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YeOlde
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/14
Posts: 647
Loc: UK
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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Living alone
#23435012 - 07/12/16 01:50 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Anyone here live alone? I've recently moved to a new place and being alone is so weird. I think it's made worse by the fact I am signed off from work right now too. I feel like I could become a heavy alcoholic / drug user if I'm not careful.
I need to constantly detract my mind from getting slaughtered during the "lonely" moments. I take myself outside but I wonder how long it will last.
Been about a week so far in my new place!
Anyone got some input on this? tips?
-------------------- My Psychedelic experiences: LSD - 30+ times (2 hits min / max 3 hits) every time. Shrooms - 4 times (2.5 - 3.5g) DMT - 5 times (Powerful breakthrough only once) Life can be one hell of a bitter pill to swallow so I chose acid instead -YeOlde
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Ras Rising
Friend of Nature




Registered: 07/13/13
Posts: 4,442
Loc: Once Under, Always Over (...
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Re: Living alone [Re: YeOlde] 2
#23435016 - 07/12/16 01:52 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Masturbation. Lots and Lots of Masturbation.
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To be altruistic and humble, to spread love and positivity where ever I go.*
*Does not include the Romp
      Test Kits? SurRealitys gocchu'!
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plasma
ɹoʇɐɹǝpoɯ

Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 10,001
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SOLO TRIP
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Living alone [Re: plasma]
#23435043 - 07/12/16 02:03 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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I've lived alone for the last year or so of my life, in a massive 3 bed house. Just this weekend I moved into a single room in a shared house again.
But fuck man, living alone, especially when you've lived with a woman for 4 years prior (in the same house no less) is a FUCKING kick in the balls. I swear man, I was bouncing off the walls in that place at times (my abuse of stimulant drugs probably didn't help, although it did lead to hours and hours of masturbation at times, like Ras suggested).
It's hard man, feeling lonely like that. One of the hardest feelings I've ever known. Cause feeling lonely made me feel depressed. Feeling depressed made me avoid people, which in turn fed the loneliness, which in turn fed the depression, ad infinitum.
There were times I'd break out of it, even times when I reached new heights of realisation, self-love, and spiritual understanding (often helped by psychedelics), but there would always be an eventual collapse again, often followed by some nefarious, ruinous, self-destructive drug abuse.
I bounced up and down more times in these last 12 months than in the last 12 years of my life. Only coming up with a massive, life changing plan really helped me break out of the downward spiral. And now I'm putting it into action, and it's coming together, I feel the best I've felt in a year.
It's hard man, but there's always an end in sight.
Good luck brother.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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YeOlde
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/14
Posts: 647
Loc: UK
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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Wow thanks for that. Interesting to know it's not just me feeling that way. I really don't know what to say. At the moment I'm sleeping it off. My bed is becoming a real comfort. I suppose it's better than drugs / alcohol but I don't know how long it will last. I can see depression coming back pretty intensely.
What's worse, I bought some butry-Fentanyl when I got depressed last time and was thinking about OD'ing off it to end it all. I still have the stamp laying around and can't bring myself to get rid of it. I suppose because it feels like a "bail out" button it gives me comfort.
-------------------- My Psychedelic experiences: LSD - 30+ times (2 hits min / max 3 hits) every time. Shrooms - 4 times (2.5 - 3.5g) DMT - 5 times (Powerful breakthrough only once) Life can be one hell of a bitter pill to swallow so I chose acid instead -YeOlde
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: Living alone [Re: YeOlde] 1
#23435078 - 07/12/16 02:15 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Any hobbies?...push yourself to do that thing that you always told yourself you would do if you had time. Maybe grow some cubies.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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YeOlde
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/14
Posts: 647
Loc: UK
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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Growing some cubes is a great idea. I've been thinking about doing that for a while. It's so complicated though. I need to read, read and read again.
-------------------- My Psychedelic experiences: LSD - 30+ times (2 hits min / max 3 hits) every time. Shrooms - 4 times (2.5 - 3.5g) DMT - 5 times (Powerful breakthrough only once) Life can be one hell of a bitter pill to swallow so I chose acid instead -YeOlde
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boilingpoint
Stranger

