego further- realizing that we are all human, and that your ego can be tamed, but that we all are controlled by it sometimes.
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Morel Guy
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: 420hoper]
#23438136 - 07/13/16 03:41 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Not ego death. When ego loss for me occurs it's usually ecstasy or a great power without any verbal ongoing. It's way beyond human, for the most part.
Sounds like a self examining trip.
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420hoper
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: Terpfreak]
#23438139 - 07/13/16 03:42 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Sorry I wrote this on my phone somewhat typing, somewhat speaking to my keyboard I tried to edit a bit but maybe I should have just waited until I could take this out on a computer. Thank you for the response though . I appreciate any opinion anyone can give me on this .
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Universe
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: 420hoper]
#23438198 - 07/13/16 04:04 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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It's unfortunate the word "death" had to be used. Dead means permanent and that's not what it is. It's a suspension of ego. It's a nap for the ego.
Ego nap.
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Aldebaran
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: 420hoper]
#23438357 - 07/13/16 04:53 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
I was just energy floating through space with shapes and fractals flying around me
I completely lost sense of who I was what I was and I was everything all at once
it felt sort of beautiful and blissful.
I thought that I had died and this is what the afterlife was.
I was flabbergasted by what happened
Those bits I've quoted could be part of the trajectory of an ego death trip, so maybe.
But I think Morel Guy is right when he says
Quote:
When ego loss for me occurs it's usually ecstasy or a great power without any verbal ongoing.
You mention it felt "sort of beautiful and blissful". The usual response as you come out of this kind of trip is a kind of mystical rapture, ecstasy, the feeling of unlocking the secrets at the heart of everything. That would certainly make you "flabbergasted"!
In a post in an old thread I wrote:
Quote:
The best way to fully accept death within a trip, is where you are gradually becoming more and more dissociated, to the point where the physical realm no longer seems to be the primary reality. There seems to be a core of consciousness that can survive anything. You are heading into an oblivion that is something conscious and alive, and you get the sense that although you might die, there is a world beyond death where your consciousness will be transformed and combined into something greater, something unfathomably powerful, the true engine of creation at the heart of the multiverse. And it's this realisation, or something like it, which hits you as you go under, not as a verbal construction but as something you directly experience at a very deep level below the everyday thoughts which have shut down on you.
There's another post here - How would you describe your own ego death experiences? where I tried to describe how this kind of trip sometimes feels.
It's difficult to answer you in "yes or no" terms because your trip was obviously in the right kind of ballpark, but you are specifically asking about the bit that would be hardest to describe in words.
Quote:
But my question is was this is the great ego death that everyone is always talking about?
Well, it's a bit like watching a sequence of explosions in the distance and asking "was that the nuclear bomb?". When it happens, you'll know!
I mean it doesn't really help to answer your question, but typically you come down from a trip that was so insanely revelatory, so radically different from anything you thought possible, that you later start to think "Oh that must be what they are on about, and if they weren't, I don't care because that was something completely unexpected and totally amazing."
I mean that would be "the great ego death" at full psychedelic power, but there is also the conception of "ego loss" as a meditative, religious thing......at the bottom of both is a similar idea of nirvana, surrender, bliss, transcendence.
There are a few threads linked in this post if you are in the mood to read about it - all you can really do is read a lot of opinions on the subject and see how they relate to your own experiences.
In my own trips, I've had some that would seem to fit neatly into the category, others had aspects of the experience in them but not in a clear-cut way or were less full-blown, or were less dramatic and more peaceful.....trips are more messy than explanations on a message board, but if you get the right kind of trip it will seem to explain everything within itself.
-------------------- I wrote that, but I meant something else
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Snazz
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: Universe]
#23438485 - 07/13/16 05:36 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Great read 
I would call this a spirit walk. Not a loss of Ego but existence outside of the material. Definitely causes a wake up and reassessment of all things.
*pins a Psychonaut badge on you*
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420hoper
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: Snazz]
#23438676 - 07/13/16 06:28 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Thank you for these responses. It really was an eye opening experience that has me questioning everything in life ever since it happened but I still feel like more could have happened so I think you guys are right about it not being a complete ego death. I want to experience a trip like this again but I want to go into it with expectations because like I said in my trip report I thought a was only eating in eighth but it turned out that I ate a whole 7 grams and it was just out of this world. I feel like if I was more mentally prepared I could have gained that little bit more because it has taken me about to months to piece the story together at first it was all jumbled and confusing.
