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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Moving on...
    #23408327 - 07/03/16 08:25 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

How do you guys handle moving on from a break up? At first I handled it ok and just focused on work and the gym to keep my mind off it. But it's been a little over a month now and lately I've been looking back on everything and I have been feeling really shitty lately. I really really liked this girl because she was so different from the others and it sucks that things couldn't have worked out.

I think my main problem is when I look back I can see all the times I went wrong and how if I would have done things differently that there is no doubt that she would be with me. I am the type of person who can't stand to fail no matter what it is, and I feel like I failed at being a man in this case.

I can't shake the fact that I failed. I know if I would have done 4 key things differently I would be happy right now instead of sad. It really sucks not only to fail at something, but know exactly where you went wrong and you weren't smart enough to make the right decision at that time  :sad:

Any advise to help out?


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InvisibleJohnnieYen
Okay
I'm a teapot


Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23408546 - 07/03/16 09:32 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

take solace in the fact you learned something about yourself and can avoid those key things in your next relationship.

I know the failure feeling, going though it myself but for the last 7 months.


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Invisiblenooneman
Male

Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,561
Loc: Utah
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23408550 - 07/03/16 09:34 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Find new pussy/dick. You'll still feel like shit, but it'll be better than it was.


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Moving on... [Re: nooneman]
    #23408993 - 07/04/16 12:08 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

You just have to move on and pretend like nothing ever happened or even mattered. The important thing is that you learned something, much like Johnny said, just keep them in mind, improve yourself so you don't make the same mistakes in the next relationship.

If it's any conciliation, I'm going through a break up right now and I am finding it very hard to move on. I am not interested in women, haven't had sex in almost 4months now, I am not the fling type of person, I am no pick up artist and my friends are mostly introverts. While I am stuck here, trying to get my shit together, struggling and dealing with a lot of emotional and psychological baggage, she's out partying her ass off, instgramming it and not giving one solitary fuck about the 5 years we spent together.

I think that's what hurt most, seeing someone you genuinely cared about turn into someone who does not care about you anymore and you are just left behind, eating their dust.

I'm glad this thread was started, I wanted to make one cause I am finding it very hard to move on.

The best advice I can give is time. Had my heart ripped out a couple of times all I can say is give it time


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:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Moving on... [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23409162 - 07/04/16 02:23 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

How long were you together? Half that amount of time to get your approximate recovery time.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Moving on... [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23409166 - 07/04/16 02:29 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

5 years. She was 17, and I was 20, we grew up together and from all the girls I fucked/been with, as much as I hate to admit it, she was the best, even the relationship sucked hard.

so it's going to take me 2.5years to get over it? I dunno how true that statement is, a lot of things come into play when getting over someone. In my 8month relationship it took me about a year and a half to get over her and the relationship wasn't anything special but I was in love with lust so it was hard to break free of that.

This one I dunno. She was there when the cops raided my house, she was there when I was in hospital, she was there when I had no friends, she was there when my parents split up, she was there when I fought with all of my family, she was there when I was dirt poor, I had a lot of firsts with her as well and I am a guy with some good experience on my belt.

I feel like I won't ever heal from this and its been 3 months and still miss her even though she turned into a completely different and superficial person now.


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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Invisiblebasqueshaman
Todays scapegoat
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/01/11
Posts: 6,258
Loc: Washington State Flag
Re: Moving on... [Re: Rosen_Rot] * 1
    #23409181 - 07/04/16 02:38 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Some people you will never get over with, even if you move on. But time helps


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: Moving on... [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23409182 - 07/04/16 02:39 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Rosen_Rot said:
You just have to move on and pretend like nothing ever happened or even mattered. The important thing is that you learned something, much like Johnny said, just keep them in mind, improve yourself so you don't make the same mistakes in the next relationship.

If it's any conciliation, I'm going through a break up right now and I am finding it very hard to move on. I am not interested in women, haven't had sex in almost 4months now, I am not the fling type of person, I am no pick up artist and my friends are mostly introverts. While I am stuck here, trying to get my shit together, struggling and dealing with a lot of emotional and psychological baggage, she's out partying her ass off, instgramming it and not giving one solitary fuck about the 5 years we spent together.

I think that's what hurt most, seeing someone you genuinely cared about turn into someone who does not care about you anymore and you are just left behind, eating their dust.

I'm glad this thread was started, I wanted to make one cause I am finding it very hard to move on.

