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OfflineTrippedytrip
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Registered: 09/07/15
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I guess nobody has happened this
    #23419899 - 07/07/16 11:08 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

What can i say ,

I am a 1,85 long body with half a mind but with all of my knowledge but in a mindless state.
I have gotten into this state by smoking way to much for long time , anxiety , stress-factors , DP and a Psychosis.

I feel completely numb , no thoughts , no emotion , foggy head .
I have never thought about suicidal , i dont know if time can repair this .
When i close my eyes i see nothing.
When i see myself in the eyes i feel/see nothing behind this face.

It is a very weird state , i still can speak my 5 languages and i think i have my intellect still althought i see life from a perspective way to high.

It is a fucking nightmare and i wish i could go back in time .
I dont know further , i am intern in a psychiatrist now and feeling better
When i go outside people look weiird at me, i cant fucking hold that much longer , i feel like a fucking alien.

I would be thankfull for some advice
My state reminds me of Johnny Deep in the film "Blow"

Thanks


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InvisibleJean-guy Masta
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23420190 - 07/07/16 01:12 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

:feelingblue: i cant imagine the anxiety you just went through these days and the DP bounce back, its sad to see you like that my man,

i know perfectly what you mean and i know what youre going throught brother

its hard, nobody can understand this type of hell unless you experience it yourself

but there is hope man, there is lots of recovery stories, even me sometimes i feel 90% out of it during whole days, and when it first started i was thinking about suicide everyday, because i was seeing absolutly no way out. but like i told you the road to recoverie is long and sometimes you make 5 step foward and then 4.7 back. and if youre careless you can make 10 step back. but dont let that bring you down. you will come back stronger out of all this. you have to belive me

you wont find much help here tho, since people with DP will usually stop drugs and this is a drug forum.

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/ you should go read some of the recovery story, this forum is filled with people that lives the same thing as you and people who actually recovered 100%. it can help at first but be cautious, its a pretty depressing place overall and it can become toxic to go back all the time.

peace and love brother :heart: i know you can do this, you have been strong this past 5 weeks. i know you got what it takes to get out of it


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InvisibleThayendanegea
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: Jean-guy Masta]
    #23420272 - 07/07/16 01:40 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

One recommendation I can make is to try, in even a small way, to help someone out...Hell, even thinking about helping another out can help. It is very hard to think about your problems when you're helping someone else with theirs.

Why on earth are people looking at you weirdly? Johnny Depp doesn't look bad (at the end, I'm assuming)...He looks like a middle aged typical man. I have found out that rarely are strangers actually even thinking anything about me....I'm not that damned important.

Also, things like exercising and eating right can help with the psyche immensely...It all takes effort...What do they say, The first step of a thousand mile journey is the most difficult until you actually do it. Prayers and peace to you Trippy.:sunny::peace:


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #23420285 - 07/07/16 01:47 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Thayendanegea said:
I have found out that rarely are strangers actually even thinking anything about me....I'm not that damned important.



You wouldn't worry what people think of you if you knew how seldom they did.
--Charlie Greer


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineTrippedytrip
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23420346 - 07/07/16 02:06 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

thanks guys , getting stuffed with Tavor woch really helps my mood and thinking and Lorazepan.
This place is geat . Its my 3rd day intern , went out to the street to walk but got anxious because people do look weird at me even if i dont think about it .
Slowly recovering ...

That last quote was nice , i cant plan how much time it will take but i kinda think some months .
Hopefully less. I will be as 10x stronger when im fully recovered i know that.

I have hope , today i had a little suicidal thought but i would never do that , to many loved ones behind me.

Peace and Good Night to all


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Offlinebigdoodie
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23421398 - 07/07/16 08:16 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Action can not solve issues of the mind but for a short time as an escape. Understanding is the answer to misery. We fear what we do not understand and individually make a choice to kill or run from the things we fear. we often fear hitting rock bottom, though God is the rock at the bottom. nothing in this life is mandatory, we are free to explore as we please. All of our misery is the result of the 7 deadly sins- greed, pride, lust, gluttony, envy, wrath, and sloth. These mainly persist because of our dependency on other people. If we were to find ourselves to be the last person alive on earth, we would realize how other people have sn affect on our true nature. we would not express emotions, nor would we experience any of the sins, and the ego has nowhere to manifest. The reason we do not embrace our true state of being is because of our dependency of others. Anything we do that we wouldnt do as lone beings on earth, is an act of dependency. everyone is in search of God whether they know it or not, and it is not a religious figure but a state of mind that is achieved through the riddance of egos. we often take for granted what is said on television or in an "inspirational" YouTube video or even what is said by our aquaintences, and when we do this is are likely being decieved. an ego cannot be trusted, because an ego does not speak with the use of logic but expresses its opiniom as truth, and presents advice rather than to allow the recipient of the message to formulate their own advice. God is not love and happinessc but is strength and acceptance


