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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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How long to date before making a relationship official?
    #23422199 - 07/08/16 02:19 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

So it's pretty simple, I've been dating this chick for a month or so and we are spending almost all our free time together and talking everyday. We get passionate,hold hands in public and we connect really well. We both have medical problems since childhood and help each other when we are sick and know how to comfort each other.Its a very unique and amazing dynamic in our relationship because we have no one that understands certain struggles except each other.


The way she treats me is already like we are bf/gf . She makes me feel so good about myself and when I do something thoughtful or put effort into the romance I seem to get that affection back double. And she cares about me. So I'm basically cool keeping it at this level of affection for as long as she needs(within reason) She says that I'm amazing for being so patient to make things official and have sex. I really think that's very mature honestly because every bad relationship I've ever had was started a week to 2 weeks to become official and I have to get to know them while we are be/gf. If we can date for a while and be happy it'll be even better.


So my question is this, how much longer should we date before asking again what's the longest amount of time that is reasonable to wait in other words? I have a feeling it will come naturally like it has so far but I just wanted opinions.

I asked her to make it official on the 2nd week (she handled it very well she made out with me and said "I will say yes just after we just to know each other better) :heart: we both agreed we don't have to rush into it. Although she apologized profusely . Later I apologized because we are doing EVERYTHING short of sex . It's been one month, I told her I agree we should get to know each other because both of us believe in complete loyalty once commited and she kind of sighed with relief so to speak and picked me up at 8:30pm to talk,make out and get handsy while watching a 3 hour movie as background. We talked and made out so much that we were up until 2 and she missed class in the morning.


--------------------
R.I.P
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Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #23422230 - 07/08/16 02:36 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I'd say ask again after the 2-3 month mark, it might come in naturally way before that but with every girlfriend I waited around that amount of time before asking them to be my ''official girlfriend'' From what I've read she's looking for loyalty in you and wants to make sure you are that before she commits to anything. From the sounds of it you're doing a good job so keep doing what you're doing, be a good boyfriend even if it's not official and just be there for her

You could try a 180, take charge, grab her, throw her on the bed and see from there. Maybe she wants you to take more action?


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
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Invisiblehowsyournaggerdoin
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23422239 - 07/08/16 02:45 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Age plays a huge factor in this. OP how old are you and how old is she ?


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23423538 - 07/08/16 12:57 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

howsyournaggerdoin said:
Age plays a huge factor in this. OP how old are you and how old is she ?



We are both 22

Quote:

Rosen_Rot said:
I'd say ask again after the 2-3 month mark, it might come in naturally way before that but with every girlfriend I waited around that amount of time before asking them to be my ''official girlfriend'' From what I've read she's looking for loyalty in you and wants to make sure you are that before she commits to anything. From the sounds of it you're doing a good job so keep doing what you're doing, be a good boyfriend even if it's not official and just be there for her

You could try a 180, take charge, grab her, throw her on the bed and see from there. Maybe she wants you to take more action?



Everything there is pretty spot on except that last part. I take as much charge as I can and she loves it but she also needs me to respect the fact that she just wants to date a little before we have sex and set things in stone so to speak . I will continue to be a good bf to her, she really really deserves it. Hell I feel I deserve her too :grin: thanks for y'all input. Much love :heart: S_T


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #23423554 - 07/08/16 01:02 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

If you have to ask the question, then it ain't official. IMO.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23423562 - 07/08/16 01:05 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

No I know it isn't. We are just dating. I was basically just wondering how patient I should be as far as asking her again because she told me to ask her again soon . So idk:shrug: . Everything is quite groovy right now so I'm in no rush . Just wondering


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
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Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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Invisiblenooneman
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #23423563 - 07/08/16 01:06 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Why haven't you banged her yet? I would have banged her by at least the second or third date, and if she didn't put out by then it'd be over. But I'm kinda hardcore about that stuff.