Registered: 05/14/15
Posts: 164
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
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Re: Living alone [Re: YeOlde]
#23435090 - 07/12/16 02:20 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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I don't live alone but I'm not working at the moment and the house is empty most of the time - so yeah cabin fever can really set in. It wouldn't be so bad if I lived closer to the centre or had some social group I was part of.
For me I'm pretty optimistic naturally but not immune to depression and spiralling into hopelessness... I think the best thing to do is to just stay positive and keep your mind active for stuff to do/solutions to your problems.
-------------------- boilingpoint the YouTube channel
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: Living alone [Re: YeOlde]
#23435091 - 07/12/16 02:20 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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yup!
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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shadyy
aHhahhHA


Registered: 09/08/08
Posts: 21,330
Loc: winchestertonfieldville i...
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Re: Living alone [Re: YeOlde] 1
#23435099 - 07/12/16 02:24 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Walk around naked.
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ga ga ga eets eets how you gone be mad on vacation? MONICA COULDN'T TELL TIME UNTIL SHE WAS 13
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shadyy
aHhahhHA


Registered: 09/08/08
Posts: 21,330
Loc: winchestertonfieldville i...
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Re: Living alone [Re: YeOlde]
#23435106 - 07/12/16 02:29 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
YeOlde said: I bought some butry-Fentanyl when I got depressed last time and was thinking about OD'ing off it to end it all.

That's pretty heavy.
You alright now??
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ga ga ga eets eets how you gone be mad on vacation? MONICA COULDN'T TELL TIME UNTIL SHE WAS 13
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Living alone [Re: YeOlde]
#23435113 - 07/12/16 02:36 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Yeah, sleep is another one to watch out for. Along with opiates, stims and vodka, excess sleep was also a form of self abuse for me at times. I would wake up and just want the world to fuck off so pop some valium and sleep again. Wake -> benzo -> sleep -> etc. I think the longest I slept in any one go during that time was like 40 hours. Keep an eye on that one man.
If there's one thing that I think is most guaranteed to keep you up it's keeping in touch with friends. Followed by keeping a good pattern or sleeping/eating/exercise/meditation.
And most importantly, try not to be hard on yourself. That's a fucking sure fire route to the downwards spiral.
But overall, like I say, the thing that really did it for me was coming up with a plan to change the course of my life. I had been unconsciously heading into a life that deep down, I don't believe I ever truly wanted. Now I'm more aligned with my true path, my soul is again glowing.
Shout me anytime if I can help man.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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YeOlde
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/14
Posts: 647
Loc: UK
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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Re: Living alone [Re: shadyy]
#23435131 - 07/12/16 02:45 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
i hate liz said:
Quote:
YeOlde said: I bought some butry-Fentanyl when I got depressed last time and was thinking about OD'ing off it to end it all.

