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thesupersoap33
curious george



Registered: 06/28/16
Posts: 338
Last seen: 3 years, 6 months
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how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics???
#23429208 - 07/10/16 12:32 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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I've been searching for months! Even cold calling therapists in other States. I did get on the maps waiting list this way but that is far away in time in my mind and may be too large an expense. I'mwould really like to find someone experienced with trauma... Physical and emotional, dissociation, etc. I really don't care if its mushrooms or weed or cactus that is used. Would also like o know if this is the appropriate place to discuss what's been happening throughout my experimenting with microdosing. I've been really struggling with my thinking and blocking painful things out and staying in scary loops of thought. So if you know anything or have some experience that would be excellent!!
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Crixalis
Wobble Master



Registered: 11/13/15
Posts: 522
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23429214 - 07/10/16 12:36 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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I only know of one, and he doesn't inhabit this physical realm. Sorry 
-------------------- Bring the right vibes. Express yourself. Be open. Be crazy. But spread your beautiful love light. Things are gonna get wonky.
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Morel Guy
Stranger


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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23429247 - 07/10/16 12:51 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Stop microdosing. Give it a rest.
Shamanic experience doesn't come with abuse. You will go through more release not dosing for now. That might be painful too. Life isn't going to be a non-stop ecstasy.
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Eclipse3130
Servant of the Fungi



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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: Crixalis]
#23429256 - 07/10/16 12:52 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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A shaman isn't required to fix your life and the problems you experience ayahuasca retreats and DMT is overrated and overhyped. Mushrooms by your self in nature will have the same outcome you can't run away from your problems you have to confront them head on to overcome .. Mushrooms bring this to the forefront of your psyche
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thesupersoap33
curious george



Registered: 06/28/16
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: Eclipse3130]
#23429327 - 07/10/16 01:18 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Morel, not sure what you mean by "shamanic experience." I'm not trying to be a shaman myself, so really wouldn't want any experience. Trying too hard may be my problem. Micro-dosing is not fun. I had some crazy emotional releases in the beginning that felt real and not forced, but now its more of a god, here it is, and a lot of blocking and ignoring and then flashes of past and reality and thoughts that may or may not be true surfacing and kicking my ass really hard. .2 every other day, and I took a break last week because my body had a lot of physical energy and anger and just wanted to go to the gym and lift and run and hit the heavy bag.
Everything just sucked last night. Body is aging, so I thought about that and the past and beat myself up for living in a fantasy world. Where are my parents? well, dad's dead and was a tyrant, I can't talk to my mother without screaming... wouldn't dare meet with her in person without a wall between us. Basically, I became conscious of my avoiding every thought or feeling or person in my life and how it's so pathetic to hide when the world is going to kill you anyways. My coping skills turned into puny little farts LOL! all the psychobabble and self help shit I've read over the years still came down to the same thing... this moment and how I'm still stalled out in my own head with some voice that keeps me occupied and distracted with really pitiful boring suggestions that waste my time and turn me into even more of a self-hating monster!! HAHA! I'm either crazy or this is really funny! and then onto my pitiful, sad attachment to people and how I wish it would just go away. I'm still looking for a father and a mother subconsciously. I could tell myself all day to be it to myself and I just won't listen. I'm not in control or I don't feel that way. And then there is the suicidal thoughts coupled with "no, I'm dissociating and I really can't understand what I would be throwing away". I just wanted it all to stop and that made it all the more louder basically. That voice... he's a pretender and I don't believe anything he says has any validity or is a good solution, but still I listen because I don't want to think about death or being alone. BAM!
and thanks eclipse... I have searched and searched and what you said is pretty much true... it's all pretty much on me and I believe that terrifies me to my core. I would rather be a mental case than believe in myself. It's just strange. people reinforce that I was a victim and it makes me feel good because that is the part of me that I try my hardest to hate and separate from because I know it can get really fucked up and it knows that I can die and be hurt and it knows about betrayal. I try so hard to cover it up and I wish I would just get tired of my own bullshit already. IT BLOWS! lol
Edited by thesupersoap33 (07/10/16 01:29 PM)
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Morel Guy
Stranger


