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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
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Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 17,805
Loc: Toronto, eh?
Last seen: 16 years, 8 months
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: Sclorch]
    #2338247 - 02/15/04 06:59 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Not all women try to change their significant other.. Men aren't innocent when it comes to that either..


--------------------
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
Global Living Space


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InvisibletrendalM
J♠
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Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 20,788
Loc: Ontario, Canada Flag
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: sykobish]
    #2338269 - 02/15/04 07:08 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

It's called the "Pygmolian Project"...and most (but not all...) people embark on it shortly after marriage. If not before.


--------------------
Once, men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free.
But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them.


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OfflineAmber_Glow
Sat Chit Anand

Registered: 09/02/02
Posts: 1,543
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: Evolving]
    #2338356 - 02/15/04 07:40 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Hehe my mother always told me "Looks will fade, but dumb is forever". :smile:

I think a relationship can last in modern society - what exactly is it about modern society that would suggest a relationship cannot last?

While the world may have changed a lot, emotions such as love are still the same.  If two people are compatible, and are willing to try their best at staying committed, they can keep their bond of love strong "forever".


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OfflineDoctorJ
"Nazi, Satanist Anti-Christ"
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,843
Loc: space
Last seen: 7 months, 24 days
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: Amber_Glow]
    #2338392 - 02/15/04 07:57 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

what exactly is it about modern society that would suggest a relationship cannot last?




Disposability- disposable silverware and plates, places of residence, cameras, bottles and cans, etc...

Fashion- clothes, music, architecture... it all eventually "goes out of style" and has to be replaced.

The drive to "trade up"- Detroit has every american convinced that buying a new car every year is their civil duty and birthright. Silicon valley has us buying a new processor every 100 mhz increase instead of just releasing the best thinbg they have all at once.

A cruel, uncaring socio/governmental/economic machine that does not value relationships or other human concerns like love.

The postmodern realization of the general relativity and dynamic nature of the universe...

those are a few reasons why longterm committed relationships do not enjoy a very fertile place to grow in our modern society...


--------------------
'You can go to a hospital
Get yourself cleaned out.'


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Invisiblepsyka
Praetorian
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Registered: 06/09/03
Posts: 1,652
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2338435 - 02/15/04 08:17 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

I agree. That and TV :wink:

Discipline is what has diminished. A very important element in relationships.


--------------------
As the life of a candle,
my wick will burn out.
But, the fire of my mind
shall beam into infinite.



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InvisibleSclorch
Clyster

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/13/99
Posts: 4,805
Loc: On the Brink of Madness
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: sykobish]
    #2340038 - 02/16/04 05:38 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

sykobish: Not all women try to change their significant other.. Men aren't innocent when it comes to that either..

It was a generalization, I know it doesn't apply across the boards. And while it's true that men can be guilty of this, the numbers are much much lower... in my experience.


--------------------
Note: In desperate need of a cure...


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OfflineKremlin
life in E minor
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Registered: 06/07/01
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Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: Randolph_Carter]
    #2340150 - 02/16/04 07:28 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

I think there are many dimensions to this problem.

1) Relationships of the parents, as has been discussed above, is extremely important. Your first experience with relationships is your parents and your relationships with them. If thats fucked up, it can have an impact on your perceptions of what is "normal" in a relationship, etc....not to say its not salvageable, because of course it is.

2) Relationships are funny in modern society. We have the concept of love to promote relationships, because otherwise why would anyone stick to one person and raise children? We had to invent this concept, which of course doesnt exist in many cultures, in order to help our nook of the world survive, its just our way of promoting procreation. Love is a social construct. So the most obvious jackass question to be shot back at me is, "do you love your girlfriend?"

I dont like that word at all, i care for her, and i value her as a part of my life, and i enjoy being with her. So i guess the construct is serving its purpose for me.

But honestly, if you took away the concept of love in our western society, alot of things would be different. It's a reason for us to marry and pursue child rearing, and it's important, especially when our birth rate is as low as it is.

--Kremlin


--------------------
"Human suffering has been caused because all too many of us cannot grasp that words are only tools for our use, and that the mere presence of a word in the dictionary does not mean it necessarily refers to something definitive in the real world"
--Richard Dawkins, "The Selfish Gene"

"It is the mind which creates the world about us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours."
-George Gissing

"Without a firm idea of himself and the purpose of his life, man cannot live, and would sooner destroy himself than remain on earth, even if he was surrounded by bread."
--Fyodor Dostoevsky


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: Randolph_Carter]
    #2340286 - 02/16/04 09:13 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Can a relationship last nowadays?

First we have to ask if the question makes sense before answering it.

"It didn't work out."

"My marriage failed."

"My diet failed."

Did the diet fail (was it medically unsound) or did the dieter fail to follow the plan?

While a relationship is a symbiosis, it is hardly an entity unto itself. A relationship doesn't fail, one fails in it. It takes maturity and personal responsibility to understand this. Society's attitude cannot make a relationship unworkable, it is only your attitudes that make it unworkable.

Do you have unrealistic expectations? Do you even know what relationship is all about? You cannot fail in attempting to support, love, cherish another because of outside influences.

A relationship may end without one being a failure in it. (Don't use this as an excuse though.) I lived with an alcoholic and she had no desire to address her problems. I never judged her and was willing to go the distance, but could not walk the path for her. What I learned from this was to make wiser decisions by carefully reading the signs before jumping in.