The best advice I can give is time. Had my heart ripped out a couple of times all I can say is give it time



:hug:  I'm sorry you're going through that. With my situation she isn't going out of her way to try and hurt me. Like going out and posting shit and what not.

I've been in long term relationships before and I know time will heal all, but I've never really felt the feeling like I have for this girl. I've been in love before with a girl and when we broke up I was good to go within a month. But like I said, this one is different... I really connected with her and I thought she could potentially be the one. It's a shitty feeling when you find that person you've been looking for and then it doesn't work out.

I went out tonight with a few old friends and one was a chick that wanted me BAD a few years ago. She is and was always attractive but I have never been the type to hook up with a chick for the sake of it. Even tonight after not seeing her for like 4 years, she was all over me. Part of me wanted to say fuck it and just sleep with her to see if it change my mood. But I just couldn't do it so I ended up leaving and coming home early :/


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23409201 - 07/04/16 02:56 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I don't think she's purposely doing it to hurt me, she's just having fun and living her life. But the place I come from is small, friends share friends, so it's very easy for me to hear about her life, involuntary. For example; last night I heard from a mutual friend that she has fucked one of her friends, I did not ask anything and just met him to shrek him in chess. I removed her and most of her friends from my lists cause it made it so hard for me to see her tagged photos and her success. While I genuinely am happy for her, it's just too fucking hard to be cool about it.

The feeling is mutual with this particular girl as well. I've been in love before, but not unconditionally and she was my first in that context. I did a lot of shit I wouldn't normally do, sometimes even risking myself, just so she I can see her smile and be happy. I told her a lot of stuff that I don't think I would have said to anyone else, discussing future family, deathbeds and all that crap. She's registered as the first person to contact to tell them about my death, it was a requirement when I went to give blood and ended up as an organ donor.

I haven't had a chance to be with someone and no one I know is into me. Quite frankly I'm a little afraid of sex as well. I wish there was someone I know who's into me, I could really use a self esteem booster :lol: I have just been getting drunk on the weekends and cross-fading to shit and passing out at bars while my friends stick french fries up my nose and take photos. Self destructive and passive to shit. I have also been sleeping at friends's houses a lot and only go home to check on my shrooms, chameleon and tarantulas.

I do not like sleeping in our bed. Its hollow :sad:

How long has it been since you and your ex split man?

Also :hug: Hang in there, someone is bound to show up and we will feel love again and they will love us back. One day we'll all be happy and make our partners happy too.

EDIT; I would also advice you to sleep with her if she's into you but only you know when you're comfortable


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:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


Edited by Rosen_Rot (07/04/16 02:59 AM)


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: Moving on... [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23410061 - 07/04/16 11:30 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

It's been a little over a month, maybe a month and a half since we ended it. It doesn't help that we see each other at work every night. It's only for a few minutes but it doesn't help the healing process lol.

I should have slept with my old friend last night but I guess I'm afraid that I would still feel bad or even worse after. Like it might make me miss my ex even more.


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23410234 - 07/04/16 12:32 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Look man there is no rush to this sort of thing. The healing process is different for everyone and only you know when you are ready. Seeing her everyday at work, even for a few minutes, is definitely not helping and will take longer. Either change your job or do something to avoid her like different shifts maybe?

I understand what you mean about how would feel bad, in your head and heart, it still feels like you're in a relationship......with a ghost. Until you are able to bypass that ghost you will continue to feel guilty about stuff like this. I still have not even made out with anyone :shrug: Like, it's basic, I should have at least had a snog by now right?

Point is don't feel pressured by society's anxiety tactics. Don't let anyone make you feel lesser or that you're falling behind just because you haven't gotten over it or reached some imaginary goal of where you're supposed to be. If I learnt anything from shrooming, it's that everything is where it should be :pipesmoke:


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: Moving on... [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23410298 - 07/04/16 12:53 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

There is no way I am changing jobs lol. I worked very hard to get where I'm at and I have a very good job and I won't be giving it up. When I do see her at work we sometimes have small talk but for the most part we don't acknowledge each other unless it's work related.


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23410450 - 07/04/16 01:43 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Well I guess you have to learn how to live with it :shrug: Try the no contact rule maybe you can get her back if you guys are still talking but before do consider why the break up happened. Its nice to know that you guys can be civil about things to a fine point


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: Moving on... [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23410894 - 07/04/16 04:06 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah it's not like there are any hard feeling between us, it actually ended on somewhat good terms. I will say she does try to talk to me more than I talk to her, she even texts me occasionally, but she wants to stay "friends" and I am just not ok with that.