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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23429413 - 07/10/16 01:56 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Tripping is a Shamanic experience at it's core. Not talking so much any culture but just that waking dreaming different experience.
Dosing too often and you can lose what is real and become delusional. A good dose should be clearly separate from sober experience. If tripping is your common experience then you could no longer understand how it affects you.
I ran into that problem with cacti. Never really broke thru on my own stock and tried too often, too close together and not smart enough.
Know when where and what to use.
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viktor
psychotechnician



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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: Morel Guy]
#23429501 - 07/10/16 02:27 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Morel Guy said: A good dose should be clearly separate from sober experience.
This, absolutely this. The more separate the more permanent the effects will be. This is why I avoid microdosing.
-------------------- "They consider me insane but I know that I am a hero living under the eyes of the gods."
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Morel Guy
Stranger


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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: viktor]
#23429548 - 07/10/16 02:49 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Dosing is a lot like sex. You want a good hard thorough fuck not just dip your wick a little bit every day! Might work using a little for beer, wish I could just smoke a little tobacco or weed, but I just cannot.
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viktor
psychotechnician



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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: Morel Guy]
#23429656 - 07/10/16 03:31 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Me neither. So I smoke no tobacco at all (since four months ago) and weed all day erryday.
-------------------- "They consider me insane but I know that I am a hero living under the eyes of the gods."
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Snazz
Polymath



Registered: 11/24/15
Posts: 1,584
Loc: Canada
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: viktor]
#23429820 - 07/10/16 04:46 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Sounds like you and the Ego are at odds. That is a positive first step on your journey.
Trips need to be 'digested' and once the few lessons are clear, more will come.
Microdosing is for depression instead of Rx poison. Therapy with psychedelics is what you may need. No shaman needed, but it would help to find a non-judgmental hippie type, and not some ego driven PhD
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bigdoodie
it does not matter


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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23429965 - 07/10/16 06:00 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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we are all capable of being guided by each other to the desired state of mind. We do not need an agenda to be able to discover the difference between good and evil. we can not be helped by anyone, we can only be given the appropriate information that is necessary in helping ourselves to achieve what it is we desire. it is the God mind that we are all in search of whether we know it or not. It is the state of mind of our true nature. God has been misconstrued and falsey recognized as a superior being, and has turned many of us away from God, and led into a lifetime of misery and minipulation. Often the hardest thing to see is what is right in front of our eyes. God does not require a long journey, or any use of drugs, to acquire. The only thing we need is an open mind.
there is no such thing as evil, it is a subjective term, and can be interpreted as many things. It is used to enforce boundaries in our lives and reinforce the idea that life has a purpose. There is truly no difference between good and bad or what is right wrong, but until the God mind is achieved, we will live an unfulfilled life, and choose to believe in evil, and it will play a role in our lives as a negative experience. we can not have a true appreciation for life until we accept our true state of being. Spirituality and awakening is often percieved as a way of finding true happiness and love. This is not true, it is the search for God, and God is strength and acceptance. We can become awakened and still find ourselves unfulfilled. to embrace God, we must become self reliant, and emotion must be absent. we have been programmed under a mass simulation to believe that it is natural to have emotions, when we are just animals that have a will to survive by nature.
the only barrier between us and God is our egos. An ego is not what it is made to seem like. It is a false projection of who we are in order to subconsciously or willingly miinipulate people in order to feel empowered by their admiration of our pride and materialistic things. its our egos that entirely create our personalities. we will not find the truth anywhere on the internet. The Vatican controls the Web, and they want us as far away from God as possible in order to make us more easily controllable. In movies, our ego is what is portrayed as demons, they consume us, cause us to lash out at the true word of God, they manifest in our consciousness and divide it from the spirit to a point where we are no longer in control of our actions. In order to rid ourselves of the egos, we must truly become self reliant so that the ego can not prey on the empowerment over other individuals. To successfully do this, we must agknowledge the 7 deadly sins- greed, pride, envy, lust, wrath, sloth, and gluttony. These urges must be prevented in order to find what it is that we desire.
There is an easy way to do this, if we have a good imagination, or possibly through intoxication. our egos can only manifest in other people because it craves empowerment, if we perceive the world as though we are the last person alive, the ego has nowhere to manifest, and it has no choice but to die and allow full consciousness to emerge.
when we do not accept God, we allow ourselves to become subjected to minipulation and having opinions rather than to accept truth. We become distracted and are less likely to recognize when danger is near. God, is the savior
Edited by bigdoodie (07/13/16 07:00 PM)
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Eywa_devotee
Goddess Worshiper