How does one know when one is ready for long-term committment? It is simple, but not what most want to hear. It is not about how wonderful you feel or how great the sex is or how hot your partner is. When the other's happiness and fulfillment is more important (in a healthy not a neurotic way) then you are ready.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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OfflineDoctorJ
"Nazi, Satanist Anti-Christ"
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,843
Loc: space
Last seen: 7 months, 24 days
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: psyka]
    #2340410 - 02/16/04 10:32 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

I agree. That and TV




actually, I think TV is very intrtumental in getting people married.... but thats another topic


--------------------
'You can go to a hospital
Get yourself cleaned out.'


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InvisibleEvolving
Resident Cynic

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 5,385
Loc: Apt #6, The Village
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: Swami]
    #2340453 - 02/16/04 11:03 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

:thumbup:


--------------------
To call humans 'rational beings' does injustice to the term, 'rational.'  Humans are capable of rational thought, but it is not their essence.  Humans are animals, beasts with complex brains.  Humans, more often than not, utilize their cerebrum to rationalize what their primal instincts, their preconceived notions, and their emotional desires have presented as goals - humans are rationalizing beings.


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OfflineFrog
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Registered: 10/22/03
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Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: Sclorch]
    #2340577 - 02/16/04 12:18 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Sclorch said:
sykobish: Not all women try to change their significant other.. Men aren't innocent when it comes to that either..

It was a generalization, I know it doesn't apply across the boards. And while it's true that men can be guilty of this, the numbers are much much lower... in my experience.




There might be a few women that don't try to change their men, but it's predominantly a female trait to "change" a man after embarking on a relationship. Men don't usually do this.

I don't try to change anyone, and I would prefer to be left alone, as well. I like me the way I am. If there's something about me that needs to be changed, I'm probably already aware of it and either don't want to change it or I'm already working on it.

What I do, when starting a relationship, is watch the behaviors and habits of the other person, and ask myself if I could live with that for the next 20 years.

Anything that bothers you early on, multiply it by 10, and that's how bad it will bother you a year from now. And this is where women go wrong...they think they will "change" whatever the bad behavior is in which the guy engages after they commit to a relationship.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/19/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: Frog]
    #2340659 - 02/16/04 12:48 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Anything that bothers you early on, multiply it by 10

Oh shit! You mean if she is 10 lbs overweight now, she will be 100 lbs overweight a year from now?  :eek:


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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OfflineRandolph_Carter
НơĻ?ĢΉō

Registered: 06/14/00
Posts: 29,281
Loc: Shroomery B-list.
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: Swami]
    #2341057 - 02/16/04 02:32 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

"Society's attitude cannot make a relationship unworkable, it is only your attitudes that make it unworkable."
But in todays society, insofar as i understand it, societal attitude is far more prevailing and influential than an individuals attitude.  Our love of tv and willingness to abandon personal responsibility are a few of the things that i find to support the arguement.  Most people don't know enough about themselves to even embark on a serious lifelong discovery of another person with any degree of realism.  Which leads to the second point...

Do you have unrealistic expectations? Do you even know what relationship is all about?

I did, once upon a time.  Slowly, that's been beaten out of my head :wink:
But this is another point in which the prevailing attitudes of society are very influential.  We have piles upon piles of literature, advertising, and entertainment that makes the concept of love such a lofty one that a person may never attain it if they take it as depicted.  People are dreaming their lives away in response to these influences, and i find it very rare for people to open their eyes and take the other at face value.


--------------------
"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)


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OfflineRandolph_Carter
НơĻ?ĢΉō

Registered: 06/14/00
Posts: 29,281
Loc: Shroomery B-list.
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: sakura]
    #2341066 - 02/16/04 02:34 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

The art of silence.....i like that.
Very true as well. Psychologists have recently found that ignoring a problem can be as, if not a more healthy solution to various problems... good to know that tact is a useful item in a relationship as well.


--------------------
"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)


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OfflineAmber_Glow
Sat Chit Anand

Registered: 09/02/02
Posts: 1,543
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: Kremlin]
    #2341103 - 02/16/04 02:42 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Love is an invented and societaly constructed idea? I'm not so sure about that.

Love is a word that tries to sum up a group of human emotions that make us feel strongly connected to someone else. You think back in the cave man days there was no such thing as love? While I'm sure they didn't express their love by getting married and having a couple of kids and a dog, people have been bonded by love forever.

It's almost like arguing that hate is a societally created idea.

While ideas such as monogamy and a life long partnership might be highly promoted by our society, the love itself has always been there.


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Offlinefireworks_godS
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Male

Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
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Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: Randolph_Carter]
    #2341242 - 02/16/04 03:15 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

A relationship is sharing time with another. That's about it. Hehe, it comes down to whether or not you wish to continue sharing time with that person, no matter how much you dress it up and complicate it with things like "marriage" and so on....
Peace.


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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Offlinepeleg
Gypsy
Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 535
Loc: Christ Light
Last seen: 17 years, 4 months
Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: fireworks_god]
    #2341499 - 02/16/04 04:03 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

it's a give and take situation


--------------------
"Well the first days are the hardest days." When life looks like easy street there is danger at your door.....


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OfflineKremlin
life in E minor
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Re: Can a relationship last in modern society? [Re: Amber_Glow]
    #2342041 - 02/16/04 05:51 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Yes, i do believe love is a social construct, because there are many societies who dont have such an emotion.

--Kremlin


--------------------
"Human suffering has been caused because all too many of us cannot grasp that words are only tools for our use, and that the mere presence of a word in the dictionary does not mean it necessarily refers to something definitive in the real world"
--Richard Dawkins, "The Selfish Gene"

"It is the mind which creates the world about us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours."
-George Gissing

"Without a firm idea of himself and the purpose of his life, man cannot live, and would sooner destroy himself than remain on earth, even if he was surrounded by bread."
--Fyodor Dostoevsky


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