I would just ask her. Way better to ask and have a dialogue than just assuming. I had a chick who I went on a couple of dates with, made out, nothing major, but out of nowhere she suddenly put that she was in a relationship with me on facebook. I was like "wtf." I definitely did not think of it as a relationship, and was pretty upset about it. In fact, it was really shitty all around (especially "breaking up" with her).

So, better to just ask and have a dialogue than springing it on someone out of the blue.

Also, protip for banging her: when you're making out, start playing with her boobs and then reach down for her puss. If she stops you, ask why and have a convo about it. If she doesn't stop you, POUND THAT PUSSY :headboard:


Edited by nooneman (07/08/16 01:09 PM)


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: nooneman]
    #23423589 - 07/08/16 01:16 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

As far as sex goes, I actually care about whether she is ready or not and I appreciate that she wants to get to know with me and be with me all the time so when we do make it official we have a better idea of what we are like to each other over a period of time.

Why haven't I banged her? I like her.

Also in the 1 month we've been dating we see each other 2-4 times a week,so I'm not worried.
Having a possible relationship with her is worth finding out instead of forcing her into something that she wants but just isn't quite ready.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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Offlinetoader123
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: nooneman]
    #23423630 - 07/08/16 01:29 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I wouldn't worry about making it official. When you're expecting something out of a new relationship, it usually doesn't happen IME. I'd just go with the flow. Be casual about it and have fun. You'll know when it's legit.

I'd also like to know why she's not putting out yet.. There could be a good reason, but the times I've been in that situation, the girl still wasn't fully into me even though all the other signs were there.


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: toader123]
    #23423649 - 07/08/16 01:35 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Both of us have had very bad experiences jumping into a purely sexual relationships. And really I'm not worried about us becoming official I was just wondering how long is too long to wait. Those parts I know we are doing right.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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Offlinetoader123
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #23423662 - 07/08/16 01:41 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Sounds like a good thing you got going then.. I waited about 4 months before making my current relationship official. As you get older, you realize it takes a while to know if it's right. I was over bullshit relationships, so I didn't want to waste my time.


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: toader123]
    #23423725 - 07/08/16 02:05 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah when we talk we extremely straight forward and don't beat around the bush so the other day we were having a conversation about it . And she said " I really appreciate you being patient with me,I know I'm acting like its the 50s but I want time to get to know you" . I told her that because I had to devote my life to healthcare for family at 16, I was semi under the impression that if we didn't fuck and or make our relationship official she might get bored with me or "find someone better" but that's not how adult dating is. The sheepish way I said it and the level of honestly meant so much to her the next have hour she was incredibly affectionate.

Plus she gives me hints here and there that sex probably isn't too far away. The other day we were at a park and pretty much out of nowhere she made it 100% clear she is on birth control . It's interesting but for the first time everything just feels right and I never wonder if I said the wrong thing or have the feeling she doesn't want to reciprocate. Everything is magical atm. So we will see where that takes us.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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OfflineRosen_Rot
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Seriously_trippin] * 1
    #23425378 - 07/09/16 01:12 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
Why haven't I banged her? I like her.





:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:

That is spot on, you're on a good road and I have a feeling something great will come from this. Just stop overthinking this crap and move with your instincts, be you, when the time is right you'll know


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23425589 - 07/09/16 03:50 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

This unlike other shroomery threads regarding relationships has been pretty productive. I have things good. I think both of us do really. And I certainly don't need to force/rush this particular relationship. I should just have fun, especially because she does tell me how she appreciates the effort I put in and such. It's good to talk about and realize we aren't just taking things slow because she's unsure. It's more to make sure we are right for each other


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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Anonymous #1

Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23425690 - 07/09/16 05:23 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
If you have to ask the question, then it ain't official. IMO.



