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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
Ummmmm random toddler clinging to my leg?
    #23395276 - 06/29/16 07:24 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

1. It was hotter than dogs balls on the sidewalk in the middle of July.
2.  I was in sport bike gear sweating my phantom nutsack off.
3. I'm standing in line at Brewsters trying to get me a mutherfunkin ice cream.
4.  Makeup sliding off my face, hair sticking to my face and I wasn't feeling sexy at all.
5. I could tell that I was going to have to pee in the next 15 mins.
6. Some dude behind me kept calling me sir, till I turned around and he got a face fulla tits and a cute face.. No it's not my $10 on the ground. It was too hot to even bend over to pick that shit up. Fuck it.
7.  Ok. 7........ This is when I hear the front part of some kid's feet slapping the ground hard like braking to slow down.. As I looked down to match the sound with my thoughts.... !CLAMP! ... Some 3 year old kid has a death lock on my shin.


7. Continued:....  This kid, this child, this miniature human had his head tilted back with his mout opened....  Little MF was gargle crying.. The fuck is this kid doing? Mom, or some 50 ton lady with juicy arm backs comes over to apologize and pry the kid off of me..

More 7., motherfuckers...: the line starts moving up, and I wasn't giving up my goddamn spot because of a baby human strapped to my leg. I started moving up, the lady says, "ma'am" ... I quickly shut her the fuck up with only my hand in her face.. Like shhhhhh, bitch.... Time to keep up with traffic.  So I'm fucking zombie walking with a baby on my legs. People are laughing.. Thinking it's my kid... Finally the kid gets pried off my leg.

8. Yes, you fucktards, 8: Snot webs and cry-baby juice is aaaaaaaalll over my pant leg, fuck me swimming for wearing black jeans today.... Got some sticky baby hand prints and orange Cheetos shit all on the back of my leg. Meow in the fuck can I look cool riding my motorcycle looking like this?!?
9. Moooootherrrr fuckkkerrrr, I forgot to pick up my prescription.. 3 miles behind.
10. I got my ice cream.


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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Offlinemusiclover420
psychonaut
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/06/12
Posts: 19,563
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
Re: Ummmmm random toddler clinging to my leg? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #23395322 - 06/29/16 07:47 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

:creepylurker:

Seriously though funny story, thanks for sharing :lol: It is pretty appalling how neglectful many parents are these days though...


--------------------
Don't worry about me, I've got all that I need. And I'm singing my song to the sky

You know how it feels, With the breeze of the sun in your eyes. Not minding that time's passing by

I've got all and more, My smile, just as before. Is all that I carry with me

I talk to myself, I need nobody else. I'm lost and I'm mine, yes I'm free



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Offlinexbloodwhipx

Registered: 02/24/12
Posts: 12,791
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: Ummmmm random toddler clinging to my leg? [Re: musiclover420]
    #23395330 - 06/29/16 07:50 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I woulda pulled the little shit off my leg myself


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Offlineklhouse
 User Gallery


Registered: 12/12/15
Posts: 671
Loc: SE Virginia
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: Ummmmm random toddler clinging to my leg? [Re: xbloodwhipx]
    #23395359 - 06/29/16 07:59 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Any pics?


--------------------
Shroomery mycologist definitely know their shit. :wink:


Knowledge talks. Wisdom listens.


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Invisibleplasma
ɹoʇɐɹǝpoɯ

Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 10,001
Re: Ummmmm random toddler clinging to my leg? [Re: xbloodwhipx]
    #23395368 - 06/29/16 08:01 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Kid just wanted to a new dad/mom


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Offlinespirit_shadow
Feature not a bug
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,674
Last seen: 5 hours, 14 minutes
Re: Ummmmm random toddler clinging to my leg? [Re: plasma]
    #23395407 - 06/29/16 08:20 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

At least you got ice cream :lmafo:


--------------------
ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
Ban lotto


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Invisibledemiu5
humans, lol
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium Flag
Re: Ummmmm random toddler clinging to my leg? [Re: plasma]
    #23395413 - 06/29/16 08:24 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

plasma said:
Kid just wanted to a new dad/mom






probably saw it's mom eat everything else in the house and was afraid it was next


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot

Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: Ummmmm random toddler clinging to my leg? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #23395419 - 06/29/16 08:27 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I would have Dad'd the fuck out of that kid. Bought him some Skittles or some shit. I love kids. Talk is cheap but I would bet you anything that little bastard would have been laughing by the time I was done with him. I had a great time at the park with some random kid the other day. Mom was a little too pregnant and he was a friendly little guy so I pushed him on the swings and met him on the slide and stuff. He kept asking if I wanted some popcorn lol. Hella cute.


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Offlinexbloodwhipx

Registered: 02/24/12
Posts: 12,791
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: Ummmmm random toddler clinging to my leg? [Re: larry.fisherman] * 1
    #23395429 - 06/29/16 08:30 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

XLCaps said:
I would have Dad'd the fuck out of that kid. Bought him some Skittles or some shit. I love kids. Talk is cheap but I would bet you anything that little bastard would have been laughing by the time I was done with him. I had a great time at the park with some random kid the other day. Mom was a little too pregnant and he was a friendly little guy so I pushed him on the swings and met him on the slide and stuff. He kept asking if I wanted some popcorn lol. Hella cute.



:pedobear:


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot

Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: Ummmmm random toddler clinging to my leg? [Re: xbloodwhipx]
    #23395439 - 06/29/16 08:32 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah I just keep a plastic wrapped baby seat beside the other ones in my car for all the children I steal away.


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Offlinexbloodwhipx

Registered: 02/24/12
Posts: 12,791
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: Ummmmm random toddler clinging to my leg? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #23395479 - 06/29/16 08:50 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

:lol:


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