|
Anonymous #1
|
Old crush
#23374263 - 06/23/16 04:00 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
|
|
When I was 15-16, I had a major crush on this girl. Turned out the feeling was mutual, we started messing around. All good. Usually, when her parents weren't home I'd bike over there and sneak out when they came back. We had a thing for cheap horror movies that we would put on and then in no way pay attention to, if you catch my drift. After we made out, I always felt high as a fuck-shaped kite. They were my first ever boobies, too. And beautiful boobies they were. She was a pretty girl. Still is, too, with a rather pale complexion and creamy skin, light blonde hair, blue eyes, tall..
Of course, shit don't last forever and after four months she called it quits because hey, we were teens. Shit sucked, yo. Badly. Not only because of the end of our being a couple, but also because I knew we'd never be friends again. Even though we were awesome together, sharing a sense of sarcastic and cynical humour. Not that I'll ever see her again. She lives hundreds of miles away now.
I'll never have the heart to tell her, but I have never had that same chemistry with my current girlfriend. We're together for seven years now and have plans of moving in together. I love her a lot, don't get me wrong, but I've never had that 'crush' feeling of being high. Even though she's great to me and we have absolutely nothing to complain about. She's smart, sweet, very caring, enjoys sex a lot, works hard and hey sometimes even funny. Pretty too, with her rather pale complexion and creamy skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, tall..
I still miss her and the times when we were together. I still dream of her. Often when I dream of 'my girlfriend', I dream of that girl. Not of my actual girlfriend.
Sometimes I really feel like a dick because of that.
|
demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
|
|
i still have dreams, unfortunately, about my first girlfriend. back and forth, back and forth. the last few years we were great friends. almost hooked up, but she backed down when it got real. if it weren't for her lying to me and stealing from me, we'd probably still be in touch or possibly back in a relationship. everything about her, physically, i loved and cherished, and her mind enthralled me as much as her body. a few bad habits she couldn't shake, combined with my lack of tolerance for dishonesty = where we are now, which is nowhere, not speaking.
don't feel like a dick because of your feelings. feel like a dick only if you act on those feelings in a way that will harm others
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
|
Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
|
|
IMO, if that's the way you feel, then you should really rethink your current relationship. I have fond memories of all my past relationships, but only my wife is the only one I dream of. If all my other relationships were between 1-4/10, my relationship with my wife is 11/10.
If you consistently dream of and lust after someone past when you now have someone present, they the likelihood of that current relationship collapsing at some point increases exponentially. The longer it goes before that happens the more everyone gets hurt. I'll go into more detail regarding why I believe this if you wish to pursue this discussion.
For now, just think man, life is short. Time in a relationship which is good/mediocre is time wasted when that time could be spent in a relationship that blows your mind in every way and causes you to grow like never before. I've had many of the former and only one of the latter. I wouldn't ever settle for anything less than that ideal again, even if it means I have to spend the next 20 years single.
Here's a couple of quotes to get you thinking:
Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in this life; love shouldn't be one of them. --Unknown
You can't kill love. You can't even kill it with hate. You can kill in-love, and loving, and even lovliness. You can kill them all, or numb them into dense, laden regret, but you can't kill love itself. Love is the passionate search for a truth other than your own; and once you feel it, honestly and completely, love is forver. --Gregory David Roberts
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
|
bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 14 days
|
|
Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: IMO, if that's the way you feel, then you should really rethink your current relationship. I have fond memories of all my past relationships, but only my wife is the only one I dream of. If all my other relationships were between 1-4/10, my relationship with my wife is 11/10.
If you consistently dream of and lust after someone past when you now have someone present, they the likelihood of that current relationship collapsing at some point increases exponentially. The longer it goes before that happens the more everyone gets hurt. I'll go into more detail regarding why I believe this if you wish to pursue this discussion.
For now, just think man, life is short. Time in a relationship which is good/mediocre is time wasted when that time could be spent in a relationship that blows your mind in every way and causes you to grow like never before. I've had many of the former and only one of the latter. I wouldn't ever settle for anything less than that ideal again, even if it means I have to spend the next 20 years single.