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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: bigdoodie] 1
#23430085 - 07/10/16 06:47 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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FWIW, I find syrian rue by itself is quite good for depression while microdosing is good for migraine prevention, but not much else. The shaman thing is over-rated. It is because western culture is so far divorced from nature, alienated spiritually, and so obsessed with instant gratification that people are desperate for anything even superficially spiritual. I mean people spend hundreds even thousands of dollars to go see a shaman who is really just raking in the cash. Your best bet would be to extract the DMT, or grow the shrooms and order the syrian rue online. Pick a day to do it and go all in with both feet using any one of the decent teks.
-------------------- "Love one another." "To Love is to know me." "Love is the Law, Love under Will." "In Compassion, all sorrows end." Regardless of the Master, the message is the same- Choose love and you shall live, Choose Fear and you shall die. Help bring peace to this Earth: Love one another, and serve others before yourself.
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thesupersoap33
curious george



Registered: 06/28/16
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: Eywa_devotee]
#23430667 - 07/10/16 10:10 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Hmmmmmm...
Well... This isn't my firstround with psychedelics. Ten years ago, I was hitting bottom... Depressed found out I had dissociative disorder via google. Found out why after experimenting with a whole range of psychedelics. I found out about stuff that had happened to me when I was really young... Like a toddler. It tore my life apart or maybe just holes in my ironclad ego and pretty much made me lose my mind but only because I was shown the truth and knowing that I knew the whole time felt so terrible. Now I'm back to try to finish the job. Therapy and AA and NA really wasted a lot of my time.
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thesupersoap33
curious george



Registered: 06/28/16
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23432015 - 07/11/16 12:48 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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I've smoked dmt, but I think drinking the aya tea would be better, at least for the brain I have. it honestly floored me both times, and dmt is so strange. stuff came to me, but I have no idea if it changed my mindset. Expecting instant anything makes sense. I want to look around and not be reminded of anything bad or miserable about my life, but it just doesn't happy like that. I feel like the thing I want the most is the thing that life is holding out on, sometimes (this may be "delusional") on purpose just to watch me squirm. This may also be PTSD and having parents that withheld just to seemingly watch me suffer. I let so much control me. People, cities where I live, it seems so ridiculous and yet it shuts it all down.
And obviously I am caught up in the "I" and "me" and "myself"... I have no idea what that is all about.
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Eclipse3130
Servant of the Fungi



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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23432052 - 07/11/16 01:06 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Too much thinking, just be.
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bigdoodie
it does not matter


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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23432457 - 07/11/16 03:50 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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We all have the same destination and it is God. God is not a superior being, it is our true state of being, referred to as the God mind. it is the only answer and what we are all searching for whether we know it or not. The only barrier between us and God is an ego, and it is what is referred to in movies as a demon. to get rid of the ego we have to become truly self reliant, as if everyone has already died and we are the last person alive. The ego will present us advice in th form of truth but all advice is that of opinion, and it is only given in hopes that the reciever will join our possee of beliefs in order to rue over the people who oppose. No opinion has any root in truth other than the reality we create by believing in it such as the difference between right and wrong. We can only be offered the truth and be left with the choice to accept it or deny it, it is ourselves who ultimate make the choice and it is false to believe that we can actually help people. To truly embrace the God mind, we must be absent of the 7 sins, greed, pride, lust, wrath, sloth and gluttony. When we become self reliant, we realize that the only thing we care about is survival, and that we naturally have no expectations. When we use I/me/my, she/her, him/he, they/them, our you, it is to make an example out of someone, either to pride them or belittle them, and when we do this, even in our heads, it is an ego that is dividing the way we see people. When we laugh, it is out of resentment or empowerment through one of the 7 sins. laughing does not mean that we are happy, it means that we think we are superior. God is not happiness and love, it is strength and acceptance. Through God we open the world of infinite thought, where we actually care to take time to figure things out, and answer our own questions. We do not need human connection, we desire to be connected to ourselves- the universe.
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bigdoodie
it does not matter


