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OfflineTrippedytrip
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I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore.
    #23415987 - 07/06/16 04:42 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Hey guys ,

I am writing you now from the Psychitrist where i am Stationary since 2 days ago and probably staying 3 weeks.

I have had 3-6 months a spiral downward where the consumption of cannabis was pretty much the trigger/cause.

It started with depression , stressfull job / daily life habits / unknown country/ new "friends" / working smoking working / less and less social contact / anger/hate for myself /lack of motivation /  down down down.
I am the sort of guy who would always look down the past wich was really a good one but i had never apreciated it before i smoked and got conscious of all the dumb shit things i did to myself and family and how it could all have changed dramatically.

I lost all my Ego in the time , had DP and have since 4 months the feeling of fully ears and i cant feel my head and my heart is also empty

I am
getting now checkings done and the chief doctor said i would be okay and her assistants and i see here in this place there are people wich are really more fucked up as me.

What do you guys think?
Has anyone has such a deep hole experience?
Any advice would be great


Thanks , Peace


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InvisibleCitizen X
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23416079 - 07/06/16 06:12 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Hey brother, I know you feel bad now, but there are positives in your situation.

You are in a place where you'll get help. Probably going to put you on some anti depressants and I want you to really give them a try, please don't write them off quickly. There is something out there that can help you with your mood if you let the doctors do what they can they will find something that works for you.

Try to move forward and keep positive thoughts, when you start thinking of how fucked you are, instead think of the positive things about yourself and how you know you're going to get better and move forward.

You can do this but you're going to have to work for it and want it. I will say a prayer for you.


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OfflineLucisM
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23416094 - 07/06/16 06:27 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Trippedytrip said:


What do you guys think?
Has anyone has such a deep hole experience?






Sorry you're going through a rough time, but keep active on here if you can, I mean at least you will get a connection with something other than the place you're staying, you know connect with like minded individuals.  Do you have family/friends that will visit you in the place you're staying?

Much of my life is a deep hole experience, at least that is how I saw it for a while, but I am also very grateful for having spiraled out of control numerous times, because I wouldn't be who I am today.  I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true.


Wishing you the best buddy.

Also, what type of cannabis were you consuming?  I know some types bring anxiety out more than others, and it's not uncommon for people to have anxiety from smoking it, perhaps you could try a different method of ingestion when you are able to, or maybe try a different strain if possible.


--------------------
©️


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OfflineDopesToInfinity
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23416167 - 07/06/16 07:17 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

You are a human being! It is not always easy. In fact, it can be super difficult sometimes, but for most, the pain (as much and as intense as it may be) is still worth going through to feel the pleasure and have the experience of this human life. This may be our only chance at a human life. . I've been going through dark times myself recently. My plan of action is to rewire my brain by getting myself up, motivated and doing the things I know I need to do habitually to be happy and healthy that I wasn't doing before. They say it takes 28 days of doing something everyday to implement it into your natural routine.. This body and mind is super cool, and its pretty resilient, yet at the same time fragile. You get what you put in. Force yourself to take in as much positive as possible and in return, give it off as well. Change is not always comfortable. More self discipline and motivation are the two things I'm working on implementing the most lately. It may not be comfortable, but the lasting results will be worth it. Growth can be painful..


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OfflineDopesToInfinity
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: Lucis]
    #23416177 - 07/06/16 07:24 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

True that Fenarrio! Some of my most immense pain and suffering has made me the human I am today and taught me so much. I'm thankful for that part. I'm way more understanding and I can relate to so much more. Plus I did a lot of research and reading while I secluded myself hah. Probably needed to move around a little more though.. I'd like to not suffer as much in the future. I feel I've gained enough knowledge already damn it! lol. It takes effort I suppose. My 71 year old friend has been doing yoga every day of his life since his early 20s. He's very active and mindful. He has thrived almost everyday I've known him since we met and became friends 5 years ago. Him and my father live together now


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Edited by DopesToInfinity (07/06/16 07:26 AM)


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OfflineTrippedytrip
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: DopesToInfinity] * 2
    #23416379 - 07/06/16 09:18 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Hey there guys , thanks for response,