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InvisibleJean-guy Masta
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23423536 - 07/08/16 12:57 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Yea the lorazepam definitly helps for the extreme anxiety the DP states can generates. It is God send,

But it has some DP like effects in his high. So don't get suprise if you get blank mind or feel more depersonalized, it is because of the lorazepam. Once you stop taking them you will see more clarity so don't get too scared about your feelings right now. You'll get way better once you treat your anxiety and stop the pills. Which is the next step.

But take your time, its absolutely ok to take some for a bit, it won't make you worst in the end, unless you take for a very long time and stop abrutly.


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OfflineTrippedytrip
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: Jean-guy Masta]
    #23423632 - 07/08/16 01:30 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I just feel i dont have any brain , i dont feel anything .
I am a body with two little  lost eyes , no short-term memory at all.
I cant feel that i am improving from day to day. I think i cant go back in time , it is all done. Im fucked

I knew way to much about myself and everything and i got lost. I am totally living in the present without thoughts , nothing at all i am fucking empty.

It is day 3 in the Center and if i dont get better in some time or it doesnt imporve and i am chronic in this state i am going to seriously think about suicide.
Thats all nite


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InvisibleJean-guy Masta
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23423812 - 07/08/16 02:32 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

thats the lorazepam brother, it's an hypnotic,anxiolytics and have amnesic properties,plus lorazepam is a depressant so it's normal you feel more depressed after a couple in a row.

Don't trust yourself right now, your brain is playing urself tricks. It is chemically depressed by the lorazepam

You will get better that's 100% sure

Edit: once you're brain adapts a bit to the lorazepam it will be less depressing, it's mainly because you just started.


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Edited by Jean-guy Masta (07/08/16 02:54 PM)


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Offlinebigdoodie
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23424653 - 07/08/16 08:00 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Nothing in this life is mandatory, the world is ours for the taking, we create our reality the way we see fit. The earth is just a screen and our mind is the projector, if the movie is bad, we have to change the film. The mind is powerful, any mental dysfunctions can carry on for many years and completely dissolve in a single night, there is no rationalization in self destruction. It is an ego that is the cause of all of our misery by dividing our conscious from the spirit, and with an ego comes the desire to make up for the other part of consciousness by gaining a reputation, material things, sexual satisfaction, excessive eating habits, extreme experiences, or a combination of all of them. jusy being alive can be the most satisfying thing but not when we feel incomplete. The only thing we need is God and ourself. There is no such thing as friends or enemies, they are figments of our imagination that are created in order to feel that a part of ourselves lies in other people. We are greatly deceived by the simulation thay we live under that inspires us to strive for things we dont need and believe that the greatest achievement is happiness. God is often referred to as "the desire for human connection" and this is a misinterpretation. God is becoming one with our true self and becoming self reliant and accepting of all actions and choices of other people and things. We do not have to accept that we need people or stability in our lives. Most of the world is controlled by an ego and do not speak from logic but confidently express their opinions and views as truth. When we use the word "you" it is to pride ourselves on being better, or it is used to idolize someone in some way which opens the door for pride to manifest, and this has been presented as a way of becoming self reliant, which is far from the truth, it is an act of dependency. When we use the word "I" it is spoken through the eyes of an ego, and it is used to protect itself by dividing the self from everyone else and reinforces the idea that we are different. The ego is not us, but a manifestation of our public image that we allow to surface in order to affect the perspectives of those around us. In order to break the ego, we have to truly become self reliant. One very effective trick is to imagine if you were the last person alive on earth, and embrace the image long enough to recognize how differently people affect our actions than whay we truly desire. We would not over indulge, or listen to music or play games, or watch television, or care of our appearance, or worry about money, or anything else that doesnt pertain to our survival, and we would be perfectly content. All expressions of emotion are fake, whether we know it or not. When people smile, they are indulging in pride or they are faking it in order to maintain a stable relationship. everything we do in this world differently from a world that only we exist in, is an act of dependency and it is simply not necessary. that world is this world, if we choose to see it that way. Without other people, our ego has nowhere to manifest and we find our true nature, and live in God.