Registered: 06/24/16
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23432529 - 07/11/16 04:27 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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We all have the same destination and it is God. God is not a superior being, it is our true state of being, referred to as the God mind. it is the only answer and what we are all searching for whether we know it or not. The only barrier between us and God is an ego, and it is what is referred to in movies as a demon. to get rid of the ego we have to become truly self reliant, as if everyone has already died and we are the last person alive. The ego will present us advice in th form of truth but all advice is that of opinion, and it is only given in hopes that the reciever will join our possee of beliefs in order to rue over the people who oppose. No opinion has any root in truth other than the reality we create by believing in it such as the difference between right and wrong. We can only be offered the truth and be left with the choice to accept it or deny it, it is ourselves who ultimate make the choice and it is false to believe that we can actually help people. To truly embrace the God mind, we must be absent of the 7 sins, greed, pride, lust, wrath, sloth and gluttony. When we become self reliant, we realize that the only thing we care about is survival, and that we naturally have no expectations. When we use I/me/my, she/her, him/he, they/them, our you, it is to make an example out of someone, either to pride them or belittle them, and when we do this, even in our heads, it is an ego that is dividing the way we see people. When we laugh, it is out of resentment or empowerment through one of the 7 sins. laughing does not mean that we are happy, it means that we think we are superior. God is not happiness and love, it is strength and acceptance. Through God we open the world of infinite thought, where we actually care to take time to figure things out, and answer our own questions. We do not need human connection, we desire to be connected to ourselves- the universe.
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thesupersoap33
curious george



Registered: 06/28/16
Posts: 338
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: bigdoodie]
#23498801 - 08/01/16 03:51 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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How can I find a good trip sitter then? I live in the southeast US and would be willing to drive. Would like someone who understands PTSD and how psychedelics can really put a person into some really intense feelings.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23507508 - 08/03/16 09:13 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Read The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge by Carlos Casteñeda. (But be warned, it is a fictional story that masqueraded as a doctoral dissertation at Columbia University, but it pleasantly fooled a lot of us when it came out). Aside from that (and the several books that followed), you're pretty much out-of-luck if you weren't raised in a Siberian, Aboriginal, Native American, Peruvian, or Tibetan indigenous culture. Many of us took psychedelics and fancied ourselves as budding shamen, and like us, you want some kind of mythical teacher to take YOU on to be a sorcerer's apprentice. I didn't have a good father-son relationship either. I adopted Jesus as my mythical-mystical-mentor. I had to search long and hard to find a psychedelic connection there, and while mythical Jesus didn't imbibe mushrooms, there have been Christians (like the German mystic Jacob Böehme) who did Know about psychedelic mushrooms 400+ years ago. Be creative.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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thesupersoap33
curious george



Registered: 06/28/16
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
#23509239 - 08/04/16 11:33 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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essentially, that would be amazing to be taken on as an apprentice 
I would settle for a trip sitter that knew that things can get intense, though. Some people say you need a big dose, some people say don't force yourself. I feel so tame and enslaved that I think shocking myself would show me a bigger picture to my pain and suffering.
Anyone else notice that when they are on the come up that all the things you normally like to do i.e. texting people or planning for work the next day--those thoughts become terrifyingly meaningless? Like to engage in those behaviors would be certain blasphemy to the mind, body and spirit? I've noticed this and all my thoughts become scary and mundane, like why am I even putting myself on this rollercoaster of bullshit? That's what I find.
Also, tripping or dosing alone is so scary, I feel like I sink into dissociation and I just fear the whole world is crumbling around me without me and I feel forgotten and like I'm completely wasting away. Fuck fuck fuck.
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viktor
psychotechnician