That's pretty heavy.
You alright now??
Without getting too complicated, I'm bordering on 30 and have had a hard life. I'm kinda at that "point" now you know? I'm ok "now" and haven't really been that depressed since my last mushroom trip. Psyches have been great for me so I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard.
-------------------- My Psychedelic experiences: LSD - 30+ times (2 hits min / max 3 hits) every time. Shrooms - 4 times (2.5 - 3.5g) DMT - 5 times (Powerful breakthrough only once) Life can be one hell of a bitter pill to swallow so I chose acid instead -YeOlde
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YeOlde
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/14
Posts: 647
Loc: UK
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: Yeah, sleep is another one to watch out for. Along with opiates, stims and vodka, excess sleep was also a form of self abuse for me at times. I would wake up and just want the world to fuck off so pop some valium and sleep again. Wake -> benzo -> sleep -> etc. I think the longest I slept in any one go during that time was like 40 hours. Keep an eye on that one man.
You seem to really know the score. I'm a dangerous candidate to be on my own I really am. I have a drawer full of benzos, opiates, amphetamines and psyches.
The sleeping thing only really started today but that was after like an hour of me convincing myself to put the vodka away. I had a heavy weekend and kept Monday clear but today was hard.
Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: If there's one thing that I think is most guaranteed to keep you up it's keeping in touch with friends. Followed by keeping a good pattern or sleeping/eating/exercise/meditation.
And most importantly, try not to be hard on yourself. That's a fucking sure fire route to the downwards spiral.
Sounds like great advice. I had this intention. I went Gym yesterday but haven't meditated yet.
Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
But overall, like I say, the thing that really did it for me was coming up with a plan to change the course of my life. I had been unconsciously heading into a life that deep down, I don't believe I ever truly wanted. Now I'm more aligned with my true path, my soul is again glowing.
Shout me anytime if I can help man.
Hmm I hate to say this but I feel like I need to assess my direction too. I can see me getting high tonight though. I feel resigned. It's easier to just be a fuck up. I've had a lot of experience.
I feel like you got this bang on point though. Truth hurts I guess.
-------------------- My Psychedelic experiences: LSD - 30+ times (2 hits min / max 3 hits) every time. Shrooms - 4 times (2.5 - 3.5g) DMT - 5 times (Powerful breakthrough only once) Life can be one hell of a bitter pill to swallow so I chose acid instead -YeOlde
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Living alone [Re: YeOlde] 1
#23435172 - 07/12/16 03:01 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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So get high man. Go balls to the wall, you'll recover. We all need to wallow in self-pity from time to time, whether we care to admit it or not. Life is fucking hard, and sometimes you just need to metaphorically 'blow your brains out' for a short while to deal with it.
It's all part of the healing/recovery process IMO. You just gotta watch out for it becoming habitual is all. Everything in moderation:
Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy. --Voltaire
This has really been with me for a while now:
He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How. --Nietzsche
When my wife left my life, I lost my dog, the buying of my house subsequently fell through, and then my gym of 7 years shut down, I lost my 'Why' to live. Only in losing my why did I realise just how badly the 'How' was taking it's toll on me.
Finding a new 'Why' is, ultimately, what saved me.
Until that point, I felt like I was trapped down a dark hole, with the bottom rung of a ladder just out of my reach. I would compose myself, jump and make a grab at the bottom rung, only to find it was coated in grease or something, slip off back into a short stint of self abuse, get pissed off with being in the hole again, and then make another grab for the bottom rung. Time and time and time and time again. That bottom rung is the hardest one.
Once you get a few rungs up, and you manage to finally get a foot on it, climbing out of the hole gets so much easier.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Konyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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fuck man wish I lived alone but I'm trying to stretch my dick out so it's not happening and even if it does I'll be in the fucking ghetto so I'll never be alone
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shadyy
aHhahhHA


Registered: 09/08/08
Posts: 21,330
Loc: winchestertonfieldville i...
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Sometimes I'll just get all fucked up when I'm sad face and just bathe in that shit.
Whatever keeps ya sane, ya know?
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ga ga ga eets eets how you gone be mad on vacation? MONICA COULDN'T TELL TIME UNTIL SHE WAS 13
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rackem



Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 14,024
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Re: Living alone [Re: YeOlde]
#23435194 - 07/12/16 03:10 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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get off the computer, go meet new people man.
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YeOlde
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/14
Posts: 647
Loc: UK
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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You nailed it. The self perpetuating cycle of slipping off the rung, being in the hole, hate being in the hole and repeating. Yeah it's hardcore. I guess the moral there is to keep trying and not give up. I got that.
Finding the "Why" is the key isn't it. Your personal situation sounds a lot like mine. "When it rains it pours". Everything fucks up at once.
-------------------- My Psychedelic experiences: LSD - 30+ times (2 hits min / max 3 hits) every time. Shrooms - 4 times (2.5 - 3.5g) DMT - 5 times (Powerful breakthrough only once) Life can be one hell of a bitter pill to swallow so I chose acid instead -YeOlde
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YeOlde
Stranger

Registered: 04/19/14
Posts: 647
Loc: UK
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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Re: Living alone [Re: rackem]
#23435206 - 07/12/16 03:13 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
rackem said: get off the computer, go meet new people man.
I don't have a TV or a computer at my place. This is the only hour or two I've spent on the computer all day. I had to leave the apartment and go to my mums place because I was on the verge of washing down some benzos with vodka. Not good at all.
-------------------- My Psychedelic experiences: LSD - 30+ times (2 hits min / max 3 hits) every time. Shrooms - 4 times (2.5 - 3.5g) DMT - 5 times (Powerful breakthrough only once) Life can be one hell of a bitter pill to swallow so I chose acid instead -YeOlde
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