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OfflineTheMovement
faeirie princess in training
I'm a teapot


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 6,781
Loc: Under your bed.
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife] * 1
    #23430790 - 07/10/16 11:03 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

FruitOfLife said:
I know I am probably over thinking it and deep down I know more than likely there isn't anything going on between them. But for some reason it really bothers me to think about it right now. I think the reason is because I really liked her and definitely saw a future with her. But I do know she is the type of person to try and make someone jealous so maybe she's puling that card...

There was a time when I went out with a group of friends and one of my ex's was there. She found out and got pissed even though we were all in a group, out in public, and nothing happened. Well she decided to get back at me by going out to a bar and getting drunk alone with some other guy who ended up trying to hook up with her multiple times! I should have broken up with her after that because that is a horrible and untrustworthy thing to do. But I forgave her and then it leads to me still feeling pain later anyways lol.



You are overthinking it.  As others have said, time will heal this wound and make it easier.  IDK why y'all ended, but it did end. 

Now:

Think about all the good times you had together, they are great moments in which you felt infinite and cosmic, correct?  You enjoyed your time together, both of you.  One of you decided that it was time to flow on, and That is Okay!!  People change and take different directions in life, but the important thing is that you loved eachother and taught each other a unique version of love.  Cherish the love that you experienced, nurture it and have it become a part of you, then get back on that horse, stop feeling self-pity and realize your true inner power. 

You are complete with yourself and anyone else you involve in your life, intimately or otherwise, just contributes to this wondrous experience we call life.  Yeah, you shared a great period of time with this one person, but there are others you will also share your life with.  Appreciate the blessing of experiencing love and use this to help you grow as an individual.  I know this may sound trite and inaccessible, but you will always carry a part of her in you and vis-versa. 

Just because things didn't work out, doesn't mean that your love for each other was any less real.  Life and relationships are transient in nature and by getting out there and being yourself, your true self, you'll realize all that you are meant to become.  There are other fish in the sea yada yada yada.  If you want someone to :pm:, feel free to send one.

You got this brother, stay strong.  I know breakups suck, but you'll get through this.  :sun:


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Utwiddle.net

In order to act like a king, one need only treat everyone else like one.

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InvisibleJohnnieYen
Okay
I'm a teapot


Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
Re: Moving on... [Re: TheMovement]
    #23431850 - 07/11/16 11:44 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I know that wasn't a reply to me but I needed to read that. Thank you


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OfflineTheMovement
faeirie princess in training
I'm a teapot


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 6,781
Loc: Under your bed.
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
Re: Moving on... [Re: JohnnieYen]
    #23432447 - 07/11/16 03:47 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

It was for both of you buddy!  Don't let heartache prevent you from loving in the future :sun:


--------------------
Utwiddle.net

In order to act like a king, one need only treat everyone else like one.

BUMP THIS THREAD EVERYTIME YOU SEE IT

Join the Anarchy Camp!  Down with Oppression!!


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OfflineStill_tripping
Lord yes!


Registered: 10/07/15
Posts: 747
Loc: A small hot country
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
Re: Moving on... [Re: TheMovement]
    #23434067 - 07/12/16 05:20 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

You've got to get over the idea that she was the "one". There is no 'one' but rather plenty. So do what men have done for ages when feeling down about breaking up. Find someone else of course. :freewilly:

Cure the little brain first the big one will naturally follow.


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Edited by Still_tripping (07/12/16 05:21 AM)


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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23437853 - 07/13/16 01:28 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

You put too much reliance in others for your happiness, but we all do that. Doesn't make it better for us in the long run, but it's one of the most widespread, detrimental trends which I have seen in myself and others: expecting and therefore needing someone else to make us happy.

You have to find happiness in yourself, to be alone but not lonely. Find comfort and love within yourself, without anything or anyone else, and then you will no longer grieve for your relationship. Furthermore, but just as importantly, you'll be able to give that love back in a boundless flow in all of your relationships and encounters: sure fire way to make new friends and regroove. 

And only you know how to do this for yourself, but I can say first thing's first, just breathe. Breathe and let the thoughts flow, take a backseat to it all and observe while pouring as much love and attention into your literal heart / body. Watch your heartbeats, feel your breaths, let the thoughts flow and go and try not to dwell on her.

Easier said than done, I know. I'm going through a rough patch myself with something, but this is my approach to it. Best of luck, FoL!


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OfflineBobabouy
Shrimp Boat Captain
Male


Registered: 01/19/16
Posts: 661
Loc: The Black Sea
Last seen: 6 years, 16 days
Re: Moving on... [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #23437871 - 07/13/16 01:41 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

If you can't have her, make sure no one else can!


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: Moving on... [Re: Bobabouy]
    #23442367 - 07/14/16 10:36 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Bobabouy said:
If you can't have her, make sure no one else can!



:lolsy:


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: Moving on... [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #23442368 - 07/14/16 10:36 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Chakra Shock said:
You put too much reliance in others for your happiness, but we all do that. Doesn't make it better for us in the long run, but it's one of the most widespread, detrimental trends which I have seen in myself and others: expecting and therefore needing someone else to make us happy.

