I live in a loft space, and my roommates were gone for the day, so I figured I had plenty of space to try this experience for the first time.
I had grown my own, and it seems the shrooms were not completely dry, so my first attempt at consuming 2.5 grams with tea only gave me a mild buzzing effect with some light fractals in the carpet. One hour later, with the guidance of an experienced friend on the phone, he advised to go with 3 more grams. Still, 30 minutes later, not quite there. I finally made one more tea with 2 grams, bringing the grand total to 7.5 grams.
I’ve estimated the total dry dose at somewhere between 3 to 3.5 grams.
I had tried 250 mcg’s of LSD, and enjoyed it, but didn’t gain any deep insights.
This, however, was a very different experience. I spent the next few hours just pacing, thinking, and coming to realizations about my place within my family, and came to a major conclusion about my brother, who’ve I’ve somewhat ignored. It occurred to me that he is a sponge, and has been absorbing the pain of our family over his lifetime, and has gained alot of weight from this. I realized that he’s like a dam, and our family problems are just a heap of water that’s been pouring into him for years. He’s gained alot of weight, and I felt that part of this is due to him not releasing this emotional pain that he’s absorbed from our family issues.
Mushrooms are an amazing tool for thinking about issues, and cutting through bullshit. I felt an overwhelming, almost religious feeling of love that I’ve never felt before, but I could feel it permeating everything.
Standing on the hardwood floor, with the towering loft ceiling above, I felt I was in a sacred sanctuary with some other presence, and it was an overwhelming feeling of love and reverence that flooded me.
Tears were flowing down my face for about 2 hours straight.
I realized that I’ve been refusing love that has been offered by people in my life, and came to the conclusion that I just need to be open to loving, and being loved.
I wrote down my thoughts during the trip, and a recurring thought kept emerging, which is: We’re all just trying to make sense of the experience of being human.
Also, I wrote that I felt like I was saying hello to myself again- my real self.
There are so many distractions in life, which pull us away from the deeper nature of this experience, and this was a theme which kept re-emerging as well.
Sex and money are two of the biggest lies/distractions we are sold.
We’re taught inner resistance to feelings, we’re taught that it’s wrong to cry, but when we bottle our emotions, it creates a roadblock to progress. We need to express ourselves in order to address whatever the internal conflict is, and to move forward and progress on our paths. If we keep things bottled, we stay in the same emotional state for years, and we use cheap substitutes to express emotions. Money, possessions, sex, etc.
We have a nation of 5-7 year olds who have learned to keep things bottled. If people just had a good cry every now and then, I believe there would be less issues.
Anyhow, I’m fresh off my first trip, and hopefully this information was helpful for some of you.
I also had the realization that I’m not going to sell my shrooms. You can’t put a price tag on something this life-changing. I’m giving them to people I think can benefit from the experience.
If you’re new to this, and thinking about it, I say go for it. The experience might be best to do on your own, as you will likely have some tears and processing to go through; but trust me, it’s extraordinary, and I feel it’s life-changing.
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