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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23511834 - 08/05/16 07:05 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Shamanism is about figuring it out for yourself.
If you need a guru then you're just a little bitch.
Don't listen to anyone, not even me.
-------------------- "They consider me insane but I know that I am a hero living under the eyes of the gods."
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23516980 - 08/06/16 08:20 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
thesupersoap33 said: I've been searching for months! Even cold calling therapists in other States. I did get on the maps waiting list this way but that is far away in time in my mind and may be too large an expense. I'mwould really like to find someone experienced with trauma... Physical and emotional, dissociation, etc. I really don't care if its mushrooms or weed or cactus that is used. Would also like o know if this is the appropriate place to discuss what's been happening throughout my experimenting with microdosing. I've been really struggling with my thinking and blocking painful things out and staying in scary loops of thought. So if you know anything or have some experience that would be excellent!!
In real life I am a psychotherapist specializing in hypnotherapy, licensed and board certified practitioner since the 80s. I routinely treat traumas, but obviously I do not feed paying clients psychedelics. Giving or recommending that someone imbibe any substance without a medical or naturopathic license is a criminal offense, not to mention possession and distribution of unregulated, Schedule I substances. So what kind of reputable therapist do you think you're going to find who will risk loss of license and career, and gain jail time to accommodate your agenda? Are you willing to pay a therapist's fee per hour times 6 or 8 hours even IF you find someone who IS willing to risk all?
Trauma resolution has NOTHING to do with "blocking painful things." Psychedelic psychotherapy has been done illicitly in the past, but is still a good way off in the future, legally. Moreover, superconscious states are difficult to direct since they tend to move beyond the egoic analytic and recollective levels of mind at moderate to high doses. It is very difficult to keep a subject focused on psychodynamics in the unconscious when the tendency is to expand beyond the psychology of lower chakra states (e.g., instinctual, sexual, & social dynamics) wherein traumas are lodged rather than in transpersonal states (i.e., a "spiritual emergency" as Dr. Stan Grof describes). If you are truly in need of trauma resolution, I highly recommend that you seek out a 5-Path® trained hypnotherapist and ask if [s]he has much experience with trauma resolution. http://www.5-path.com
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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thesupersoap33
curious george



Registered: 06/28/16
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
#23517099 - 08/06/16 09:10 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Maaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn,.....
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LRG
Supernaut

Registered: 04/04/16
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23517313 - 08/06/16 10:44 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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You should surround yourself with people who love you OP. Not a Shaman. The power of a Shaman pales in comparison to love and the strength of the human spirit.
-------------------- "I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.” - Gandalf The Grey. "It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle "I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle's wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm HAMMERED DRUNK!" - Cal Naughton Jr. AKA The Magic Man. Abracadabra homes! "Each tear is a drop of poison released." - Anonymous "Could it be you're afraid of what your friends might say if they knew you believe in God above? They should realize before they criticize that God is the only way to Love."
Edited by LRG (08/06/16 10:44 PM)
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thesupersoap33
curious george



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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: LRG]
#23518798 - 08/07/16 12:36 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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*nods*
I try to. I shut down automatically. I don't have family anymore. Ever since I came out about the abuse, they all disappeared. Not to mention, they all started having mental problems of their own. Then I looked to friends and they seem to be going through similar circumstances and I just don't see the reprieve anywhere. I believe that's why I shut down. I don't see hope or safety of "feeling feelings" so I just isolate and that has become dangerous. It's PTSD, I repeat the same day over and over. No matter how I try to break routine, it's the same thing, but in reality, I know that it doesn't have to be. Brain lock. I'm now afraid of quitting my job because that has become unbearable. I am college educated and I do the dumbest shit in the world. Everything sucks to me. I did have a catharsis on my last dose though. I really don't know if or how it works, I just walked out of the shower and was immediately triggered by the carpet the darkness and not being fully clothed and felt the presence of someone in the room out to get me and fell into crying and screaming for thirty minutes or so. Then some shaking, more crying, then I guess I was wore out. I felt like it didn't even happen an hour or so later. I know it had to do with my abuse, but I have no way of really understanding if my mind is unwilling to go there 95% of the time. It's very hard not being connected to feelings and intuition and mind for such a long time.
And about the hypnotherapy, I tried EMDR with some success. I talked to a guy that did hypno. I've done CBT and many other modalities. Some people have risked their licensure I'm very sure. Finding them or someone who knows them is another question. I'm sure most counselors wouldn't attempt to lose their job over anyone and I wouldn't expect them to just to help me work through my trauma. It would be their decision.
And thank you for suggesting people that love and care about me. I don't feel it lately. I used to feel safe about six years ago, now I just feel like so many have moved on with their lives and I've become very resentful at my own stuckness and have gone into extremes of fear remembering being in lockdown in a mental ward for accusing my father of molesting me and my mother for covering for him to my HUGE disadvantage for years. That place was terrifying for me. On the inside I felt utterly abandoned in the world and had to play it cool. I've always had trouble letting the real me out due to not trusting people. My mind seems to jump to the conclusion, "this person is up a shit creek too" and instead of compassion, my mind goes into fight or flight trying desperately to think my way out of something that I never really get out of. I am extremely small and young and hurt and scared on the inside. It's not something that I make it easy to see.
Thanks again for the posts. They mean a lot right now.
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bigdoodie
it does not matter