That's not true at all. Way too many dudes are just out for some pussy, and way too many chicks are just out for the D. It's not a black and white situation but there are a lot of girls that don't consider you to be in a relationship unless you're willing to ask. Leaving things open to interpretation is a beautiful concept but in all reality not defining these uncertain terms can really make a mess of a relationship(if you're in one at all) if you're not on the same page. When I first met my gf we were just like OP, everything was roses but I never made myself clear and she ended up getting talking to another guy at one point. Why? She thought I was just out for a piece of ass because I never made it clear in that sense that I wanted something indefinite out of our arrangement. Once I made it clear she stopped talking to him, and everything is great since then. A girl wanting to be asked is a girl who finds some romance in it, it's a test that paralells other important questions a girl gets giddy about. If a girl needs you to ask, they like you and don't want to be hurt by getting attached to something fleeting. Or they don't want to scare you away by asking herself. I can totally see how asking the question or needing the question to come off as insecure, but we are all human and insecurity is a basic part of life that is supposed to motivate us.


Edited by Anonymous (07/09/16 12:47 PM)


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23426459 - 07/09/16 12:20 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

When you know true love, you don't need to ask 'is this true love?', because true love hits you over the head with a fucking sledgemhammer and turns your world upside down. That stuff only comes when both parties are fully feeling it IMO.

If you're just looking for a 'relationship' with somebody who 'fits your bill', then I agree with your post.

If you're looking for true love, and will accept nothing less, then my points stands.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23426773 - 07/09/16 02:07 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

If I want true love it has to start as a relationship. I've thought I was in love before but the cold hard truth is it takes a long time to fall in love with someone.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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OfflineJeffedelic
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #23426877 - 07/09/16 02:56 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
If I want true love it has to start as a relationship. I've thought I was in love before but the cold hard truth is it takes a long time to fall in love with someone.



Smart man. True love is not the same as some fast paced escalation of increased reliance on each other for comfort. People fall into that fast trap all the time, call it love and then it falls apart. I've always believed that real love will start similar but take time, and it'll be obvious when it comes.


--------------------

"It's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world." -Lester Burnham


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Jeffedelic]
    #23428209 - 07/10/16 01:25 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Tonight I told her this
Thank you so much. "Thank you for being you. It makes it so much easier on me to be me"

and she was so happy she had tears in her eyes and grabbed me and wouldn't let go. I didn't want her too either :heart: I appreciate all the suggestions in this thread thank you all. Now I just have to keep being myself and take it a step at a time. Not only did it go from just going to a movie together tomorrow. We will spending all day and night together. And we are officially planning a day trip to Venice/Santa Monica or Morro Bay. She said that she really needed some kind of change of pace because of our medical problems we don't get out much and we need to. So we are now going there. Also I'm going to give her a pamphlet of this REALLY amazing "inn" there. 100$ a night for a big room king size bed,balcony,fireplace,big flat screen. Amazing shower and bathroom. Im just going to give her the pamphlet and tell her a friend heard I might be going and gave me a pamphlet for this place.


We will probably just go to Venice & Santa Monica . Either way I'm stoked


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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OfflineJeffedelic
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Re: How long to date before making a relationship official? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #23428842 - 07/10/16 09:47 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
Tonight I told her this
Thank you so much. "Thank you for being you. It makes it so much easier on me to be me"

and she was so happy she had tears in her eyes and grabbed me and wouldn't let go. I didn't want her too either :heart: I appreciate all the suggestions in this thread thank you all. Now I just have to keep being myself and take it a step at a time. Not only did it go from just going to a movie together tomorrow. We will spending all day and night together. And we are officially planning a day trip to Venice/Santa Monica or Morro Bay. She said that she really needed some kind of change of pace because of our medical problems we don't get out much and we need to. So we are now going there. Also I'm going to give her a pamphlet of this REALLY amazing "inn" there. 100$ a night for a big room king size bed,balcony,fireplace,big flat screen. Amazing shower and bathroom. Im just going to give her the pamphlet and tell her a friend heard I might be going and gave me a pamphlet for this place.


We will probably just go to Venice & Santa Monica . Either way I'm stoked



:awesomenod::awesomenod: great work man, it sounds like you've got a good thing going. Making a woman happy is one of the best feelings in the world, savor it and don't stop putting in that effort!


--------------------

"It's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world." -Lester Burnham


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