I took 18 seeds, ground them in a magic bullet until powdered. Then I added a shot of cold lime juice, few drops of peppermint, and a shot of white wine. I shook it and put it in the fridge. I added some cold water shortly and shook it occasionally then left it for about 6 hours. I added some extra water (totaling about 2/3 of a Dasani water bottle) and shook it up.
I took some ginger capsules for nausea, and cleaned up while I waited. I strained the seeds out using an empty tea bag, it worked OK but there was still a good bit of small particles in the tea (I would strain much more thoroughly next time). I added some flavoring and started to drink at 11:15. I vaped beforehand to counter nausea.
It tasted OK but within 5 minutes I started feeling nausea. It wasn't that unpleasant, though I knew I would puke soon. I finished the drink excluding a small bit that had a bunch of powder in it around 11:30. I already felt the effects coming on with mild visuals and CEV's as well as a recognizable feeling of tripping. I was trying to hold off on puking, but since I was feeling it so fast I couldn't fight any longer and I threw up by 12:00 or slightly earlier. I felt like I weighed 1000 pounds, it was hard to move or stand up and I could hardly swallow a sip as I rinsed out my mouth with water and antacid.
I took a bath, I felt somewhat nauseous still, though not in pain. Movement and patterns were suggested in my vision and when I closed my eyes I saw intricate jeweled patterns unfolding. I can hardly describe how sedated and out of it I was. I felt like I drank 15 beers and my voice was slurred as I told myself "holy fuck...". The bath made me a bit too hot and after draining it the fan blowing on me as I laid on the bed helped me cool off. I laughed at the thought of being on the balcony because I had so little control of my body, it would be a terrible idea.
~+1.5-2.5 hours: I'm beginning to feel a growing euphoria and I start laughing at everything. I feel some nausea and slight vertigo, if I moved around but if I was still it was hardly noticeable. I had strong muscle tension in my back and legs, not painful, but it caused me to writhe around (It felt unbelievable good though). I was feeling so amazing. I had no concept of time whatsoever. I put on some music while struggling with my laptop. The music blew me away, I was soaring so high, laughing, bathing in the depths of pleasure.
It's hard to recall the order of things because I could not comprehend or judge time at all, but at some point (in a very detached way) I noticed I could probably throw up and went to do so, conjuring the mental image of purging my negative thoughts as I puked. After this I felt great, although I had recurring burning and reflux in my throat most of the night that antacids wouldn't help. It was as if I was swimming in a dream in drunken splendor. I was so uncoordinated and had extreme difficulty with being quiet as I moved around the apartment late at night. I sat on the couch to play guitar quietly and the sounds were so beautiful and warm. It felt like my hands were playing automatically as I got lost in the sounds. I considered bringing the guitar to the bedroom but decided I was too clumsy and would probably break it. I had something to eat and it settled my stomach. I became very elated and was rushing with energy around the apartment. I had a short attention span and moved aimlessly though with great pleasure!
After a while, I was getting leg cramps from walking around and returned to the bedroom. As soon as I stopped moving the cramps dissipated. As I was laying on the bed, my stomach seemed to be visibly contracting and moving significantly. I'm pretty sure it was not hallucination and the movement was very dramatic. I guess the seeds were wreaking havoc on my gut! It was more amusing than unpleasant. I had a couple briefmoments of heavy stomach cramps but they faded quickly.
~+2.5 hours-??: I'm guessing I hit the peak around 2 hours or so and and I am right in the thick of it. I realize that I am engaging in pure hedonistic enjoyment right now and am not in the spiritual/mystical frame of mind I was anticipating. I don't have the focus to pick music and am not sure what to do. I consult a suggested program for the evening I made for myself and decided to watch a movie (Song of the Sea). I was vaping weed on and off a lot of the time. The movie was amazing, I was completely immersed and it was as if I was in the movie. My visuals blending into the already insane imagery of the animation. The little girl in the movie was so pure and beautiful I was strongly drawn to the character. It was as if she was the very essence of innocence and womanhood and I was very moved. It made me think about my own childhood, though I wasn't overly introspective at the time.
I watched 2/3 of the movie and started to find it hard to pay attention. At some point, not sure when this happened, I was smiling so hard my smile was so tight and I was laughing a lot and looking at myself in the mirror. I looked so much like my grandmother and other family members. Beaming euphoria permeates me.
Afterwards I smoke a medium sized bowl from a bong and got very high (too high). I put back on the movie and became very distracted by the noise from the street and fan, overly conscious of my body and some discomfort I hadn't recognized earlier. I also found myself falling into repetitive and somewhat self critical thoughts during the movie, though I could direct my attention away. I still felt very good, but it was a bit bothersome until it faded 20-30 minutes later. I'm not sure exactly when but I overate with cereal, pita, ice cream, yogurt and bananas. I was so full it was a uncomfortable and I felt like it brought me down a bit.
My short-term memory was totally gone after the bong hit (though it was bad already) and I couldn't concentrate as much on the movie. At 4:00 (I wrote down the time) I had a sudden and intense spiritual epiphany and I had to stop the movie and start writing.
I realized that I have an extreme inattention to all detail, not only for mundane things, but also spiritually. I lost touch with being genuine and am willfully ignorant about the decisions I make so that I don't have to do the unpleasant work of resisting impulse. I allow my desires to take over my mind and override my freewill and values. I am out of touch with reality and live like an animal, blindly doing what feels good even it it goes against what I know is right. I am obsessed with feeling good and it makes me an outsider to life. I am not present and I uphold few values. Life is more than feeling good all the time. I am not religious and don't believe in any gods, but being in tune with the universe and my spirituality is very important to me. Despite that, I rarely nurture this or factor it into my lifestyle.
This is about me reaching my full potential, I'm doing pretty well in life based on societies expectations, but I have been stagnant for a long time. I need to grow and move on from this stage.
My memory was so bad it was a struggle to finish my thoughts and this became very annoying. I wrote for almost 40 minutes on and off.
+5hr 20mins: I was getting tired; it was 4:40 am. I at some point finished the last bit of the movie and decided to put things away so I could relax and not worry about it in the morning. I was still tripping, but past the peak at this time.
+6hrs: I watched a documentary on uncontacted tribes in the amazon. It was very interesting. I was getting so tired at this point that it's hard to remember much.
+7hrs: The sun was up and around 6:30 am I decide I should go to sleep so that I can sleep in. I was still tripping a bit when I fell asleep, but the main effects had passed.
+14hrs: I woke up after about 7 hours of sleep. I felt good despite not too much sleep. A bit worn down physically and mentally, but was in good spirits. I took the day easy, I was too tired to pay too much attention to the spiritual thoughts or making changes at that point. I still felt like I was buzzing from the seeds for the first half of the day with a nice afterglow and mild tracers witch faded as the day went on. I didn't feel sick or nauseous, it was comparable to the day after mushrooms.
I've been thinking more and more about what I wrote and I am trying to keep it in my thoughts. These aren't easy changes to make, but I want to bring them out.
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