Edited by bigdoodie (07/08/16 08:57 PM)


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OfflineTrippedytrip
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: bigdoodie]
    #23425439 - 07/09/16 01:59 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Nice Post ,

I think i am in this state of God right now. My inner peace is tremendous and i am good with all
my surroundings and people and thankfull for anything but i cant really show my emotion.
When my mother comes to visit the same , it is very strange .


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Offlinethirtygoats
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23428122 - 07/10/16 12:34 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I used to be homeless and sleep in a tent in the woods. If I wanted food, I had to ride my piece of shit bicycle to this building where they give homeless people food, shower, air-conditioned room to sit in with tv and a smoking area out back.

If I wanted to go use a computer, I had to ride my bike to the library, lock it up with a $10 Walmart lock to a street sign and pray nobody stole it because it was a long, hot sweaty walk back to the tent and I probably might not have clean clothes.

If I wanted medical help, I had to ride my bike to this Healthcare For The Homeless place. And I did all this publicly, in an area where there were constantly loads of people walking around everywhere. Sort of the heart of the city. And with little to no embarrassment, surprisingly. I use to walk down the sidewalk with a black bag full of my clothes.

Everybody knew I was homeless. I didn't care. I was free. No social cage. I'm no longer homeless and my anxiety and antisocial behavior has increased. Strange how that works... Hope you find a solution to your problems.


Edited by thirtygoats (07/10/16 12:36 AM)


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OfflineTrippedytrip
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: thirtygoats]
    #23428284 - 07/10/16 02:06 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Thats hard men ,

But seriously guys,

has anyone of you reached the point where you were hovering ?
I had no feet on the ground anymore... I think i have blew my head off seriously.
That thought kills me. Big mourh small head , long arms, long legs...
I cant describe my feelings , but as i cant feel my head i think i dont have one and that is why i cant feel any emotion/pain nothing at all .


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InvisibleJean-guy Masta
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: thirtygoats]
    #23428761 - 07/10/16 09:11 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

@thirtygoats ive been homeless for 3 years, travelling on freight train, steal, squeedgee and pan handle to survive.

personnaly id rather be homeless for 10 yrs then going through DP

@trippedytrip i know exactly what you mean, this is classic full blown DP/DR. in my worst time of DP it was like that, blank mind, numb, DR so bad couldnt even recognize my self in a mirror.i couldnt even understand what i was seeing most of the time. i was just this "soul" stuck in this time vortex.

now im way better, and how i got better? by understanding and accepting that NOTHIGN is broken in my head, youre not psychotic, you dont have brain damage! you have to belive yourself ! you have to stop asking yourself question and stop trying to explain how you feel this is the key

, didnt have derealisation since a month, and the only lasting DP symptoms i have is time going slitly faster. but still its just me always asking my self, did it just went that fast?

DP is just that, anxiety leading to DP that lead to anxiety that lead to DP and it goes on and on till you cant feel anything. its your brain protecting it self from anxiety

all the derealisation will all go away when you start accepting and letting go and start working everyday on it. once you stop the pills and treat your anxiety. you will be free of this feeling


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Edited by Jean-guy Masta (07/10/16 09:31 AM)


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OfflineTrippedytrip
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: Jean-guy Masta]
    #23428806 - 07/10/16 09:34 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

It is like i am fucking trapped in this body !
My mind tries to trick me and wants me to feel worse sometimes in saying that i am shit and in acting so.
The visual DR have gotten better because i dont have neirly much that anxiety as before in the center but i can feel i go to fast and i get really fast irritated.

I go each day with the fucking face of fuck you all but i cant change it and a lost sight.
The thing that fucks me a lot is the feeling of being trapped in this body and rolling the eyes looking into the them and seeing nothing.


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InvisibleJean-guy Masta
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Re: I guess nobody has happened this [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23429004 - 07/10/16 10:59 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

:hugitout:


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