You have to find happiness in yourself, to be alone but not lonely. Find comfort and love within yourself, without anything or anyone else, and then you will no longer grieve for your relationship. Furthermore, but just as importantly, you'll be able to give that love back in a boundless flow in all of your relationships and encounters: sure fire way to make new friends and regroove. 

And only you know how to do this for yourself, but I can say first thing's first, just breathe. Breathe and let the thoughts flow, take a backseat to it all and observe while pouring as much love and attention into your literal heart / body. Watch your heartbeats, feel your breaths, let the thoughts flow and go and try not to dwell on her.

Easier said than done, I know. I'm going through a rough patch myself with something, but this is my approach to it. Best of luck, FoL!



Thanks  :hug:


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23533228 - 08/11/16 10:52 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Hey so I thought going out and sleeping with a different woman would help, but it literally didn't do shit. I cannot for the life of me get this girl out of my mind  :sad:

WTF?!


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife] * 1
    #23533318 - 08/11/16 11:28 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Re-read the post you quoted by CS above. Fucking someone does not equal learning how to love yourself.

Not even a dozen fucks is gonna help unless you start to look, and work, in you. Trust me, I've done it all, been poly, fucked a bunch of chicks, had some great sex, and when that didn't make me feel better I tried whacking my brains out with stims, vodka, and heroin. Surprisingly, that didn't work either.

The real healing starts within. Don't look to the outside man, there's only quick fixes that soon wear off to be found there.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23533474 - 08/12/16 01:12 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Go munch on a bunch of shrooms, sit alone in the forest and contemplate your sins. It's what I do :lol: In all honesty though start spending some time alone and learn to just depend on YOU. Only recently did I start, i think, truly loving myself. I am alone most of the time and relay on myself as company and nowadays I get very happy about very little things whereas before very mediocre shit made me content. I like myself, myself is very strong and reliable :shineon:


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:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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InvisibleCelestial Traveler
Random Observer
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/03/11
Posts: 7,639
Loc: Idaho
Re: Moving on... [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23541791 - 08/14/16 06:30 PM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Rosen_Rot said:
5 years. She was 17, and I was 20, we grew up together and from all the girls I fucked/been with, as much as I hate to admit it, she was the best, even the relationship sucked hard.

so it's going to take me 2.5years to get over it? I dunno how true that statement is, a lot of things come into play when getting over someone. In my 8month relationship it took me about a year and a half to get over her and the relationship wasn't anything special but I was in love with lust so it was hard to break free of that.

This one I dunno. She was there when the cops raided my house, she was there when I was in hospital, she was there when I had no friends, she was there when my parents split up, she was there when I fought with all of my family, she was there when I was dirt poor, I had a lot of firsts with her as well and I am a guy with some good experience on my belt.

I feel like I won't ever heal from this and its been 3 months and still miss her even though she turned into a completely different and superficial person now.




Reading your story, especially the part about her becoming a completely different person, "partying her ass off" and putting it all on Instagram after your breakup, kind of makes me wonder if she isn't trying to front an illusion that she has completely moved past your relationship while in reality she has not.

My intuition could be off, but that was the first thing that came to mind when I read your post.


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Moving on... [Re: Celestial Traveler]
    #23542853 - 08/15/16 03:09 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Strangely a lot of people have suggested that to me and I accepted it as a possibility but still burns my biscuits. I shared my feelings with my best friend about it and she helped me understand it in a way that she is doing everything in her power to survive the best way she knows how and that helped me realise we're all human

It doesn't bother me anymore. I am happy she is having fun :shineon:


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male

Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 13 hours, 15 minutes
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23564885 - 08/22/16 01:54 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

FruitOfLife said:
I think my main problem is when I look back I can see all the times I went wrong and how if I would have done things differently that there is no doubt that she would be with me. I am the type of person who can't stand to fail no matter what it is, and I feel like I failed at being a man in this case.

I can't shake the fact that I failed. I know if I would have done 4 key things differently I would be happy right now instead of sad. It really sucks not only to fail at something, but know exactly where you went wrong and you weren't smart enough to make the right decision at that time  :sad:




We often think if we had just done things differently we'd be happy and not sad.

You used all the intelligence you had at the time. If you could have been smarter you would have been.

You believe if you did 4 things differently, there'd be a different outcome. But that's a total guess.

You define the ending of this relationship as a "failure". Is that rational?

Anything short of forever is "failure"? Our expectations cause us misery.

All relationships come to an end at some point. That doesn't make them a "failure"


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Anonymous #1

Re: Moving on... [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #23586564 - 08/28/16 11:24 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

Looking for advice on moving on

Ill PM whoever is willing to give advice


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InvisibleCelestial Traveler
Random Observer
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/03/11
Posts: 7,639
Loc: Idaho
Re: Moving on... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23586663 - 08/28/16 11:56 AM (7 years, 5 months ago)

You could PM me if you want...not sure how much help I would be.


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