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Offlinethewooglin
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Registered: 06/22/16
Posts: 2
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
1st shrooms trip Vondelpark Amsterdam- experience and epiphany
    #23368827 - 06/22/16 12:34 AM (7 years, 7 months ago)

A few weeks ago I tried shrooms for the first time in Amsterdam. I was a little nervous before, but I was with two of my best friends, we were backpacking through Europe, and everything was right in the world.
We started off the day by renting bikes. We then biked down to a smart shop to get the truffles. We had a great conversation with the people in the shop which made me a lot more confident. We each purchased 15 grams of Mexicana truffles. They were said to be a good for a legitimate, first time trip. After the smart shop we grabbed some snacks to take with us.
We then headed to the Vondelpark, which I had been told by everyone was the best place to trip. I could see why as we biked through. It was big and green and beautiful. There were large expanses of grass with people picnicking, birds flying and dogs running around, waterways that went through the trees. The sky was blue and the sun was out.
We set up shop in the corner of the main, big field in the back of the park. We were right under a tree by a thin canal. There were a good amount of people in the park, but everyone was hanging out and enjoying themselves, drinking or smoking weed. The entire place radiated good vibes.
We sat down and ate the truffles. They tasted absolutely disgusting. We each ate the full 15 grams, chewing them slowly as instructed. And then we waited. I began to write in my journal about my expectations for the trip and also some reminders on who I am and my memories and my thoughts on things if I began to lose my sense of self.
As we sat under the tree I remember thinking how wonderful of a setting it was. My main purpose in doing the truffles was to delve a little bit into my mind, clear my head, and think deeply about why I do the things I do and why I think the things I think. I wanted to gain some clarity and mental fluidity on the different times in my past, how they all come together, and how I felt about it all. I’ll dive more into this as I discuss the mental impact of the psylocibin.
The beginning effects started about half an hour in. I remember my head feeling different. It was almost a bit stimulated and I began to feel happy. I stood up and was smiling. It hit me before it hit my friends. I walked a few steps to the water behind us and looked up the stream. The water looked so wonderful. Like a painting had come to life. The plants by the edge and the dirt also were so interesting. Everything seemed to be in HD. I then walked away from John and Tom about 50 yards to another stream on the same section of the park. I suddenly had a newfound curiosity. It may habe been a bit of placebo and also me wanting to simply experience everything under the influence of the drug, but it was all cool. I stood by the water and watched this woman toss a ball into the water and her dog on the edge, not wanting to hop in the water. He had a white, clean coat and I was fascinated to see how it would change if he hopped in. He never did. I was just there spacing out for a good amount of time, watching this woman and her dog. I then walked back to our tree.
My mind had gone kind of blank. I had no desire to have deep thoughts. I was very into my external environment. I did not feel like I was necessarily tripping yet, but everything had become very interesting and my outlook was certainly different. The drug was taking over. I decided to empty out my skittle packet and organize each color into its own pile. I then ate all of the oranges at once. We all found this hilarious. As we were sitting there, small, black birds began to circle us on the ground. They looked pretty formidable. They could have been going off to their own little bird war, I remember thinking, and they were kind of freaking me out. It was more in a funny way. I started chasing them around like a child after I realized they weren’t going to attack us. I remember I had a big bottle of orangina and I shook it up and then looked down its narrows spout as if it was a telescope and watched the bubbles rise with the carbonation and then pop. I knew what I was doing was dumb, but that shit was fascinating.
Tom and John began to feel similar effects. They were both giddy and wanted to explore. We walked down the riverbank towards these people, hoping their dogs would approach us. Sure enough two, wonderful snorting pugs came at us to play with us. I’m not normally the biggest fan of dogs but this was the most wonderful thing in the world. I lay down in the grass, enjoying the hot sun- we were in the shade before, and played with the pugs for a long while. They were hilarious and so cute. Their faces were so complicated and fascinating. I felt real love for these dogs. I began to feel the effects more but managed to get into a conversation with this older couple whose dogs we’d been playing with. I was in a very social mood. They were from the Netherlands and so cool. The topic of mushrooms came up and the man asked us if we’d tried them. I told him we were on them now and we all found this hilarious. He said that they’d be kicking into to full force very shortly. Oh boy.
We decided to leave the couple and move our stuff to the middle of the field to enjoy the sun. Upon reparking I sat there and began to really get lost in the trip. My mind started running in circles and I began to feel that my thought processes were very different from normal. I was not grounded at the same base as I had been previously. I really began to lose myself. I hopped on my bike and Tom and I decided to bike around the park. Biking was not difficult. The trip was more in my head. The only visual impact was that everything was very HD. We went to another part of the park with a different canal and climbed a tree that loomed out over the water. It was fucking beautiful, with the blue water below us and old, northern buildings staring at us from the other side. It reminded me of Harry Potter. The architecture and charm of Amsterdam is already fantastic sober, so Shrooms just made me feel like I was in a fairytale. As I was up in the tree I remember thinking how if I made one slip I would hit the water or injure myself. But I felt no fear. It was all a logical realization of this not being a good idea. No emotion was telling me to get back. I did get down though and biked some more. We biked around the park and through all the people. I remember seeing a bird, a tall sand hill crane looking guy, and getting off my bike and just staring at it. People were watching me as I was just captivated with this thing. Everything was becoming a little more intense and I got a little worried. I headed back to the main area with Tom, and then took off again by myself. I needed to be alone to think, so I grabbed my headphones and my journal.
I really had to get my mind right. Even when I’m sober my perception of reality is so malleable. I am never truly that grounded in myself, and that’s what I wanted the shrooms to help me sort out. I wanted to be able to feel at one with all my different past memories. I base my personal self on my past experiences, and I feel that in the past I have been a bunch of different versions of myself with a bunch of different people doing a bunch of different things. I wanted to reconcile all that and feel as if I was one.