Registered: 06/24/16
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23536283 - 08/12/16 09:36 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
thesupersoap33 said: How can I find a good trip sitter then? I live in the southeast US and would be willing to drive. Would like someone who understands PTSD and how psychedelics can really put a person into some really intense feelings.
any form of depression comes from living in the past, and anxiety is fear of the future. we will not be fulfilled as long as we are dependent of each other, we have to become self reliant, we dont need someone to tell us anything, we already have the answers.
Edited by bigdoodie (08/13/16 06:03 AM)
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StuckInShanghai
part-timer

Registered: 07/04/16
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: Eclipse3130]
#23539230 - 08/13/16 10:44 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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An ayahuasca retreat in my opinion has much more value than a mushroom or dmt trip in your backyard. The effect of the ayahuasca isn't the main reason. The idea of leaving the standard 9 to 5 routine and going on a pilgrimage is what makes things like aya and iboga retreats more significant. It takes you out of that thought process.
It would be quite bizarre going to work in the day then that night having a powerful trip, while thinking 'did I leave the coffee pot on?'
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zzripz
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23540195 - 08/14/16 09:08 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
And thank you for suggesting people that love and care about me. I don't feel it lately. I used to feel safe about six years ago, now I just feel like so many have moved on with their lives and I've become very resentful at my own stuckness and have gone into extremes of fear remembering being in lockdown in a mental ward for accusing my father of molesting me and my mother for covering for him to my HUGE disadvantage for years. That place was terrifying for me. On the inside I felt utterly abandoned in the world and had to play it cool. I've always had trouble letting the real me out due to not trusting people. My mind seems to jump to the conclusion, "this person is up a shit creek too" and instead of compassion, my mind goes into fight or flight trying desperately to think my way out of something that I never really get out of. I am extremely small and young and hurt and scared on the inside. It's not something that I make it easy to see.
I know your sense of urgency. I also have gone through a phase I was feeling desperate to get 'psychedelic healing' and would get and read most of Grof's books. But I soon found that in reality EVEN if it was available, it costs an arm and a leg, and knowing what I do about Grof and some of his followers now I wouldn't trust the process. Nor am I into shamans, or any who take it upon themselves to be a 'therapist' for you. Having said all that, I am not saying that route hasn't helped people. I have seen on video individuals who have suffered terrible trauma after being raped, and only found relief after MDMA therapy. Also those who are terminally ill finding psychological healing from going to therapists and using magic mushrooms. Good for them. But the reality for us is that unless your on some kind of research 'study' the chances of getting it are very slim, and IF it becomes legal it will be seriously expensive and only those well off will be able to have it. This is why I am all for ALL people having the rightful freedom to pick and eat psychedelics! As long as all people are denied this freedom any so-called therapy is phony, because much psychic disease, and physical is being caused by this oppressive system we are in
You have had terrible trauma caused by abuse by your own father, and mum?
Have you talked to a counselor about this? Preferably a person centred counsellor? IE allowing yourself to express all these complex feelings with someone you can trust, at least not to divilge with others what you share with them
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thesupersoap33
curious george



Registered: 06/28/16
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: zzripz]
#23540715 - 08/14/16 12:25 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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I've spoken to therapists for the last ten years trying to get it out. In retrospect, I has been helpful to a point of routine maintenance of this face I keep on for everyone including myself. Every time I nearly had a breakthrough in session, like after my father died of cancer or in the midst of a terrible sexually drunk relationship, the therapist would tell me to "calm down". My father used to say it and my mother and it worked on me really well. The last thing I need to do is calm down when getting in touch with my feelings. In my feelings, the rape (however many times it happened) is still going on and needs to be released, or the anger and sadness and fear needs to be released. I hate therapy now. Yes, there are therapists that probably are supportive of these feelings out there. In my experience, it makes them uncomfortable and they don't know what to do or they get scared if I start crying really loud and shaking.
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thesupersoap33
curious george