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23412164 - 07/04/16 10:52 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Maybe being friends will lead to you guys getting back together, isn't that how it always starts? :biggrin: Why did you guys break up? Who did the break up?

Mine ended up on bad/sad terms and we've been on/off for a while, the last year together all we did was argue and then she initiated the break up and never talked to me again. Every now and again she sends me a message saying when she'll pick up the rest of her stuff or asks me when I am free so she can pick up her stuff. I give her a date and time to come but she never does and 2 weeks later its the same crap. I don't think she has the balls to come here and some part of me kinda wants to say that she is leaving them here on purpose so she can have an excuse. The first time round I delivered her stuff but not gonna do it again, it's not my responsibility


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: Moving on... [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23418792 - 07/06/16 11:04 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Rosen_Rot said:
Maybe being friends will lead to you guys getting back together, isn't that how it always starts? :biggrin: Why did you guys break up? Who did the break up?

Mine ended up on bad/sad terms and we've been on/off for a while, the last year together all we did was argue and then she initiated the break up and never talked to me again. Every now and again she sends me a message saying when she'll pick up the rest of her stuff or asks me when I am free so she can pick up her stuff. I give her a date and time to come but she never does and 2 weeks later its the same crap. I don't think she has the balls to come here and some part of me kinda wants to say that she is leaving them here on purpose so she can have an excuse. The first time round I delivered her stuff but not gonna do it again, it's not my responsibility



Yeah I don't try to take the friend route to a woman's heart lol. The friend zone is a real thing man  :paranoid:

So today was a bad day kind of. So I got back to work and she was in the office talking with another guy we work with. I overheard him say "Did you get that thing I sent to you" which I assume was either a text or facebook post or something. Either way I couldn't help feel jealous like maybe something was going on between them. Even though odds are they are just friends because they have worked together for a few years at this point. Still my mind automatically assumed that she is now gonna start hanging out with this other guy  :sad:


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23418913 - 07/07/16 12:06 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Your mind is probably just over thinking this whole situation and causing you unnecessarily stress. Even if she does have a thing with this guy it is likely a chump that she is using to get over you. And if it isn't, so what?? :shrug: You can't exactly tell her who she can and can't see and it's not like she was gonna stay single forever. Eventually you have to deal with this and see other people but I guess it's harder to deal with since it's right there, in your face

IME guys always get the raw end of the stick in break ups. I don't understand why how it's so easy for women to ''win'' the break up by moving on so quickly. Maybe we're just betas :laugh2:

I know it's difficult but try to remember that there are worse things in the world, when she goes to the bathroom she is as disgusting as everyone else and at the end of the day she's human, not a goddess, so shake it off


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: Moving on... [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23419397 - 07/07/16 07:22 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I know I am probably over thinking it and deep down I know more than likely there isn't anything going on between them. But for some reason it really bothers me to think about it right now. I think the reason is because I really liked her and definitely saw a future with her. But I do know she is the type of person to try and make someone jealous so maybe she's puling that card...

There was a time when I went out with a group of friends and one of my ex's was there. She found out and got pissed even though we were all in a group, out in public, and nothing happened. Well she decided to get back at me by going out to a bar and getting drunk alone with some other guy who ended up trying to hook up with her multiple times! I should have broken up with her after that because that is a horrible and untrustworthy thing to do. But I forgave her and then it leads to me still feeling pain later anyways lol.


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Moving on... [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23419420 - 07/07/16 07:46 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Stop thinking about it and just pretend like nothing is happening. Its harsh but you need to start blocking out your attention on her if you want to move on, even if she's right there in your face, ignore and dont speak unless she speaks to you. What I'm trying to say is start being your own person and focus more on you, ultimately you'll reach times where you just don't give a shit and times where you do, but they will get less and less over time. You're not trying to impress anyone, you're trying to figure out you and being you and YOU should be the first priority.

Do you do anything on your free time? practice any sport? go to the gym? draw or paint?..etc

Try home in on your own abilities, what you're good at and just pay more attention to that, get good at it :shineon:


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Moving on... [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23422165 - 07/08/16 02:00 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I tried to message you but you are not accepting messages, probably with good reason :biggrin:

Just wanted to say I wish you the best of luck on your struggle, may your pain fade fast and that I am not as mentally strong as people think :shrug:

I give good advice cause I passed through it and hindsight is always 20/20

When it comes to my actual life and listening to my own advice it's a disaster :laugh2:


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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