This place is great ,

You get so got treated from pacients and it is all financiated by the state :smile: haha.
You get antidepressants wich prescribe you such as Lorazepan wich helped a lot.
You get all the sleep you want , have daily cannabis talk with other consumers wich have fallen, a garden where you can talk with people , smoke some cigs and you have breakfast , lunch and a dinner. My mind is going more and more clearer and i dont have stupid thoughts anymore.
You also have a gym and physichal/mind clearing sessions with professionals.
Also my mother comes and i have learned here people who are in same/worse conditions with harder drugs and you can get a big insight about life. This is real life!

I meditated way to long over my life and i forgot how it is to live it.

The clue when smoking is not giving a shit about anything in the fact lol.
That has kinda taken me so hard in this hole after depression/stress-factors/ego-loss.
I think i wont smoke again , i had recovered just before this 5 weeks and smoked again , got way to high and it hit me hard and i needed to go here.

Pretty hot nurses , nice companies and good vibes :smile:

Peace and Love my friends


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Offline5150
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23418393 - 07/06/16 09:04 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

It sounds like u shouldn't smoke weed,maybe try indica ,honey, co2 oils,there big in the states,u vape them,less of the mental noise,more of a relaxing body feel


--------------------
"the way of the warrior is the resolute acceptance of death"

Miyamoto Musashi


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OfflineTrippedytrip
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: 5150]
    #23418942 - 07/07/16 12:26 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah in the states..
In spain also good weed and many strains you can choose to at the cofee shops but as i moved to germany and it it strongly ilegal there you get what you become and many shitty dealer spread chemichals to add on weight and i think that has also really fucked me up as many other here..

Thanks


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Offlinebigdoodie
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23421594 - 07/07/16 09:25 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Edit


Edited by bigdoodie (07/14/16 02:18 PM)


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InvisibleCitizen X
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: bigdoodie]
    #23437356 - 07/13/16 08:53 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Checking in hope your well brother


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OfflineTrippedytrip
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: Citizen X]
    #23437621 - 07/13/16 11:02 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

hey there ,

Yeah day by day better :smile:


Thanks

Cya


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Offlinexbloodwhipx

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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23439137 - 07/13/16 09:14 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I fully understand your situation man. I've been to the darkest places of DP, I've had it like... 5 years I think. So long I've lost track, induced by cannabis.

Let me tell you, it does get better. I've got to a point several times where I felt like I'd had enough, and I was ready to get better. I was going to fight it... Thats when it got so, so much worse everytime. As cliche as it sounds, accept it. Make positive changes, quit doing drugs. I mean ALL of them. No caffeine, nicotine, psychs, cannabis. No more drugs.

Have a positive outlook, that can be the hardest part. You have to QUIT thinking you are going to feel like this forever, or quit longing for the times before you got DP, and quit looking forward into the future. Just live, you did it all of your life before DP.

Exercise, eat healthy, be positive, get a hobby you enjoy, focus on the outside world, quit drugs. Trust me, I made these changes and my life has been getting better ever since. I still have DP, but its so mild I may as well not. I have my bad days, but I dont dwell on it. You cant, go with it. Keep living and dont let that shit take anymore of your life away.

Good luck.


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Invisiblepineninja
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: xbloodwhipx]
    #23439154 - 07/13/16 09:20 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

"I meditated way to long over my life and i forgot how it is to live it."
Even in a difficult stage of your life you have been able to help another. Thanks OP.


--------------------
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OfflineDopesToInfinity
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: xbloodwhipx]
    #23440040 - 07/14/16 06:50 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Super good advice!!


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OfflineTrippedytrip
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: xbloodwhipx]
    #23440573 - 07/14/16 11:12 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Thanks ,

I have it like maybe 3-4 months ago but i realized it  when i was at the bottom
and couldnt move on in life. I am in a ward now.

I am living present moment as never before. Eating healthy/doing sport / drinking lots of water.
Smoking is my only daily stimulant , do i really need to quit it ? I would smoke from 1-5 cigs a day gets lesser each day. My body doesnt even want it.