As I biked along I began to get very in my head and felt very in tune with myself. There seemed to be a lack of filter between my subconscious and conscious. It was as if I could be totally honest with myself about myself. External stimuli was no longer distracting me. It was no longer directing my thoughts. I was completely inside my head. I remember being on my bike, casually strolling through this park, and asking myself, “what do I want to do right now?” What do I ever want to do? I looked into myself and realized that at this current moment I had no desires. I didn’t want to have sex, I wasn’t hungry, I wasn’t particularly curious about anything around me. I didn’t want to write or explore or play a sport or talk to people or any of the things I normally did for fun. I had set this day aside purely for enjoyment and self-exploration, and I could do anything I wanted, and yet I had no desires. I was down to my mental core being, not being stimulated or influenced by anything in the outside world, and yet I wanted nothing. And this made me think, “are our interests, our interests?” I formulated a complete theory and belief in this time about how what we are interested in and how we spend our time (independent of human biological needs like shelter and food and sex) are completely dependent upon what we’ve been exposed to and much less about our natural predispositions. 500 years ago I could have been obsessed with building ships or being a carpenter or some other thing that I have literally no interest in right now. I am the way I am and do the things I do because somebody has influenced me in a certain way or I have been exposed to different ideas or activities in a certain light. I may not love world travel if others around me had not viewed and portrayed it as glamorous. I may not love hunting if it was not a family pastime of mine. If I had grown up in the middle east, I may be a Muslim and I may hate America and not question this for a second. Who we really are is, in my opinion, not decided by us. And therefore whom we really are is ever-changing depending upon influence, but is not a true reflection of our core, raw, selves. And I began to really feel at peace with this. I’m not a big fan of the word enlightened but that is how I felt. Like Siddhartha by the river at the end of the book. All that good stuff. My lack of desire caused me no grief. I was content.
I then had another idea about how we assume these fascinations and interests and give ourselves purpose in order to stay busy. We are wired to gain interest in worldly things and want to pursue success in them and devote our time to them in order to gain purpose. We are wired to create up motivation in our own heads in order to keep living, and thus to sustain our race. My purposes and desires seem to be artificially constructed by my subconscious.
And I was content with this too. I had no problem embracing my curiosity and pursuit and desire of worldly things. They were interesting and made me feel good and gave me purpose and I was fine with that. I viewed it all as a little bit of the matrix. The social constructs and activities in the world are a matrix meant to occupy your mind and impact your actions in order to effectively continue the human race. Man, I did not mean to get so deep and make such a big statement upon beginning this journal entry, so take this idea that I’ve just stated with a grain of salt and definitely form your own opinion on it, but it does seem to make a little sense. Upon doing some research this is very similar to the book called Denial of Death, which I have never read but have read about.
Anyways, I was content with this because I now knew about why certain things made me feel the way that they did. And the the way something makes me feel is not because whatever happened has a uniform emotional impact, but it is due to how I perceive the event. So being able to step back and realize that I only feel a certain way about something because that is how I perceive it in my own head is a powerful and calming realization. I wrote down in my journal during my trip “I can smile at it all. Yet still be indulgently and appreciatively present.” I also wrote “I am understanding of all and thus intimidated by nothing.” I was very at peace with the idea of everything’s importance, or unimportance, being determined by my own mind. That gave me a wonderful feeling of control.
I then went back to Tom and John and talked with them a bit about this and chilled in the grass and listened to music. I was still tripping but coming down off it. I was so happy and eager to socialize. I was in the greatest mood. I felt very free. I no longer had anything within my own mind holding me back. After not so long I got back on the bike again and put in my headphones and looked for a spot to do some more writing. As I biked the music flooded into my brain like a river of audio sex. It was a current of wonder filling my head. I found a very secluded riverbank in a part of the park I’d yet to visit. I sat in damp dirt by the water and wrote more in my journal.
I wrote and reflected on the entirety of the trip. I thought about what I had learned and how fun the whole experience had been. It was truly one of the best things I’d ever done. I felt much more understanding of myself, much more comfortable being in the present moment, and also identified what is really important to me. I realized that my family and close friends are the most important. All the other pursuits and curiosities I have about different things in the world are secondary to this. I realized that my ego is not me, and nor is my changing presentation to the outside world. I change how I present myself for a desire reaction and effect and to get what I want from different people, and I felt a little bit of mental disassociation from that, but I realize that it is all me. I am separate from my presentation and others’ perception of me and my identity. I am myself, independent of all.
We ended up riding out of the park, still tripping a bit, very sad to leave. It was a beautiful place filled with wonderful scenery, great dogs, and friendly people. Biking out of the park and through the city still tripping was quite the experience. Amsterdam is a beautiful city and I can’t imagine a better place to trip than Vondelpark. I also recommend tripping shrooms heavily, but going into it with a purpose. I know my friends did not have as great an experience as me because they didn’t have the definitive purpose of intense introspection like I did. I came out a better human being because that was my purpose. Thank you for reading.


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OfflineLuzaW
Um, yeah
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Registered: 11/10/15
Posts: 610
Loc: Southeast USA
Last seen: 8 months, 22 days
Re: 1st shrooms trip Vondelpark Amsterdam- experience and epiphany [Re: thewooglin]
    #23370903 - 06/22/16 06:52 PM (7 years, 7 months ago)

this is too hard to read, so most people won't read it or respond

please break it into distinct paragraphs, with blank lines between them


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