Here's a couple of quotes to get you thinking:
Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in this life; love shouldn't be one of them. --Unknown
You can't kill love. You can't even kill it with hate. You can kill in-love, and loving, and even lovliness. You can kill them all, or numb them into dense, laden regret, but you can't kill love itself. Love is the passionate search for a truth other than your own; and once you feel it, honestly and completely, love is forver. --Gregory David Roberts
Um dude, I love your posts and you seem like a fucking awesome guy, but holy shit you are giving the exact wrong advise considering your own situation with your marriage. She cheated on you, treated you like crap, treated herself worse, and you're going to try to tell someone NOT to work on their relationship?
Also OP, you do realize there is like a whole joke/stigma with your first love right? Of course its never going to feel the same! Was the tenth time you got 'almost hallucinating' baked as cool and interesting as the first? How about the first time you had Indian food? Or your first blah blah you get my point. Puppy love versus adult-ass love. Sorry man but you're cold, old, and callous now. Love will never feel as good
--------------------
A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
|
Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
|
|
Quote:
bloodsheen said: Um dude, I love your posts and you seem like a fucking awesome guy, but holy shit you are giving the exact wrong advise considering your own situation with your marriage. She cheated on you, treated you like crap, treated herself worse, and you're going to try to tell someone NOT to work on their relationship?
Man, you know so little of the overall story. She became an alcoholic due to childhood abuse and was on a self destruct mission. Lets look at the response of someone who understands this:
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/23354794#23354794
It was a different form of the self-abuse that had been a part of her her whole life. You have no idea of the angel that this woman is - it's not just me saying that, everyone who knows her says the same. She just had the most shitty upbringing ever and it makes her even more special that she still has the capability to shine brightly. But the shit was always gonna come to a head at some point. Everything is working out for the better due to what happened. She is healing as am I, and I have learned what unconditional love is, which is the greatest lesson of my life.
I actually feel quite annoyed that you bring this up. Your lack of experience is to blame I suppose, it's got you jumping to conclusions. Such as the fact that you say I told OP he should 'NOT to work on their relationship'.
Where did I say that? I did not TELL anyone to do anything. I shared a piece of my life experience that I believe would be valuable to OP. I think it's a real low blow for you to air my dirty laundry when you know but 5% of the overall picture.
A good friend said to me a couple of days ago; '99% of people wouldn't know what love was if it hit them over the head.'
Your response shows you clearly sit in that 99%. You can see the 99% in action here too:
If you say you love someone...
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
|
bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 14 days
|
|
I didn't mean to offend you (plus I didn't think a situation that you publicly displayed on the internet was 'dirty laundry'), I was just saying that you are in a relationship thats seen some seriously dark times and it seems like you're suggesting to the OP that if it isn't gut-wrenching, soul-tearing love than it isn't even worth it. How many people told you to bail on your wife after all the fucked up shit you two went through? OP is moving forward with a relationship of 7 years with an amazing woman (by his own account) and because he doesn't wake up every day feeling like a teenager in the throws of lust and emotion you'd suggest he find someone else?
This story actually hits particularly hard for me because one of my best friends had his girlfriend leave him after years because she didn't feel for him the way she did for her first boyfriend. Now shes married to some rich, chubby, short, old dude... yeah, I'm sure she feels for him what she did for her first boyfriend. Right. What I think happened is she finally realized she would never be happy and picked someone stable and rich. Which is a soulless way to do so but it is part of growing up.
--------------------
A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
|
Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
|
|
I consider it airing my dirty laundry as you have taken it entirely out of context in order to lend weight to your own POV. Combined with the fact that you know only a few salient points and none the good which has come of it all, which continues to blow my mind to this day.
Regardless of it all I now know, for the first time in my 32 years on this planet what 'True/Unconditional Love' is. There's no turning back after that. Everything else pales in comparison.
Do you think there'd be an average 50% divorce rate if everyone knew what 'True/Unconditional Love' is? I posit that most relationships are mediocre and don't last. 17/18 of mine were. Many friends know nothing but.
I may be an idealist, but unless it's True/Unconditional Love I won't be a part of it any longer. The fact that I feel that way and express it in no way warrants you trying to slander my POV because I've been through some difficulties and pain. Pain which has inspired growth I never thought possible I might add.
Shit, maybe a mediocre life is all most people want. Not me. I want to know the extremes of this life.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
|
bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 14 days
|
|
OP, I don't want to jack your thread any further so I'll just say my peace. Four months is just about the amount of time it takes to never actually get to see how relationships end. Want to know why Kurt Cobain is a legend and Thom Yorke from Radiohead is just a hipster douchebag? One died romantically and tragically and the other went on to make music, plenty of good music, but people got over their honeymoon phase and now Radiohead is a joke in some circles.
