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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



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What is your threshold for considering something "cheating?"
#23375370 - 06/23/16 09:54 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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My sister and I are pretty close, she just got married last month and the guy is fantastic. I wouldn't pick him to spend the rest of his life with me but hes a great dude and makes my sister happy.
I only go into such specifics because about a year ago we were talking about their upcoming marriage and I asked what kind of like "adulty" things they had talked about. They both agreed that if the other cheated the marriage would be over. So I asked her what they considered cheating... and she was like "Uh...yea didn't really talk about that."
I felt it was inappropriate to bring up such an intimate topic again, but I found her lack of a definition fascinating. I saw this episode of Cheaters once (I realize its mostly fabricated, bare with me) where this guy's wife thought he was cheating. So they follow him, turns out hes going behind her back with a woman who is paraplegic, i.e. wheelchair bound. And faked or not, when the cameras and the guy's wife showed up this poor woman was just fucking horrified. Like "Jesus Tim, you're married?! Oh my god, ma'am I am so sorry, I had no idea!" And for me, I realized that was literally the most awful betrayal possible. Its totally not possible to pretend it was because of their bad sex life, or her weird vagina thing, or her sagging boobs, or a million other rationalizations. An almost entirely emotional relationship held totally behind her back.
I saw someone post on the shroomery once that he got a random blowjob at a party and didn't consider it cheating on his multi-year girlfriend. Theres also the Jimmy Carter interpretation, even thinking about cheating is just like cheating. Where do you draw the line? Is it a specific sex act, a set of circumstances, etc? Did you ever feel like you were cheated on during an open/fwb relationship, and if so how did you deal with it?
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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Jokeshopbeard
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Re: What is your threshold for considering something "cheating?" [Re: bloodsheen] 3
#23375394 - 06/23/16 10:02 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I would define cheating as any sexual/intimate contact with another human other than ones partner in a relationship which was agreed upon by both partners as monogamous. Everything from kissing to straight up fucking.
The only exceptions would be a hug, or a quick kiss on the cheek, as whilst intimate on some level, they're very friendly things to do and quite far removed from anything sexual.
Quote:
bloodsheen said:Did you ever feel like you were cheated on during an open/fwb relationship, and if so how did you deal with it?
This is a non-sequitur. Open/FWB is the opposite of monogamous.
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Mojo
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Re: What is your threshold for considering something "cheating?" [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#23375554 - 06/23/16 10:54 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I think the situation you ran into is fairly common. A lot of people don't define what makes them feel betrayed until it has already happened.
Non-monogamous / open relationships are based on a series of mutual agreements just like any other relationship. And just like any other relationship they can end in betrayal. To cheat is to deceive, and it can certainly occur in a "non-monogamous" relationships; figuratively.
I would personally feel cheated-on if my partner undermined the constructs that we have built the relationship upon. Fucking other people does not bother me. It would bother me if she were so warped up in someone else that she began to neglect our family. She could do this by directly disregarding my schedule, not attending events for our daughter ect.. Our relationship is built upon priority and loyalty for each other. Meaning family comes first and we drop what we are doing to put our family first, even if we are in someone else's bed when the call comes in.
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Still_tripping
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Re: What is your threshold for considering something "cheating?" [Re: Mojo]
#23376175 - 06/24/16 05:57 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I believe Mojo you've nailed it well. You may be talking in terms of an open relationship but I think it applies to a monogamous one too. It is all about trust and believing your partner is on your side. Do something you know, or should know, is threatening that trust then in my books that is cheating. The only question then becomes whether it is forgivable or not, and that is no longer your decision.
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Lucis
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Re: What is your threshold for considering something "cheating?" [Re: bloodsheen]
#23376209 - 06/24/16 06:13 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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For me, I would say anything which you do, then worry about it being cheating or not, is cheating. If you're about to do something, and feel like you shouldn't be doing it, then you're cheating.
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



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Re: What is your threshold for considering something "cheating?" [Re: Lucis]
#23379101 - 06/24/16 11:37 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Fennario said: For me, I would say anything which you do, then worry about it being cheating or not, is cheating. If you're about to do something, and feel like you shouldn't be doing it, then you're cheating.
That sounds like catholic talk to me. You know what I was taught growing up? Be respectful to women, be polite, blah blah. Then I grow up and find out that a)90% of women prefer a guy to take action rather than be polite and b)like a huge number of women love rough sex. That feels VERY wrong to me but I've come to accept it as natural and true and not a big deal.
Thats exactly the point. Your instincts can't be trusted because we are all different humans. Like, if I was with a woman that would get mad if I noticed an insanely beautiful woman walking through the mall, I'd just be done with her. I am not the best looking guy in the world, in fact I'm not even in the top billion, so why the hell would I be angry if my girlfriend noticed a crazy gorgeous guy?
But its super common, people break up over less. So, I ask again, what is cheating?
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



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Re: What is your threshold for considering something "cheating?" [Re: bloodsheen]
#23380139 - 06/25/16 09:28 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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I got a weird way of difing cheating and it involves treating both sexes differently.
For men, getting oral from another woman is a grey zone for me because when the deed is done we expel jizz. We get rid of something.
For woman, it weird cause they recieve something therefore in my mind its worse. They get jizzed into. I dunno, I'm weird....
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Acidic_Sloth
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Re: What is your threshold for considering something "cheating?" [Re: Patlal]
#23383075 - 06/26/16 06:19 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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nonononono. if you're talking about oral for one gender then you have to use the same example for all others. in the case of a man getting a blow job, yeah, he gets rid of something. but the same is true for a female receiving oral as well, we also "expel jizz" in a sense just not in the same way a man does. i would still consider oral sex (with someone other than my partner) cheating if i were in a committed relationship.
now if you're talking about actual intercourse, well, that's just straight up cheating no matter what gender you identify as, especially if you're in a monogamous relationship with clearly defined boundaries.
-------------------- -- Accept my heart warming gift of TREE SCRATCHIES!!! I absolve thee!! --
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Mojo
Stranger

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Re: What is your threshold for considering something "cheating?" [Re: Patlal]
#23383468 - 06/26/16 09:54 AM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Patlal said: For men, getting oral from another woman is a grey zone for me because when the deed is done we expel jizz. We get rid of something.
For woman, it weird cause they recieve something therefore in my mind its worse. They get jizzed into. I dunno, I'm weird....
Hmm. So it's just a fluids thing? Your gf could blow whomever she wanted so long as they guy had a condom on? I guess the same logic would follow through for sex with condoms?
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



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Re: What is your threshold for considering something "cheating?" [Re: Mojo]
#23384705 - 06/26/16 05:05 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
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Yall seem to making this way more complicated than it needs to be, or rather, it seems like some people just want to cheat but not feel guilty. Its pretty fucking obvious that genital contact in any way is always cheating, I just brought that up for shits and giggles
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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Ezuma
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Re: What is your threshold for considering something "cheating?" [Re: bloodsheen]
#23394922 - 06/29/16 05:06 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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I'm with JSB here, anything sexual imo is cheating, and I'd probably dump you for it. I'm a one-strike kind of dude though very much believe the once a cheater, always a cheater thing
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