Registered: 06/28/16
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23540737 - 08/14/16 12:32 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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and I did get to talk to someone holding the study on MDMA in Colorado, and I believe I have been put on a waitlist and my inclusion in the study depends on me passing a medical screening that may happen in the next few months. I passed the pre-screening, which included me having non-treatable PTSD and a diagnosis from a professional. I have not dabbled in MDMA a lot because the come-down was not worth the experience, which was really revealing and entirely depressing to hear about. My abandonment comes to the surface and I feel too afraid to express that sort of pain and fear, esp. at a show! MDMA is intense and the amphetamine high is very scary for me to deal with alone or with people because all of a sudden I am a stranger to myself and feel incapable of communicating how I feel. the psychobabble might call that a complete regression into the state of a dissociating child. It's terrifying.
I don't live in Colorado, so figuring out the logistics on staying there for six months is going to take some work and some sacrifice and honestly, I don't know if six sessions will be enough to expel how much I have going on inside of me. It is a shot, though.
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zzripz
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23541338 - 08/14/16 04:03 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
thesupersoap33 said: I've spoken to therapists for the last ten years trying to get it out. In retrospect, I has been helpful to a point of routine maintenance of this face I keep on for everyone including myself. Every time I nearly had a breakthrough in session, like after my father died of cancer or in the midst of a terrible sexually drunk relationship, the therapist would tell me to "calm down". My father used to say it and my mother and it worked on me really well. The last thing I need to do is calm down when getting in touch with my feelings. In my feelings, the rape (however many times it happened) is still going on and needs to be released, or the anger and sadness and fear needs to be released. I hate therapy now. Yes, there are therapists that probably are supportive of these feelings out there. In my experience, it makes them uncomfortable and they don't know what to do or they get scared if I start crying really loud and shaking.
there is a BIG difference between a 'therapist' and a person centred counselor. The latter would--if good--not tell you to 'calm down'. it is all about encouraging you to feel how your feeling
understand that I am not saying person centred counseling (PCC) is the answer for you. I am trying to be realistic in the society we are all under, where psychedelics are criminalized etc. I am rather saying that I feel with such a trauma as child abuse from one's parents, and all the painful complex feelings usually following that, I sense you really need to be with another person to express how you feel in a safe environment. Certainly NOT with a power-freak opinionated 'therapist', but someone who will really listen and not judge you telling you to calm down etc
I really recommend you to look for a PCC. Also to express how you feel in a journal. Just give what your feelings freedom to express. Also whilst waiting for a session with a PCC (in our country we would get a session on the national health service, though the wait can be 8 months) you could do the journal, and also contact free online counseling help on telephone, and online and here of course, and share how you are feeling
I have just found such a possible place: Our purpose is to reach out and offer hope to child abuse survivors It can be incredibly healing to find others who are going through what you are!
As for psychedelics. I would recommend neither 'heroic doses' nor micro doses, but IF eg magic mushrooms , eg 8-10 dried ones, and allow yourself to do whatever you want to do so that you will find ecstatic release
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thesupersoap33
curious george



Registered: 06/28/16
Posts: 338
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: zzripz]
#23541347 - 08/14/16 04:06 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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Who is grof?
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thesupersoap33
curious george



Registered: 06/28/16
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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23542553 - 08/14/16 11:35 PM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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You're from Manchester! I fucking love oasis... Can cover about forty of their songs on acoustic.
I've been in support groups. At times they have been helpful and I'm probably going to go back. I cried a lot in there. Hearing other peoples stories and sometimes the detached fucked up way they would tell them brought me to my knees. I would be in a rage of tears and would feel better after. I would be angry and sad for them and myself. I'll look for a therapist. Free ones in the states tend to be sub par sometimes.
Everyone I've unloaded on believes or seems to believe whatever they believe. Its terrifying not to know what to do not to mention tell people I'm treating myself with psychedelics. It makes me think its bogus as well. But its like I read on reddit from someone trying to do the same... A bad trip doesn't come close to how devastating abuse can be to the psyche.
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zzripz
Stranger


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Re: how to find a shaman that uses psychedelics??? [Re: thesupersoap33]
#23543319 - 08/15/16 09:36 AM (7 years, 5 months ago) |
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It must be truly awful because as a child all you can do is trust those big giants around you. When they abuse that trust it is awful and must make you feel you cannot trust anyone.
It is crap that a culture that DRIVES people mad then charges them to even have counseling. And of course makes BILLIONS from pushing them psychiatric drugs based a lies!!
So you love Oasis? I don't live that far from their family home
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