You love your first for two reasons. 1) She was your first. Your first anything always makes a strong impression. I vividly remember my first time getting drunk, first time getting stoned, etc. Its just a fact that novelty=memorability
2) She left you while you still cared about her. If she done some fucked up shit to make you hate her its not like you'd look back and say "those first 4 months were amazing." No! You'd say "fuck that stupid bitch!"
I'm not saying you should stay in a relationship that doesn't satisfy you, but if your only method of comparison is your first girlfriend than I don't see how you could make a fair conclusion one way or the other
--------------------
A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
|
Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
|
|
Quote:
bloodsheen said: I'm not saying you should stay in a relationship that doesn't satisfy you, but if your only method of comparison is your first girlfriend than I don't see how you could make a fair conclusion one way or the other
Agree. The first 'proper' relationship nearly always holds very fond memories for all of us IMO. Hence why I think it's important to move through a good few and not latch onto one which is 'acceptable/easy' (in OP's words, 'having nothing to complain about') in case there might be another one out there which could blow your mind, turn your world upside down, and change your life for the better in ways you never imagined to be possible.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
|
demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
|
|
Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: IMO, if that's the way you feel, then you should really rethink your current relationship. I have fond memories of all my past relationships, but only my wife is the only one I dream of. If all my other relationships were between 1-4/10, my relationship with my wife is 11/10.
If you consistently dream of and lust after someone past when you now have someone present, they the likelihood of that current relationship collapsing at some point increases exponentially. The longer it goes before that happens the more everyone gets hurt. I'll go into more detail regarding why I believe this if you wish to pursue this discussion.
For now, just think man, life is short. Time in a relationship which is good/mediocre is time wasted when that time could be spent in a relationship that blows your mind in every way and causes you to grow like never before. I've had many of the former and only one of the latter. I wouldn't ever settle for anything less than that ideal again, even if it means I have to spend the next 20 years single.
Here's a couple of quotes to get you thinking:
Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in this life; love shouldn't be one of them. --Unknown
You can't kill love. You can't even kill it with hate. You can kill in-love, and loving, and even lovliness. You can kill them all, or numb them into dense, laden regret, but you can't kill love itself. Love is the passionate search for a truth other than your own; and once you feel it, honestly and completely, love is forver. --Gregory David Roberts
i left her a message about 8 months ago, with about 16-18 months of us being on bad terms. the ball's in her court, so to say
and who the fuck said i had a partner/relationship currently?
read first, reply later
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
|
bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 14 days
|
Re: Old crush [Re: demiu5]
#23375414 - 06/23/16 10:09 PM (7 years, 7 months ago) |
|
|
Dude, he was talking to OP, chill out brah
--------------------
A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
|
Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
|
|
Quote:
bloodsheen said: Dude, he was talking to OP, chill out brah 
Exactly, just forgot to correct the 'Reply To' dropdown. Now corrected. Apologies for the confusion.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
|
demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
|
|
Quote:
bloodsheen said: Dude, he was talking to OP, chill out brah 
you got it brah! 
using the reply to feature properly certainly helps conversation
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
|
Still_tripping
Lord yes!


Registered: 10/07/15
Posts: 747
Loc: A small hot country
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
|
|
Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: IMO, if that's the way you feel, then you should really rethink your current relationship. ...
On this one I'd generally side with Blodsheen as I feel it is unrealistic to believe you will remain in "mad, passionate, extraordinary love" with anyone over time. It is also normal to look back on a first love as something special. Yes I get your point about lusting after someone else but I don't believe OP was describing such a feeling, I think he was simply describing his longing for those feelings, not for the girl herself. The fact that he'd only spent 4 months in his relationship means it ended before those feelings would have naturally faded on their own. Losing that passion in no way means you love your partner any less, it just means your love has matured into something that can and will last a lifetime if your willing it too.
--------------------
|
Anonymous #1
|
|
Hey, I appreciate all of you guys and your advice, but Still_tripping is most on point here. Bloodsheen, too. The love I feel for my current girlfriend isn't just 'mediocre', it's not lesser. It's great! But it's also different. I love her a whole lot, I'd go through fire for her and she'd do the same for me. That's part of love, knowing about each other that you would. But it's not the rush I had with that girl from my youth, it's not that insane high. I don't think there's a reason to think my current relationship over, we're both happy in it. I just feel like an ass for missing something so long gone and something my current girlfriend cannot realistically provide. Pretty sure no one can.
