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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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"Someone else is way worse off than you are!"
#23419800 - 07/07/16 10:28 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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I wonder if this argument has ever made a single person feel better about their situation...
Quote:
So your wife died, this guy in Syria lost his whole family!
Oh, now I am all cheered up.
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant


Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Re: "Someone else is way worse off than you are!" [Re: OrgoneConclusion] 1
#23419824 - 07/07/16 10:37 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Eh, when I think of how ridiculous my life could be working in a sweatshop ungodly hours and staying in their lodges with nets to catch me in case I tried to jump out a window, I actually am kind of grateful that my life, and all its hardships, ain't that.
I guess I'm that one person.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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IveBeenRecycled
I like pie.



Registered: 12/04/11
Posts: 653
Loc: Under the mango tree.
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Re: "Someone else is way worse off than you are!" [Re: CosmicJoke]
#23419831 - 07/07/16 10:40 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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As someone who has been to India on mission trips, this.
-------------------- I feel good.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: "Someone else is way worse off than you are!" [Re: CosmicJoke]
#23419887 - 07/07/16 11:02 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
CosmicJoke said: Eh, when I think of how ridiculous my life could be working in a sweatshop ungodly hours and staying in their lodges with nets to catch me in case I tried to jump out a window, I actually am kind of grateful that my life, and all its hardships, ain't that.
I guess I'm that one person.
Do you truly think of sweatshop workers when you get fired, your house is broken into, someone rams your car? Do you ever get sad or depressed?
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant


Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Re: "Someone else is way worse off than you are!" [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#23419934 - 07/07/16 11:24 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Mmm, I'm a little more wired to get anxious and irritable, but sometimes I surely do get depressed, like when watching an episode of Vice. When my condo was being renovated for what I was lied to would be a few months and turned out to be something like July-February they had me parking on the streets many days (off street parking was a #1 priority for me)..... Sure enough somebody vandalized my side mirror, left it dangling. I didn't feel sad or depressed, I felt mad. $400 down the drain.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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liquidlounge

Registered: 12/22/10
Posts: 9,256
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Re: "Someone else is way worse off than you are!" [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#23419941 - 07/07/16 11:27 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Schadenfreude.
-------------------- As far as I assume to know...
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: "Someone else is way worse off than you are!" [Re: liquidlounge]
#23419989 - 07/07/16 11:46 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Doesn't work for me. Suffering is relative IMO.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Penelope_Tree
Shamanic Panic



Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
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Re: "Someone else is way worse off than you are!" [Re: OrgoneConclusion] 4
#23419996 - 07/07/16 11:47 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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While I agree that it is invalidating to what the person is experiencing, I think it comes from a place which is supposed to divert attention from personal negativity (focused on what is lacking) to grateful for what there is. Perhaps it's all in the delivery.
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full blown human
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Hippocampus



Registered: 04/01/15
Posts: 753
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: "Someone else is way worse off than you are!" [Re: OrgoneConclusion] 1
#23420054 - 07/07/16 12:12 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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It's a way to guilt someone into having gratitude. Gratitude is the best way to feel happy. But the method is obviously manipulative. Anyone with even a streak of rebelliousness won't enjoy being told how to feel by someone else. And it's dismissive because it's invalidating someone's emotions. Emotions that are acceptable given the situation, but unacceptable to the person witnessing it. Often the reason the emotion is unacceptable to a person is based on their own irrational emotions. Many people just hate to see people display emotion. Many friends and family will say this because they are sick of hearing about someone's problems and want to offer some weak ass way to think out of it. They just want their friend to stop being sad, partly because they are bumming them out, and partly because of genuine concern. But they are not interested enough to think about how to really help them. So you get the half assed advice of OP.
It is a relevant thought in the grand scheme of things. Things are good and bad based on comparison of other good and bad things. You really can rank how bad things are by comparing them to other situations. But imo this has to be approached by the person in the situation. Not as advice given by someone that just wants someone else to STFU and stop complaining. It's useful as a reflection tool. If someone is in a reflective mood, and is trying to rationally work through their problems, and the emotions are taken care of for the moment, then is could be good to bring up as another person being included as an advisor in their self-reflection. But it's a pretty readily easy thought, and most people can think of it themselves when reflecting on their own situations. They don't need anyone else pointing it out.
Although, it can also work on another level. If the person being told this is emotionally intelligent or whatever, then they will pick up, even when they are upset, that the person who just told that to them is done listening to them. So they might try to stop being whatever way they are being that annoys the other person enough to say that. It's not actually helping them feel better. It's just letting them know they need to move on and cry on someone else's shoulder. Suck it up, because this person is done trying to help, or is incapable of helping, or is about to make you feel worse by inserting their own neurosis.
It does leave the one giving the advice wide open to an attack by receiver. It is dismissive and manipulative. A person having negative emotions about their situation is probably more easily provoked into arguing about something like that. They are already allowing their emotions to come out. Why cover up their anger at the person who insensitively throws out the flippant "it could be worse" line? I bet the line is often used to be purposely provocative. Perhaps some people say it because they would rather have an argument with an angry person than deal with other negative emotions.
TLDR; It's actually a useful thought in the right circumstance. However, given the way OP used it, which is a person telling it to someone else to try to manipulate them into not publicly displaying emotions that are uncomfortable to others, it's not useful. They have to be ready to look at their own situation objectively. Not when the person they are with is ready, which is always way, way, way sooner.
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant


Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Re: "Someone else is way worse off than you are!" [Re: Hippocampus]
#23420133 - 07/07/16 12:51 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Lucinda Williams - Everything Is Wrong
Think about it! I'm not saying to hide your emotions, but FFS!
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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elfy

Registered: 07/07/16
Posts: 3
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Re: "Someone else is way worse off than you are!" [Re: Hippocampus]
#23420158 - 07/07/16 01:01 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Hippocampus said: It's a way to guilt someone into having gratitude. Gratitude is the best way to feel happy. But the method is obviously manipulative. Anyone with even a streak of rebelliousness won't enjoy being told how to feel by someone else. And it's dismissive because it's invalidating someone's emotions. Emotions that are acceptable given the situation, but unacceptable to the person witnessing it. Often the reason the emotion is unacceptable to a person is based on their own irrational emotions. Many people just hate to see people display emotion. Many friends and family will say this because they are sick of hearing about someone's problems and want to offer some weak ass way to think out of it. They just want their friend to stop being sad, partly because they are bumming them out, and partly because of genuine concern. But they are not interested enough to think about how to really help them. So you get the half assed advice of OP.
It is a relevant thought in the grand scheme of things. Things are good and bad based on comparison of other good and bad things. You really can rank how bad things are by comparing them to other situations. But imo this has to be approached by the person in the situation. Not as advice given by someone that just wants someone else to STFU and stop complaining. It's useful as a reflection tool. If someone is in a reflective mood, and is trying to rationally work through their problems, and the emotions are taken care of for the moment, then is could be good to bring up as another person being included as an advisor in their self-reflection. But it's a pretty readily easy thought, and most people can think of it themselves when reflecting on their own situations. They don't need anyone else pointing it out.
Although, it can also work on another level. If the person being told this is emotionally intelligent or whatever, then they will pick up, even when they are upset, that the person who just told that to them is done listening to them. So they might try to stop being whatever way they are being that annoys the other person enough to say that. It's not actually helping them feel better. It's just letting them know they need to move on and cry on someone else's shoulder. Suck it up, because this person is done trying to help, or is incapable of helping, or is about to make you feel worse by inserting their own neurosis.
It does leave the one giving the advice wide open to an attack by receiver. It is dismissive and manipulative. A person having negative emotions about their situation is probably more easily provoked into arguing about something like that. They are already allowing their emotions to come out. Why cover up their anger at the person who insensitively throws out the flippant "it could be worse" line? I bet the line is often used to be purposely provocative. Perhaps some people say it because they would rather have an argument with an angry person than deal with other negative emotions.
TLDR; It's actually a useful thought in the right circumstance. However, given the way OP used it, which is a person telling it to someone else to try to manipulate them into not publicly displaying emotions that are uncomfortable to others, it's not useful. They have to be ready to look at their own situation objectively. Not when the person they are with is ready, which is always way, way, way sooner.
Amen. I couldn't have said it better myself.
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant


Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Re: "Someone else is way worse off than you are!" [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
#23420265 - 07/07/16 01:38 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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The truth doesn't always make you feel better, sorry your life is not like the plight of the Jews... Still doesn't mean you couldn't handle a dose of the truth!
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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laughingdog
Stranger

Registered: 03/14/04
Posts: 4,828
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Re: "Someone else is way worse off than you are!" [Re: CosmicJoke]
#23421625 - 07/07/16 09:35 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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if one catches oneself making a mountain out of a mole hill,
it may help to remind oneself to enlarge one's perspective.
Tonglen meditation is a more sophisticated way of enlarging perspective.
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=Tonglen+meditation&t=hb&ia=web
For some, vipassana meditation, is effective,
for actually dealing with physical pain sensations.
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