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420hoper
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: 420hoper]
#23438698 - 07/13/16 06:35 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Thank you for those links Aldebaran. I will read into them. It definitely had me thinking that I experienced something magical what happened to me I never imagined could happen through magic mushrooms. I didn't know much about that part of the Psychedelic experience til it hit me in the face haha. I'm extremely grateful for it gained a lot of respect for psychedelics and a newfound interest in them because of this.
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Aldebaran
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: 420hoper] 1
#23438939 - 07/13/16 08:24 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
I still feel like more could have happened so I think you guys are right about it not being a complete ego death.
Yes, I think you can have trips that take you very close to some kind of breakthrough and leave you thinking that if you try it again maybe you'll get there.
I don't like to take the whole "ego death" thing too seriously because its mixed in with a lot of craziness in these types of trips, but I do think there is something that genuinely happens where your usual personality and internal thoughts disintegrate due to the high level of dissociation in the trip, as normal patterns of synchronised brain activity are disrupted, while at the same time your awareness shifts to other circuits in the brain that you might not normally be aware of.....the feelings of oneness, unity, mystical rapture, some kind of deep connection with a vast universal consciousness.
The only problem is that as you come down from this state that seems so perfect and complete, you can tie yourself up in delusions trying to explain it all to yourself.......piecing together jumbled stories from confusing trips. But at the same time there's an epic quality to the trips where you feel like you have uncovered mind-blowing secrets at the heart of reality.....it's all good fun, and I think the buddhists are right about some things in their own way 
-------------------- I wrote that, but I meant something else
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AuroraBorealis88
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: Universe]
#23439105 - 07/13/16 09:04 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Universe said: It's unfortunate the word "death" had to be used. Dead means permanent and that's not what it is. It's a suspension of ego. It's a nap for the ego.
Ego nap.
I think of the whole "death" thing is just kind of a joke or a funny term, not something that's supposed to be taken so literally.
Edited by AuroraBorealis88 (07/13/16 09:04 PM)
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Morel Guy
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Hallucinations are sorta like simulations. It's a simulated death and who's really to say what death is for each and everyone. Bad trip turned good. Bad trip avoided. Feeling like your dying is common when tripping and can be very uplifting and liberating. Can't be so sure actual death with be that way.
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healing
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: Universe]
#23439999 - 07/14/16 06:11 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Universe said: It's unfortunate the word "death" had to be used. Dead means permanent and that's not what it is. It's a suspension of ego. It's a nap for the ego.
Ego nap.
When you experience ego death, your lose all perception of time. Permanence is meaningless in ego death. A second is the same as an eternity.
-------------------- Open mind, open heart, open book.
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pineninja
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: Morel Guy]
#23440001 - 07/14/16 06:13 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Not wanting to detract from what was a great experience ime If at all times you knew you were you then no. Edit: Sorry OP just re read it properly sound real close to me did you die?
-------------------- Just a fool on the hill.
Edited by pineninja (07/14/16 06:27 AM)
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420hoper
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: pineninja]
#23440310 - 07/14/16 09:13 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
pineninja said: Not wanting to detract from what was a great experience ime If at all times you knew you were you then no. Edit: Sorry OP just re read it properly sound real close to me did you die?
During my trip, when things first started getting intense and right before I detached from my physical body I felt as if I was dying and I was ready to accept this. And me leaving my physical body at that time I thought I was going into the after life. Then I lost all sense of who I was (for what seemed like forever I'm not sure the real time because time didn't seem real) and I became everything and everyone. If that makes sense.
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420hoper
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: 420hoper]
#23440317 - 07/14/16 09:14 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Well said morel guy
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pineninja
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Re: Was this ego death??? [Re: 420hoper]
#23441199 - 07/14/16 03:40 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
420hoper said:
Quote:
pineninja said: Not wanting to detract from what was a great experience ime If at all times you knew you were you then no. Edit: Sorry OP just re read it properly sound real close to me did you die?
During my trip, when things first started getting intense and right before I detached from my physical body I felt as if I was dying and I was ready to accept this. And me leaving my physical body at that time I thought I was going into the after life. Then I lost all sense of who I was (for what seemed like forever I'm not sure the real time because time didn't seem real) and I became everything and everyone. If that makes sense.
Yes that makes sense you had paused moment and accepted potential loss of self by allowing yourself to die not many can ime. Welcome back.
-------------------- Just a fool on the hill.
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