I guess it's true. It's not her that I miss, it's that cliche fucking chemistry or fire. And not in such a way that I'm looking for that passion elsewhere, I'm content really, but more in a nostalgic kind of way. You know, reminiscing like "Remember when we found a little jar in a toy store labeled 'For cool boys only', filled with fake bugs and white slime that looked like skeet, which we then deposited into some handpuppet for unsuspecting victims to find? Those were the days." We laughed our bums off at that one. That's why I don't just miss that girl, I missed the friendship I had with her.
Hell, I probably just miss those days in my life, even though it's only ten years ago. Biking to her house through the fields in a warm summer, listening to The Doors' Hello, I love you or Love her madly. My exchange programme to France, where I missed her a whole goddamn lot while listening to ES Posthumus' Cuzco, only to wildly make out at this festival when I came back. When my parents participated in a TV quiz at our home and the host was mad at us two because we came back too late after the break. Hey, the dark woods out back were more interesting, you know. Our god awful Nirvana coverband. It's not really wanting to go back there, I know that's impossible, but it's still missing those days. And the girl I shared those days with, the girl that I was so crazy about and left me heart broken for a long (LONG) time after. Hold on while I go puke for using the phrase 'heart broken' for a bit.
Nostalgia's a bitch and I'm a sucker for it, I guess. But that doesn't make the love for my current girlfriend any less true. Tim Minchin really did say/sing it best.
"I wrote it to regress this myth that love happens at first sight, or that it's better if it happens at first sight. I don't think that thing that happens at first sight is love. I think love creeps up on you. So this is a song about that creepy uppy kind of love."
|
Anonymous #1
|
|
Also, sorry if I'm rambling a bit much.
|
Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
|
|
Quote:
Anonymous said: Also, sorry if I'm rambling a bit much.
Not at all, I really appreciate you coming back to clarify for us. Apologies for getting the wrong end of the stick somewhat. I do know that the intensity dies down eventually in any relationship. It's well documented and often referred to as the 'honeymoon period'.
I think on average it lasts between 6 months -> 2 years, of course humans are fucking complicated so it could really get a lot more varied. Mine lasted 2.5 years, which I'm grateful for as it's definitely above average. Also my relationship went from absolute heaven to hell very quickly, but the intensity of my feelings for her never diminished. If anything, they've only increased, even though I've let go of her completely and have huge plans to live out all of the dreams of my life without her. Maybe she'll come back to join me in them one day, maybe it will be someone else, but I know one thing; I'm not gonna go looking for it and I'm not gonna settle unless it's rtue love again.
So I guess OP, that you probably got more of a dose of my newfound lust for life; having discussed this with a few who know this kinda love (and how rare it is) I probably went all 'confirmation bias' on you and misinterpreted what you said.
What you describe just sound like happy memories. I have those.
Just love whoever you love with all of your heart please man, including yourself. It's a very hard thing to do in this world.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
|
ComebackKid
Multispore Enthusiast



Registered: 05/27/16
Posts: 3,951
Loc: ked in the trunk of a car
|
|
There's a cheesy 80's movie, with teen heart-throb John Cusack, called "High Fidelity" Watch it and if you've already seen it then watch it again
You and her are both different people now and your view of the 4 month relationship is distorted and candy coated from time.
Its a fantasy vs reality situation
--------------------
Substrate surface conditions / Monotub prep and care
Look around you... Everything you see exists inside the mind. Consciousness, the awareness that is experiencing this mind, is peering in from outside the universe. Our individual experiences are all part of the universe's experience of itself
Edited by ComebackKid (06/30/16 05:17 PM)
|
Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
|
|
Lol....I still remember my first girlfriends phone #- 5981 It was a loooonnnggg time ago and in a small town we only had to dial 4 numbers, nowadays, I can't remember what I did 5 minutes ago...anyway, we recently connected on facebook after 40 years. She's happily married in Fla. and I'm in a great relationship of my own....but, I have to say something flickered in me when I saw her name...There is something very peculiar about that first real love.
Maybe because it was raw and new and in our formative years....just feels comforting in a homey sort of way.
On another front, I have been in a wonderful 4 yr. relationship with one of my friends that I grew up with after 30 some years of being apart. We were never romantically involved, but we hung out together and she now tells me that she had a crush. There is something special about the familiarity of old friends...no pretenses perhaps...no masks need worn.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
|
|