Some meds help me get on and think clearly but i have the feeling that i am stoned all day.
I read about HPPD but i dont think i have that. The major derealisation part is gone.

The will and motivation is there as never before.
I also have the strength as never felt.

Keep going with the flow :smile:


Trippy


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Offlinebigdoodie
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23441092 - 07/14/16 02:41 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

There is much egotism being expressed on this page. we are delusional if we think that we have ever helped anyone. It is us who consciously makes a choice and forcing ones hand breeds resentment and fuels our ego even further. Offering our advice is just trying to add another person to our team of opinionated people eithr to reinforce our own belief in our lies or to feel more empowered when we tell someone that they are wrong. All opinions lack the truth of the world around us, and it is only sensible that the truth be offered so that we can independently make our own observations.  ego is exactly what our demons are. If we hav an ego, we are only slightly concious of our decisions and we are divided from the universe.


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OfflineTrippedytrip
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: bigdoodie]
    #23443049 - 07/15/16 06:42 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Maybe you philosopher,

I know no one can help me but myself.
My DP was to the extreme and i feel as shit. I am dumb as shit and i need to relearn many things.
I am in general fucked up with 19 years life and i hope it is not over with life.
I think recovering will take some years.
I dont have or a little little unconscious part but i really feel fucked.
Do you know any form to relearn things faster or recovering from this mentally?
I am pretty well fucked as nobody

Peace


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InvisibleCitizen X
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23443723 - 07/15/16 11:45 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Trippedytrip said:
Thanks ,

I have it like maybe 3-4 months ago but i realized it  when i was at the bottom
and couldnt move on in life. I am in a ward now.

I am living present moment as never before. Eating healthy/doing sport / drinking lots of water.
Smoking is my only daily stimulant , do i really need to quit it ? I would smoke from 1-5 cigs a day gets lesser each day. My body doesnt even want it.

Some meds help me get on and think clearly but i have the feeling that i am stoned all day.
I read about HPPD but i dont think i have that. The major derealisation part is gone.

The will and motivation is there as never before.
I also have the strength as never felt.

Keep going with the flow :smile:


Trippy




When I started my new medicine I felt that way too but that has passed now and I'm feeling normal. I know my situation is different than yours but I thought I'd add that because I hope the same for you.
Now I just have constant dry mouth loll


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Offlinebigdoodie
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: Trippedytrip]
    #23445652 - 07/16/16 12:32 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Trippedytrip said:
Maybe you philosopher,

I know no one can help me but myself.
My DP was to the extreme and i feel as shit. I am dumb as shit and i need to relearn many things.
I am in general fucked up with 19 years life and i hope it is not over with life.
I think recovering will take some years.
I dont have or a little little unconscious part but i really feel fucked.
Do you know any form to relearn things faster or recovering from this mentally?
I am pretty well fucked as nobody

Peace



We all want the same thing in life, to be human. We're programmed to be dehumanized at age 1  with song and patronizing baby talk. Our true state of being, human nature, is what God is. its called the God mind, and our only barrier is ego. The way ego manifests is through the 7 deadly sins- greed, pride, lust, over-indulgence, wrath, sloth, and envy. All we have to do is be self reliant, we can be perfectly content completely alone, but without our true state of being the only thing that makes us feel alive is empowerment.  imagining isnt necessarily accepting illusions if its applied to reality, but if we we're to wake up to a world that we were the last survivor on earth, we would realize how different we act because of our dependency of others. No emotion, no desire for entertainment, no desire for money, no fear of running our of timec and we'd feel free to do whatever we wanted. Thats what our human nature is, and there is no difference from that world and this world, we are all already as dead as we will ever be and we are all mostly controlled by our ego, we do not have a personality, we are the same as a species of animal, we are human. all we should be concerned about is survival. Value nothing, just observe and accept, reject the urge to smile, pride will only blind us and breed arrogance. the God mind is our savior.


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OfflineTrippedytrip
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Re: I feel Empty , I arent a person anymore. [Re: bigdoodie]
    #23445704 - 07/16/16 01:05 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I am now in this God mind state.


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