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Anonymous #1
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My wife's "depressed"
#23375847 - 06/24/16 01:49 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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What a shock, its everybody else's fault but her own. Mostly its my fault though because I dont get her out enough (her words). I work three part-time jobs while keeping up with college. I also take care of the yard work and the majority of house nonsense. She has zero jobs. She does nothing around the house.
Am I missing something here? I try to drag her out..golf, hiking, camping, live music, gym, etc...she just complains the whole time. Doing anything with her is a pain in the ass, yet if I dont do enough its even worse. What the hell am I supposed to do?
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Anonymous #2
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Get a divorce.
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Anonymous #3
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RUN OP
RUN
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Anonymous #4
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Quote:
Anonymous #2 said: Get a divorce.
and dont get her pregnant.
Make her see a therapist and if she refuses you should definitely get a divorce
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Anonymous #5
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You didn't happen to take up with my last ex did you, pity you if you did.
You need to listen to her carefully because she may well have a valid point, and that dosen't mean your point is any less valid either. Any relationship has necessarily to be full of compromises. If she isn't doing much each day and is bored then this could be her reaching out to you before she reaches out to somebody else. Assuming you (and she) actually want your marriage to last then my best advice would be to see a counselor about it. What you guys need is a 3rd party to arbitrate and help you guys find that compromise that works for you. Otherwise you can pretty much guarantee where this will end.
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Anonymous #6
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Quote:
Anonymous #4 said:
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Anonymous #2 said: Get a divorce.
and dont get her pregnant.
Make her see a therapist and if she refuses you should definitely get a divorce
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Anonymous #7
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: Am I missing something here?
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Anonymous #1 said: She has zero jobs. She does nothing around the house.
Inactivity and general stagnation lead to depression. No doubt. This is (likely) the problem. She doesn't need a therapist, and doesn't need a golf trip. She needs to do something that's actually productive with herself daily.
Hopefully she's hitting the gym or going for a daily run as well. There's no reason to not do anything all day, and not exercise as well. If you're literally not moving much at all, you're going to be depressed. I don't mean going for a jog once a month either. I mean literally finding time to exercise like 5 or 6 times a week.
Get her a fit bit and encourage her to get 15000 steps every single day with some muscular work outs every few days. Or encourage her to run like 30 miles a week. Has a huge effect on depression.
Figure out what kind of music gets her moving, and play it loud as fuck while you're cleaning the house to encourage her to get up and help. If she watches a lot of TV, get rid of cable. You don't seem to have time to enjoy it anyway, so fuck it. It's useless mind garbage anyway.
Convince her to get a job. Not in fast food or some shit. Have her get some certifications in something and get a decent job somewhere.
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Anonymous #8
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A lot of ugly girls get depressed,is she hideous?
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
Anonymous #8 said: A lot of ugly girls get depressed,is she hideous?
Nah shes a cutie.
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Get her a fit bit and
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Or encourage her to run like 30 miles a week
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Figure out what kind of music gets her moving
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get rid of cable.
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Convince her to get a job
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Have her get some certifications
This is the shit that gets to me though. Not only do I have to worry about the bills, several jobs, school, cleaning house, the yard, etc, but then Im responsible for planning all her shit too? I feel like Im raising a kid sometimes. Should I make her a chore chart while Im at it? Heres what I want to say but havent - "Ive been extremely depressed myself. Nobody got me up and out but me. The healing starts with you. Until you get off your ass and start taking steps, theres nothing I can do for you that will make things better."
Its like shes just treading water...waiting for something to happen, but doing nothing to make anything happen. Sometimes I feel like shes just lazy
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Anonymous #9
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Depression is very real. Sometimes it can be hard to become motivated. If you truly love your wife you should also remember that you took her for better or worse.
I think the solution could be a lot more simple than you think.
An object or body will continue to remain at rest until acted on by an outside force. A body in motion will continue its motion.
Get her moving brother, that's the first step.
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Anonymous #10
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Hello! When a person is complaining all the time, this is a vital sign of somebody who actually is quite unhappy. Her unhappiness is first of all provided by herself probably you have nothing to do with it. As a troubled woman myself I will honestly tell you, she's just trying to get more of your attention by hurting your feelings because she knows no other way to do it.
Is she having friends? Going out with friends might have helped her. Does she likes animals? A dog might motivate her. What about some volunteerism or gardening?
I try to do all kinds of things all the time, new ones are my favorite.
Talking with her is the first step, and by talking I don't mean just drooping all of the issues in one sentence. Step by step discussing your issues and completing each issue at a time will help you get through it. You don't HAVE to endure her behavior, you don't HAVE to suffer because she can't understand it's hard for you too.
Make your points clear with simple words and don't allow her to change subject until what you talking about is understood.
If you're suspecting depression, not facing it will not help any of you. Even though therapists never really helped me some people need a third party to be motivated.
Try to keep her calm by ensuring her that you love her and you only want things to work out for you two.
She is miserable in that life and she's the only one knowing why.
What helped me in my many emotional problems is first of all thinking WHY is that happening to me, how did it happened and then finding a solution. A very honest and loving partner, making his points clear also helped me through. Spending time alone, without being afraid of being alone is also a step that helped me. And last but not least, MJ. MJ stabilized my emotions and makes me want to explore all kinds of things all the time.
I say to my self, whenever I feel down and miserable that this is MY life and I will do my best to live it happily otherwise there is no point of living it.
Some people here pointed exercise which is of a great importance as well as eating properly is also.
You guys need to face your problems. Honesty is the only way...
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Anonymous #11
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Hey man,
All I can do is echo the above poster that said not to have kids with this person. This is very very important. I am a father, and I can tell you right now that if I had to make all the money, and deal with a kid full time (which you will, because your woman is useless), I would have absolutely no life at all and risk bringing myself into a deep depression.
I know you probably aren't even thinking about kids right now, but seriously they can happen in a flash.. And kids cost so much money, and require so much care that you really need a partner that can step in and pull more than their own weight. It doesn't sound like your wife can even pull her own...
Your relationship might be headed toward seriously choppy waters in a few years time, I dated a girl exactly like that for 5 years, she was my high school sweat-hart, and it killed me to give her up, but after that many years I couldn't take it any more. I shit you not, best decision of my life.
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Anonymous #12
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As tough as it was, one of the most important things that I did this year was ending a 9 year relationship, one that everyone in the world thought was absolutely perfect. As well as we got along, I knew that if we had gotten married things would have gone downhill quite rapidly because all of those little bullshit things that nickle and dime a marriage to death were all there.
OP, I'm sorry about what you are going through. Best of luck my friend!
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Anonymous #12
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Also, my ex was pretty much the same person as yours. She didn't do shit and was lazy as hell. So one day I stopped complaining and decided that I was going to do my best to get her to a good spot to where she could deal with the transition of our relationship ending, and when the right opportunity came along I ended it as amicably as possible. We're friends now which is great, and my life is stress free and a hell of a lot more organized. I'm willing to bet that when she gets into another serious relationship the new guy is going to be very unkind and very candid about her personable habits, and she will probably wind up coming to me asking why I never told her that shit. And I will tell her that I tried to do so as nicely as possible but she never really listened, and she is a grown adult and I'm not responsible for her actions, especially now.
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Anonymous #12
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Lol, I just read your post Anonymous 11. You and I went though the same shit. Congratulations to you for ending that relationship, I know how much it hurts to let someone go for the better.
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